How to Date a Superhero

Hermes sped through Gateway City faster than an eye could follow, zipping between buildings and cars with a dexterity that defied physics. If any pedestrians noticed Hermes passing it was only a small breeze they detected as he ran by. Reaching the Keppler Building didn't slow the messenger god; he simply hopped up and shifted his footing to run straight up the surface of its glass walls, defying gravity almost entirely, until he reached a balcony on one of the skyscraper's upper-most floors.

The balcony door was unlocked so Hermes took the liberty of allowing himself entry. The hour was late and the condominium dark, causing him to wonder if anyone was home. Moving at conventional speeds Hermes checked the dining room and kitchen first, where the balcony connected, before finding his brother passed out on the living room couch. Apollo was unshaven and a week's worth of blonde stubble decorated his face. Brown denim pants and a stained white tank top were his only articles of clothing. A mess of empty liquor bottles and cans formed a messy perimeter around the sprawled sun god.

Hermes wrinkled his nose, "You smell wretched, brother."

A groan escaped Apollo's throat and his eyes slit open, "Leave me be."

"It's been a month," Hermes kicked aside an empty bourbon bottle with the toe of his sneaker, "Though we immortals tend to mourn harder than others, it does not mean we can ignore our hygiene."

Apollo got himself upright on the leather couch, "Thou art my favorite brother, Hermes, but do not try my patience with further mockery."

"Save your threats." Hermes sat on the couch beside him, "I'm only here to check on your condition, which appears to be unchanged. How long will this continue?"

Apollo reached for a bottle on the floor and lifted it to his lips but found it empty. He cast it aside, "I loved her; my heart aches with Penelope's loss."

"I was rather fond of the girl myself," Hermes admitted, "Beautiful, intelligent, brave, and she had a dry wit that I enjoyed. This world certainly seems diminished from her absence."

"She went to her grave thinking I betrayed her," Apollo checked another empty bottle, "But in truth I would like nothing more than to skin my sister alive and trade her hide for Penelope."

"Father would never allow it," Hermes took his brother literally, "Besides, I doubt the offer would appeal to Pluto. I wonder what the wedding will be like... or do you suppose the nuptials have already taken place?"

Apollo growled angrily; the thought of Pluto marrying Penelope filled him with rage, "If there was a road to Hades I would invade its wretched borders and place our uncle's head on a pike! Curse our father for granting Pluto the Underworld, where no living man may tread."

"No living man," Hermes conceded, "But what about a dead one?"

Apollo glanced at him.

"We call ourselves immortals because our lives span thousands of years and we are exceedingly difficult to kill, but you and I both know any Olympian can die. And when an Olympian dies, his or her soul is somehow transported to Hades. It's all very metaphysical and hard to believe, but its why so many of us protect our lives with such fierce tenacity."

"Why do you recount to me tales I already know?" Apollo growled.

"Because it's obvious, my mighty-but-often slow-witted, brother," Hermes patted Apollo on the shoulder, "If you want your beloved Penelope back so badly we'll simply have to go fetch her."

Apollo thought his brother was joking and granted him with an annoyed expression, "Do you suggest we die?"

"Yes," Hermes answered confidently, "Now you're catching on. But even more importantly, we'll need a plan to get back out and return to the realms of the living. I like being alive, Apollo, so an exit plan is critical."

"Thy tone is serious," Apollo snorted, "Since the dawn of our fathers none who have passed into the realm of death have ever returned."

"None save one," Hermes had a suddenly coy smile.

=======

Penny stomped her bare foot down and folded stubborn arms across her chest, "I am not marrying anyone!"

Pluto stood before her, seemingly a man like any other. He had long dark hair and a full beard with slate-grey eyes. He appeared to be in his fifties though Penny knew him to be far older than that. He wore black armors of rounded plates and leather, with a blue cape that hung to the back of his knees. The two of them stood face-to-face in a private set of bedroom chambers within Pluto's obsidian castle. Penny was dressed in a loose gown of white that bared her shoulders, back, and ankles.

Time flowed differently in Hades than it did other dimensions. Though a month had passed on Earth since her death, only a pair of hours had passed for Penny since she awoke in Pluto's nightmarish realm. She didn't feel any different from when she was alive and was proving to be a difficult guest.

