Eat Fuck And Be Merry

Surprising no one, I wrote another goblin story! This one features a male adventurer transforming into a cute goblin girl (and fucking a lot of other cute goblins girls). If that's not your jam, might not want to read this.

Content Warning thought! The transformation is involuntary (but fun!) so heads up if you're not into people turning into cuties against their will, or people developing horny goblin personalities.

Enjoy! <3

***

The Cave of No Return looked a lot less terrifying than Zander had pictured in his head.

There were no hissing snakemen waiting to strike. No colossal spiderwebs in the corners with the skeletons of dead adventurers still ensnared in their grasp. No bodies at all, in fact. Perhaps whatever gave the cave its name was intelligent, careful to hide its tracks. It was still dark, the only light coming from the burning arcane fire ensnared in his grasp. Zander's steps were cautious, weighing the ground with every footstep looking for pressure plates, swiping the blue flame in his hand to look for tripwires or hidden foes. Shadows danced away from the magical light, but no troglodytes or cave ogres lurked behind the tapering rocky pillars that stretched above his head toward the ceiling. Far from it, aside from the steady drip of water, the cave was eerily silent.

Which only made his heart pound harder. Something had to be killing the people who entered this cave. Villagers had been disappearing for years, plus another dozen adventurers sent to figure out what was going on. After the first three, you'd think people would have taken the hint. Zander didn't, of course, so he could hardly begrudge people for doing the foolish thing he himself was doing. But...he was Zander. Sorcerers, the colloquial name for a person of innate magical power, were often prone to fits of narcissistic confidence.

Motion in the corner of his eye. With a twitch, he sent a fireball scorching through the air where it erupted into a series of smaller flames, some of them clinging to the wall like Hellasic Fire. He approached, looking for sign of his target. Nothing. He closed his eyes, withdrawing the fire's energy. It sputtered to a halt, with no sight of having it the target.

"Hiya!"

He jumped, startled at the voice. After a moment's petrification, he settled on the balls of his feet and tried to make it look like a hand-to-hand combat stance rather than a moment of terror. Fire burst into his fingers once more, both hands this time. Only years of control kept it from igniting him or his clothes from sheer proximity.

"Present yourself, villain! I, Zander of the Secret Fires, demand to see you!"

A pause. "You have to promise not to light me on fire, though."

He scoffed. "How can I promise that? Fire's my only defence." Zander didn't feel the need to mention the dirk in the hidden scabbard around his lower leg. A sorcerer never knew when he would become too tired to cast, and it never hurt to have a little cold steel when all else failed. "But I will say that, without provocation, I will not attack you."

A chubby green hand peeked out from a tiny alcove that he'd totally overlooked. "Hello! Don't roast me! Over here!"

He squinted. Her arm couldn't have been higher than his hip off the ground. Whoever it was, they weren't very tall. Maybe not a threat...or maybe that's what the adventurers who had come before him had thought.

"Alright," he dropped the fire in his fingers back to a gentle sizzle, "I won't hurt you."

She crept out, hands raised over her head. She was indeed a tiny one, standing maybe just over three feet off the floor with glorious flowing red locks that touched her shoulders. Clearly a fully grown woman for her species, as shown by the extraordinary curves she was blessed with. Barely contained in a one-piece dress that someone had fashioned out of a larger outfit were a pair of enormous breasts and some expansive hips. Short, green skin, stout. A goblin?

This didn't look like any goblin he'd ever seen before.

"Well, hi stranger! Thank you for not blowing me up on sight. We're about to have a party back at our place further in...would you like to come?"

Zander raised an eyebrow. "A party? Surely not on my account."

She waved that off. "Oh no, no silly. We just like parties, so we throw them a lot! We got wine and meats and a selection of fine cheeses, c'mon I'll show you!" The goblin beckoned him forward, deeper into the cave. His natural suspicions kicked in.

"Where are all the others who came in here before? The adventurers and villagers?"

"They're at the party, silly!" She laughed, then put a hand over her mouth. "Oh, gee, I've been so rude. My name is Kiki!" She held out the same hand for him to shake. He did, though reluctantly.

"They're all...in the cave? With you? How are you getting food?"

She shook her head. "That's all for later! Plenty of explanations later, I promise!"

Zander didn't find that answer acceptable, but he wasn't about to end his search here. He motioned for her to continue, and he followed her further into the cave.

