She was on her feet, on a solid surface. Around her, unfamiliar colors hinted at a landscape that she couldn't quite make out. A feeling of 'not quite right' tinged her senses.
Where am I? Am I dreaming?
She had no memory of how she had arrived here, or even where 'here' was. And yet it seemed authentic—all her senses appeared to be working correctly—colors were vivid, sounds were clear and present, there was a not unpleasant scent of something flowery in the air, and the ambient temperature seemed comfortable, although perhaps a little warm. She pinched her arm. "Ow! Okay, pain receptors are working. Maybe not a dream."
<The environmental parameters are acceptable? Affirmative or Negative?>
The voice was neutral in tone and pitch, denoting no nationality or sex. She whirled around but couldn't pinpoint the source. "What?"
There was a pause.
<The environmental parameters are acceptable? Affirmative or Negative?>
"Oh. Umm. Affirmative. I guess."
Ellie looked down at herself and saw her usual sleeping attire—a white, too-large t-shirt sporting an electron micrograph of a DNA strand on a computer chip, and a pair of seen-better-days, white cotton panties.
Okay, this still might be a dream.
<Your species is anatomically binary? Affirmative or Negative?>
Ellie's thought processes raced.
Anatomically binary? Bilaterally symmetric? Bipedal? Two sexes—more or less.
"Umm, clarify, please."
<For species propagation—two anatomical variants? Affirmative or Negative?>
Ellie was finding her interrogator's questions a little disturbing. "Affirmative. Why are you asking?"
<We are acquiring data in order to calibrate the subject interface. During species-specific propagation your primary role is receptive? Affirmative or Negative?>
Subject interface? Propagation? What the hell? Is it asking if I'm female?
"Okay, whoever you are, enough is enough! I'm not answering any more questions until I know what this is about."
There was a long pause.
<Our apologies. We require this information to accurately configure the subject interface. Please confirm your primary role during species propagation.>
Ellie sighed in frustration.
This has to be the weirdest dream I've ever had. I guess I just have to go with it.
"If I answer your question, will you tell me what this is all about?"
Another pause.
<Agreed. When the subject interface is acceptably configured it will explain the investigative parameters.>
Investigative parameters? What am I? Some kind of lab rat?
Ellie felt decidedly disoriented. "Fine. I'm female, so I suppose my primary role would be receptive."
Not that I have any experience of that.
<A moment please. Subject interface configuration in process.>
Ellie's surroundings came into focus and she took time to orient herself. She appeared to be outdoors, standing on a grass-like surface, although the color was much too blue. The grass was composed of tight spirals that depressed when she stood on them, and returned immediately to their previous state when she lifted her feet. The terrain was smooth and rolling, broken in places by patches of purplish shrubbery of varying heights. The horizon appeared to be too close, and the sky was a pinkish shade of aqua. It was clearly daytime, but although there were no clouds, she couldn't see any sign of the sun.
<Subject interface configuration is complete.>
A voice came from behind her, a pleasing male baritone. "I apologize if I'm not quite what you're used to."
Ellie squealed in shock and spun around. In front of her was a roughly spherical being, about three feet in diameter, its surface a green-tinted orange, covered in arrays of rounded bumps of varied sizes, forming intricate patterns. The sphere had three pairs of tentacle-like appendages, four of which supported it, and two that seemed
to serve as manipulators. Above the 'arms' was a 'face' consisting of two, very large eyes, and below and between them a flexible protuberance that resembled a six inch long elephant's trunk. The effect was eerie, but not unpleasant.
"How shall I address you?" the creature asked, its voice coming from its 'trunk'.
"My name?" Ellie asked. "Umm, it's Ellie."
"Ellie," the sphere repeated. "I'm afraid your vocal apparatus can't reproduce my name. You will have to provide me with an acceptable designation."
"Oh." Ellie's mind flashed to one of her favorite films. "Let's call you Klaatu."