"You are a spoiled, obstinate child," Pluto glowered at her, "You will learn to obey me, and you

will

agree to become my wife."

"Obey you?!" Penny scoffed, "Look, I don't know who you think you are but I don't belong to anyone! I'm not your possession."

Pluto struck her across the face with a gauntleted backhand, "In Hades,

all

things are my possession."

The blow stung Penny's ego far more than the flesh, though Pluto certainly possessed superhuman strength. She lifted a hand to the corner of her mouth incredulously, "Did you just hit me?"

"Shut your mouth lest you feel the back of my other hand, woman."

Penny didn't like Pluto's tone and reached forward to grasp the armor plates at his chest, her fingers rending and digging a grip into the metal. With an effortless strength she hurled Pluto across the room. He slammed against the wall, cracking its polished black surface.

The blow would have crushed any ordinary man, but Pluto simply stood and laughed.

Penny's fist balled at her side.

"I like your fire, mortal." Pluto dusted his cape off, "And your strength lives up to its reputation. You will make a fine queen."

"I don't think you're getting it through your head," she replied through gnashing teeth, "I'd rather die than marry you."

Pluto's chuckle was like grinding gravel, "You're already dead, my dear. And you

will

marry me, because I will make you an offer you can't refuse."

"If I'm already dead there's nothing you can do to me. I'm not scared of you."

"I believe you," Pluto inclined his head. He then elevated his voice, "Bring her in!"

A heavy door opened and an ashen-skinned young man escorted a young woman with burgundy-dyed hair into the room. She was wearing the same loose white gown as Penny.

"Jordan?!" Penny couldn't have been more surprised.

"MG!"

The two nineteen year-olds ran to each other and embraced. Tears welled in Penny's eyes, all the emotions of losing her closest friend coupled with seeing her again in the flesh was overwhelming, "What are you doing here?"

Jordan was equally overjoyed, "I was just about to ask you the same thing. They told me I died, what's your excuse?"

Penny wiped some moisture off her cheek, "Me too."

Jordan didn't know if she should laugh or cry.

"A touching reunion," Pluto interrupted, "I made a bargain with the masters of your mortal Purgatory to bring Jordan's soul here to Hades, so that she may serve as your bridesmaid."

"Why didn't you tell me you were getting married?" Jordan remained close to Penny, the two girls holding one another side-by-side.

"I'm not," Penny frowned, "I've been trying to tell this old creep that, but he won't listen."

"Your friend is also my bargaining chip," Pluto explained, "If you agree to marry me of your own free will, after the wedding I swear to release her from Hades and send her back to your world alive and well, to live out the rest of her mortal life."

"You can do that?" Penny sounded hopeful, "You can give people their lives back?"

"I can," Pluto turned towards the chamber door, "I will leave you to consider my offer. You have one hour to make a decision."

Jordan waited until Pluto exited the room with his servant, "MG, what the hell is going on? Are we really dead?"

"I think so," Penny turned and hugged Jordan once more, "But even if we are, it's so good to see you! I missed you so much. I wanted to save you, I tried..."

Jordan squeezed back, "It was that scorpion guy, right? Deathstalker? I remember him at the apartment, and you showing up, but then my memory goes blank."

Penny nodded against Jordan's shoulder, "Yeah. I got him, though. I killed him."

Jordan untangled herself from their embrace, "What about you? How the hell did you end up here?"

"I'm not sure," Penny shook her head confusedly, "Apollo told me only Olympians go to Hades when they die, not regular mortals like us. The last thing I remember I was fighting the Leviathan with Apollo and half the World League. We won, too, but..."

Jordan's brows rose, "But...?"

"The bow," Penny suddenly remembered, "It must have been that fucking bow!"

"What are we going to do?" Jordan looked around at the nightmarish obsidian architecture. Pluto's private chambers held many sculptures and statues of demonic shapes, causing her to shudder.

"I'm going to marry him," Penny stated as though she had made her decision just as she said it.

"What?!" Jordan turned back to her.

"I don't have a choice," Penny spread her arms, "If that's what it takes to save you, to get you home, that's what I have to do."

"Oh no," Jordan wagged a finger in the air, "I'm not leaving you here."

"You'll have to. He'll never let both of us go. At least this way one of us gets to go home, gets to live. Better that than both of us being stuck here for eternity."

