"Oh, Mary, could you stay a moment? I have something I want to talk to you about."
Mary glanced back towards Professor Taberna. The aranea was at her desk at the front of the classroom, typing on a laptop. "Oh. Okay." She looked at Lizzy, ducking the apisae's pretty golden eyes. "I'll, um, see you at lunch?"
Lizzy's eyes flicked between Mary and the professor. She nodded, smiling. "I'll save you a seat?"
"Yes, please." Mary smiled back. "Thank you!"
As Lizzy left, Mary made her way down the aisles to the bottom podium and waited awkwardly as the aranea finished typing something up. The Bible lay on the podium, still open to the last verse the professor had given them to analyze--1 Corinthians 11:15.
"Sorry to keep you, Mary," Professor Taberna said, her voice a slow, distracted drawl. "Just something I need to finish entering in."
"It's no problem," Mary said politely.
Profesor Taberna made a few clicks, then turned to face her. "And done. So, Mary, I noticed you haven't turned in your last two weeklies yet. Is everything...?"
"Oh. Yes." Mary swallowed. "I, um, talked to Chrys..."
"Yeah, mental health emergency. She told me." Professor Taberna smiled sympathetically. "I know how the first five weeks are. It can be pretty some heavy culture shock, right? Even at a place like Hope's Hill."
Mary nodded.
"But I still need you to turn your assignments in on time." She opened a window and scrolled down, and Mary, upon recognizing her name, realized Taberna was looking at her grades. "Let's see, you had... a pretty solid start, but then I see this steep decline as we hit the new section. Mary,
Political Impact
is a tough course."
"It's not that it's hard. I mean, I did the reading, but--"
"I didn't mean tough intellectually. We're talking about some hot button issues here. A lot of you are coming from public schools, or maybe you have neighbors or even family this stuff ties in with, am I right?"
Mary swallowed. "No, not... really."
Professor Taberna stared at her for a moment. "Well, even so, this is an area that can be challenging. You know I've had students try to debate me? Right in the middle of class? There's a lot of divergence of opinion on this stuff, even within the faith." She reached over and plucked the book from the podium, holding it up with a rueful smile. "But unfortunately, it's just not really up to us, is it? Someone a lot smarter and wiser took the time to think it out before the first seeds of the Garden were even planted."
Mary nodded with a weak smile. "Yes. I mean, I know that."
"And people might try to make you feel guilty about it, about this whole issue. They aren't bad people; they have some very powerful ideas of their own. It's not wrong to listen, and empathy is never a waste. But you're a great writer, Mary, and you've got a strong grasp on these subjects. I don't want you to feel like you have to self-censor here, or... or feel guilty about what the Good Book says about what these people are doing."
"I've just been distracted."
Professor Taberna seemed to consider this for a moment. "Maybe that's true. And hey, I don't wanna tell you how you feel." She put the Bible down with a chuckle. "But if that's why you've seemed so distracted lately... just let me know if you have any questions about it." She turned and clicked a button, then typed something in. "I'm giving you extensions on the last two weeklies. But I want them in by the end of Week Six, got it?"
"Mm!" Mary nodded quickly. "I'll get them written A.S.A.P."
"That's what I like to hear. Oh, and Mary?"
Mary paused, already heading back up the aisle.
"Don't expect any more check-ins from me. I try to keep an eye on promising freshmen..."
"I-I'm not--"
"...
but
college isn't gonna coddle you. Keep your head up. It's easy to get lost."
~ ~ ~ ~
"Everything okay?" Lizzy asked, as Mary settled into her seat in the dining hall.
"Yeah." Mary smiled sheepishly. "I, uh, had to freshen up after, so..."
Lizzy frowned. "No, I mean, what did Anne want from you?"
Mary paused.
Oh, right.
"Professor Taberna was just... worried about my grades. It's nothing big."
"Wow." One of Lizzy's friends raised an eyebrow. It was the lampyra classmate who'd been talking behind Mary's back a few weeks ago.
"What?"
"Nothing, I guess I just..." She giggled, lights twinkling in her eyes. "I guess I just figured you were some kind of super-student."
"Not everyone who's shy is a super-student," Denise said, struggling with jamming the straw into her juicebox. "Besides, freshman year's hard."
Mary bit her lip.
"Eh, I guess so. But what else is someone gonna do in their room all day?"
Denise rolled her eyes and gave Mary a look Mary didn't know how to read. Mary forced a laugh, eyeing her salad. "Well. I guess I'll have to spend it studying now, anyways."
She could feel Lizzy's eyes lingering on her. She made herself look up and meet Lizzy's gaze. Lizzy's previous expression slipped into an amused smile.
Mary smiled brightly. Her wings and heart fluttered in time.
Deep down, she knew she'd crossed a line for herself somewhere.
She didn't know if she wanted to go back.
~ ~ ~ ~
Mary sat in bed, legs hanging over the side and idly kicking as she listened for the sound of Lizzy's approach. The walls were pretty much soundproof, but she knew Lizzy's nightly routines wouldn't take long.
