Captain Fishy Fingers

The mist rolled across the black water lapping gently at the wooden structure in it's path. The full moon revealed the craft with it's deck, three sails and rigging. A pirate ship for sure with an unusual flag bearing a fist with the middle finger raised upwards. Although unusual in design it had been sanctioned by the Pirate Federation.

Aboard this vessel were a pair of siblings Leopold and Lucinda. Leopold with jet black hair flowing down past his broad shoulders and Lucinda with equally as long hair of a sandy blonde complexion. On first glance they looked normal but they appeared to be feasting on dog biscuits!

To their left was a wooden cross with a ravishing young lady strapped to it. She was clad in a flannel shirt that was at least two sizes too large. What was concealed underneath this chunky material? This was a question that had been pondered at great length by the pirate captain who stood before her stroking his chin.

He went by the name Captain Fishy Fingers and his ship was The Witch Hunter, a hybrid of sailing vessel and time machine. He stood out in a crowd due to his false eye, wooden leg and synthetic hand complete with detachable fingers. The fingers from his right hand had been stripped clean by a piranha several years before and after a chance encounter with Edward Scissorhands he had upgraded his hook.

Some would say he was a pirate, others a wizard. The fact that he had the ability to converse with mythical wizards by summoning them from the pages of fiction swung the pendulum in the direction of wizardry. Such an encounter with Merlin of Camelot had transformed The Witch Hunter into a time machine whilst remaining a seaworthy craft. Another encounter with the wizard Gandalf had started his interest in witches. He had thought of conversing with Harry Potter, but was not keen on the works of J K Rowling.

One such witch that Gandalf had spoken of was Wanda (pronounced Wander), a mythical creature nomadic in nature. Originally from the barren wastelands of Canadia she would sometimes journey South to harvest souls from the desert dwellers of Arizonia and Texania.

Arizonia is where Captain Fishy Fingers had been able to capture her half siblings Leopold and Lucinda by tempting them on board The Witch Hunter. The appeal of the 'As many dog biscuits as you can eat buffet' was the clincher as well as a tour of the harbour. This was a profitable side line for the Captain and had funded many a witch hunt.

The Witch Hunter then proceeded to Texania to The Beach Of Lost Souls where an evening of karaoke, maple syrup and waffles had proved too hard to resist for Wanda. Having seen her half siblings were trapped Wanda agreed to be bound and examined in return for their safety.

So the time had arrived when Captain Fishy Fingers would discover the answer to his questions, did Wanda have an evil boob and unlike all the other witches he had encountered, did she have a vagina? All that stood between him and the answers were SEVEN buttons.

Although anxious to rip them open he decided that a slow reveal would be more satisfying as the thought of pale naked witch flesh was proving arousing. As a precaution he had administered a sedative to Wanda so she wouldn't struggle. A batter often used to make pancakes applied under each nostril was the chosen method.

He decided his now defunct hook should be the instrument to unbutton the flannel. But first he ran the hook over the contours of her face, each cheekbone in turn then her chin. The bulge in his pants grew as Wanda twitched slightly as the cold metal caressed her features. Captain Fishy Fingers then noticed an unusual shape to the hang of the flannel adjacent to where the third and fourth button were situated.

Without further ado he sliced the third button off to create a small opening large enough for a finger to rummage around. He detached a finger from his synthetic hand and slid it gently between the flannel. Although the finger was detached he could still feel the mound of firm flesh concealed beneath. It was warm, firm and inviting and was definitely a breast of great magnitude.

Enough was enough! Captain Fishy Fingers was at the point of ejaculation, with great skill he sliced off the remaining six buttons with his hook and shredded the flannel until it fell to the floor. There before him was a breast of immense size that dwarfed the two perfectly formed breasts either side. What was this anomaly? How was it in existence?

The witch needed to be awoken. Lucinda was instructed to unbutton the Captain's breeches and let them fall to the floor. She then was told to hold a metal canister underneath his fully erect throbbing manhood. After fifteen minutes of stroking the eruption happened and the canister became full of extremely fishy sperm both in texture and aroma.

The captain's semen had the same effect as smelling salts due to the unusually high mackerel content. Fish of some variety on toast was a regular meal of the captain's. The captain dipped a detachable finger into the semen and smeared the now sticky finger over the largest breast. Wanda twitched, came to and in a posh English voice declared 'What have you done to the flannel?' Captain Fishy Fingers still standing to attention before her, explained that he could not contain his excitement and the flannel had perished.

In a deep booming tone he enquired 'What is the meaning of this bewitching deformation?' Wanda explained that she had starting using Dolly Parton beauty products twenty years ago and that a side effect was the sprouting of the third breast. In fact it was Dolly's missing breast that had steadily grown between Wanda's breasts. The combination of witch flesh and a smidgeon of Miss Parton's DNA was the catalyst. The captain began to admire it's beauty now that it was covered in his mackerel enriched paste and had Lucinda massage his still erect member until his salty semen exploded over the cabin wall.

The captain was still troubled, did Wanda have a vagina or not? He instructed Leopold to remove Wanda's ample black knickers that were covering her nether regions. Once removed there it was, a clunge of the finest quality more than capable of housing the Captain. The captain decided that he must penetrate Wanda and experience the delights of her inviting quim. As a joke he decided to have Jolene playing in the background whilst he was inside Wanda with his mouth wrapped around Dolly's lost breast. He was not put off by the taste of his own body fluid as mackerel was his favourite.

Alas for poor Captain Fishy fingers this proved to be his downfall. As the strains of Jolene could be heard Dolly's missing breast began to glow a dazzling bright white. An intense light shot from the nipple striking the captain between the eyes leaving scorch marks. With his brain frazzled his lifeless body crumpled to the floor.

Leopold freed his half sibling from the cross and from that day forward, after a deep steam clean of the cabin, The Witch Hunter became known as The Wizard's Despair. The reunited half siblings set sail toward the sunset and headed for the shores of Montrealus.