Exotic Biology 101

Author's Note: This story contains a lot of gross material, including bathroom stuff (poop) and giving birth. If that makes you uncomfortable, then this story isn't for you.

* * *

"It looks like a bunch of dicks," I said.

I noticed the potted plant on Roweena's coffee table as the two of us hung out in her basement. She and I had been close friends in high school, and now we were friends in college. Neither of us could afford on-campus housing, so we still lived at home.

"It does!" Roweena laughed. "I saw some of those plants in the lab building. I thought they looked pretty funny, so I took one home."

"You stole it?"

I stepped towards the flower pot and poked the unfamiliar plant. It was about a foot tall, with thick, succulent leaves... but the leaves looked unsettlingly like penises, long and smooth with dark-green, bulbous heads. There were eight dick-leaves in total, sprouting in all directions from the bushy base of the plant.

The dick-leaves were firm but soft to the touch, like ripe fruit. I ran my finger across one, noticing its thin, peach-like hairs.

"You seem intrigued, Emily," Roweena said with a smirk.

"Well, I haven't gotten laid in a while..." I said. We both laughed.

We sat and studied together for most of the afternoon. We'd been hanging out in this basement since we were kids together, and the decor hadn't changed much since the mid-2000s.

Roweena had been a sporty tomboy as a young girl, and she'd only gotten more athletic over time. Now she was really into kickboxing, and she'd grown into a tall, powerful woman who wore t-shirts and jeans every day. She had dark skin, black hair, and muscular shoulders.

And me? I was her nerdy sidekick growing up. I'm still a nerd, actually. I'm blonde and pale, with black-rimmed glasses. Although I'm average weight, my boobs are too small and my butt is too big. My name's Emily.

As we studied, curiousity drew my eyes back to the plant. Roweena noticed me looking. "Do you want to see the really weird thing about it?" she asked.

"What really weird thing?"

She smiled. "It's more like a dick than you realize." She grabbed its pot from the corner table and placed it on the desk in front of me. "Try jerking it off."

"What?" I blushed. "Are you serious?"

She nodded and laughed. "Just try it. I KNOW you've given handjobs before, Emily."

I felt too embarrassed. "This is weird," I said.

"Oh, come on. I'll do it with you."

"Fine, fine." Lightly, I wrapped my fingers around one of the dick-leaves and began to stroke. Roweena followed suit, watching me and smiling.

After a moment, the plant began to feel different in my hand. "It's... getting warm inside," I said.

"Getting stiffer, too. Right?"

Roweena tightened her grip and jerked it more vigorously, and I did likewise. Our hands were only inches apart from one another, and she kept stealing me sly glances.

"It really is like giving a handjob, isn't it?" she asked, smirking.

I could only nod.

After about a minute of stroking, I felt the plant suddenly swell up in my fingers. In a flash, it grew hotter and thicker, and then -

"Whoa!"

A clear, syrupy liquid shot from its bulbous head. It arced about a foot through the air, and then splashed onto the tiled basement floor. A sweet odor immediately filled the room.

Roweena gave her own leaf a few jerks, producing another jet of thick liquid. Afterwards, our dick-leaves went limp in our hands, seemingly shriveled up.

I sat open-mouthed, and Roweena burst out laughing. "You see?" she asked excitedly. "You can make it cum!"

"Did we... hurt it?" I asked.

Her laughter gradually faded, and she shook her head. "No, it comes back the next day, as long as you water it."

I touched my finger to the end of the flaccid head and smelled the fragrant syrup. "What the heck did it shoot?" I wondered aloud. "Is it poisonous?"

Roweena immediately started laughing again. "What, are you planning to give it a blowjob now, too?"

"Gross!" I shoved her, now laughing myself. "Hell no!"

* * *

"Lemme see this dick-plant!" Lily cried, charging down the stairs to the basement.

It was four days later. Today, we'd brought a friend named Lily, who Roweena knew from class. Lily was a rail-thin theater major who wore lumberjack shirts every day. With her boyish haircut, I had mistaken her for a lesbian at first... but she was actually the straightest girl I knew; she never shut up about the guys in her drama club.

I had mentioned the weird plant on our way over, and she was dying to experience it for herself.

The plant had grown a little in the last few days. There were a couple of new, smaller dicks in addition to the original eight.

Lily laughed and cooed over it, and she quickly started tugging one of its dicks. When she made it cum - its foamy syrup spurting across the room - she clapped her hands with excitement.

"This thing is crazy!" she cried. "I can't believe they let you take it home."

"They didn't, actually," Roweena replied. "I stole one from my lab."

