Erotic Arcanum

Famous (and quite infamous) magical devices and weapons are liberally scattered throughout the Realms- great and terrible swords, armor of special qualities, magic rings of a hundred varieties, crystal balls and the like; the list goes on and on. However, when we looked into it, no one had acknowledged or catalogued the various magical items created for the pleasure of their wielders. Setting out to do so, my assistant (the ever-willing to experiment Lorelei) and I found and tested many of the following items. Others we merely pass on as tales that we have uncovered where the items themselves are still missing out in the Realms.

Pack well if you set out on a similar voyage! Plenty of clothes and your own traveling wagon are not a bad idea. Nor is a ready supply of lubricants and remedies.

Bracers of Duplication

Known as a great researcher into the mystic and alchemical arts, Orlando Fenwick was also unfortunately somewhat absent-minded. With more experiments going than he could remember to keep track of, he was beloved of the construction tradesmen, who kept a store of stone and wood on hand simply to rebuild his laboratory once a month (at least).

Finally, after laying out another sizeable sum to replace his lab yet again, Orlando decided he needed to do something about his absentmindedness or at least mind his experiments better. To this end, he created the Bracers of Duplication. Using the Bracers, he could create as many as five copies of himself, each capable of minding one of the many experiments. When the copies reintegrated to the prime, the memories and experiences of the group became the memories and experiences of the one (see "Borg" for further information).

Unfortunately, six eager absentminded magi do not one focused mage make. Eventually tragedy ensued and several experiments blew up at once.

The Bracers have since turned up in numerous places over the years. The mercenary "Band of One" used the Bracers to create a variable army of himself. In the galley of the heroic ship

The Odyssey

, the hero Dumar used the Bracers to man several oars and thus save the ship from imminent disaster. The last place they are known to have been sighted was in the harem of Sultan Pashna the Opulent of Farishna, where he gave them to his favorite concubine so that she could become an orgy all to herself. Popular rumor has it that the head wife and the captain of the guard were so enamored of this idea that they stole the bracers together and vanished out into the world, leaving the Sultan a very unhappy man.

Bromweld's Ever-Willing Wench

To say that Bromweld was ugly is akin to saying "That mountain is really tall!" or "Gee, that dragon looks pissed that we're making an omelet of her eggs! (Which I heartily recommend, served with mushrooms and minced onions, perhaps a bit of ham . . . but I digress.)." His mother tried the whole 'tie a sausage to his neck so the dog will play with him' ploy- put the dog off meat forever. Finally, in desperation, she sold him to a wizard, who planned to use the boy to fend off unwanted visitors, or maybe sacrifice to one of his experiments in demon summoning. Perhaps both.

Things didn't start off so well, however. It seems that, while cursed with a face not even his mother could stand, he was also endowed with a libido that made satyrs step back in awe. But with no wench or trollops willing enough to service him (without a hefty amount of hard gold, a sack for his head and spell of forgetfulness), Bromweld was forced to take measures into his own hand. So often in fact, that his master had to hire extra help to keep certain portions of the walls clean. If the man hadn't been a fascinating subject of study and a near tireless worker, the mage would have dissected him within the first month.

Finally, the mage crafted Bromweld a partner who could not only stand his appearance, but would willingly part her thighs whenever he wished. The Ever-Willing Wench is a golem who responds to some simple commands and can perform various mundane tasks such as cleaning and cooking (though I wouldn't recommend her as a cook). Her only real 'skill' lies on her back or, more to the point, her skill lies in lying on her back and spreading her legs for her owner. She can perform vaginally, anally, and orally, is always ready for sex, and can get up and clean herself once the act is completed. To some this sounds ideal, but since 'she's' got the personality of a stump and the reactions of a statue, she's not much of a partner for those who enjoy intimacy over fucking.

Butterfly Talisman

Jeanette and James were madly in love, but their families were always feuding over minor slights (who hasn't heard THIS story before?). They longed to be together intimately, but neither could escape family obligations and running away together would have to wait (they could never plan well enough to escape for more than a few hours). Finally they couldn't wait any longer and snuck together to the Temple of Aurora (the local Goddess of Love), were married in secret and prayed for a way to continue their marital rights (sex) while apart. They were told to return in a few nights, and the answer would appear to them. It came in the form of the first known Butterfly Talisman.

