By time she reached the clearing, she had a good deal of mean worked up and began beating the hell out of a nearby tree. Her hands were cut, bleeding, and sappy. She briefly wondered if this was one of the poisonous ones, but frowned as her wounds healed themselves
"Love?"
She sat down and pouted. "What do you want?"
"Love, don't be like that."
"Goddamned hero worshipping fucktards."
Grogek's eyebrows rose. "You are incredibly angered by this."
"It was ridiculous enough when that TWIT believed it, but that I could USE, that I could manipulate. But to have random ass idiots believe it? From the place where I live and work, believe it? That's just humiliatingly STUPID!" She gestured back towards town. "I liked my life better when I was just another mission specialist, one that women refused to have around their husbands." She turned away and crossed her arms.
"Would you? Would you really?"
She hunched her shoulders at the anger in his voice.
"Would you really like to go back to that life? That's a life without Bradly, without Darguni. There was no Tulani, there was no me. Sure, Jordan was there, but you didn't have his heart. Would you give up your family, just to have your old life back?"
She sighed. "No. You know I wouldn't."
"Those people love you for who you have carved yourself in to. Just as our children said. They judged you before they could know you. You have shown them your true face." Grogek knelt down and put his hands on her shoulders. "My love, I agree with you, their actions are completely silly. But their hearts are in the right place. Think of what you have done." He adjusted so he could wrap his legs around her as he massaged her shoulders. "Think of what you have given them. What you've given me."
She sighed and ran her hands on his legs. "I'm no hero."
"I tend to disagree. You gave me your faith. You gave Tulani her life. You gave the town a means to identify their dead. For Jordan, you gave him a chance, and then gave him his life. In Renwa you have a lifelong friend, and you gave him a wife. You gave Zelinnia her life. Bradly a family, Lydia her legs, a mother her child's happiness, and the list is endless." He wrapped his arms around her.
She leaned back against him. "I hate it when you're reasonable."
He chuckled. "That just means I'm getting through to you."
"I've killed more people than I've saved." She muttered. "Have you ever wondered my kill count? Because I remember every one of them like I was looking at them right now."
He chuckled. "Second to Grommash, would you like to know how many I've killed? Because I couldn't tell you if I tried." He stroked his thumbs down her belly. "Do you really keep them all in your head?"
"Photographic memory, remember? Yeah, I see them. I can always see them. No matter what I have said, about being able to slit their throats and forget they exist..."
"No wonder you think you're so awful." He murmured.
"I honestly still feel no emotion towards any of them. It wasn't until Ricky died that I started to wonder why I had never felt pain at the death of my targets."
"The goblin?"
"I love you Grogek, but Ricky was my trigger. He... liked me. He looked up to me, he was like the first kid I'd ever had. I didn't know what to do with him. And then he died, and this part of me broke. I couldn't even understand it. I'd had comrades die before, but I never felt anything for them either. I have never been able to figure out what was different about Ricky." She shook her head. "Some days, when I'm alone with my thoughts, I replay that awful moment." She whispered. "No matter how much I fight it, it comes back. When he dies in front of me, it's like one of my own family dying." She wiped her nose.
"I never realized he had that effect on you."
"I don't... I don't like to think about it too hard. I certainly didn't want to tell you, because I felt like your belief in me was on a lie. You did open my heart, but it was Ricky who picked the lock."
He kissed her shoulder. "I wish you had told me this before, though it doesn't change anything."
She turned and laid her head on his shoulder, curling up in his lap. "I don't want people to like me, because I haven't decided if I like myself. I liked myself just fine before Ricky, was proud of all the awful things I did, who I hurt... Then suddenly I had to question all of it. On the grand scale of things, I like myself just fine. I'm still proud of my past. I was the best, goddamn it. I had THE highest kill ratio of any mission specialist. I could con my way into any damned thing, if I just believed it hard enough myself. I got through on confidence alone.
