The galactic council had many important tasks, but by far the most important was interviewing any new species to see if they should be welcomed into the interstellar community, put on probation, shunned, or simply nuked from orbit. It was also by far the rarest task, and most councils never got to do it during their period. That it should happen twice within a single lifetime was practically unthinkable. Thus it was with some trepidation that Christina, the current human councillor, stepped into the council chamber on this otherwise rather ordinary Tuesday.
"Morning, Oola," she greeted the aoyaen ambassador, who smiled cheerfully back at her with a resemblance of Christina's own face. The aoyas were shapechangers of a sort, and the species who had taken most enthusiastically to humanity, who were otherwise the newest addition to the intergalactic mixing bowl. It might be unkind when humans likened the aoyas with sentient, malleable slime, but it was also extremely accurate. Oola had looked like Christina's violently purple twin ever since the human's first day in office, about two years ago.
Christina was young, by human standards, and only the second human to sit on the council since humanity was allowed their own seat. Her predecessor had been everything she wasn't: experienced, self-assured, loud, and a well-known politician. The rest of the council had hated him, and done everything in their not inconsiderable power to get him changed out with someone more like... well, Christina. Young, smart, empathetic, more into the debate than the outcome, and, as an added bonus, drop dead gorgeous.
"Miss Cristina," said Pi, the Ma councillor, while staring unabashedly at her chest. The Ma were a short, furred people whose genetics hadn't been able to decide whether to make them bipedal or leave them at all fours, and they were now equally suited for both with a truly terrific - or terrifying - bone structure. They weren't big on clothes, but loved pockets, and usually wore a haphazard mass of belt pouches, filled to the brim with whatever they could get their delicate little hands on.
"My eyes are up here, Pi," said Christina good-naturedly; this had been their customary greeting since first meeting, and it had not made Pi lift his gaze even once. The Ma was the only other mammalian species on the council, but their own teats were just rows of nipples hidden under their fur. In their own language, they called human boobs
nachis fib
, meaning milk pockets, and they were big fans.
"Where's Radi?" asked Christina, looking around for the last council member, Radiant Flower That Blooms Under Twin Moons, of the esh'hkana'mnee, or 'Most Beautiful of All People Everywhere'.
"Fashionably late, as always," said Oola. "Hi's probably changing hir outfit for the fifth time, or polishing hir glass, or feeding hir hair."
Christina giggled, not least of all because this was probably true. The esh were notoriously vain, and this was hardly an ordinary day in the office, either. Radi would want to look hir best. Christina had spent some time on her own appearance, too, applying golden makeup to her dark skin, bringing extra attention to her soft lips and inquisitive eyes. Her purple dress highlighted her curves without showing a lot of skin, making her look even more similar to Oola, which she knew her ayoaen colleague appreciated.
"So, Miss Christina," said Pi, "while we wait, tell us what we can expect from this... shen tian? What exactly has your human scout brought home?"
"Well, she calls them 'the most polite, friendly and helpful people' she's ever met. As you know, they saved her when she crashed upon their planet, 713V. She swears she took all the necessary precautions before telling them how to reach out to us. She's petitioned very strongly to have them included on the council ASAP."
"They're telepathic, right?" asked Oola. "No mouths?" She demonstrated smoothing her face out until it was nothing but a pair of big eyes. The ayoa didn't need mouths to speak, either, but they projected sound all the same.
"Well, they project thoughts into your head, but it's strictly one-way. They can't read minds or anything," explained Christina. "They're pretty weird-looking, though. I know we shouldn't judge, but... they
are
mostly tentacles. Or something of the sort, anyway."
"Ooh, that sounds fascinating!" said Oola, ever chipper. Pi grunted and did not sound convinced.
"How do we know they'll say the same things to all of us, if it's just in our heads?" he asked.
"Well, our scout naturally didn't have much experience with that, but she says it's considered extremely impolite to do so... and that being impolite is practically illegal to them."
"Well, we'll just have to pay close attention during the interview, and ask all the right questions," said Pi, to a round of nods from his female colleagues.
A door opened, and their little aoyaen secretary put her head in.
"The shen tian ambassador is here, now," she said.
Christina looked at Radi's empty chair and rubbed her temples. "Tell it to wait just a little," she started, just as a different door burst open, revealing a tall, thin figure that was literally on fire.
"No worries, darlings, the party can start now," shouted Radi, holding hir pose for a moment before striding to hir chair like hi was on a runway, blowing them kisses with both hir mouths along the way. Hi was wearing a dark toga that rippled with colour like an oil spill, showing off the gleaming glass of hir scaly skin, which reflected the light of hir hair, which was truly enormous today. The orange-red flames licked across hir head and fell in cascades down hir many shoulders and coiling back, all the way down to hir long tail, which was adorned with golden rings.
