Forever in the Underworld

I carefully place a branch of white blackberry flowers in his hair.

"I am so sorry to have done this to you." Tears flow freely from my eyes. They are not the sorrowful, anguished tears of lost love, but tears of despair and regret. The fragile, bony carcass of my lover is lying before me. I knew from the beginning that this was bound to happen, but still I drove this poor boy into a torturous existence that could only be relieved by death.

I do not even know his name.

Shouts and screams are closing in the distance. Far away between the black forest columns I can see the flickering, orange light of dozens of torches coming my way. They are searching for their loved one. Panicked and scared. I know exactly what they are feeling. Thoughts of Skuld grip my heart and threaten to hinder my retreat.

It would be so easy doing nothing.

-----

She did not speak a word until we got back to our cave.

"This isn't all bad, you know."

"What do you mean, not all bad? I'm nothing like what I'm supposed to be! I was going to become a strong, handsome troll for you, and now I'm just a small, pathetic nymph. This IS all bad!"

She froze. Those beautiful, big eyes assailed me with a hurt look before she turned away.

"Oh, Skuld, I didn't mean that. It... it's just that things were not supposed to happen like this. I am a boy, not a girl."

"Is it really so bad? I still like you, you know. And at least you are not human anymore. It does not matter what you look like. I have begun to appreciate your talents. You are something new and fresh. I could have any handsome troll I wanted, you know that, but there is no one like you here. With another man I would just be a prop. A prize to be paraded in front of others and a means to get close to my father. You really want to take care of me. Let me do the same for you."

She paused a while before continuing. I could see in her eyes that she was serious. More serious than I had ever seen her before. That ever-present devious hint of a smile was gone for the moment.

"I guess what I am trying to say is that I like being with you. I have never felt this way before. Perhaps this is the love you humans always sing so sadly about. Though I don't feel sad at all. I feel happy."

Her words were like an explosion in my mind. Could such a wonderful creature love me? How infuriatingly ironic that I should hear this just when it had become impossible for us to be with each other, and when I was no longer a man. Even though I was a girl, I still felt strongly for her, and not just sexual desire. Knowing that I would never taste those sweet lips or smell the scent of her moisture was unbearable. Once again, when I thought my life could only torn to the better, it had collapsed on me. This was not just losing her as my future wife. I had lost her as a lover as well, and that pained me much more.

"Oh Skuld. It does not matter anymore. I have the same feelings for you. Ever since I first saw you, but I am a girl now, and you will need a man to satisfy you."

"How little you know. Do you think that I can only love a man? Sometimes I forget that you have only lived the years of a child. There is much you have to learn about us. It is true that when you were a man, I would have preferred you as a troll. But my desires have not diminished. You rival the most beautiful of our kind, you know. Your yellow hair will be the envy of all nymphs, and your youthful curves are perfection in every sense of the word."

She reached out a hand and lightly brushed my left nipple with the back of her fingers. A jolt of pleasure fanned out and journeyd past my abdomen.

"The scorn will die down eventually. You have lost the respect granted to a male, but you have also gained the power of real beauty and seduction. It is a far greater strength than you might think, once you learn how to use it to your advantage."

"Do you still want me the way I am now?" I had a hard time believing her. She could not possibly find me attractive now. And with my male desires still in place, I was still as far from a complete life as before, destined to be alone.

Her answer was convincing enough. She reached her fingers through my hair and rested her palm on the back of my head. Drawing me towards her, she kissed me and held her lips against mine for an eternity. I could sense her tongue gliding across my lips and meeting my own as the kiss went on. The sheer fabric of her dress was practically unexisting as she pressed herself against my naked body.

Again, I felt the tingling sensation reaching my crotch as our breasts embraced. It was strange to experience the female arousal through my limbs, but the pleasure was something different and wonderful. I had already felt the unfamiliar weight and awkwardness of the two mounds on my chest, but I knew I would never want to part with them.