But, suddenly, I'm in this place where a mission specialist means pretty much nothing. I told Zelinnia that she needed to find her place in town or she would go crazy. I meant that as much to myself as anything. I HAD to find something to do, or I'd go mad and kill everyone, just to escape. So, I built this strange little life. And as it grew, so did the panic behind it. I really don't know what I'm doing with myself some days. I fly by the seat of my pants and hope to hell something sticks. Hell, I healed that little girl's legs just to see if I could."
"You did an unselfish act for a selfish reason."
"Exactly!" She sighed. "Sometimes, I feel like I can't be a good person, because I have all this blood on my hands, and don't even mind that it's there."
"It was in this very spot, that you stood and read pages from your books. I had stolen them as examples. I wanted to make Lama understand why I fell in love with you. It was because of all that blood on your hands. You were so fearless, so unapologetic, and you made me genuinely afraid. I fell in love with that. But it was also how sweet, how kind, and how giving you could be. Those nights we lay in that room you'd commanded out of Grommash, were some of my favorite moments. I felt like I was with an angry wolf, which could tear me apart, yet being in your arms was a heaven I'd only imagined.
I know those are your favorite moments too, you hung them on our walls. You were soft and seductive, yet so damned strong. I thought you were an illusion, a test, a falsehood. Oh, I knew you were somehow getting information out, but I couldn't prove it. That first night in that room, I was terrified of you. I knew it was a trick to slit my throat. How you'd survive the attempt, I didn't know, but I was ready for you. Over and over, I waited for you to make your move, and then you kissed me, and it all fell apart." He sighed.
"I killed your sister in cold blood, and still you apologized to ME. I... I wanted to hug you. I wanted to comfort you, to apologize for having to make a point. I never cared about killing her, but I wasn't sure how much she meant to you. I had to bite down on the urge and make myself hard. I told myself that the feelings of one gullible orc meant nothing in the long run. But, I wound up finding reasons not to kill you."
He laughed. "That's just who you are. Maybe it's not the you before Ricky, but it's certainly the you now." He nuzzled her hair. "It warms my heart to know you cared then."
"I was so mean to you. No, I was mean to myself, making you wait so long for me to tell you I loved you. I just couldn't trust the emotion. I've started listening to myself when those random moments find me, instead of doubting, stabbing and dissecting, waiting for the lie..." She sighed.
"I know. I knew then, I just had to work a little harder to get you to trust your own heart."
"Bah."
"Yes, Bah." He chuckled. "Come back with me, my love, my vicious little she wolf." He hugged her tightly. "Yes, it's stupid and silly, but it makes them feel better about the situation. You did something they can't understand, and this is how they deal with it."
"You killed it. I don't like you no more."
He laughed. "Oh, stop being a big baby."
"You did NOT just go there." She crossed her arms. "I should fuck you on the spot I killed your sister. That'd be completely unheroic and crass."
"I'm not opposed to the idea; if it'll help you deal with some of your anger."
Elunara pressed her mouth to his, and he ran his hands up her back. Nipping at his lips, she tugged his shirt up and off. He yanked hers over her head, and she pressed her breasts against his chest. They devoured each other, as their hands roamed each other's bodies. He grabbed her pants and tugged them down and off, before grabbing her hips and pressing her against him. She wrapped her legs around his waist.
Breaking contact, he went for her breast, taking it in his mouth. With a groan, she leaned her head back. Snaking her hand down, she tugged him free of his pants. He shoved her down over him and slammed into her with a grunt. Lifting her ass, he pumped her up and down as her wet center coated him.
She was surprised when he shoved her back and flipped her over. He got on his knees and dug his fingers in her hips, shoving himself back into those wet folds with a groan. With a grin, she buried her fingers in the soft grass and gave a sighing moan. Quickly, he shoved himself in and out, one thumb pressing into her ass. When she clamped down on him, he gave in to the urge.
Tugging himself free, he slipped a couple of fingers in her. "Some days, I can't believe this is mine."
She turned over on her side and grinned. "Mm, keep doing that."
