Divine Bastards

Author's Notes: Written Wednesday, November 8, 2000

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It was like when you think you see, out of the corner of your eye, a roach scurry across the floor, but when you quickly look, you see nothing. You pass it off as a trick of light and shadow, or maybe your blind spot. It's a common every day occurrence and easily dismissed. Of course, when the thing you think you see is more human size, it's a little less easily dismissed. And when comes the time you quickly look and start actually seeing the things as they disappear around corners or behind people, you stop dismissing it altogether.

Being fairly objective, and not given to paranoia, I went about my days normally but became more observant. I started getting better looks at them with my peripheral vision, and then became much improved at the art of looking to the side while facing forward. Yeah, I thought I was outsmarting them good until one night I was in line at the supermarket checkout, and I noticed one of the male figures standing one row over, in a closed lane. I was looking at him through the corner of my eye, pretending that I didn't see him. He was the one I had caught spying on me the most. He was a mixture of both rugged and clean cut, yet still seemed to bear and air of sophistication. I had him pegged as the leader.

I had been carefully observing them for almost a full year, so I started noticing their patterns. As I moved forward a couple of steps in line, it would normally have been at this point that any of them would have disappeared behind something, but he didn't move. I then thought that if I turned to look at him, he would move, and I'd get a full look at nothing but the flowing ends of his coattails. I got that a lot, as they seemed to all wear dusters or long coats of one form or another.

I could hardly believe it when I found myself staring him directly in the face. I felt a number of eerie sensations wash over me, though mainly shock and confusion. Granted, I'd never before looked at any of them directly, but they had always seemed to maintain the appearance of a casual observer. Not this time. He was standing firm, and had a very serious look on his face. He obviously no longer cared if I saw him.

I was startled when the person behind me asked me to move forward. It was at this point that the man decided to disappear behind the chips stand next to him. I left the line and hurried to see where he had went, but he seemed to have literally disappeared. Just back into the open store area, I looked in all directions, but I saw no trace of him.

Back in line, I thought about how he was looking at me. It was a look similar to that which a bully gives his target in passing when they have an appointment to meet by the flagpole after school, only this look didn't fill you with a sense of impending doom. I had the distinct feeling that I was going to be encountering this guy directly again, and soon, but I didn't feel at all threatened.

It was a very slow night; even for a Tuesday. As I started walking back home from the store, I noticed a decided lack of cars and pedestrians. There were a few other people in front of the store, but I seemed to be quite alone a couple of blocks away. That was until I heard the faint scream. It sounded as if it may have come from the alley just ahead, so I set down my grocery sack and rushed to see. The alley was actually more of the inset of a U-shaped building, but it was fairly deep.

A small door light, just past halfway down, barely illuminated the very end of the inset. Much was in shadow, but there appeared to be two figures struggling, and from the sounds and motions of the two, it looked as if a woman was about to be raped. I began to run towards them, and I was going to shout, but I managed only half a step before tripping over something. It didn't take me too long to realize what it was as I pushed myself up from a dead male body.

A bit shocked and surprised, I practically jumped to my feet and I just stared down at the body, but another muffled scream brought me out of my trance. The female was now on the ground with the attacker on top of her. I moved to run towards them, but my entire body was halted, and my mouth was covered, muffling my own shout. Two strong arms were hooked under my own. I was pulled backwards, and then someone else grabbed my ankles and held them together.

I was carried back around the corner to the front of the building where two more people secured my legs and waist. I did struggle, but these people were incredibly strong, and even my most savage attempts to free myself accomplished only the slightest of budges. The nearby street lamp went out, and my captors seemed to freeze in place.

Suspended horizontally, and almost on my side, I had an angled view of the mouth of the inset, as if it was exactly what they wanted me to be seeing. I ceased my futile struggle when I heard a whine, and I had no choice but to listen as the attacker continued his heinous task. I didn't have to listen long, though. There was half of another faint scream and then a terrible silence. I made one more fleeting attempt at struggle, and then I just went limp. I squeezed my eyes shut on forming tears, let out a heavy breath, and felt my heart pull at my chest like a great stone.