"Forget it!" Jordan shook her head adamantly, "Do you have any idea how guilty I would be for the rest of my life, knowing I got to live while you had to marry that creepy guy? What is his deal, anyway? Why does he want to marry you so badly?"

Penny shrugged bonelessly, "He said something about our children rivaling the family of Zeus."

"Gross," Jordan stuck her tongue out, "He wants to sleep with you, too?"

Penny asked dryly, "Do you know of another way to make children?"

"We have to get out of here," Jordan moved towards an open balcony to look out at the horizon, where black earth met red sky. Lightning flashed briefly in the distance. "I can't believe we're dead; this is too surreal. I had too much stuff I still wanted to do, like graduate, invent a web browser that actually works, and have babies with someone like... like Travis." Jordan glanced back, "How is Travis?"

"He's... sad. We both were, after you... you know." Penny sat in a throne-like chair and pushed both of her hands through her blonde hair, "I've been staying with him, I mean, I

was

staying with him... before I ended up here."

Jordan's expression grew anxious with worry, "You were sleeping in his dorm room?"

"Yeah," Penny clasped her hands behind her neck, "My life got a little chaotic after you died. Apollo and I broke up, my identity was exposed, and I was wanted for killing Deathstalker. Travis was such a sweetie; he insisted I stay with him until I figured out what to do."

Jordan suddenly exploded with jealousy, "Wait, you broke up with Apollo and the first thing you did was shack up with Travis? Was my corpse even cold, yet?"

Penny quickly realized how upset Jordan was and regretted bringing up the fact that she had been living with Jordan's boyfriend, "It's not like that -"

"You're in love with Travis, aren't you? You always have been, even when you were with Apollo."

"That's not true!" Penny frowned.

"Yes it is. He dumped you and you never got over it. When you caught Travis and me on the couch kissing, you were insanely jealous. And you keep finding ways to spend time with him, like when you begged him to continue being your lab partner even though you broke up. Then, as soon as I'm out of the picture, you dump Apollo so you can get Travis back!"

Penny stood from the chair so she could face Jordan in their verbal spar, "I did not! I broke up with Apollo because I caught him sleeping with his twin sister!"

Jordan's face twisted, "What? Seriously?"

"When I was staying with Travis he slept on the frigging floor; nothing happened."

"That doesn't change the fact that you still want him," Jordan pointed accusingly, "How am I supposed to compete with you? Every boy in America wants to sleep with Mega-Girl!"

"Every boy but one; Travis dumped me

because

I'm Mega-Girl." Penny sighed heavily, "Jordan, why are we fighting about this? We're dead. The only way either one of us will ever see Travis again is if I marry Pluto so he'll send you home."

"I'm not letting you marry that monster," Jordan refused, "We're getting out of here together."

"How?" Penny lifted her hands in the air hopelessly for emphasis.

"I don't know," Jordan sat at the foot of a creepy bed with a black silk canopy and put her forehead into her palms, "I wish I had a laptop."

=======

The air was filled with the sounds of chirping crickets and frogs from a nearby pond. A full moon brightened the sky like a distant lantern, providing more than enough light to read the gravestones by. Not that Lilly Swann needed to see; after eighteen years of weekly visits she knew the McFarlane Cemetery as well as her own yard. She carried two bouquets of flowers that she had arranged herself.

"Hello," Lilly greeted hesitantly when she found someone else at her daughter's grave, not expecting anyone to be there at midnight.

Travis spun, equally surprised, "Um, hi."

Lilly took a moment to study him in the moonlight. Travis was wearing a pair of cargo shorts, a GCU hooded sweatshirt, and a pair of bulky hiking boots. A baseball cap covered his brown hair. "I remember you," Lilly recognized him, "You were at my daughter's funeral."

"I'm Travis," he reminded her, "I was... your daughter and I were close."

Lilly bent over to place some flowers at Penny's gravestone and then placed the other bouquet at the grave beside it. Penny's grave was already littered with dozens of flowers and photos, tributes from Mega-Girl's many fans. "Penelope told me a lot about you. The two of you dated briefly, no?"

Travis nodded, "Very briefly, but we managed to remain friends."

"What are you doing out here so late?" Lilly asked.

"There's too many people here during the day," Travis replied, indicating all the things left behind by visitors, "I wanted to be alone with her."

