Previously in Frankengeld. Damion and Helena have taken up residence in The Doctor's House and have indulged their passions in the Master Bedroom. Anya and Yani, their servants, have demonstrated just how close an Aunt and her Nephew can get. And Helena has helped get Damion's new practice registered with the Burgomaster at the Town Hall. At midnight Helena wakes Damion, there's an intruder in the house. It turns out to be a most unusual wolf, with two females that are nagging it.
Now read on...
The wolf had chosen to gain some height advantage by jumping onto one of the benches on its way to ripping out my throat, but it chose poorly. The bench it decided to use was the only one in the room that wasn't wood. It was topped with a smooth polished granite slab. Helena had told me earlier in the day that it was probably used for the making of pastries, or other comestibles, that required a cool preparation surface. The wolf landed, then gave a howl of alarm as its legs splayed out. It skittered across the slick surface, legs going nineteen to the dozen, its claws gaining no purchase on the polished stone. The expression on its face was almost human as it frantically scrabbled to get a grip. It slid along, scattering my materials in a pharmaceutical rainbow cloud, and knocking platters and containers onto the floor.
I bravely stepped forward to confront it, and tripped over one of the smaller packing cases! I stubbed my toe, stumbled, inadvertently pulled the trigger on my weapon, and the crossbow twanged.
The bolt hit the wolf in the chest, pure luck really, and just for a moment I thought optimistically that I had struck it in the heart and slain it. The force of the impact, and the wolf's sliding motion, combined to make it fall off the workbench. I celebrated, but not for long. It writhed horribly on the ground for a second or two, then got back onto its feet. It turned to look at me, hatred in its eyes, though no red light this time. It fixed its gaze on me, my death in its every move, as the crossbow quietly clicked another bolt into place and the weapon cleverly reset itself.
The bolt that had hit the wolf was still protruding from its chest, deeply embedded but, I would guess, not in a vulnerable part for it was still very active and very angry. The beast twisted its head to try to bite at the source of the pain. Its teeth grasped the shaft of the bolt and was about to extract it when, over my shoulder, a white packet of something flew through the air and struck it on the nose, bursting open and scattering a cloud of dust.
I turned to see Helena was standing next to me and had hurled one of the packets she had obtained from the kitchen. From the smell it was finely ground black pepper! The wolf howled, sneezed, and jumped back, disturbing the cloud of ingredients in the air still further, and Helena hit it with her second packet. A faint onion-like smell was added to the odours in the room and now the wolf was in full retreat.
What happened next takes some explaining. The air was full of my ingredients and what I saw must have been the effect of the hallucinogens on me because the wolf distorted, turned into sparkling motes of light, which then exited in a stream through the keyhole. There was a wooden clatter as the bolt, now with nothing to be embedded in, dropped onto the stone floor.
Outside I could hear the ladies wailing, briefly, in annoyance and then everything went quiet apart from one of the ladies speaking. I believe it was the first lady I heard speak. She said, with a cold hard voice, "You really are hopeless!"
In the cellar the powders in the air started to drift down. I stood as still as possible, trying not to breath in any more. I decided the ladies must have opened the door and let the wolf out, and my mind had provided the weird dream-like elements of the vision. That didn't account for the fact that I was left with a wooden crossbow bolt on my cellar floor, but you can't have everything, even in explanations.
As I stared at the door I heard Helena run upstairs, to return a few moments later with one of Anya's garlands. She crossed the cellar floor, carefully avoiding the broken pots, and hung the garland on the cellar door handle, so that it covered the keyhole. Very decorative, I thought, but really what we need to do is change the lock. She returned to me and, together, we went upstairs.
"I'm sorry, master Damion," she apologised. "For a moment there I lost all capacity to act."
"Understandable Helena," I replied. "A wolf is a dangerous foe, many a strong man has found his muscles frozen in fear when facing such a primal peril."
"We seem to have driven it off, between us." she smiled weakly.
"Yes," I agreed. "You are an excellent shot. Mine was only a lucky accident."
"Thank you master Damion," she seemed pleased with my praise. "I learned to throw stones defending our chickens from foxes when I was a youngster. And a wolf is just a big fox, right?"
"Well not quite," I replied. "But I see what you mean. Shall we retire? We have a busy day before us."
"Yes, master Damion."
"I wonder, Helena," I had an idea. "Do you fancy a quick game of 'master and servant' before we sleep?"
"Yes. I feel particularly lusty, Master Damion, but I don't know why."
8th June, in the year 1784.
I sat at my desk later that morning, arranging and rearranging the items to look like the doctor was in, and he was both competent, and approachable. I positioned the patient's chair several times, and experimented with different positions for mine. Then I sat, tense with anticipation. I'm not sure what I expected to happen but it wasn't an empty waiting area.
When, an hour later, Helena brought me a coffee I asked her, "Is there anybody waiting, Helena?"
"Oh yes master," she replied. "Twenty people have arrived but we've asked them all to wait because you are so busy."
"Helena!"
"Sorry," she grinned. "Nobody yet, but you can be sure they will be in here as fast as we can manage. Yani is sat on a chair by the front door waiting for the bell, and I'll bring them into you straight away."
"I'm sorry too," I replied, chastened. "I didn't mean to snap like that. It's just that I've got to make a success of this or I'll never hear the last of it from Karl, or Father."
"Patience master," Helena said. "It will take time for people to be brave enough to consult with you."
"Brave," I was taken aback. "You make it sound like I'm dangerous."
"It's just that people will be used to their usual doctor," she smiled. "Even if they are incompetent. It will take some courage for them to switch to you."
Her logic was, as usual, impeccable and I felt reassured. We had enough cash from my father for us to keep going for many months, if not a year with careful budgeting, and during that time we must surely pick up some patients. Helena left me with my coffee and I settled down to use the time profitably. I would start work on my elixir of pleasure.
I took a sheet of paper and started to map the ingredients we had gathered so far, placing them in clusters of possible combinations. I tried to anticipate the effects and the interactions of each component, one with another. Soon I had worked out several initial recipes, but had also come across a problem thrown up by my thought experiment. Toxicity.
Some of the components were poisonous in even very small quantities, and some interactions between components could easily amplify this effect. I knew what I needed, Victor had left me a diagram of it when he was ejected from the university. But, before I could rush down to the laboratory and find the document, there was a knock on the door.
"Enter," I said. Was this my first patient?
Helena opened the door.
