As punishment, the highest changed my sisters into sirens for allowing themselves to taint their bodies and spirits. So out of spite, they flew around the skies masquerading as goddesses leading men away from The Father. Others lived on islands as false women, guiding mariners to their islands to eat and quell their hunger for the flesh of men.
When the flood came, I remembered the horrible sounds of crashing waves. Mountains ripped out of their foundations from the Earth. They hit against the lands of the world as the flood wreaked havoc in its path. All life on Earth drowned and buried beneath the waters. The souls of dead Nephilim could not descend further below the Earth. Prohibited from entering Heaven, the archangels sealed them beneath the pits of the Earth where they continue to exist as disembodied evil spirits, searching to corrupt man and woman alike.
When the waters receded, and life returned to normal. God erased the memory of the watchers and stripped all our former duties. Now guardian angels oversaw watching over the new generation of humans born to Noah and his wife and a few surviving humans who survived the flood hidden inside of mountains. Unlike my brothers and sisters, I also learned that the guardian angels could not give themselves entirely physical bodies but only partially materialize to intervene and save their humans. Shortly after, there was war in Heaven. Another compelling figure in Heaven, Father's first creation, rebelled against him and fell after a long-protracted war against the heavenly armies and Michael, prince of Father's armies. I stayed out of that mess and kept to myself in my heavenly mansion. The fall of my brethren impacted me more than it should have.
The Lord called me to speak to him. So, I did. I went to his majesty and humbled myself before him.
"My daughter, you truly are my delight. You kept yourself to me while your brothers and a small party of your sisters left their heavenly estate to unite their spirits with the flesh of humans. Out of lust, envy, or curiosity, your brothers and sisters damned themselves for all eternity. Please remember, daughter, that I will love you no matter what. Please do not disappoint me as my first son did."
"You mean Lucifer," I asked him.
"I promise you, father, to always remember where my real home and the love of my eternal life rests in."
That is what I told him. But it was not meant to be. My words became hollow as a shell when I saw a young Sumerian man of 20 years. His name was Hilimaz. He was working the fields of his Father's land. He stopped to rest and get a drink of water and then fell on his knees with hands clasped together in prayer.
"Oh, Goddess in Heaven, I pray to you to send me a wife that will be fit to bear me children so I can have a family of my own. My Father and mother worry that I will never find a suitable wife. Please answer my prayers, oh merciful Goddess."
How would I describe the appearance of this young man that caused me to fall for him. He was beautiful, not like a woman, nor like an angel either. His beauty came from his innocence, his way of speaking, and how he clanged to his belief. But most of all, it was his eyes that drew me in from the start. A passing air siren heard his prayer and began to transform into a beautiful goddess for him. But I, breaking my promise to The Lord, left my home and dealt a fatal blow to the siren. She fell towards the Earth like a falling star, and I, instead of her, gave myself the appearance of a goddess and presented myself to Hilimaz. He saw me and beheld me in all my glory. He fell to his knees and professed to me his faith in me.
Then I spoke, "I have heard your prayer, my son, but It is with a heavy heart that I must tell you that no woman in this world is worthy of your love, your adoration, and loyalty, none except for me."
"But you are a goddess, no good can come from a mortal laying with one of the immortal ones."
"You are correct, but I am willing to break divine law to be yours if you will have me."
He was apprehensive at first but relented. We began to date, even though there wasn't a word to describe that activity in that period. Amidio fell in love, I more than him. He became my entire world, the air that I didn't need to breathe. My complete thoughts became all about him and making him happy. Before we could consummate our marriage, Amidio died during a war between neighboring nations. Before he joined his brothers in arms, he promised me before dying; he would reincarnate and find me in this lifetime or the next one.
Every ten years, he would reincarnate into a new body. Sometimes he was a woman, but most of the time, he was a man. When he was a man, we would have sex to try and get me pregnant. I don't know why I didn't conceive then. I thought something was wrong with me. When my sisters fell and laid with men, they became pregnant immediately. Perhaps Father took this ability from me and never told me. But some force said that it would take several more attempts throughout different lifetimes before I could get pregnant.
When my beloved passed away, his guardian angel told the Lord everything I did with him, and so he called me back to Heaven to talk to him. I knew it was the last time I would be in the presence of the almighty, so I braced myself.
"How could you do this to me Hepsibah, you told me you knew where your true home and the love of your eternal love rested. Why have you chosen to abandon me?"
"Father, I don't know what to tell you. I have sinned against you. I have nothing to say except that I have fallen in love with one of your earthly creatures."
"You have given yourself a body, forbidden even before your brothers and sisters fell, and you used it to partake in the action that the daughters of men do to bear children. Suppose you love that man more than me, more than your own home. Then feel free to live amongst the children of men until the end times when I will personally have you and all the rebels punished and destroyed by my own hands. Leave my presence and never look up towards Heaven in supplication again. Your place will be on the Earth for now. And as you have correctly guessed, I did take away your ability to conceive. But now you will be able to, but you will only bare that man's child, and you will only bear one child for your entire immortal life. You will feel pain worse than what Eve felt after I expelled her and her husband from the garden. Your birthing pains will be like birthing one hundred children at the same time. But the pain, no matter how great, will not kill you but will kill your ability ever to conceive again. I will not make your time on the Earth easy. Because you desired flesh, so desire you will have for all your life. You will mate with all sorts of horrific creatures, both male and female. Now leave my sight!"
And so, I made my home in the lowest and last layer of Heaven, the clouds. From there, I watched out for my beloved, but this supernatural lust that the Lord had placed in me made being faithful to him impossible. I whored myself out to kings and queens, emperors, and empresses. To the common folks and to supernatural creatures, male and female. He did this to me to perpetually test my love and loyalty to the man I fell in love with. I admit I hated myself for letting myself fall for every easily avoidable temptation. I often ask myself, would he still love me after finding out how unfaithful I have been to him, not out of my desire of course, but because The Lord was punishing me.
My beloved Amidio's soul finally reincarnated again in the year 2000. He was a twenty-year-old young man and was the son of a farmer working the carrot fields. It felt like DeJa'Vu all over again for me. The same fateful day back in ancient Sumeria was happening all over again. He was more handsome, more beautiful than any man or woman I had known after his soul took a long absence in reincarnating. His hair was as black as coal, his eyes like shining obsidian. His skin was like burnished bronze in the sun. The beads of sweat that rolled down the sides of his neck and face drove me mad with desire for only him.
"Sweet mother of God, Virgen de Guadalupe, I pray to you, please bless me with a godly woman who will love me and always will be by my side. I ask this in Jesus's name."
"The God may have changed, but the request remained the same. Humble and pure. Innocent and patient. I may not be the blessed mother or a goddess, but I am still the same woman who fell in love with you." I thought to myself.
I met him again, masquerading as a tourist passing by his hometown. From there, I returned all his memories of our entire relationship from the first lifetime we met. He finally returned to me. Our relationship resumed after centuries of waiting for him. Many attempts after our marriage, I was finally pregnant after a year. Since that night, I no longer see even the dimmest rays from Heaven. The doors to my heavenly estate, my home, were closed to me forever. I was damned to love a creature of flesh while chasing after more of it when he passed away. I am truly damned. But whether damned or not, I will remain loyal to the one I fell in love with now until time ceases to exist.
