Have you ever had one of those days where you woke up just feeling off?
I'm a little bit light headed but that's not it. There's a sense of being off balance, but I don't wobble and I'm not literally dizzy. I'm definitely not hung over as there's no headache and I can't remember the last time I drank alcohol, never mind drinking enough to have it hurt in the morning.
Yet my body feels out of adjustment, like a teenager who wakes up to find her legs have grown a bit in the night, her shoes no longer fit, or her boobs puffed up a bit.
But when I rub my eyes and sit up in bed, I look across the room at the vanity mirror and I can't see anything off with my appearance. My hair needs brushing, sure, but my eyes don't look puffy or anything like that. Besides, I haven't been a teenager for a few years now.
Can I safely drive to work this morning? I don't want to be a danger on the road. I don't seem to be sick, at least, so there's really no cause to skip out. I just feel odd. I hope it goes away soon.
Blinking to clear my eyes, I slip off the old shirt I wear as pyjamas and slide out of my plain, night-time underwear. I'm not really looking when I pull out a clean pair to cover myself. Something dark blue is in my hand and I put it on. The bra comes next. I think it's the same colour but the light-headedness hits a little harder now that I'm standing, so I don't pay much attention.
I hope this goes away soon because there's a lot of work to do today.
What's that account I'm on? Mason and Mason? The report's all set to go. I mean, it better be since I stayed up almost until midnight getting everything right, but there's always a bit of tension in the morning of a big day. Aaron Gravitz, a partner at the firm and the manager of our section of the office, will expect something properly delivered.
Is that what's gotten into me? The big report?
I shrug it off and go with my best white blouse, black jacket and black skirt. The skirt's a bit looser than I remember. I suppose it's had a few too many trips through the washing machine. I make a mental note to go shopping for a new one when I get the chance. At least it fits and looks acceptable in the mirror.
My eyebrow goes up as I see myself. Is this the right skirt? I look back into the closet. I don't have another that's even close to it in appearance. What am I thinking? That some evil gnome snuck into my closet and switched my skirt with a very slightly different one?
Let's not be stupid. It just got worn out in the wash and I'm noticing it for the first time today.
I realise, as I walk down the stairs, that I've put a thong on. I don't ever remember buying blue thong underwear, but the way it's getting between my cheeks leaves no doubt. I try to ignore it, reminding myself that I don't have time to waste this morning.
My brain glides through breakfast like it doesn't even happen, as I'm busy rehearsing my presentation. A bunch of notifications come up on my phone but I brush them off, including a weird new one with a lock and key that informs me that I'm "Safe and Secure". Good to know, I suppose, even if it's not telling me what it's securing. I swipe it away with the rest.
The fifteen minute drive to work requires concentrating through traffic, and that same slightly-off feeling persists. The sun is a little too bright, the car horns slightly more piercing, the underground parking echoes a bit more than usual.
"Cynthia," I hear a soft voice call out to me as I get in the elevator. "Cyn! Wait up!"
"Merilee," I nod back as she slips in behind me in a blur of blonde hair just before the door closes.
"All set today?" she asks, looking up at me from just under my own height.
"I hope so," I sigh. Out of nowhere, I add, "My butt on the line with Aaron if I'm not."
Merilee laughs as the lift takes us up to the tenth floor.
"I'm sure
Mr. Gravitz
will love your report," she assures me with a smile, emphasising his name as if I'd done something wrong by using his first name. "I'm the one who's always in trouble."
The office feels different too. I notice it the moment the doors open. Unquestionably, it has the same open office, low walled look I've grown accustomed to, but it's as if all the other women are hyperactive and tense, just like me. It had never occurred to me to think that the Mason and Mason account is so big a deal that
everyone
would be hopping like this today, but here we are at nine a.m., all full of energy.
I barely reach my desk when Aaron's door opens.
"Ladies?" he calls out. "Morning meeting."
Aaron does this some days, gathering us to rhyme off our plans for the day whenever we have something big on the line. None of us are surprised that he calls one today.
I'm last in line as we file into his office and form an arc in front of his desk. Aaron sometimes sits behind his desk for these meetings, but this time he's in front of it, in the centre of the little arc the six of us have formed. He leans against his desk and nods.
"Are we all ready, then?" he asks.
"Yes, Mr. Gravitz," the other five women chant in unison.
What the hell?
I wonder.
When did we start calling him by his last name? And when did we all start answering him like a bunch of sycophants? Are we a coterie of 1950s secretaries? The five of them sounded almost like children singing back at a teacher's question.
The light headed feeling comes back, hearing their cute little recitation.
I ' m sure
Mr. Gravitz
will love your report.
That's how Merilee had corrected me this morning in the elevator. Had she really meant it? I look over at her little blonde head next to me, seeing her eyes glowing at Aaron... er, Mr. Gravitz.
"Let's see, then," Aaron says patiently.
I don't know what that phrase means. At the far end of line I see Dana move first, leaning over a bit to reach for the hem of her skirt. I watch in shock as she lifts the front of it clear up over her waist.
I look away with a twitch as I realise that she isn't even wearing underwear.
She's completely shaved, too!
In the periphery of my vision, the other women are reaching for their skirt hems as well, one after the other, following Dana's lead. I turn back to watch in horror as they reveal themselves.
Down the line they go, lifting their skirts to show their underwear or exposed vulvas, and I feel myself losing my grip on my sanity. Am I going to wake up in a moment? Usually, when I realise I'm in a dream or a nightmare, I can bring myself out of it in seconds. The panicked heart rate might go on for a bit, but I can force myself into consciousness.
I do not awaken.
In slow motion, the wave of lifted skirts approaches me. Claire is wearing white panties. Eloise has nothing under her skirt but a bit of hair, neatly trimmed. Georgia has panties on and so does Merilee next to me. Their eyes all turn to me.
What in the hell.
What world have I woken up in, what waking dreamland have I somehow been transported to, that all these people are expecting me to go along with this? Are they all on drugs?
The lightheadedness strikes again and I start to fear for my balance. This can't be happening. But every other woman is standing there with her skirt up, two of them without any underwear on. What else can I do? It feels more embarrassing
not
to contribute.
Just do it,
something inside me demands that I go along with my coworkers.
You think you're special or something?