She tried to get her wings to stop fluttering. She tried to convince herself that she wasn't going to ask the second Lizzy came through the door. Just like she'd convinced herself the last two nights.
Her professor's words rang in her ear, but they rang cold and distant. She hated that. She hated how hard it suddenly felt to care. To believe. Once it had been so easy to read these verses and brush off everything people said about them. Now, though, everything felt... blurred. Like the ink in the book had always been wet, and by a single touch, she'd left it smudged.
Late at night, when she was tired, and desperate for touch, she couldn't help but mull over the verses and search for a loophole.
She heard a click, and the door swung open. Lizzy came in, her hair done up in a towel-wrapped beehive. She'd clearly just showered, but was already fully dressed. She smiled up at Mary. "Hey, Mary! How's the weather up there?"
Mary smiled, feeling that fluttering in her chest threatening to spread to her stomach. "Oh, you know. Altitude sickness."
Lizzy glanced over at Mary's desk. The holy book lay open on her desk, its relevant sections bookmarked. "You got an assignment to work on?"
Mary swallowed as Lizzy went over to look at the page the book was open to. "Just playing some catch-up. I'm done working on it for tonight; I'll finish it tomorrow."
Lizzy smiled, but the smile seemed different somehow, less full. She went over and sat on the bottom bunk.
Mary hesitated, then fluttered down from the top bunk. Her wings kept beating even after she landed. "Is everything okay?"
Lizzy looked up at her, then quickly nodded. "Oh, yeah! I guess I'm just... tired, is all."
"Oh." Mary's wings slowed to a stop. "Really?" Did that mean Lizzy wouldn't be in the mood for...? No, that didn't matter, she ought to be worrying about her friend.
"Yeah. Just had a long day. Um, long week."
Mary felt a lump in her throat.
Long week.
Had she been the cause of that? "Do you want to, um, talk about it?"
Lizzy bit her lip. "You might be the wrong person."
That lump turned into a poisonous lead weight. Mary couldn't quite breathe, so she just gave a small nod and flew back up to her bunk.
"My new nightlight arrived," she said after a long silence.
"Oh! That's good."
"A-And I think I've... you know, my wings have been feeling a lot stronger."
"Oh."
"And..." Mary took a deep breath. "W-What I mean is, I shouldn't n..."
"Nobody's going to the concert," Lizzy blurted.
Mary stopped short. She blinked, leaning over the side. "What?
Everyone's
going."
"No. I mean, not any of... Denise canceled, and turns out Lucy is working the evening. Nobody I know is gonna be there this Saturday."
"What about your parents? And don't you have, um, five sisters?"
"Apparently my big sister's giving some big dissertation... thing." Lizzy gestured irritably, as if trying to show the dissertation thing's shape with one hand. "They're all going to that."
"Oh. That's bad luck."
"I'm... used to it." Lizzy's casual voice cracked like an well-worn shoe. "It's a big family. And her speech is really important."
Mary frowned. "That doesn't seem fair." She alit from the bunk and came back down. After a moment's hesitation--surely it was allowed?--she took a seat next to Lizzy. "This concert, it's important, too."
"I guess." Lizzy shifted, her palms resting forward on the sides of the bed, her head hanging low. "I mean, yeah, totally. I just wish... ugh." She turned and buried her face in Mary's chest, grabbing the mothgirl and pulling her in close. "It just
fucking sucks
!"
Mary's whole mind surged into a panic. Her wings were beating fast. "Yeah," she squeaked, "it. Does. It really does." She could only think to wrap her arms around Lizzy and hold her close, vainly praying that Lizzy wouldn't hear the pounding of her heart.
Lizzy grumbled something that Mary couldn't make out through her chest.
Mary bit her lip.
She knew why Lizzy hadn't wanted to vent to her now. She'd already herself refused to go, claimed she didn't have the time. She knew that all she had to do to make Lizzy feel better was abandon the lie--and was the lie really worth anything? Was it worth even trying to pretend anymore?
She felt Lizzy flinch slightly, and Mary realized with a start that her hand had just slipped to Lizzy's head, her fingers entwining themselves into Lizzy's curls. She expected Lizzy to pull away. Instead, Lizzy just... went limp.
Mary licked her lips. "Can I, um...?"
Lizzy reached up, grasped Mary's wrist, and started to guide her through the motions of petting her head.
Neither of them said anything. Lizzy's breathing gradually slowed. Mary's wings stopped fluttering. She lay against Lizzy, feeling her breathing and Lizzy's fall in time.
After about ten minutes, Mary felt Lizzy starting to stir. They each disentangled from the other, and Mary flew back up to her bunk before Lizzy could tell her to go.
~ ~ ~ ~
"Mary?"
The soft murmur jolted Mary so hard she nearly flew straight backwards off the bed. She froze in place, her wings going still mid-flap. "Y-Yes?"
Lizzy gave a sleepy giggle. "Are you, um..."