"Stolen! Even better!" Then Lily paused, and she got a mischievous look in her eye. "So... have you tried sucking it off yet?"

"Ew!" I started to protest - but, to my surprise, Roweena nodded.

"I tried it yesterday," she said.

"So it's not poisonous?" Lily asked.

Roweena made a motion with her head. "No, but... it's weird."

"What, it gets you high?" Lily's eyebrows rose.

"Well, I only tried it one time. It felt good for a minute, but then I got woozy. I kinda passed out for an hour, and... I had these really vivid dreams."

"What kind of dreams?"

"Uh, weird dreams."

Lily grinned. "Sex dreams, then."

Roweena looked embarrassed, although she was usually frank about her sexuality. "A few sex dreams, yeah. But after I woke up, I gotta warn you..."

"What?"

"I had to use the bathroom real bad, if you know what I mean."

"Yeah, sure." Lily looked thoughtful. "You swallow it, it gives you weird dreams, and then you poop it out. No problem." She looked around at us. "You guys want to try it?"

"No way!" I cried.

Roweena nodded. "Sure, I'll do it again."

I couldn't believe it. I tried to argue with them - "We came here to study!" - but my friends were stubborn. We agreed that I'd watch over them, in case we needed to call Poison Control or something.

Lily and Roweena leaned towards the potted plant, licking their lips. They were so close together, it almost looked like they were trying to kiss. They each chose a dick-leaf and cautiously placed their mouths over it. Then, slowly, they grow more comfortable with the feeling and started to suck.

One thing quickly became clear: Roweena and Lily both knew how to give blowjobs. Lily grabbed the shaft in one hand and bobbed her head rhythmically up and down; a string of saliva dripped from her chin, and she made wet slurping noises with each head movement. Roweena was a little slower and neater. She stroked the base with both hands and circled the head with her tongue, occasionally plunging it deep down her throat.

The girls gave their blowjobs with their eyes open, and I could see them watching each others' techniques. I knew I'd be embarrassed - making eye contact mid-suck, inches from another girl - but Lily and Roweena didn't look uncomfortable at all.

After a minute, I saw Lily's plant-dick stiffen in her mouth, and she gave a muffled, "Mmmff!" Her eyes widened and her cheeks bulged as she received the plant's syrupy cum. She swallowed with some difficulty, coughed a few times, and then raised her head with a lip-smacking, "Ahh!"

"I won!" she cried, laughing.

Roweena's own dick stiffened, and she reacted similarly to the load it shot. When she swallowed and raised her head - wiping her mouth - she said, "Wow, Lily, you're a pro at sucking dick."

They both laughed. "Don't slut-shame me," Lily teased. "You're clearly jealous."

Then, abruptly, Lily got a faraway look in her eyes. The effects of the plant cum seemed to suddenly hit her. "Wow. It feels... hot, going down my throat."

"Yeah, it's odd... Are you feeling all right, though?"

"Yeah." Lily sat back heavily in her chair, an old overstuffed armchair. "Definitely feeling a little high or drunk or something..."

"It's hitting me, too..." Roweena leaned back on the couch and rested her head against a cushion.

"Feels good, though."

"Yeah."

I watched the two of them sit in silence. They blinked slowly for a while, staring off at nothing. Occasionally Lily's eyes went wide, as if experiencing a sudden sensation. "You all right?" I asked her.

"Yeah. Weird stuff happening. Maybe starting to dream..."

I looked back at Roweena: her eyes had fallen shut, and she was breathing deeply.

Lily's head began to nod. It drifted down to her chest, and then jerked upwards with a start. Her eyes half-opened with each jerk, and then they slid shut again. It didn't look very comfortable.

"Here," I murmured, slipping a pillow behind her head. I grabbed her hips and repositioned her body until her head rested comfortably. "Better?"

"Mmm..."

As she leaned back, eyes closed, she seemed to immediately sink into deep sleep. Her mouth drooped open - not a flattering expression - and her breathing slowed.

Then, only seconds later, I saw Lily beginning to dream. Her eyelids began to flutter slightly, and I could see her eyeballs moving back and forth.

This was weird. Normally, you needed to sleep a long time before entering REM. I checked Roweena, whose eyes were also twitching with intense dreams.

"What are you two dreaming about?" I wondered aloud. For a few minutes, I pulled out my books and tried to study, but soon the nature of their dreams became clear.

It was Lily whose breath first quickened. I glanced up and saw that her face was flushed, deeply red. Her body remained in the same position I had left her... but her legs and hips had began to move slightly.