"That's why I'm here so late as well, but I could come back?" Lilly offered politely, not wanting to intrude.

Travis shook his head, "No, that's okay. Please, stay."

Lilly remained crouching as she glanced over the many photos, drawings, and clippings people had left behind, "She certainly was popular, wasn't she?" Lilly looked to the grave beside her daughter's, "Her father would have been so proud of her."

"Yeah," Travis smiled sadly, "This whole city loved her. She could have joined one of the super groups in New York or Los Angeles, but she didn't. She stayed in Gateway City and its people worshipped her for it."

"I knew one day she would become a hero and help people; save people's lives. When she was eight years old she was riding with me in the car during a terrible rainstorm." Lilly rose to tell her story and give Travis her full attention, "We were away from the city on one of those winding county roads and we ended up skidding into the ditch." Lilly laughed in hindsight, "The car looked as though it had fallen into a mud hole and was sticking out of the ground at a forty-five degree angle. There were no houses in sight, I didn't have a cell phone in those days, and it was pouring rain. I remember I was standing on the side of the road getting soaked, hoping another car would drive by for me to signal, when I heard the groan of metal behind me."

Travis grinned.

"I turned around and there was Penny, pulling on the car's bumper and yanking it out of the ditch with her bare hands. The car was in 'park' so the tires wouldn't even roll, but she did it almost effortlessly, dragging the thing back onto the road. The smile on her face when she looked back at me was priceless. She loved helping people."

"I never let myself get to know that side of her," Travis lamented, "I fell in love with Penny, the somewhat awkward brunette college student. I never realized the secret identity was her actual mask, that the real Penny is much more like Mega-Girl. I broke up with her because she seemed like two different people, and it scared me. I liked Mega-Girl, too, you know? Hell, the whole country was in love with her. But I fell for Penny. The fake Penny. By the time I realized what an idiot I was being, it was too late. Now she's gone and I'll never get the chance to tell her how I really felt. I miss her. Jordan too." Tears had begun falling from Travis' eyes before he finished talking, "I loved them both."

Lilly placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, "I'm sure that wherever they are, they miss you too."

=======

Massive arm muscles flexed and strained against the short sleeves of Hercules' shirt as he swung an axe, shattering a log of wood into fragments. Lifting a wrist to his forehead he wiped away some sweat and moved to place another log on the stump he used for splitting firewood. Gripping the smooth handle, his hands clad in worn leather gloves, Hercules began another massive swing but stopped halfway through the motion when he heard the sizzling sound of electricity coming from his yard. A globe of light suddenly grew from nothing, expanding outward before flashing brilliantly. The light was intense, even in the mid-day sun, and Hercules turned away from it and shielded his eyes with an upraised arm. When he looked back, the light was gone and two men stood in its place. One was tall and lean, with dark curly hair and modern fashion. Standing beside him was a muscled man in ancient armors of steel and leather, a spear at his back and a plumed mohawk helmet covering most of his blond hair.

Hercules tightened his grip on the axe when he saw his half-brothers. "Hermes," he greeted curtly, unsure of their intentions, "I did not expect to see you soon after your last visit. Nor did I expect you'd bring company."

"I must apologize," Hermes replied, sensing the apprehension in Hercules' voice, "I know you are trying to live a quiet and solitary life, that you don't want your fellow Olympians to know where you are, but I'm afraid we have a bit of a crisis.

"Apollo," Hercules nodded coldly as his brothers approached.

Apollo simply grunted a greeting.

The two shared a history of rivalry and neither Apollo nor Hercules cared for one another. As a young man, Hercules bragged about his legendary strength and often claimed he was the strongest of all Olympians. But when his boasts grew too loud, Apollo would find a way to show everyone that his own strength was supreme (as long as it was daytime). Apollo did not like to be challenged, but Hercules had been a jealous, spiteful youth and did so frequently. Often the two came to blows, though it had been centuries since they had seen one another.

"I do not get involved with the costumed mortals and their constant battles," Hercules warned, "Not like our brother, who can't seem to live without their worship and adulation."

"That's not why -" Hermes began to explain, but he was quickly interrupted.

"Thy tongue has not dulled over the centuries," Apollo growled and tightened his fist, "You suggest I am no more than a whore for mortal attentions?"

"Your words, not mine." Hercules let the axe handle at his side to slip in his hand, reminding of its presence.