Note: Thanks once again to literknight for editing. The sex takes a backseat to the storyline in this chapter, and chapter 7 is currently in the works.
*
"I've been on suicide watch, haven't I? That's what all of this has been about." It had been six days since Tilly's attempt to take her own life. In that time, she had hardly been left alone for more than two minutes except late at night. Everyone had come to visit her, singly or in groups, even Sasha's mother Nonna, who had taken a liking to Tilly immediately, despite having only spoken to her once before, when she had first arrived at the house. For the late night hours, I had gotten Nock's promise to monitor her for me. Even with her walls to muffle the noise, Nock would hear if she woke and would come check on her if she did not come out or go right back to sleep.
I waited to answer until I had finished counting Tilly's pulse. "So, do you mean to say you aren't contemplating suicide any more?" I asked.
Tilly shrugged and looked away.
"All of your vitals look good. It's been six days now. I'd say you are fully recovered. So you need to come join us for lunch." The others were already gathering in the main room.
She looked at me and shook her head slowly. "No, I'd rather not. Can you just send Wendy in with my food?"
"Tilly," I said, exasperated, "why do you insist on trying to go back to what you were before? You aren't that same dull, lifeless person you used to be, not even when you try."
"I know," she said. "But it was a mistake. It's better if I justβjust keep to myself, you know?"
"Or you can let me help you get past it."
"Norm, there's a dark place," she said haltingly. "A place in the back of my mind. What's in there, I don't dare let out. I don't dare to even look at it. Don't try to make me. I can't do it."
"What if that's what you need? What if that's the only way to heal?"
She shook her head. "No, you don't get it. There's no healing there. There's only. . . what you saw that day. That. . . that rage. I think I might have killed you if I hadn't come to my senses."
"Hello," Nissi said through the open door. "Nock couldn't help overhearing that Tilly doesn't feel like coming out to have lunch." She stepped into the room holding two bowls of soup, one of which she gave to Tilly. "So, we're having lunch in here with you."
When she said it, everyone else filed into the room one by one, filling the tiny room to overflowing. Stan brought me a bowl along with his own. They all began to converse at once, just as we would have if we were having lunch at the table, and the noise became almost uncomfortable. Tilly looked visibly perturbed at first, but the mood must have started to infect her and she sat up in bed with a faint smile on her face, watching everyone talking and laughing.
Stansy went over to sit next to Tilly, speaking earnestly with her for a few minutes. When she was done, Stansy wiped tears from her eyes, a gesture that Tilly mimicked almost perfectly just a moment later. "So Tilly," Wendy said loudly, which cued the others to quiet down. "If you don't come out and sit with us for dinner, we're going to come back in here and spill food all over your things again." She pointed to a wet spot where soup had dripped from Stan's spoon onto Tilly's dresser, making an irregular orange circle in the dust there. "That's not a warning. That's a promise."
A laugh went up at that, and the conversations resumed. After a bit, Stan and Stansy left, followed a few minutes later by Nock, Wendy, and Nissi. I shook my head in amusement, wondering whose idea it had been for this little stunt. "Do you mind me asking what Stansy said to you?" I said to Tilly, once we were alone.
One corner of Tilly's mouth twitched in a smile. "She said you told all of them about how I sense and absorb the emotions of those around me, and how she and Nock were sorry that their feelings toward me helped to keep me isolated from all of you. I told her that I forgave them, that it really wasn't their fault since they didn't know."
"How did that make her feel?" I asked.
She took a deep breath. "Really good," she said. "It made Stansy feel a lot better to know that. Nock, too."
"It was easier to hide away in here when no one liked you, wasn't it?"
She looked down, her good mood dissipating. When she spoke, the fear in her words was palpable. "You aren't going to let this go, are you, Norm?"
"You can't go back to what you were. That's no way to live."
She sat there in silence for some time, ignoring my presence, so I stood and let myself out.
Heading into the main room, I caught sight of Stan and Stansy seated together at the computer. Stansy looked upset, alternately shaking her head in disbelief and propping her chin up with a hand while she read the screen. I stood there until I made eye contact with Stansy and she waved me over. "Hey, Norm," she said, and cleared her throat gently. "I emailed my son, just like you suggested."
"Wow, that's great," I said carefully. "So Stan helped you set up a proxy and helped you hide your tracks, right?"
"Yeah," she said. "Oh, yeah, Stan was great." She gave his hand a squeeze, possibly the first open sign of affection I had ever seen her give him. It was hard to believe that these two had a sexual relationship. "No problem there. And Chris even got it. And he even responded. Maybe um, maybe you want to have a look?"