The sound of her breathing became more audible - "Ahhhh..." - but soon deepened into a low moan - "Mmmmmmm..."

"Uhhhhh..." That sound came from Roweena, whose dreams seemed to be picking up as well. Laying on the couch, she almost seemed to be squirming - even as drool rolled out of her open mouth.

My friends seemed to be enjoying themselves. To be honest, I was jealous; I wished I could be dreaming about... whatever they dreamed about. Lily was probably lying on her back onstage, getting plowed by every boy in her theater club. Roweena was probably pinning some poor guy down and fucking his brains out in a gym somewhere.

Soon I began to hear sharper, rhythmic grunt from their throats - a low "huh... huh..." from Lily, and a more forceful "Mm!" from Roweena.

I was getting horny as hell, of course. I'm straight, but a healthy girl can only take so much stimulation. I decided it would be okay if I relieved some pressure: my friends were dead to the world. Besides, I was wearing a skirt.

I spread my legs slightly and pulled my underwear aside, exposing myself. With gentle fingers, I explored my wetness down there. I caught the familiar, healthy scent of my arousal. With my other hand, I touched my nipples through my shirt.

After a few minutes, I turned my attention to my sensitive clit. I knew I wouldn't have an orgasm - those are tough for me - but I'm the kind of girl that can lay around masturbating for hours. I enjoy playing with myself slowly for a long, gradual release.

As I touched myself, my eyes drifted to the dick-plant. Could I...? I wondered. But I quickly shut the thought down and went back to work with my fingers.

We all enjoyed a long, satisfying stretch of time this way.

"Mmmff." Evenually Lily began to make different, softer sounds. The two of them were off-and-on for a while, but now the sex dreams seemed to be dying down. Disappointed, I pulled my underwear back in place and wiped my wet fingers on my thighs.

A gurgling sound rose from Roweena's belly. Then Lily's, too.

Uh oh, I thought.

Roweena was the first to fart. The sound was deep and wet, and she seemed to relax afterwards into deeper sleep. Then Lily began to let rip, releasing a machine-gun succession of little ones into her armchair.

I thought about recording them on my phone. They'd probably both find it hilarious.

The smell wasn't bad, luckily, but the farts kept coming. Soon they were both ripping ass like clockwork, one after the other. Lily had light, quick ones that came frequently, while Roweena's were heavier and further apart.

I'm not going to lie - it was a little gross. Even though the smell of each individual fart wasn't strong, the dank odor began to accumulate over time.

Then, suddenly, Roweena's eyes shot open. "Holy shit!" she said.

"Are you all right?"

She stood up from the couch on wobbly knees. "No. I need to use the bathroom!" She staggered to the basement bathroom and slammed the door behind her. Through the thin door, I heard her frantically unzipping.

Then Lily sprang up in her chair. "Wow!" she cried. She rose to her feet unsteadily. "I need to take a shit!" she announced.

"Roweena's already in there," I said. "You can go upstairs-"

"No time! She's gotta move." Lily duck-walked to the bathroom, already unbuttoning her slacks. She threw open the door, revealing Roweena bottomless on the toilet.

"I need to go RIGHT NOW," Lily demanded.

"I'm pooping!"

"Fuck!" Without hesitation, Lily stepped into the bathtub and yanked the shower curtain closed behind her.

"No, Lily," Roweena whined, "not my-"

Then we heard the eruptions echoing from the tub. We all tried to block our ears to preserve Lily's dignity.

Later, after the ordeal was over - cleanup and all - we gathered around the plant again. Lily asked, "This is a gross question, Roweena, but did you happen to see what you were pooping out?"

Roweena furrowed her brow. "I saw some white stuff. But no, I just wiped and flushed."

"Well." Lily cleared her throat. "Due to the cleanup I had to do, I had the opportunity to get very familiar with the content of my bowels..."

Roweena chuckled, while I blushed.

"Balls," Lily said. "I was pooping tiny white balls. Like ping-pong balls. Uh - in addition to regular poop, of course."

"Could it be seeds?" I wondered aloud. We all eyed the dick-plant, with its three flaccid vines. We wondered what secrets it held.

Lily smiled. "Well, next time I could try shitting into some dirt, and we could see if it grows."

I paused. "Next time?"

"Hell, yeah." Roweena and Lily shared a quick glance. "You should try it too, Emily. We just need to work on the... bathroom logistics. But it's definitely worth it, either way."

"You guys SEEMED like you were enjoying yourself," I said with a small smirk.

"Wait," said Roweena, flushing a little. "Emily, was it... obvious?"

I could tell she was embarrassed, so I just shrugged. "Just a hunch."