"Oh, um, I guess you can send in the ambassador, then," said Christina, trying not to look at Radi's tail the way Pi looked at her boobs - although it had become difficult, after learning what it was used for.
The secretary closed the door, and when it was opened again, it was filled with the form of a tall, many-limbed creature, which Christina could only really view as a person at all because of the single, big eye occupying the middle of its bulbous head.
The shen tian glided forwards on its many tentacles, before lowering itself by spreading them all out in a ring around it, archiving a curtsy of a sort.
"Welcome before the galactic council," said Pi, his voice unusually serious. "You will be assessed on behalf of your race today by myself, Sir Pi of the Ma; the human Miss Christina; Radiant Flower That Blooms Under Twin Moons, Mastress of the esh'hkana'mnee, and the aoyaen Lady Oola. Please state your name and pronouns for the record."
"Their obedient servant would prefer to be addressed as their obedient servant," said a gentle voice inside Christina's head, "as the usage of shen tian's names is not considered polite - but of course, his obedient servant will acquiesce to the exalted councillor's request. Your obedient servant is known as Xtephes. While the most honoured June has explained genders and pronouns to our unworthy people, your obedient servant must admit that such are of little use among the shen tian. Your obedient servant believes "it" might be the best fit, although experience shows that humans, at least, will eventually prefer the usage of "he". Your obedient servant will, of course, be happy with whatever is most pleasing to the council."
Christina stared at the thing she could no longer in good conscience think of as a tentacle monster. She'd heard they were prone to long speeches, and incredibly polite, but nobody had prepared her for just how entrancing the telepathic voice would sound. This would be a very pleasant meeting indeed if she'd get to listen to that all day.
"You're very graceful," said Oola next to her. "Do you mind if I try your form?"
"The exalted councillor honours her obedient servant by voicing her desire to mirror such a simple and insignificant shape as this, and her obedient servant is positively ecstatic to grant permission," projected the shen tian.
Oola grinned, jumped off her chair, and quickly sat about shifting her mass around. Christina found it rather disturbing watching her own arms and legs and torso smoothing and splitting into several long tentacles, while her head became a featureless blob.
"Okay, this is cool and all," came Oola's voice from the purple shen tian, "but I kinda miss having arms. And a mouth. And hair. How about..."
She started shifting again, and soon Christina's head and torso was back, but below her hips she was still boneless and many-limbed, making her look a lot like a mythological monster girl.
"There! Whadda y'all think?"
"Her obedient servant has never beheld such a marvellous combination of shapes," said the shen tian. "The exalted aoya showed her obedient servant great honour by adapting its lowly form, but that honour is doubled many times when she also combines it with something as perfect as a human body."
"Mm, yes, darling, it's not half bad," said Radi, which was pretty high praise from hir.
"Ahem," said Pi, looking stern. "How about we move on? I'd like to go back to my mates
today
. Good sir, tell us a little about shen tian society. How is it structured? What are your main exports? What do you have to bring to the metaphorical table?"
"His obedient servant apologises profoundly if it is causing affairs to go slower than the exalted councillor desires. His obedient servant will do everything in its power to keep the process as efficient as possible."
Christina barely managed to stifle a snort at that, but kept listening to the shen tian with a polite smile as it carefully explained that their society rested on the principle of "everyone helps everyone", and didn't really have any official leaders. She didn't really understand most of what it said about export, except that they were looking forwards to sharing their food, in particular.
"Perhaps the exalted councillors would allow their obedient servant to present them with a sample?"
"You've brought food to your interview?" asked Pi, sounding a bit scandalised.
"Their obedient servant has little choice in the matter," explained the shen tian calmly, "as this body produces a constant supply of liquid sustenance."
"Wait, what?" said Pi. "You mean, like... milk?"
"His obedient servant can confirm that shen tian sustenance does bear a resemblance to the mammalian liquid that is used to feed their young," said Xtephes.
"But you don't have any milk pockets," said Pi, in the sort of baffled disappointment you find in children who have just tasted their first chocolate, and then been told they can only eat it on Saturdays, in unreasonably small quanta.
"The exalted Ma is, regretfully, correct," said the shen tian. "His obedient servant does not possess the aesthetically pleasing physique of a human female. Their obedient servant can only hope that the sustenance it provides can still please the honourable councillors."
"Well, our scout did speak very highly of it," said Christina. "And it's been analysed and seems to be safe to drink for... pretty much anyone, actually. Though it has been warned that it might be addictive in large quantities, or to small animals. Some insects they gave it to refuse to eat anything else now, but we've seen no ill effects in anything the size of cats and up."
"Her obedient servant swells with pride that the exalted humans have seen fit to conduct such tests, and that the shen tian's contribution is being spoken of so positively," said Xtephes and curtsied again. Christina nodded and smiled back, a little surprised - she hadn't really thought her words were all that great, but hearing the shen tian's happiness made her want to say something even nicer. Maybe she should accept its offer?
