Bizarrely I was attracted to go to the charity art auction in our local library. Art isn't my thing and I only occasionally go to the library. There were lots of posh people looking at lots of paintings I wouldn't give house room to. They were paying up to Β£500 for these (to me) worthless paintings.
I felt out of place among these well dressed art experts when I was in shabby jeans and trainers. One of the necklaces a lady wore probably cost more than the Β£1,100 I had in the bank.
The only worthwhile thing in the auction was a statue of 3 semi naked women. I now saw why I was there. The statue wanted me to give it a suitable home. I was the statue's slave.
THE STATUE'S POWER
The woman with the expensive necklace came up to admire the 9 inch statue. I could hear what she was thinking. She wanted to be one of those semi naked women cavorting nude for the sculpture's pleasure. Her husband came up and I could hear what he thought. He wanted to be the sculpture seeing and positioning and repositioning the 3 nude women.
I could see that none of the 3 women the husband had in mind was his wife. But I did recognise one of the younger ladies in the auction as one he wanted to see naked.
But then the statue came up for auction. The auctioneer said "Ladies and gentlemen lot 33. This is a reproduction of Canova's statue of the 3 Graces. The original version is in the Hermitage Museum, in Russia).
This is a copy of the version made by Canova specifically to be placed in Woburn Abbey. Canova came over to England to supervise its installation. This second version is now owned jointly by the Victoria and Albert Museum and the National Galleries of Scotland.
Shall we start the bidding at Β£200?"
So far bidding started at half of the auctioneer's suggestion. The statue said to me "Bid Β£1,000."
What else could I do but obey?. So I raised my hand and shouted "One thousand pounds"
The auctioneer was astounded. He probably expected it to sell for Β£250. Now a shabbily dressed man was bidding Β£1K.
He asked "I know its a good cause but are you sure?"
The statue instructed me to say to the auctioneer "You are right. It is a good cause and I am being a little mean. Make that Β£1,100."
That meant I would only have a few pounds left in my account. And I had no idea what the charity was.
The auctioneer asked "Any further bids?"
There were none. There was a round of applause and I wrote a cheque. It was only then that I discovered that the charity was for a home to house street sleepers when the weather was bad.