"Every boy in my theater group," said Lily dreamily. "So fucking vivid..."

"The only unpleasant part," I teased, "was all the farting you guys were doing."

"What!?" They both shouted in unison, and it was my turn to laugh.

* * *

It was inevitable, of course, that we would take things further. I just didn't expect it so soon.

It was the next day, as Roweena drove us home from campus, that Lily raised the question we'd all begun asking ourselves.

"What would happen," she wondered aloud, "if we fucked that plant? Like, for real."

"It would be bad," I said quickly from the backseat.

"What do you mean, for real?" Roweena asked.

"You know..." Lily shrugged. "Like with our pants off."

"No condom? Just..."

"No condom. Just taking the load."

"It would be bad," I repeated. "We'd probably get pregnant with plant-babies or something."

"Yeah?" Lily's voice betrayed a sudden excitement. "You think?"

Roweena looked at her strangely. "Are you crazy?" she asked.

"I mean," Lily said, "it'd be kinda cool, right?"

"No!"

"Come on, don't you look forward to getting pregnant one day? Getting all big and filled up..." Lily patted her flat belly.

"I actually don't," said Roweena.

Lily continued, as if she hadn't heard, "And with this plant, you wouldn't end up with a real baby! There'd be nothing to take care of!"

"Seems dangerous," I said.

"What would your theater group think?" Roweena asked.

Lily shrugged. "They'd think some random guy knocked me up. I don't care. Besides, who knows what'll actually happen? Maybe nothing."

I had to admit that, as stupid as it was, Lily's plan excited me. I did look forward to getting pregnant one day, and the thought of doing it for "free" - that is, without having a baby to take care of afterwards - got my mind racing.

Pregnant in college? I thought. Why not?

"Count me out of this one," Roweena declared. "I don't even want kids."

"Fine," Lily said. "Emily and I will try it. Right, Emily?"

"I don't know..." I paused, thinking of how to phrase my objections.

"Come on," Lily said. "I bet you want to."

"Here's the thing," I said at last. "Clearly, this plant is not natural. Roweena stole it from a laboratory, right? It's probably some kind of weird experiment. There's a million things that could go wrong. Maybe it'll give us cancer. Or it'll spawn a monster that bursts out of our stomachs and kills us. We have no idea! So maybe we should figure out what this plant actually is, before we start experimenting on ourselves. Doesn't that make sense?"

There was a long silence in the car when I finished speaking.

"Well?" I asked.

After another pause, Roweena broke the stillness by farting.

"Excuse you!" Lily giggled, rolling down a window.

Roweena shrugged. "Apparently we were ripping ass yesterday, so I figured it was okay now."

"Anyway, Emily..." Lily turned around to face me in the backseat. "I wasn't listening to you earlier. Are you ready to fuck this thing, or what?"

* * *

Lily pushed the dick-plant towards me. "I know you're still considering my proposal," she said with a raised eybrow. "So why don't you... sleep on it?"

We were back in the basement. Roweena was already fast asleep on the couch, eyelids moving slightly as she dreamed. We were spacing out the plant blowjobs today, so we'd each have a free bathroom later.

I considered the plant, with all its dangling green penises. Yesterday I'd been jealous of my dreaming friends, and today I had a chance to enjoy the same experience.

I eyed Lily suspiciously. "So you're going to stay awake, in case anything happens?"

She nodded. "Just like you did yesterday."

In a way, this made it even worse. Did I really want Lily to watch me having vivid sex dreams? To possibly masturbate in front of me, like I had done with her? And what about farting in my sleep?

"Come on," she prodded. "You watched me embarrass myself in my sleep yesterday, and now I have to do the same to you. It's only fair."

"Fine, fine." I leaned towards the plant and brushed my hair back nervously.

Lily smiled mischievously. "You HAVE given a blowjob before, haven't you?"

I glared at her, and then wordlessly took one of the plant-dicks in my mouth.

To be honest, I was not the most experienced at oral sex. My ex-boyfriends had never seemed to enjoy them much, so we mostly stuck to intercourse or, in a pinch, handjobs. It didn't do a lot for my confidence.

Lily watched me intently as I slurped the vine-dick, stroking and licking it as best I could. She almost seemed to be judging me.

I pulled the plant out of my mouth with a pop, and looked at her. "What?" I asked.

"Nothing. It just reminds me of how innocent you are."

She nudged me teasingly, and I grumbled and went back to work.

The plant was really thick, and it was longer than it looked. I couldn't get it far down my throat without triggering an unpleasant gag reflex. I admit that my hands did most of the work during this "blowjob".