The Elven army stood on a green hill and waited for its commander to arrive. Private Shiva was in her beginning twenties. It was her first year after graduating at the Love University for Elves and her legs were feeling shaky. She turned her head and saw ten thousands of young, blond, green uniformed girls stretching out in every direction.
"Newbie?", asked a voice besides Shiva. She turned and looked upon the smiling face of a really good looking specimen of an Elf soldier.
"Yep. It's my first mission."
"Uh-huh. You're a lucky dog, babe. I've been sargeant for years now but still I had no major mission. Looks like a neat beginning for ya."
Shiva smiled uncertainly. Although she was the kind of girl who made everyone's head turn on the streets, she was naturally shy. Being part of the Love Army of Elves was a millenium long tradition in her family and it always had been clear that she also would follow this path. But now, as it was time for her first expedition to earth, she began to doubt if she had what it took for it.
She said, "Well, I rather feel clumsy. I just have no idea what awaits me on earth."
"We all don't know about it", answered the sargeant, "That's why we are here. Santa the First will be soon here to talk to us. Then we'll know it."
Shiva widened her eyes.
"Santa the First?", she asked with an unbelieving voice.
In all the years at the university she never had seen higher leveled Santa Clauses than third-grades. Santa the First was the highest of them. He was director of the Love University as well as first leader of the army. He just was the boss of the whole X-Mas thing.
The blond sargeant bent over to Shiva and murmured, "The mere fact that you are here should make you proud. They say, they chose the most talented Elves for this mission. They say it's an important one. Looks like the fate of mankind will depend on it."
The most talented ones! Shiva believed every cow at the meadow had more talent than she had.
In the first years as they were teached bodily love she had to attend several repetitional lessons. And now that she had finished she still didn't know half of the positions of Kama Sutra by heart. No, she wasn't talented at all, she thought. But then she was not quite sure what talent meant.
They heard the sound of galopping horses drawing nearer accompanied by bells. A wall of riders appeared at the hill, everyone of them wearing a red coat. They wore long white beards and shoulder-length hair. Third-degree Santas, thought Shiva. After them came about two dozen riders in yellow robes. All of them were dark haired and looked much younger than the red-robbed ones. They were undoubtly second-degree Santa Clauses. Shiva had never seen any of them but who else should they be? The riders descended from their horses, positioned themselves to left and right, building a passage for the final arrival. A sleigh, pulled by reindeers came in sight. Santa the First descended from it and stepped in front of the Elven army. He was a young man of about twenty years, brown-skinned, dark-haired, muscular and extremely good looking. Stark naked, only clothed by sandals, he looked like a greek god as he stood before them.
"In the name of love, I greet you!", he screamed.
Immediately the soldiers stood tall and answered with one voice, "In love we serve you!"
Silence followed. Shiva stood about twenty feet away from him and was hypnotized by his appearence, but she tried not to stare at him.
"The time has come at last, my friends. Too long I have been observing the grievances on earth. I've seen hate growing higher year by year, decade by decade, century by century. Now the time has come to fight for love. You all have been teached to spread unselfish love. I and my servants have chosen you to be my army that brings back love and peace to earth on this Christmas! Long live unconditional love!"
The Elves rose their fists into the air, repeating in a sing-sang, "Long live unconditional love! Long live unconditional love! Long live unconditional love!"
"That's the way to go", he said, giving signs to calm down, "I see you're all ready for it. But now it's important to take one step after another. Hate has taken organized forms on earth and we also must be well organized to have a chance against it. Today is the twentieth of december. This means we have enough time to beat all the hate out of them before Christmas. I want you to do it in three consecutive steps. Step one, which will be today, deals with bodily love. Sex, as the earthlings use to say. Go down there and show them how to do it!"
-
Now there she was. Shiva was standing in a dark corner in the midst of Bronx, New York. Clothed in a mini-skirt and net t-shirt she stalked in her pumps and tried not to lose balance. The lanterns threw fading light on the street and it was rather cold. She watched at the other women also standing here. It seemed as if they were waiting for something. She saw that they had their hair put up mostly, but she couldn't do the same because of her pointy Elven ears. She had not to wait long until a man in a long trenchcoat and nearly no hair neared.
"Hello", she said to the man.
"Hi", he answered, "what's your name, babe?"
"I'm private Shiva. I'm here to spread unconditional love...", after a while she added, "babe."
The man grinned.
"Hum. Private, huh? Seems you like it the hard way... How much?"