"Klaatu," intoned the creature. "Very well."
Klaatu lowered himself to the ground by coiling his lowest limbs, and patted the grass in front of him with the left-hand intermediate tentacle. Ellie surmised that the intermediate pair of limbs could function both as manipulators and as supports.
Conscious of her scanty state of dress Ellie sat on the ground, carefully keeping her knees together. The 'grass' was surprisingly comfortable, soft and springy, and provocatively sensuous against her thinly covered buttocks. She felt a liquid warmth creeping between her thighs.
Is this turning into some kinky kind of wet dream?
Trying to ignore her feelings of arousal, Ellie found her eyes examining the area between Klaatu's lower limbs. The surface appeared smooth and unbroken.
No genitals? At least not where they are on humans.
She gazed speculatively at the flexible protuberance on the creature's face, imagining it exploring between her open thighs.
Ellie! That's disgusting!
She quickly pushed the image away.
"Does your species not wear clothing?" Ellie blurted.
Klaatu's large eyes closed briefly, then opened. "My appearance is offensive to you?"
"No, not offensive. It's just ... in my society it is not permitted to appear unclothed in public."
"We are not in public. It is just the two of us."
"Um, yes. But we are not ... we don't have the kind of relationship that would allow nudity."
"I think I understand. My species does not have clothing taboos. We adopt coverings only when it is necessary to protect ourselves. Why do you have a taboo against a lack of clothing?"
"Clothing for us serves many purposes—protection and bodily warmth, status signaling, decoration, and concealment of our genital areas."
"Am I to understand that you only display your genital areas as an invitation to procreate?"
"Umm, yes."
"Our two species are not cross-fertile, so procreation is not possible. Therefore there is no basis on which to apply your taboo against a lack of clothing."
Am I really dreaming all this?
."Never mind. It's not important. You can stay the way you are. Now, what's this all about? Where am I and who are you?"
"This is a synesthetic representation of my world calibrated to your sensory apparatus."
"Synesthetic?"
"Your brainwave pattern—I believe you call it a 'REM state'—is receptive to a specific type of modulation, which your brain translates as sensory inputs."
"REM state ... so you're making me dream all this?"
"Well, not me personally. And it's not exactly a dream."
"That's not very helpful. If I'm not dreaming, where am I really?"
Klaatu slow-blinked again. "The simplest answer to your question is—you are exactly where you think you are. For a more definitive answer you would need to be familiar with trans-dimensional quantum chromodynamics."
"Um—I know something about quantum theory, but it's not really my area of expertise."
"What is your area of expertise?"
Ellie's specialty, and her almost life-long passion, was bioinformatics. She was currently doing a post-doc in the department of Biomedical Informatics at the University of Utah, "Bioinformatics," she replied.
"Ah. Then you will understand when I tell you that I am part of a galactic enterprise to catalog and preserve representative samples of the reproductive cycles of intelligent species that have a significant risk of going extinct."
It was Ellie's turn to blink. "So you've picked me to be a representative sample?"
"More accurately, you are a sample source. We merely need to collect material from your reproductive organs, and to make a record of your reproductive behavior."
Ellie let out a dismayed laugh. She was twenty-three years of age, unattached, and she'd never had a boyfriend. "Me?":she repeated, "You want to record me having sex? I'm a virgin. I've never had sex."
"Does that mean you are ignorant of the procreative process?"
Ellie snorted. "No. I know how it works. I've just never done it myself."
"Why not?"
Ellie found herself blushing. "If you must know, I have been unsuccessful in finding an acceptable male willing to partner with me."
I have to shut this down right now.
"If you need a record of our reproductive behavior, all you have to do is interface with our global communications systems. You will find a plethora of material depicting our anatomy and our reproductive behaviors."
"I'm afraid that is not possible. If you were familiar with TDQCD, you would know that the only contact we can establish with you is by way of your REM state."
How do I get out of this?
