Carmen didn't go school or answered her phone. Texts kept piling in, missed calls by the dozens, most from Rachel. Her mother gave her space, as did Melody, for which she was thankful. Being around people was dangerous. She didn't know what thoughts might cross her mind and whether she'd act on them. For all she knew, going to school would incite another scene with Ashley. Or a random girl. And what about Rachel?
She couldn't face her like that. The words 'I love you' were hollow in her mouth now, even if she meant them just a few days ago. She needed control over herself first. After that, she'd return and make it up to Rachel in whatever way the redhead wanted. But progress was slow.
"This is pointless," Carmen said. On her laptop, pages upon pages of research into emotions remained opened, matched by guides on meditation and therapy, yet none of them served their purpose. Even now, she didn't dismiss them from disdain or frustration, but from logic; she hadn't improved in four days since trying everything, so it stood to reason they were false. At least for her.
Hovering forever at her side, Ryuka skimmed through them as well, "Yes, I don't understand these either."
"The most useful thing was that quiz on moral compasses." She'd done that on the first day, learning she lacked morality, though she understood what was right and wrong as defined by law. Her memories helped, though most seemed foolish in hindsight. All the times she wrote a name from anger were mistakes. Dakota was reasonable as a test, and Ashley provided her money, but Mary and Rachel's sister were ultimately pointless. What about Rachel? That was justified... right?
Carmen wanted a true reason, something that made sense and would hold up to any scrutiny, but the purpose was simple; she'd asked for it. Lust might've also played a part. It didn't seem right that something so basic had turned Rachel into a futa.
Yes, lust pervaded her thoughts more often by the day. When she woke, her cocks were hard, pussy sopping. Carmen dealt with them, but then by lunch they ached for another release, so she did so again, however just a few more hours and she was back to the start. The worst part was the sudden rush of feeling with every climax.
Not the pleasure or relaxed afterglow. It was emotions. A mixture of joy, frustration, disgust and fear, scrambling atop the other to be heard, shrieking from malformed faces to get her attention and be the first back in the light. It only took a minute for them to dissipate. No matter what Carmen tried, they only manifested during those moments.
"I have a theory," Ryuka said and floated over Carmen, massive breasts just above her face.
"Go ahead."
"Lust is what defines a Seikogami. It's practically our blood, our oxygen, it drives us onward to discover new depravities. You, however, don't feel it that way."
"I'm aroused multiple times a day. How is that not lust?"
"That's arousal, it's natural when you have three cocks and a pussy. I'm talking about desire, the want to learn, improve, to fuck someone, to be with them, feel their body and warmth as you drive your cocks inside, or take theirs in you. Even with me around, you've never expressed lust."
"But you can fix that with your powers, right?"
"Not quite. I just invoke arousal, a precursor to desire."
"You're not making much sense," Carmen said, waving her hand dismissively.
"Ugh, this is hard for me too. I've never had to rationalise this stuff before. Okay, you fucked Ashley last week, right?"
"Yes." Carmen still wondered at that decision. Why Ashley and not Rachel in the library? The redhead had been naked, recently affected by the Futa Note, and loved her. She made for the more obvious choice. In the days since, Carmen wasn't any closer to a satisfactory reason.
"That was lust. You saw her, got turned on, and wanted to fuck her. Plain and simple."
"What about Rachel? What about you? By all rights, you're both sexier than Ashley, not to mention my history with Rachel. So why don't I feel that for either of you?"
"Oh... huh," Ryuka frowned and scratched her head, "Perhaps the timing?"
"You don't know anything either," Carmen sighed and shut her eyes.
"You feel something when you cum, don't you?" Ryuka asked, suddenly right beside her, though Carmen didn't flinch, even at the breath on her ear.
"Yes."
"I'm going to make you cum now and keep you going for a while. Latch onto what you feel." As she spoke, Ryuka's hands went to the human's plethora of phalli, "I won't pretend to understand what you're going through. It's completely new to me, and I've lived way, way longer than you."
"How old are you anyway?" Carmen asked, while her cocks filled out. The veins throbbed against the goddess's hand, testing its grip.
"Oh, years started blending together around the fifth century. That's not important right now," Ryuka pressed her lips into Carmen's neck, kissing down toward her chest. She didn't wear anything when it could be helped, only putting something on when she needed to leave her room. Clothes didn't make sense when she needed release so often. She only needed them when it was cold.
And because she'd be arrested in public. Also to protect Melody's innocent eyes, she reminded herself of those factors.
"Tell me what turns you on. What makes your dicks hard?" Ryuka asked, now teasing a nipple with her tongue, fingers dancing across the trio of cocks.
"Your hand," Carmen said, nerves flaring with arousal, "Your mouth on my nipple."
"I'm not talking about that. What is it about Ashley that made you want to fuck her?" Ryuka bit into the nub, eliciting a sharp moan. She stroked the cocks now, rubbing the centre one with the other two, while lowering down and pressing her pillowy tits into them. Flares of sensation danced along her pricks wherever Ryuka's hand touched.
"I don't know."
"Come on," Ryuka breathed across the now moist tit and moved to the other, circling the areolae with her tongue, taunting the nipple, "The answer might be simpler than you think."
