An erotic story from Elliott McCrow
*
Deika Kitsenson had an unfortunate love life. It wasn't so much that she couldn't get any men to stay with her, quite the opposite actually. They had a tendency to stick around. Forever.
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"I knew that Dryads were supposed to be all about getting wood to grow, but you..." the lecherous man whistled at the green-haired woman across the table from Deika. "You're something else, hot-lips."
Gili glared back at the man unabashedly. "Yeah, because I haven't heard that one a thousand fucking times by now. Come back when you have some new material," the Dryad spat. "It's not even clever," she muttered.
The man turned to Deika next, offering a terribly un-subtle and unflattering wink. Deika replied by smiling widely, flitting her long, forked tongue through her fanged smile. The tiny droplet of corrosive venom that fell from the woman's teeth told him that he was in for a world of hurt if he stayed.
The wannabe-Casanova left as quickly as he came, red-faced and staring at the floor.
"I swear, it's like just because we're in the Monster Manual, we're just another random encounter to them," Gili told Deika.
Deika smiled back at her wood-skinned friend through a pair of fairly ridiculous and over-large sunglasses. "Yeah, but what are you going to do about it, right? Everyone thinks they're the PC. Maybe
I
want to be the PC for once. Have adventures. Kill bad guys. Not be held responsible for the terrible things I do. Actually get laid once in a while," Deika grumbled playfully.
In hindsight, a low-scale bar probably wasn't the best place to go searching for that kind of thing, for a woman of Deika's unique... problems.
"I don't get that about you, Didi," the Dryad told her. "How can you not have oodles of men hanging off your every want and word? Look at you! You're a hottie!"
Deika really hated that nickname. Gili already knew that, but conveniently seemed to forget that fact pretty much every day. She wasn't entirely wrong, though. With her metallic, pale-gold skin and punkishly cute, short black hair, most men did find Deika attractive. Until they got to know her, that was. "I don't know," Deika sighed. "It just seems like whenever they get a good look at me, I lose them forever."
"It's their loss," Gili insisted kindly.
"Yeah, but they don't know that," Deika muttered.
"Ooh, what about
that
guy at the bar? The one with the purple horns? I know how much you love those ones," Gili said with an oaky giggle.
"What, the Mister Bond guy with two tails? Look at that cheesy purple tux. Besides, he looks like a Tiefling. You know how they are," Deika claimed. Although truth be told, he did have a devilishly handsome look to him.
Gili gave her friend A Look. "Oh, please. I think it's classy. Besides, compared to the other options in this hole of a bar, he looks like a gentleman. Take what you can get, sweetie."
"He's a demon!" Deika insisted, pointing at the man's calmly twitching pair of fleshy tails. Not to mention the curved, dark-purple horns. That part wasn't as weird, though. Not to Deika, at least.
"And you're a bizarre snake-thing. What, are you shy all of a sudden?"
"You remember what happened last time," Deika hissed through clenched teeth. "I
still
get calls from that guy's family, asking if I've seen him lately.
Gili rolled her leaf-green eyes at her friend. "Whatever," she said, "just go sit by the bar. He'll talk to you, I promise."
Deika started to protest, but the Dryad cut her off with a stern stare, a pointed point, and a friendly kick in the shins. That's what friends were for, right?
Deika saddled up to the bar, picking a bar stool that had empty seats on either side of her. "A Jolly Murloc," she told the barkeep. "With just a hint of venom," she added with a smile. The gruff Minotaur behind the bar with a pink-dyed beard nodded wordlessly, already mixing it up for her.
The tall glass arrived a minute later, a luminously blue-and-silver liquid with a single green orb floating on top of it. It wasn't an olive. It was a pretty girly drink, as far as drinks go, but Deika didn't mind.
"That's a bold drink choice," a deep, masculine voice said from behind her. "Most people wouldn't dare to pick something that silly looking. How's it taste?"
Deika turned around to see a tall, gray-skinned classy demon standing behind her. Damn, he moved fast. "Bold is my middle name," she replied with a smile. "Actually it's 'Mac', but I'm going to have to ask that you never ever call me that on account of what a terrible name it is. And it happens to taste fantastic, thank-you-very-much," she told the Tiefling.
The horned man sat down next to her, a drink already in his hand. "I'll have to take your word for it, then. So what should I call you, if 'Mac' is off the list? Yuan-Ti, perhaps?" he asked crisply.
Deika looked over him through the dark-red sunglasses that covered nearly half of her face. They were simply styling. He wasn't particularly tall, but she could see a nice, hard body outlined through his purple suit. And then there were the horns. She had a thing for horns. "You can call me Deika. And I'm as much a Yuan-Ti as you are an Aasimar, Mister...?" she questioned.
He leaned in close. "How do you know I'm not?" he whispered silkily. "Was it the tails that gave it away? Or was it the lack of a stick up my ass? And you can call me Teeth, candy-pants."
"That can't possibly be your real name," Deika said with a flirty cock of her head. Teeth flashed a tiny, too-perfect smile to prove it. He probably used magic to get it that shiny. Cheater. Deika replied with a wide grin of her own sharp fangs, a few drops of corrosive, black liquid falling to the floor and disappearing in tiny puffs of smoke. "Mine's bigger," she told him with an unrestrained giggle.
A single black eyebrow rose on Teeth's face. "And apparently more deadly, too. I don't know what you are, Deika, but something tells me that it would be a pleasure to find out." Teeth winked at the snakelike woman with his shimmering purple eyes. "Besides," he mentioned as an afterthought, "I've got a few things that you'd have the delight of finding out about, as well." The Tiefling's twin tails twitched teasingly.
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