Chapter 4 - The Trail
"Life is the only disaster no one's figured out how to get out of alive."
-Anonymous
Vestrin
The woman's contacts were good. He was given exactly what he needed; a bath, several silver rounds and a backpack full of provisions with no questions asked. Not even one as to why he was entering a guard barracks when he clearly didn't belong. He'd stewed with his thoughts and the filth on his skin in the copper tub but no new ideas came, no instincts, no nothing.
He was empty. Even the asshole looking back at him in the mirror had nothing new for him. Just the same criss crossing scars, tired eyes and a few day's stubble wearing him rather than the other way around. He considered, for a moment, shaving but his heart just wasn't in it and the dangerous thoughts that crossed his mind when he picked up the straight razor made him all the more uncertain.
On his way out the door from the barracks he was met by a boy with a horse in tow. He handed Vestrin the reigns along with a leather billfold with a map and series of papers tucked inside. Oh yeah, her contacts were
very
good. The boy refused the tip Vestrin tried to give him with a polite 'already covered, m'lord' and scampered off leaving Vestrin once more to his empty headed bullshit.
There was a time where even the idea of moping around made him want to punch something- or someone- but what the hell alternatives were there? He busied himself reading through the papers at a snail's pace, carefully sounding out each word and re-reading it in his mind's eye until it made sense. It wasn't a skill he got to use often but the engagement of those old muscles helped him focus and, for the moment, distract him from the shit boiling just underneath the surface.
A travel pass was the first item. A legitimate travel pass meant for some kind of envoy- whatever the hell
that
was- to a noble out of the Estan Free States. The other documents were more of the same telling him about some kind of big construction project he was meant to be buying supplies for. Along the reverse side of the map was a list of places to visit along the caravan route with supplies his identity was meant to be going there for. Some of the other documents laid out the details of the construction project, how it all went together and what it all did.
"The fuck is this, an Engineer's sermon or what?" He scoffed and tossed it in his new bag but kept his travel documents in easy reach and stood there in the middle of a street just starting to flow with the mass of commoners starting their day, wondering. Wondering about his past and future, about what had happened to his son's soul after he died. Rachel was guaranteed a spot with the Lord of Dreams but neither Vestrin or his son had given much thought to the gods-
Was it too late? Could he still ask on his son's behalf? What would happen if he did?
"Move it!" Some idiot shouted at him.
Vestrin whirled. He didn't even think. He punched the old man right in the face. As the man crumpled he drew back with clenched teeth. Shit. Shit, shit, shit. Pay attention, you fucking idiot! Vestrin crouched to pull him up, ignoring the looks from gawkers. "Sorry," Vestrin muttered- he laid the man over his cart full of hay and quietly slunk off with his entire body trembling with a sudden boiling rage that hit him so hard and fast he didn't recognize it until it had him tearing at the seams of the cheap leather jerkin he'd been given. There was no target. No
reason
to be angry. Just a burbling hatred of everything and anything.
Everywhere he looked something stupid was going on- people laughed at stupid fucking jokes, they acted high and mighty behind their armored guards, they slogged their way to meaningless jobs. They
lived
. They got on with the business of living, they had friends. Family. Living. All of them.
All of them. Living. Oblivious to how short life really was-
His new horse nudged him his his- or her- snout. It batted him hard enough to be felt and didn't pull away. Vestrin pulled the reigns back away from his face but the horse kept trying to push against him. It took Vestrin a second to really grasp that this thing, this animal, was actually there. With this simple acknowledgment the 'retired' thief pushed his anger down and focused himself a little. "What the fuck do you want?"
Focus might have been a strong word, but it was something to start with.
The horse snorted, tried to bat him again and bared its teeth at him. Was it hungry or something? Of course he'd been given a starving horse, maybe her contacts weren't as top notch as he'd thought. Though that was a good thing; it made her human. She could screw things up too. Served her right, the smug bitch.
Vestrin took a few breaths while the horse struggled against the resigns. It bobbed its head a little left and right, not exactly putting a lot of effort into 'escaping' but enough that they somehow developed a slight tug of war all the way up to the south gate.
The guard took his pass, checked it over once. "Where y'headed?"
"What? Oh. Laleah."
A skeptical glance. "Says here you're goin t'Leweood."
A flash of panic ripped through him like a knife. If he was arrested there was no telling what'd happen, but it'd involve him getting cut up into pieces no doubt. Thinking fast he produced some of the documents he'd been given and turned over the one marked for Laleah. "Getting, uh, stone tools here then going to Laleah to get woodworking ones. Yeah, nothin but the best."
"Oh? M'pa's a carpenter. Work'n on the new temple of Isira. Good work, that. You a carpenter there
mister
Hoes?"
Vestrin eyed the man for the briefest of seconds and filled in the spots in his story as he went hoping for the best. "It's 'ho-ehs.' Buncha millers in my family, I just envoy things. Jobs that need doin and products that need movin aroun'. I get tah travel a bunch and it aint so bad. But I got a schedule t'make, so if I can go? My employer aint one to keep waiting."
The guard checked the paperwork one more time and picked up a wood stamp, slapped it on the paper and handed it back. "Don't take this the wrong way, don't mean no offense by it, but at least you don't
talk
like one'f them Estanians. They talk all day and say a lotta nothin."
"Aint it the truth," Vestrin said as he accepted his paperwork back, relieved just to be able to walk out freely. The horse had stopped yanking on the reigns and even it seemed to be cooperating for the moment.
Vestrin had never hated calm silence more in his life.
#
Clop. Clop. Clop. Went the horse's hooves down the packed earth road. Away from everything he knew, everything that made sense and was
sane
. Every step carried him further and further from what had once been his home, with no clear future laid out in front of him- no plan other than 'follow the dragon bitch', 'find Sarah' and 'don't get killed'. He was lost.
He'd heard some sailor call it being adrift. Yeah, that was a good word. Adrift. A drift. Smart word, that. Not that he'd ever found sounding smart to be an advantage, most of the people he knew instantly lost respect for someone that sounded too high and mighty, but still. It gave him