Author's Note: This story contains a lot of gross material, including bathroom stuff (poop) and giving birth. If that makes you uncomfortable, then this story isn't for you.
* * *
"It looks like a bunch of dicks," I said.
I noticed the potted plant on Roweena's coffee table as the two of us hung out in her basement. She and I had been close friends in high school, and now we were friends in college. Neither of us could afford on-campus housing, so we still lived at home.
"It does!" Roweena laughed. "I saw some of those plants in the lab building. I thought they looked pretty funny, so I took one home."
"You stole it?"
I stepped towards the flower pot and poked the unfamiliar plant. It was about a foot tall, with thick, succulent leaves... but the leaves looked unsettlingly like penises, long and smooth with dark-green, bulbous heads. There were eight dick-leaves in total, sprouting in all directions from the bushy base of the plant.
The dick-leaves were firm but soft to the touch, like ripe fruit. I ran my finger across one, noticing its thin, peach-like hairs.
"You seem intrigued, Emily," Roweena said with a smirk.
"Well, I haven't gotten laid in a while..." I said. We both laughed.
We sat and studied together for most of the afternoon. We'd been hanging out in this basement since we were kids together, and the decor hadn't changed much since the mid-2000s.
Roweena had been a sporty tomboy as a young girl, and she'd only gotten more athletic over time. Now she was really into kickboxing, and she'd grown into a tall, powerful woman who wore t-shirts and jeans every day. She had dark skin, black hair, and muscular shoulders.
And me? I was her nerdy sidekick growing up. I'm still a nerd, actually. I'm blonde and pale, with black-rimmed glasses. Although I'm average weight, my boobs are too small and my butt is too big. My name's Emily.
As we studied, curiousity drew my eyes back to the plant. Roweena noticed me looking. "Do you want to see the really weird thing about it?" she asked.
"What really weird thing?"
She smiled. "It's more like a dick than you realize." She grabbed its pot from the corner table and placed it on the desk in front of me. "Try jerking it off."
"What?" I blushed. "Are you serious?"
She nodded and laughed. "Just try it. I KNOW you've given handjobs before, Emily."
I felt too embarrassed. "This is weird," I said.
"Oh, come on. I'll do it with you."
"Fine, fine." Lightly, I wrapped my fingers around one of the dick-leaves and began to stroke. Roweena followed suit, watching me and smiling.
After a moment, the plant began to feel different in my hand. "It's... getting warm inside," I said.
"Getting stiffer, too. Right?"
Roweena tightened her grip and jerked it more vigorously, and I did likewise. Our hands were only inches apart from one another, and she kept stealing me sly glances.
"It really is like giving a handjob, isn't it?" she asked, smirking.
I could only nod.
After about a minute of stroking, I felt the plant suddenly swell up in my fingers. In a flash, it grew hotter and thicker, and then -
"Whoa!"
A clear, syrupy liquid shot from its bulbous head. It arced about a foot through the air, and then splashed onto the tiled basement floor. A sweet odor immediately filled the room.
Roweena gave her own leaf a few jerks, producing another jet of thick liquid. Afterwards, our dick-leaves went limp in our hands, seemingly shriveled up.
I sat open-mouthed, and Roweena burst out laughing. "You see?" she asked excitedly. "You can make it cum!"
"Did we... hurt it?" I asked.
Her laughter gradually faded, and she shook her head. "No, it comes back the next day, as long as you water it."
I touched my finger to the end of the flaccid head and smelled the fragrant syrup. "What the heck did it shoot?" I wondered aloud. "Is it poisonous?"
Roweena immediately started laughing again. "What, are you planning to give it a blowjob now, too?"
"Gross!" I shoved her, now laughing myself. "Hell no!"
* * *
"Lemme see this dick-plant!" Lily cried, charging down the stairs to the basement.
It was four days later. Today, we'd brought a friend named Lily, who Roweena knew from class. Lily was a rail-thin theater major who wore lumberjack shirts every day. With her boyish haircut, I had mistaken her for a lesbian at first... but she was actually the straightest girl I knew; she never shut up about the guys in her drama club.
I had mentioned the weird plant on our way over, and she was dying to experience it for herself.
The plant had grown a little in the last few days. There were a couple of new, smaller dicks in addition to the original eight.
Lily laughed and cooed over it, and she quickly started tugging one of its dicks. When she made it cum - its foamy syrup spurting across the room - she clapped her hands with excitement.
"This thing is crazy!" she cried. "I can't believe they let you take it home."
"They didn't, actually," Roweena replied. "I stole one from my lab."
"Stolen! Even better!" Then Lily paused, and she got a mischievous look in her eye. "So... have you tried sucking it off yet?"
"Ew!" I started to protest - but, to my surprise, Roweena nodded.
"I tried it yesterday," she said.
"So it's not poisonous?" Lily asked.
Roweena made a motion with her head. "No, but... it's weird."
"What, it gets you high?" Lily's eyebrows rose.
"Well, I only tried it one time. It felt good for a minute, but then I got woozy. I kinda passed out for an hour, and... I had these really vivid dreams."
"What kind of dreams?"
"Uh, weird dreams."
Lily grinned. "Sex dreams, then."
Roweena looked embarrassed, although she was usually frank about her sexuality. "A few sex dreams, yeah. But after I woke up, I gotta warn you..."
"What?"
"I had to use the bathroom real bad, if you know what I mean."
"Yeah, sure." Lily looked thoughtful. "You swallow it, it gives you weird dreams, and then you poop it out. No problem." She looked around at us. "You guys want to try it?"
"No way!" I cried.