The Butterfly Talisman is a palm-sized piece of enchanted metal carved in the form of the vagina with a ring the piercing the clit. To employ the Talisman, the wielder first must arouse the person to whom the Talisman is to be linked (i.e., finger her). When natural lubrication occurs, the wielder begins to rub the woman's secretions on the Butterfly. The more this is done the more the subject's sense of being touched continues while the wielder is touching the Talisman. Eventually to the point that whatever is happening to the Talisman she will feel, including but not limited to: fingering, licking and fucking.

During the initial bonding process, when the subject achieves orgasm the ring piercing the clit of the talisman transfers to the subject's clit, thereafter linking her and the Talisman. From this point on, she and the Talisman are one and anything that happen to it, she will feel. For example: Jeanette and James lived more than a mile apart, but fucked like newlyweds every night for more than a year. The wielder can penetrate the Talisman and the subject will feel as if she is being fucked. A common practice among pleasure slavers and certain Sapphic orders is to have a newly linked girl learn to orally please other women by training on her own Talisman.

The linking is not restricted to pleasure. If the talisman is hit, the subject will feel it. If the Talisman is penetrated with something larger than the subject could naturally take, she will feel it. It is possible to kill someone through the use of the Talisman. A noted example of this would be the death of a slave-turned-poisoner who was killed when her dying Master sheathed a sword into her Talisman. NOT a good way to die.

Cyril's Cuckold Crier

Cyril is a well-known rogue and womanizer, to the point that he's never met a woman he didn't love. Whether she is married or not seems to have any bearing on his affections. However, on more than one occasion it has had an effect on their husbands (typically when he was caught in the lady's bedchamber). After barely surviving more than a few duels, Cyril came to the conclusion that he needed some sort of advanced notification that the object of that night's affection's husband was rapidly approaching. Enter Cyril's Cuckold Crier.

A small gold canary magically enchanted to keep watch for Cyril, this bird is sent out to follow the Cuckold and when he begins to make his way home, the Crier will return to Cyril and inform him of impending doom. Whether he pays attention and pulls his pants back on is a whole other story. . . .

Egg and Ring

The device known simply as "The Egg and the Ring" is a masterpiece of erotic subtlety. As innocent as the two items appear, they give the users a great deal of secret, and not so secret pleasure, in their use. You'd almost think that's how they started off. Nope. It was almost tossed away in the trash heap as a failed experiment.

The Egg began as a part of a larger piece- a hollow clay sphere around a small, egg-shaped sphere made of silver. It was crafted by one Gregor the Forgetful (as his wife called him) to help him find important scrolls and such. The theory being that the Egg would rattle inside the clay sphere and he could find what he wanted by the sound. But Gregor wasn't a potter and the clay sphere couldn't stand up to the internal abuse of the egg and shattered. In disgust, he threw the experiment into a pile of similarly half-finished projects and went on to something else.

It took his wife to recognize the potential for a vibrating Egg. She claimed the Egg and Ring for her own, and her visits to insufferable in-laws and boring days in court suddenly became much more interesting. Tucked up against her inner pleasure point, the Egg would sit and ride within her pussy comfortably, waiting to be activated.

Without the Ring however, the Egg is just a bit of metal shoved up into a partner (vaginally or anally, depending). The Ring is made of a similar metal, intricately designed with a scroll work of erotic figures depicted in various sex acts. Close observation of the Ring reveals that the figures seem to move to the viewer (Gregor may have been forgetful, but he knew he liked sex). When worn, the Ring can cause the Egg to vibrate a little or a LOT according to the Ring-wearer's will.

Empress's Nude Cloak

Known for her wild and lavish orgies, Empress Tylanra hated the fact that she had to dress regally, travel through the capitol to whatever venue she had selected for the evening debauches of the court, then strip back down again. To her it was a horrific waste of time, energy, and opportunity. However, decorum demanded that she could not appear before the majority of her subjects in the nude. After voicing this dilemma on more than one occasion, one of the frequent visitors to the wild orgies presented the Empress with this magical cloak as a gift.