Through winding passageways, hopping across the stones fording an underground river, they strove further into the dark unknown. Occasionally she'd look back at him reassuringly, which did not allay his fears. This felt for all the world like a trap. But...how dangerous could a goblin be?

Finally, the serpentine, claustrophobic path opened into a much larger space. Light spilled in from a tremendous crack that bisected the dome-shaped roof. That, in addition to several fires, lit the grotto surprisingly well. Scattered around in a loose circle were half a dozen huts made of wood and thatch, crude but effective dwellings. In and out of these little abodes, goblins of a similar variety to Kiki rushed back and forth. All of them were women it looked like, which is another departure from his preconception of their society. Most of the goblins he'd heard about were males. Had he finally stumbled onto a cache of their female stock? Breeders, perhaps.

"We got company girls! Gini! Get some refreshments for our guest!" Kiki said in as authoritative a tone as she could manage, which still sounded rather cute. One of the gobs with bright blue hair changed direction and tottered off into one of the huts. She returned with a mug and a cooked turkey leg, which he graciously took after snuffing out the fire in his fingers.

"Where is all this coming from?" he repeated, eyeing the meat warily. It smelled like cooked turkey, as in, it smelled delicious. He saw goblins all around him snacking on fruits, cheeses, and little bits of meat. It couldn't all be poisoned, he reasoned, and traded the meat with a short lady for a slightly smaller chunk of turkey breast. He bit into it and remembered how much he missed civilization. Before he knew it, the meat was gone, and he was washing it down with a refreshing mouthful of wine.

"It's pretty incredible, right? Well, lemme show you," she lead him into the centre of the ring of huts. He followed, carefully, not to bump into any of the excitable little shorties. A glance inside the huts through their little roofs provoked a blush. One gob had her head between another's legs, causing the latter to wriggle and moan. Another hut held a pair of goblins penetrating a third with ornate strapped sextoys. They weren't just enjoying food and drink at this little party of theirs, they were enjoying each other. He continued on, ignoring the chorus of wet noises and squeals of delight.

A large stone obelisk dominated the centre of their little village. One of the goblins stood next to it, peering into a notch the size of an oven cut into the side.

"More carrot soup!" she said. Seconds later, sure enough, a wooden bowl filled to the brim with an orange liquid materialized like smoke from a fire. It was even hot! He gawked at the amount of energy required for the task of not just transmuting but the wholecloth creation and assembly of matter. And these goblins were using it for...soup?

"Do you know how powerful this object is?" he asked rhetorically, knowing for sure they didn't. His magically-inclined mind could feel it humming with unimaginable energies. Writing in ancient Elvish adorned the outside, and his fingers traced along the stone pillar as he read the ancient script. "This is...this is a moment to Synt...no, not Synt. Her sister, Xylie, the Elven Goddess of Revelry."

"Yup! It's a party rock! And we've made our home around it! It's quite wonderful, and it provides us with everything we need! Well, not clothes, unfortunately. Xylie seems to not like clothes, but it's just so dang chilly in here sometimes!"

He turned back to Kiki, who still beamed. "How can you be so frivolous? This rock could solve hunger!" His sudden mood swing took him by surprise. "Where are the others. The villagers, you said they'd be here."

She held out her hands. "They are here. All around you silly!"

"All I see are..." He blinked. The goblins around him all wore clothes that looked like they'd been much larger items before. They all lived around a large rock devoted to a Goddess who praised indulging in appetites and enjoying life. And who enjoyed life more than a goblin? The villagers and adventurers HADN'T been killed, they'd been..."Fuck. I need to get out of here."

Kiki broke into another laugh, this one longer and biting. "Oh silly, it's far too late for that. You've already indulged!"

The wine. The meat! He cursed again, tossing the goblet to the side and bolting for the exit. Inside his body, the grumbling sensation of an empty belly morphed into something deeper. A desire, a need for satiation. All his senses burned from overstimulation and, for a moment, he could sense everything. The taste of the air, the smell of every single goblin in that cave. The air on his skin, the presence of his clothes, it all overwhelmed him. He caught the cave's wall, steadying himself.

"Didn't that feel good?" Kiki asked, once again at his side, "That's just a taste. Every day feels like a party with us. Every little craving can be fulfilled!"