Soon I heard quick footsteps grow louder as they approached the mouth of the inset The footsteps stopped, but from the low sounds that followed, it was apparent that the attacker was going through the dead male's clothes. I opened my eyes in hopes of catching a glimpse of the attacker as he stepped out of the inset, but he was off and running down the sidewalk so fast that I saw only the back of him.

After he disappeared around the corner of the block, my ankles and legs were released. A calm but stern voice in my ear said, "I know you're wondering what's going on. We are going to release you and then explain it. You will not attempt to fight us, and you will not attempt to run, because you know that either attempt will fail."

He was right, of course. I was obviously outnumbered, and given their incredible strength, I was also outclassed. I still hadn't actually seen any of them, but it was reasonably safe to conclude that my captors were the people that had been watching me all those years, which meant even if I did run, they would just pop up in front of me somehow as I turned a corner or opened a door. I understood them, but that was apparently something else they already knew. Without bothering to inquire into my willingness to cooperate, the remaining three released me completely. I stepped away and turned to look at them as I rearranged my disheveled shirt.

Despite the lack of a working street light, I could see the five figures well enough to confirm that they were the ones that had watched me. They were all there. The one in front, and one would guess he was the leader, was the one I saw in the store not fifteen minutes before. Scattered behind him were all the others I'd seen. There were two males, one with long hair and the other bald, and there were two females; one had short blonde hair and the other with medium length black hair.

I was suddenly reminded of the girl in the inset. I turned and started towards the opening when I heard that same voice say, "Don't go in there."

"She may still be alive," I said as I continued.

"She's not," he said in a tone that I believed.

I turned and walked back to him. "Do any of you intend to at least call the police?"

"That's not for us to do."

"Then I'll do it," I said as I started towards the pay phone on the next block back toward the store.

"When I said that's not for us to do, I meant you as well."

I turned quickly, "And why is that?"

"Because you're not supposed to be here," he said to me as I walked backed to him.

I stopped in front of him and looked him in the eyes. "You want to cut the crypticism and get to the point?"

"Yes, but we need to return to your apartment before someone sees you."

"Oh, really?"

"You have nine minutes," was his only response.

I looked at each of them as I thought. I would most likely not be allowed to do anything else, so I might as well comply. I was perturbed, but I said, "Fine." I started walking quickly towards home. "let's go. I'm sure you know the way." I heard them keeping pace behind me the two blocks back to the apartment building. No one said anything along the way, so it gave me some time to calm down and think. These were obviously not normal people, and they seemed to know something I didn't. I quietly cursed myself for having momentarily strayed from reason.

I unlocked my apartment door, pushed it open wide, and headed straight for the couch. "Come one in," I said with a touch of sarcasm. "Make yourself at home. I'm sure you know your way around." I paused at a thought. "Or maybe not. I don't recall ever seeing you here."

"We've needed to be here only a few times, but only while you were away."

I had been avoiding looking at any of them, but I did glance at him, as he now sat in the chair across from me, to say, "Oh, that makes it okay." I closed my eyes. Man, what was wrong with me? I seemed to be having a more difficult time than usual keeping my tongue at bay, which meant that I wasn't maintaining the control over myself that I preferred. The walk had calmed me some, but I still felt this weird edginess throughout my very being.

I heard noises in the kitchenette, so I turned to look. "What are you doing?" The bald guy had one of his hands inside an open top cabinet. The blonde was next to him holding a can of food, and they both looked at me.

"We're putting away your groceries, "the blonde said. "You forgot them when you left," then looked back to her task and tacked on, "in a huff."