While wearing the Cloak the owner appears fully and fashionably clothed even though actually wearing nothing. The only drawback to this is that the footwear that the wearer appears to be wearing is fake and rough terrain, sharp obstacles and such continue to pose a danger. Of course, the easy solution is to simply wear sandals. Nor will the cloak provide any extraordinary protection against the elements any more than those provided by a normal cloak, making trips in the cold as dangerous as adventurous.

Jewel of Accommodation

Liani was what is known as a "size queen"- the bigger her lover's member, the more excited she became. Things didn't always work out for the best though, as she was a petite woman who often tried to take on more than her body would physically allow. This led to some rather embarrassing trips to a healer to have... well, to have certain parts repaired.

In frustration she researched shape-changing magic but to no real joy. Changing either her size, or that of her lover, seemed to reduce the sensation, and she would know it was artificial. What to do, what to do? And then the solution dawned on her and she created a Jewel of Accommodation.

The Jewel is a piece of enchanted alexandrite (the changeling stone) mounted on a gold ring piercing the wearer's clit (or anus). While worn, the orifice can comfortably accommodate men and objects of many sizes up to the general shape and thickness of the woman's leg without harm to either party. Care should be made when encountering the very well hung partner that the Jewel does not become loose or fall off, as the results can be painful and messy.

Lady Ambrosia the Insatiable's Unflagging Lover

Even as evil sorceresses go, Lady Ambrosia was one for the books. She had an incredible appetite for sex and never seemed to be satisfied with her partners' stamina. She would routinely capture several large groups of men and make them perform for her one after the other and would generally walk away more bored than finished.

She even went so far as to summon demons and offer them her immortal soul if they could satisfy her hunger. Rumor has it that the Underworld would no longer answer her summons after she sent three Princes of Degradation packing with "Are you starting soon?".

In desperation (or desire take your pick), she began work on something that would help satisfy her urges. Months of stone cutting and spell-casting followed until, one glorious dark and stormy night, her prize rose from the steaming bath. Grinning from ear to ear, she took in her creation- a tall, powerfully built golem with a body of smooth obsidian, broad shoulders, narrow hips and a cock as big as her arm. She took it in with her eyes, then took it on with the rest of her body.

To her credit, she waited a whole year before making a second. Not because she'd worn the first out, but because she followed the creed of "You can't have too much of a good thing.". Had she stopped to think about it a little more carefully, she might have had a longer life. No one is sure of what happened, but it seems that she was in the midst of a long debauch involving no less than three of her creations when she passed out from exhaustion. Without giving her toys the command to stop.

It may have been the way she'd wanted to go all along, but to be fucked to death while asleep... she must have been mortified to learn that she'd missed it.

Lord Michael's Impenetrable Belt

Lord Michael, King's Mage of Comonover, was often away on business for the Crown. A fact that greatly pleased his young and comely wife, Lady Gwen, for as the cat's away the mice will play. And play she did, with many of the castle servants and courtiers. She wasn't as discreet as would have been befitting a woman in her position and news of her infidelity soon reached her Cuckold husband's ears.

Needless to say, he was not pleased.

He shortly returned to her side bearing with him a special gift. And not one she was happy to receive. Sure that the normal chastity belts would hold no special barrier to the determined lock pick, Lord Michael devised and enchanted his own. Once fitted around his wife's shapely hips and covering her much-desired cunny, the Belt formed into one complete, seamless piece. To make matters even worse, Lord Michael didn't even need to take the Belt off of her should he wish to partake of her pleasures himself. Wearing an enchanted barbell through his cock, he, and only he, could pass through the belt as if it weren't there and make use of his straying wife as he saw fit.

Sadly, in his anger Lord Michael overlooked his wife's need to... well, to go. Despite her best efforts to clean herself, she died of septic shock within six months. Lord Michael was accused and tried for murder and hung shortly thereafter.

