Elunara made a stop by the mage tower and then headed on down. She whistled her way along until she spotted Jordan, standing at the edge of the training yard. She wandered over to him.
"How's it going?" She smiled.
His face quirked, but he had his usual dour expression. "Renwa is finally getting what he's always wanted." He murmured.
"What's that?"
"A wife. A family." He rolled his shoulders.
"And what do you want?" She murmured.
"I never figured that one out." He whispered.
Her eyebrows raised; she considered. "You will never figure it out, if you don't try."
He shook his head. "I have tried plenty. Trying leads to disappointment."
She shrugged. "That's an awful depressing way to look at it. You're a good man Jordan; you're just stuck in a sorrow filled limbo. Until you try to break forward, you will always be stuck where you are." She patted him on the back and walked away.
He stared at her retreating form for a long time; watching her wrap her arms around Grogek. He looked away and stared at Tulani on the hill, the baby playing at her feet. With a sigh, he wondered if he should have left when he had a chance.
Elunara considered the pages in the hand. With a sigh she tucked them in the hidden compartment behind her books. She still hadn't heard back from Mathias and wasn't sure she would. A knock on the door surprised her. She opened the door and was even more shocked.
"Can I come in?"
"Uh, yeah." Elunara couldn't remember the last time she'd seen Jordan in casual clothes.
She closed the door behind him and just stared.
"You didn't have any appointment I'm interrupting?"
"I'm not busy today. Is something wrong?"
He sighed and appeared to want something to do with his hands. "I'm not even sure why I came over today."
"Well, you obviously have something on your mind." She sighed. "Listen, how about a sketch? Just a normal portrait, while you figure out why you've come here."
"Yeah, I guess."
She sat him down in a chair in the center of the room, and then pulled out her board and began to work. "Don't worry about talking; just say what's on your mind."
"Well..." He hesitated. "Well, I don't know." He frowned. "Today was my day off, and I found myself here."
She shrugged. "It's nice to have a visit with a friend, I guess."
"You consider me a friend?"
"I'm still working out the definition myself, but I would say so."
"I guess I've been thinking about what you said."
"Oh?"
"That's what you did, isn't it?"
She stopped and stared.
He flushed. "I guess you were stuck in a bad place, but you moved past it."
She laughed. "Sweetie, I've never felt like I was in a bad place. I wasn't after changing my place; it just got changed for me. I wouldn't go back, if that's what you're asking."
"Are you happy?" He whispered.
"Supremely."
"Oh." He fidgeted.
She laughed again. "You sound unhappy."
He shook his head and sighed. "I don't know what I want."
"Jordan, for the longest time, I thought you were gay."
His eyes went wide.
"I thought that you had a crush on Renwa, and that you hated me because I captured his interests. Then I thought you were upset with me because I toyed with his emotions." She tapped her pencil on her board. "It was recently pointed out to me, that maybe my thoughts were misplaced."
"I..." He continued to gawk and then blushed. "I never understood you. Not one little bit. How could you give yourself to so many men? When Renwa, my friend, fell for you, I was just so angry how little you seemed to care for him. I was relieved when you disappeared. But he was so completely crushed that, yes I hated you for a time." Jordan straightened up. "We both know that Renwa is a diehard family man."
"Which is why I left. I wanted him to find someone else. I had no idea he'd latch on to a fantasy." She sighed.
Jordan's face was grim. "Neither did I." He shook his head. "Then you showed up again, and I just knew it would start all over. Then you brought back Grogek, and it was like you were throwing it in his face." He sighed. "But you changed. You... released Renwa from himself, and then you transformed." His expression was one of awe. "You became a different person and it was amazing to watch. I mean, yeah, there was that... day. But you single handedly changed this entire town into something amazing."
He shook his head as if coming out of a trance. "I watched Grogek, and then Tulani, and now Zelinnia." He gestured with his hands. "You reach out and you save them. You bring them here and you make them yours. You have this really cool little baby. He should be an abomination, but instead he's so damned cute."
She was having a devil of a time trying to capture all of Jordan's expressions. She laughed. "Jordan, what are you trying to tell me?"
"I love you." He froze as he realized what he'd just said. He stared down at his feet. "I mean..." He coughed and tried to stare past her. His entire face was flame red and he swallowed. "I mean, you're an amazing person. You do all these things for people, for no real reason, and yet you're completely terrifying when you're pissed off. Your wrath is not to be underestimated." He clapped his hands over his face. "I don't know what I'm doing here." He stood up and started to walk away.
"Jordan, stop." Elunara sat her board to the side and stood up. Placing a hand on his shoulder she sighed. "Don't run."
"I just told a married woman that I love her." He muttered. "I kind of have a right to run away."
"You can't run away from yourself. At some point you're going to have to figure out what you want."
"I can't have what I want." He snorted. "You have Grogek, and you have Tulani. I can't be one of your... customers." Jordan ran a frustrated hand through his hair. "And you're not some fantasy I can chase around."
"Well, I'd say you've gotten a good track going." She chuckled. "I love my husband, and I love my wife. I don't think you'd be happy trying to replace either. But, Jordan, there are always options that haven't been explored yet." She shook her head. "You need to figure out what would make you happy. Maybe it's not even me."
He ran the back of his fingers on her cheek. "Maybe it is." He whispered. His breathing sped up as he pressed his lips to hers.
Her responses were always expert, but even now she was so confused that she had no idea what to do.