Like I needed that rubbed in. She was right, though, and that behavior was quite uncharacteristic of me. I've always made a point to refrain from such pathetic displays. The presence of these people seemed to be having some psychological effect on me. Perhaps it will be explained later, but in the meantime, I shall have to make a greater effort to think before I act. "Thank you," I said, "for bringing them."

She glance at me and said, "You're welcome," in a stern but forgiving tone.

I looked around, but did not see the long-haired male or the dark-haired female. "Where's the other two," I said, then looked back at the leader.

"They're outside putting the burnt out bulb back in Mr. Howard's porch light socket, " he told me.

"What? I just put a new one in a few hours ago. Why are they switching it back?"

"Because you weren't supposed to. He's supposed to change it himself."

"Oh, come on. He's in his sixties and can't reach it. He's not that able. I was just trying to give the guy a break."

"Quite the opposite, actually," said the bald guy. He and the blonde had finished putting away the groceries and were leaning against the counter watching us.

"What?" I then noticed that they had still failed to get to the point.

Their leader spoke again. "What he means is that your action would have prevented Mr. Howard from breaking his arm."

"First, that was the general idea, and second, cut the crap and tell me who the hell you are."

"Well, you're half right," the blonde said.

I immediately shot daggers at her, "Shut up," but quickly sheathed them. "Dammit, I'm sorry." I had apparently lost control, again, for a second. "I'm sorry," I said again, but directed it towards all of them in general. "Look. Just being around you is having some kind of weird effect on me. It seems to be making me get mad more easily, and the fact that you people won't give me a straight answer is not helping in the least,"

"Actually, it is helping," the leader cut in.

Not again. "Oh, for the love of god, " I said, leaping up and pressing the meat of my palm against my forehead and squeezing my eyes shut.

"You're half right, again," said the blonde, then added, "sort of," with a smile as I shot her a very disapproving glance. I was getting tired of this run-around. If they were going to do nothing but keep hitting me with this barrage of nonsense, then I was going to quit making myself a target. "Alright, I'm done asking questions." Just then the door opened, and the other two came in. I looked at them. "Oh, good. The gang's all here." I sat back down and reclined sarcastically. "Come on in and have a seat. Your leader, here, is about to explain everything clearly and directly."

The long-haired guy said, "Oh, good," as if a movie were about to start, and they both walked to sit beside me on either side of the couch.

He was half bent to sit at my right when I lightly pushed my palm against his lower back to stop him. "No. Uh, uh." He and the female raised back to a standing position as I said to the male, "You can go sit in the other chair." He walked around the coffee table to the chair at their leader's right. The brunette female looked at me curiously.

I continued, "You're okay. You're a hottie and you haven't pissed me off yet. Go ahead." She sat down beside me, crossed her legs, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw her put her arm behind me, along the back of the couch, but she didn't touch me in the slightest. I spoke again, pointing to the leader and then moved my finger in a circle to indicate the remaining four. "You talk, and the rest of you shut up."

The moment of silence that followed made me shamefully aware of my stint of arrogance, and the humility was amplified by the realization that the leader's expression had not changed at all. From the moment I first looked at him, after they let me go, to this very moment, I never saw him so much as raise an eyebrow. His face maintained a complete absence of expression. He was completely unreadable. He began to speak.

"You are one of us." I felt a great urge to question that, but I force myself to remain silent. "To have any hopes of understanding any of the truth, you must first abandon all thoughts of what humans call the afterlife in physical terms. No part of it is in any way the least bit physical. It's just one great collective consciousness. We, you, and every human soul are just parts, aspects of the greater whole."

"Now, because you are in a physical body, your soul is, in a manner of speaking, hindered. Your physical awareness, and the constant distraction of the physical world prevents you from being able to use all of the knowledge and power your soul possesses, which is, in fact, all knowledge and all power. It is because of this limitation that I will be forced to explain further details in physical terms, using metaphor, because you couldn't possibly comprehend it otherwise. Just remember that it is merely metaphor, only to give you a general sense, and should not in any way be taken literally. Everything is merely aspects of the whole." I nodded.