She fumbled with the laces on his breeches, and the sudden influx of air on his genitals made his head loll back and an uninhibited groan escape his mouth. Whatever they'd done to him, it felt incredible! Kiki laughed and withdrew his eight inches of fun from his clothes, stroking it in her soft hands. He was hard instantly.

"I gotta..." he said, exhaling as her mouth met his cocktip, "I gotta get back!"

One suck was enough to make him explode in her mouth. Thick gouts of white cream filled her cheeks. Kiki was barely able to contain the huge cumshot, and some leaked out the corners of her mouth before she could swallow it all. She gulped it down as if it was the finest vintage, only opening her mouth off of him when she went to collect the loose drips that had slid down his balls and onto her breasts.

"You can't leave, sweetie. The obelisk will call you back. Believe me, we tried! The outside world just feels so dull, so predictable. In the cave, we're alive. Can you believe I was a knight before I came in here? Boooring! So many rules and regulations, blech. Sucking and fucking and eating and drinking are soooo much more fun! C'mon, let's get you back."

In his post-orgasmic daze, he didn't resist her pull toward the village. His breeches hung open, everyone saw his glistening and still very hard cock. Many were interested, their eyes gleaming at the sight. Many stepped toward him, prowling like the most adorable wolfpack in existence. In another place, perhaps, the idea of being at the mercy of so many attractive women would be appealing. Now, though...

"I'm...I'm a sorcerer!" he said, holding his hands out to forestall their advances. He willed the fire to spark in his fingers once more. It sputtered.

"Too much distracting sensation?" Kiki asked with a smug grin, "I know you magic cuties gotta concentrate to use your powers. It's gotta be tough with your every nerve ending shooting information to your noggin. Why not relax?"

His legs lost their strength. He fell to his knees, and the goblins pounced. Before he knew it, something wet and warm had slid onto his throbbing dick. It was Gini, the goblin who had gotten him the wine in the first place, the one with the blue hair. She'd impaled herself on him without preamble or foreplay, like her body had been ready for this moment the whole time. It felt too good to resist. He gripped her by the waist and steadied her, allowing her to ride his cock like a cheap sextoy.

Whatever had messed with his senses had made sex feel better than it had any right to. He was no virgin, but goblin pussy was incomparable to the scattered romps he'd had with fellow acolytes at the Mage's Tower. Those encounters were like seeing the sun on a mural or a painting. This felt like a man who had lived a life blindfolded seeing a sunrise for the first time. His stamina didn't matter. Neither did her pleasure, though she seemed to be enjoying herself by the wetness of her clenching slit. All that mattered to Zander was getting himself off. He was greedy, but he needed it. He wanted to cum until he couldn't see straight, and so he gave the goblins what they wanted.

Pressing his partner into the ground, he mounted her like some rutting animal. The wet slapping of flesh on flesh reverberated off the distant cavern walls in tune with Gini's squeaks. He tightened his grip on her flanks, and for the first time noticed that the skin on his hands had turned from its normal umber to a dull grey-green. But that mattered so little compared to fucking this tiny woman into the ground. He pumped in and out until he could feel that intoxicating climax approach. Without hesitation or worry, he exploded inside her, dousing her insides with fertile cum. She squealed in unison, her own orgasm either timed perfectly or a result of getting creampied. They sailed on a sea of endorphins for nearly a minute before sagging back onto his rear.

"Fuck," he mouthed, looking down at his slickened shaft in the aftermath of such an eruption. Strangely, his cock wasn't fully erect. He'd cum, that much was clear, but it looked like he was only six inches hard, not his usual eight. He slapped his head. "Oh right, the magical artefact."

Before he could follow the series of events to their logical conclusion, hands were already pulling his clothes off of him. They came off easily, despite him remembering that at the very least his tunic was a tight fit. It slipped free of him without effort, however. Distraction returned when Kiki herself lowered herself to grind her pussy against his girlcum-covered cock.

"Doesn't this feel sooo much better? I can just tell you'd never want to leave anyway, even if you had the choice! It's like an all you can eat buffet of joys down here! And I insist on always getting my fill~" She raised and lowered herself, pressing his shaft between her pussy lips and teasing them both.

"It feels...fuck...it feels good, yes, but I have stuff I need to do back in the city! I have studies and quests and...and..." His voice sounded higher than before, not just breathy and weak. Like his throat had loosened up. The grotto was changing him...changing him into a-

She chose that moment to lower herself onto him. His worries melted into her hot, tight hole.

