It's not every day that you step out of a portal to find yourself something like a thousand miles away from where you were a few moments ago, and then catch some half-naked religious weirdo in the act of trying to stick something six inches long, hard and throbbing into a close female acquaintance of yours!
Yes, the damned blood covered obsidian dagger
was
throbbing. It stole life-force from sacrificial victims and used the energy to keep open a permanent portal between Rockford, Illinois and somewhere here deep in the heart of batshit crazy land, i.e. Deseret. If anyone was asking me, it sounded darned complicated to have to haul endless boxes of guns and ammo down the steep steps of the modern Aztec style pyramid, but maybe that's the way the priests needed to do things, endless human sacrifices at the top of thousand foot altars just to keep that damned portal open and to fuel their other magic. We don't do human sacrifices back home... so I guess these assclowns know how to get the most bang from their victims.
Being fashionably late as usual, I still arrived just in the nick of time to defer Janice's own sudden introduction to the afterlife. Being in a hurry and in a bit of a blind panic, I didn't have time to think (no jokes please) and as usual quite did the entirely wrong thing. As the sacrificial knife started its rapid decent towards Janice's naked chest my first thought was to quickly pop a protective shield around her. Not a bad reaction normally, but upon further review I had the unhappy thought that the massively magical knife probably had enough octane to cut its way through. Naturally, I liked Janice's chest exactly the way it was, heart intact, but when I felt the blade begin to break through my barrier, and rather easily, I didn't react nearly quickly enough.
Fortunately, I had close at hand a rather undertrained and highly over stimulated young apprentice that had a frightening talent for mimicking anything that she'd seen another wizard do. In this case, she wisely stuck to simplicity, and grabbing a big handful of the loose magical energy that permeated the entire area around the sacrificial altar that fueled the portal, she just blasted the high priest, dagger and all, off the edge and down the side of the pyramid. Yes, he bounced the whole way down and I don't think he was either conscious or still living even by the half-way point.
Just to show the kid that her alleged master knew a trick or two as well, I did much the same thing to the remaining two junior priests that were holding Janice down... except with rather a bit more force than was necessary. They quite flew off of the pyramid for a couple of hundred yards off into the night and probably only had to bounce just once when they hit the hard rock pavement about a thousand feet below us.
Janice was more or less alright and unharmed, physically anyway. She was butt naked and had been drugged to keep her quiet and complaisant by some junior priests down at the bottom of the pyramid within a few minutes of her arrival, so mentally she was quite out of it and it took both Miranda and myself to get her almost standing on her own feet. Getting down a thousand vertical feet of steep pyramid steps was going to be mildly entertaining to say the least.
To make things slightly more complicated, there was rather a long line tonight waiting for their turn at the altar. It was apparently about midnight or so, and a couple of dozen more potential victims, along with their guards were now wondering what the delay was. I stuck my head down and stared at them in the gloom, and they stared back at me until one overly ambitious guard decided that I wasn't part of the normal sacrificial party and decided to put his ceremonial spear up my ass. Now thoroughly annoyed, I cleared house, sending the dozen or so guards on a short air flight with more rather sudden and extreme landings down at the bottom that they probably wouldn't walk away from.
Try as I might, I couldn't remember the trick Bel had done to easily undo locks (without massive collateral damage) so to my chagrin, my lowly untrained apprentice puzzled out the trick in less than a minute setting the entire string of slaves free to run like holy hell anywhere but here. Maybe a few of them would make it... maybe... but with Janice quite out of her head with happy drugs, even getting her (as us) safely down the pyramid was going to be tricky and none of the former captives had the patience to wait for us even as far as the first ten steps, and there were a lot more to follow.
"Sean...
please
be here with us!" I half whispered and half prayed. The dragon had seriously spooked my resident
Γruisg
, one of the most innately magical creatures in the entire known multi-verse and he'd been of absolutely no help at all during the brief conflict... probably because he'd been none too certain about who would win. If Sean was afraid of a dragon, then I ought to have been gibbering insane with fear, but my smart-ass mouth (and a little luck) had amazingly gotten me out of trouble. This time!
"Don't shout!" He murmured. "My nerves aren't at all up to it. I need a drink... any chance these Deseret barbarians enjoy any sort of civilized mature beverage suitable for enjoying irresponsibly, and have some large quantities of it sitting around?"
"Slim and none. I think it's illegal here, but in more of a 'we'll kill you up upon a high altar if we catch you', rather than the silly pseudo- speakeasy stuff back in the US..."
"Quite understandable... I'm about ready to kill myself for a stiff drink and I pity the poor bastard that gets into our way until I find one!" He tersely snarled. Yep, he was scared and angry that he'd been caught dead scared, just like the rest of us. Tough shit... we were now in a serious pickle and probably hundreds of miles away from anything resembling help. We were going to need to kick some serious ass to get our own fannies safely out here, not to mention finding Bel, and I was going to need help!
"Look, this would be a really convenient time to do something useful." I snarled, and rather loudly. "For starters, can you purge the happy juice from out of Janice? We're walking at a crawl down the sides of a nearly pitch black freaking pyramid when we need to be getting our asses running, very fast and very far away! Even the dimmest priest or guard down there has now figured out that tonight's sacrifice has been terminated with extreme prejudice, and they're now gathering up all of their friends and butt boys with sharp objects to get the curtain back up on their show!"
"Can't do that... that's purely medicinal, and nothing regarding magic. I can stimulate her nerves a bit to wake her up a bit, but it would be dangerous to do more." With a quick mental nudge, Sean woke up our sleeping beauty, mostly anyway, which really just made her an almost wide-awake and alert drunk. If anything, now that she was more under her own power, she was much more likely to stagger and fall down the remaining half the length of the pyramid... while giggling non-spot.