8.
The screen of Samantha's phone lit up as it buzzed on the table, but she only glanced down briefly and swiped with her finger, silencing it.
"How's everything going?" she asked.
"Good, great. Really good..."
Samantha and Janet both picked up their cocktails and sipped in the ensuing silence. Things had become awkward and strained, almost painfully so. Perhaps even reaching the extent of the Spring Break aftermath.
It was difficult for either of them to articulate why. Neither had any feelings of animosity towards the other. When they texted, or really even spoke on the phone, things were mostly fine, but it was more when they got together in person...
Samantha had been spending more time than ever at Michael's, which was great as far as Janet was concerned, to avoid any of the tension. But not addressing it wasn't going to make it go away, and so she had asked Samantha to meet her out.
She had picked a posh lounge that had become a favorite of theirs; it was a newer venue, not overly large, and dimly lit, with modern but comfy seating and trendy music that wasn't cranked up too loud to have a conversation. The pair of them had started frequenting the establishment more once they'd been in steady relationships, sometimes with their boyfriends, sometimes without. It was the kind of place where they could chat without being constantly interrupted by guys trying to buy them drinks.
Janet was beginning to regret the decision; a few guys trying to pick them up would have been a welcome distraction at the moment. She shifted uncomfortably in her cocktail dress, tugging at the hem.
"Let's do some shots," she said abruptly, waving a waiter over.
Janet expected her friend to balk; it was a weekday after all, and they weren't in their 20s anymore. But Samantha agreed readily, the relief evident on her face bordering on eagerness.
"Cheers," they said together when the shots arrived, clinking the small glasses. Their eyes met for a moment before each hastily looked away again, tipping their heads back.
It ended up being exactly what was needed. Two hours later, they had three empty shot glasses in front of each of them, and they were on their third round of cocktails as well. Janet felt warm, slightly dizzy and very happy. With each progressive round, the nervousness had dissipated, and now they were simply catching up about Samantha's upcoming wedding, the latest gossip and laughing like nothing had ever happened in the first place. It was really wonderful to be able to just talk to her best friend again.
Janet sighed happily, but it was only inevitable that the subject was eventually broached once again.
"So, do you... have any news..?" Samantha trailed off, looking down at Janet's midsection meaningfully before raising her eyes back up again.
It was like a dash of cold water on their pleasant evening.
"No," Janet answered after a pause, hoping that she sounded appropriately discouraged rather than overwhelmingly guilty. Was it the fourth or fifth "attempt", now? Just how long was she going to let this farce go on for, she wondered to herself. At some point she was going to have to actually try and inseminate herself, or at bare minimum, just call a halt to the whole affair altogether. She couldn't see how she could continue on
and
also live with the ever-growing, crushing weight of the guilt on her shoulders.
The only thing was... if she did that, then things would be done. And Janet didn't want things to be done.
But what exactly did she want..?
It was hard to say. The end goal was still certainly in her mind. From time to time, she'd stand in the mirror sideways, trying to stick out her flat stomach as much as possible, imagining it distending further as time progressed. She'd put her hands on her belly, pretending it was full and round, heavy.