"Everything just pales, doesn't it? Even with all those silly worries, one dose of pussy and you're seeing stars. So, really, what does all that junk matter? Life is to be enjoyed, silly bean. It can't just be running from place to place, doing work. C'mon, lemme show you."

She did. What she could do with her mouth was nothing compared to the skill with which she could fuck. Zander spurted again and again, one climax bleeding into another. Not the single pinpricks of brilliant bliss that he'd experienced before. These were waves, full body experiences that travelled outward from his cock until they reached the tips of his toes and the top of his head. They rippled in concert with her own orgasms, the squeals and squeezing down on his prick intensifying the spikes and filling the valleys with a dizzy, dream-like warmth. Once, after a particularly intense explosion, she pulled out of him completely. Not only had his cock lost half of its original size, but his flesh had gained more of that mysterious green tint. A slight haze of worry overtook him for a moment...but the goblin girls were all over him once more, pressing him down.

"Oof!" he said, his voice even squeakier than before. The crowd of goblins had him pinned, riding his body with theirs or keeping him pressed down with their little hands or pressing hot, wet kisses to his mouth and his neck and his surprisingly sensitive ears. He felt...drained. Weak. Whatever they were doing was making him helpless!

Kiki's mouth had already replaced her pussy, trapping his diminishing dick in her perfect lips. He bucked, his too sensitive parts still reeling from the carnal overload they'd been subjected to so far. When he looked down to watch her work, he noticed two blossoming mounds pushing out from his chest.

"I'm...growing titties?"

"Of course you are, silly. You're becoming one of us!" one of them said in a sing-song voice.

That should have been disturbing, or at least mildly concerning. But it was so hard to keep thoughts like that in Zander's head. Everything seemed coated in thick clouds and so hard to sift through. Plus getting sucked off felt really really good. And wasn't that all that mattered?

"But I'm...I'm..." he muttered, trying to clear his cloudy noggin. Who was he, really?

"It's gonna be fun!" Kiki said, punctuating her words with a lick of his tiny member. "We fuck, like, all the time. And we sing songs and tell stories about our old lives and wait for more adventurers to come along and turn into more cuties to play with!"

"I'm a guy..." Zander interjected, though he didn't sound very certain.

"Do you want to keep your thingy?" she asked, tilting her head, "Some of our girls keep their cocks so we have more toys to play with. You can too if you want! Oh! Also! What's your name gonna be? Zander sounds boring."

"Suzie!" one suggested

"Niko!" another provided.

It was all so overwhelming. At some point during his thought process, he came again, little squirts splattering over Kiki's face. But Zander was so overdosed with pleasure already that he hardly noticed it, or his cock shrinking even smaller.

"You can be whoever you want to be," the lead goblin said, leaning over to kiss him. Even in his dazed state, he noticed that he was more or less the same height as the green lady on top of him, their breasts pressing against one another. Her lips gleamed with his own cum, but he smooched her greedily, the salty flavour one of the best things he'd ever tasted. "So long as you're one of us~"

Kiki lowered herself over his mouth, and more delicious cum slid onto his tongue. At the same time, another mouth latched onto his inch-long cock and all Zander's thoughts fluttered away...

***

The tip of Jorrin's arrow swept from one side of the cavern to the other. Torches burning an ethereal green light flickered around him, giving him enough illumination to ensure a clean shot while also hinting at the presence of some kind of intelligent inhabitant.

"Out ye monsters!" he bellowed, fingers steady on the spidersilk string of his elven bow. He wasn't about to be surprised, not like however many adventurers who had fallen in this mysterious Cave of No Return

Motion out of the corner of his eye made him tense up. He rolled to a kneel, pulling back the arrow. His muscles slackened, however, when he saw it was a tiny green head peeking out from a stalagmite.

"Don't shoot mister!" the little creature squeaked in a feminine voice, batting her long lashes at him. She couldn't have been more than three and a half feet tall, with gorgeous emerald skin and a pair of long, pointed ears. She wore a set of dirty robes that had clearly been cut from a larger piece of clothing. Despite their bagginess, her abundant curves were clearly pressing out the shape of what might have once been a human-sized shirt. While armed, it was with a dirk held by a length of cord wrapped around her waist. She didn't seem like much of a threat.