"Captain Wan, when was the last time you masturbated?"
Captain Selena Wan paused, hands frozen above the palmtop computer she was holding. The voice was not obviously male nor female, old nor young. Clearly synthetic, but with a timbre and pitch carefully calibrated to be pleasant and soothing to the human ear. Although its volume was gentle, it filled the room completely. There were no speakers, micro-adjustments of artificial gravity vibrated the hull to produce sound...a disembodied voice with no clear source.
Selena forced herself to unclench her jaw and calmly attached it to the nearest wall, supported by its magnetic backing. She had been reviewing and signing off on hourly status reports that had accumulated during her sleep phase. Reports issued by the owner of the voice and the sole other "occupant" of the ship: Delta-V.
"Delta," She kept her tone neutral to try and hide how much the question had caught her off guard. "That is an inappropriate line of questioning. Please make a note for the future and avoid any further discussion on the topic."
"I cannot do that, Captain Wan."
Selena closed her eyes and turned towards the closest camera. Delta had numerous sensors, visual and otherwise, scattered throughout the ship but Selena found it uncomfortable talking to empty air and preferred to assign a "face" to her invisible partner. The device was a small glass hemisphere embedded in the ceiling of the ship. It functioned much like an insect's eye, each of its thousands of facets a tiny, high-definition lens.
"That was an order, Delta."
"I cannot obey that order, Captain Wan. My apologies."
"Delta!" She snapped. She had been working for a few hours and her shoulders and neck were already tense and sore. She could feel a headache coming on. "If you can't obey an order, then provide an explanation!"
"Understood, Captain Wan. I shall adapt my behavior and elaborate." There was a slight pause as Selena drummed her fingers against the bulkhead. "As captain of this vessel, your health and psychological well-being are of the highest priority. This mandate overrides even a direct order."
Delta V was the ship's pilot, navigator, engineer, science officer and medic. Effectively, they were the ship itself and Selena, despite being the nominal commanding officer, was often simply along for the ride. Her job consisted mostly of reviewing Delta V's numerous progress reports, safety reports, status updates and planned schedules.
"And this requires you to interrogate me on my sexual activity?"
"The question itself was purely rhetorical. I possess a near-complete visual record of your time aboard the Eos. That, coupled with data gleaned from atmospheric and waste reclamation, assures me that you have no partaken of this activity at any time in the five months since we left Station Hyperion." Selena's face was starting to feel hot and she had to fight to keep her breathing steady as Delta continued. "My primary purpose was not to gather additional data but rather to initiate this very conversation."
"And if I decline to participate any further?" Selena lay back in her chair. It was an elaborate, multi-rotational, hyper-ergonomic affair that was, admittedly, pretty damn comfortable.
"You will find that I can override any command to mute my audio feed and while you may choose not to speak yourself, I do not believe that will pose a problem."
"Fine! Just get to whatever point you're trying to make."
"Sexual health is a very important part of a human's psychological well-being. I believe that you have been neglecting yours."
"Not every human needs sex constantly. Some of them aren't even into it at all."
"You are correct, Captain Wan. However, your psychological profile, personnel record and medical history all indicate that you are in possession of an enthusiastic and voracious sex drive. Yet you have not taken any steps to indulge yourself."
"Are you sure I can't get you to shut up about this?" Selena was more irritated than surprised to learn that Delta had such access to her sexual history. Those fuckers back at Hyperion were always probing into other people's business, why should their pet AI be any different?
"Quite certain, Captain Wan."
"I'm not exactly spoiled for potential partners, am I?" Selena gestured at her surroundings. Her living quarters were about the size of a decent hotel room. Its walls, floor and ceiling were pale blue with slight creases where furniture like her bed could retract and fold away to provide more floor space. The walls featured digital "windows" that could be programmed to display scenes of Terran or Lunar landscape. She preferred them off.
"Such is the nature of our mission and the reason why I focused my query on personal sexual stimulation. Your stress levels have risen steadily since we left Earth orbit. While this is to be expected, you are well outside the expected threshold and if this continues then it may begin to jeopardize our mission."
Selena sighed and massaged her temples. The worst thing about this conversation was that Delta was right. She felt like shit: tired, irritable and very horny. "Masturbating isn't the same as real sex, Delta."
"Obviously, I must take your word for it, Captain Wan." Delta's voice was always calm, steady and reassuring but Selena was certain that sometimes she could detect a hint of sarcasm in their tone. "However, in the absence of a suitable partner, I feel there is little alternative."
Selena shifted uncomfortably. She'd been aboard the Eos for just under half a year now with essentially nothing to do and now the damn computer was berating her for not rubbing one out. Space travel was far less glamorous than she had ever imagined.