"God and Satan are at war, but they together produce neutral souls to be put in human bodies. As humans, they live their lives and then return. The ones good enough become angels, and the ones evil enough become demons; the armies of good and evil. Those which are not far enough to either extreme are sent back into another human body for another try, in a manner of speaking."

"Angels together and demons together can also produce new souls, but they are not neutral, but it doesn't matter once they enter what will be a human body. All the souls become equal at that point. Occasionally, a demon will rape an angel, and that's when we are produced. We are souls that start out divided. We have no purity. We are equal halves of both good and evil."

"We are forbidden to fight for either army, but at the same time, none of us really want to, because we are unable to be loyal to either side. We are forbidden from interfering in any way in the war. Because we are incapable of reproducing, and because we have no desire to fight for either side, we are tolerated and are allowed to stay together in an area between the two sides. You, however, became extremely dissatisfied." I raised an eyebrow at that.

"You chose a pregnant human female with absolutely no ties. She had no family, no friends, no husband or boyfriend, and the father of her child was killed in an accident mere days after the conception. Time passed for her, and eventually it came time to give birth to her child. The labor was extremely difficult, and there were serious complications. Both she and the baby died, and this was where you seized your chance. Immediately after the baby's soul left the body, you entered it. That baby should have stayed dead, but you caused it to continue living, which interfered with the course of human events, which is interfering in the affairs between good and evil."

"Ever since your birth, we have been here cleaning up the mess you've made. Every time you took an action that would alter the course, we took a counter action to alter it back. So far, we've been able to do this without your knowing, but we've come to a significant point in your life."

"Really," I said," and what point is that?"

"Tonight was the first time we were forced to make direct contact with you."

"You mean that couple that got killed?" His answer was a nod. I was a little confused, to use and understatement. Why couldn't they have just done something to make me leave a little later?

"We are allowed to take action only after the fact. We are allowed only to undo what you have done, either directly, like changing back the light bulb, or indirectly by doing relatively insignificant things that would eventually nudge things back on track, working around your existence, making you, in a sense, forgettable to those who came in contact with you."

"I don't see how you could have done that in some cases. I mean, I have been living in this apartment for half a year. Surely that disrupted something."

The apartment would have remained empty otherwise. You see, you chose a life that would make it possible for us to clean up after you. You were daring, but not stupid. You knew better than to choose a life that would cause irreparable damage."

"So, you're saying I already knew what kind of life I was going to have before I had it?"

"Time is a concept that applies only to the physical world. We possess all knowledge. We are all things."

"I don't understand."

"And as a human, you never will. The physical world has limits; the laws of science. There are things that just will not happen in the physical world, and having a full comprehension of the non-physical world is one of them. There are things that cannot possibly be explained with words. Even the things I've been telling you are extremely insufficient in comparison to the greater truth."

"Okay." It sounded reasonable enough, for what good it did me. "So what do we do now? Do we watch TV, or do we all go out to eat... on you, of course."

"When I said that we've come to a significant point in your life, I didn't tell you all of it." I suddenly got the feeling that I didn't like where this was going. "Your time has come to a close."

Yeah, that'll pretty much do it. "Say what?"

"Bluntly put, it's almost time for you to die."

I moved myself down to the left side of the couch while looking at them all with wide eyes. "Whoa. Wait a minute. You're going to kill me?"

"No, we are forbidden to kill any human, even you."

"Okay. I'm glad to hear that, but can you humor me and explain why?"

"It's one of those things that can't be explained."

I eased back a little. "Okay. I guess I can live with that." The blonde gave a little laugh. I looked at her curiously, but she only smiled. I apparently said something else that amused her. Then it hit me. They can't kill me, and I can live with that. Good grief. "I am so very glad I can amuse you." I looked back at the leader. "You seem to be the only one doing anything important. What are the rest of these jokers doing here besides getting a kick out of the ignorant human?"