She pulled back far too soon and stared into my eyes.

"Tonight I will make all your regrets vanish, my dear."

She pushed me forcefully back towards the bed and climbed on top of my body, reaching her hands in the air to let me pull the dress over her head. Her beauty once again struck me as something out of a fairytale, and I smiled as I realized the truth in this.

"By the jotnir, your smile is perfect!" She kissed me again and used her lips and hands to carefully build my arousal to new heights. In ways that I had never felt before. With each touch I was sure that the feelings could not possibly grow any more wonderful, but she knew exactly how to draw every ounce of pleasure from my senses. Her immaculate skill told me that this was not the first time she had pleasured a woman.

Her nimble tongue traced the faint outline of muscles along my belly, ever so slowly inching towards the source of my longing. I could sense her hot breath spread out across my furry patch, caressing the parted lips below. I was about to explode with emotion as her tongue closed the gap towards my moist crack.

Just when I tensed in preparation for her journey's end, she suddenly stopped pleasuring me, and I instantly felt a powerful longing for her to continue what she was doing. She raised her head from between my legs and looked at me with narrow eyes. Seconds snailed by like years as my body craved her caresses.

"It's not all that bad, is it?" Her sly smile told me she enjoyed the stalling just as much as I hated it.

"No, you're right. I love it. Don't stop." I tried to pull her towards me with my legs, and my pelvis seemed to search for her gentle lips, all on its own.

"Are you sure? I wouldn't want you to be disgusted. After all, you are meant to be a man, right?" Her eyes revealed the same amusement as she said it. If I was not so utterly horny I would never let her get away with the teasing so easily. But now all I wanted was for her to keep licking my pussy and stroke my nipples with the same eagerness as before.

"Skuld.. I didn't know it could be so wonderful. I can never regret this. You give me such amazing feelings. I want you to make me come. And... I think I love you."

Finally, after several more seconds, this time with a strange expression on her face telling me millions of thoughts were flowing through her mind, she returned to pleasuring me. I practically squealed with excitement. A high-pitched and mindless sound I never would have believed could originate in my throat. She knew she had achieved her goal. Her lover would fit in nicely in her new role.

-----

A young boy is the first to discover the corpse partly hidden by the undergrowth. He shouts to his kinsmen. They run to him, and a beautiful woman approaches, dressed in a long, grey gown, covered by a woolen cape. A never-ending wail seeps from her lips like the steadily increasing wind before a thunderstorm when she sees her son dead. The sorrow in her voice overpowers me and strengthens the remorse I feel. She sees the white flower and pulls it from the boy's hair before throwing it away as if it was a poisonous snake. A few strands of his thin hair are caught on the flower's thorns.

"Måste din lekam brenna i Helvete för all framtid, förbannade trollkärring! Du har tagit min son, så som jag ska hämna hans liv med ditt."

She shouts with her lungs' full power into the night and curses the foul demon that has done this to her son. I know she has all the right to do so. Why do we have to prey upon these poor souls? Their only fault is having settled too close to the wilderness. Too poor to live anywhere else.

Her eyes wander from side to side, scanning the shadows. She knows that I am out here but dare not venture into the darkness. This is my domain. I owned her son after sunset, but he was hers as long the Underworld hid from the sun.

She is so close that I can see the whitening in her knuckles as she clutches her ridiculously small knife. The man closest to her softly takes hold of his wife's shoulders and leads her away. Full of life and strength he looks more like his son once did than the corpse lying on the ground between us.

I remain just out of reach of their torchlight and watch the procession slowly march away towards the human settlements, carrying their damned kinsman. I know he will not share the grave of his forefathers but lie in solitude outside the graveyard walls. Just as he lived his last months. I know that I too must live forever in solitude, secluded from my own peoples. The sorrow that so often comes over me these days strikes me once more, and I fall to my knees. Tears streaming in silence. I wonder what she is doing now. My only comfort is that she cannot be any more miserable than I feel at this moment.