Madame Marmelade's Blanket

Madame Marmelade ran one of the most famous brothels in Naislins (On the corner where the Adventurer's and Sailor's Quarters meet should you happen to be in the city.). Most often in their eagerness to relief months of travel stress (and a raging case of the hornies) the clientele would invariably do damage to furniture, sheets, blankets, AND the girls if they didn't remove their equipment first. Realizing what it was costing her to cover these damages, Madame Marmelade sought the assistance of a local mage. In return for monetary and other remunerations (i.e. a lifetime of free access to the pleasures of the house) the mage produced Madame Marmelade's Blanket.

When cast over a person wearing clothing, the clothing, equipments and weapons, etc. etc. are all teleported off the person and onto a nearby chair. Couples could tumble into bed and be completely nude without ever breaking their hold on one another. With the newly increased quickness with which the clientele could be serviced, she was able to afford a new facility and eventually moved her business to a more upscale neighborhood (The House of the Tarnished Red Rose, near the Avenue of Money-Changers, in the Jewelers District).

The occasional blanket does malfunction, sending the client's clothing to another dimension entirely. Although this is rare, it does allow for some small amusement.

Mask of Tongues

Magic is fickle and sometimes a little too literal. Hester the Witch intended to make a mask so that she could speak to the various animals around her cottage. But when she cast the spells magic took over and took the term 'tongues' physically. Disgusted with her efforts, she gave up the Mask to the first traveler who happened by. It passed through numerous hands over the years, ending up on some notable faces and in some notable laps, generally at the same time.

The Mask is simply as an embroidered veil covered in numerous animal designs. When in operation the veil lengthens twice over and multiplies the user's tongue a half-dozen times.

If you don't know what to do with it from this point, you probably shouldn't be reading this anyway.

Phallus of Phlyght

How this particular item escaped into the world is completely unknown, as is it's true origins, but what is know is that somehow it managed to replicate itself and it is possible to be beset by a group of them. Tales of the Phallus (Phalli?) are told in the vagabond caravans of the Gyrsai, driving the dancer Theresa to the point of madness before her entire clan. Another comes from the Brotherhood of the White Sword, where no less than four of the order's members quit in shame after being ravaged by one before it was destroyed. Apparently a swarm of them swept over the amazonian nation of Coulania, ravaging the population (men and women alike) to the point that they were helpless when slave raiders following the swarm captured the survivors.

The Phallus of Phlyght is, quite simply, a flying dildo granted a rudimentary sentience by it's original creator. It flits along, much in the fashion of a hummingbird, or soars high as does the hawk, seeking its' source of nourishment- human or other sexual secretions. In some cases it can be sneaky and unobtrusive, not revealing it's presence until it's ready to penetrate. Other time it swoops down and batters the victim into a position that they cannot escape. While they seem to prefer to ravage females, it is not unknown for men to be attacked as well. Nor do they seem to have a preference for species, attacking humanoid and animal alike. They swoop, ravage and go.

While it is suspected that they mean no harm, the sudden surprise appearance of one (or more) and the suddenness of their invasion, can bring a shock to one's system. The only defense against these... things appears to be the use of a chastity belt and a gag of some sort, which can be amazingly uncomfortable, and somewhat awkward in social situations. It's better just to keep aware of your surroundings and keep an eye peeled.

Pfisel's Potency Elixir

"That's ok, it happens to a lot of men" is something Pfisel Micoxaphalin the alchemist rapidly got tired of hearing from the various ladies he'd been lucky enough to land, however temporarily. Finally, after one particularly unsatisfying encounter with one 'Gloria' (well known throughout the city for her ability to get a rise out of a bit of rope, let alone any male member she encountered), Pfisel vowed to do something to awaken his flagging member.

A flurry of alchemical experiments commenced. Wild orders left his lab and all manner of strange substances were delivered- garlic by the barrel, powdered horns of a dozen different creatures, live bears and weird plants and roots of all description. Word of his experiments spread and soon he was getting letters of advice and supplicants for samples. Funding began to arrive from surprising sources and Pfisel was able to build a better laboratory and acquire more exotic substances. And he had no lack of willing test subjects either.