Behind Blue Eyes

Behind Blue Eyes

** Inspired by the Limp Bizkit version of the song "Behind Blue Eyes" written by Pete Townshend.

Unable to move. I'm just sitting on the side of the bed, exactly how the orderly placed me two hours ago. I can feel the cool air slip through the back of my hospital gown, but I'm unable to close it further. I'm trapped... barely able to move. All I can do is sit there and stare... and think of blue eyes.

No one knows what it's like

To be the bad man

To be the sad man

Behind blue eyes

*****

We laughed, her hand touching my forearm across the table. It sent electricity through me, giving me feelings I hadn't felt in a long time. Being a doctor had one set of problems. I'd been in school for so very long during my developmental years, getting my undergraduate degree at Ohio State University and then going on to get my Medical Degree at the University of Pittsburg. I'd spent so much time studying and writing and taking tests. I forgot what a social life was.

And then there's the fact that I studied psychiatry in Medical School. That made me analyze *everyone* around me and it tended to tick off any potential dates I even tried to get. I was heartened that by the time I was done with school and in a practice, that I'd be able to attract an incredible wife, I'd have money, prestige, everything I ever wanted.

Unfortunately, it didn't work out that easily. I'd had in a practice now for over two years and had barely gone out on dates. I guess not having enough social skills trumped the fact of having money and prestige. About the only women I attracted were gold-diggers and while good for a few hot dates, they never lasted. They never fulfilled my deep needs.

My current date, Rebecca, had an award-winning smile, a very shapely body, and a wonderful personality. While not completely my type, physically, she had a lot of the qualities I was looking for in a relationship.

It was early October. The days were cool and sunny, the nights chilly. The leaves were just turning so around us were all sorts of colors from green, to yellow, to red.

"I suppose we should get out of here and let these guys clean up," I smiled, looking at my watch and noting the time. We'd already stayed a half hour after closing and I was sure the staff were impatient for us to clear out.

We gathered our things and I led her out to the parking lot and opened the door to my BMW for her. I slipped into the driver's side and we were off, taking her home. When we got into the driveway, I turned off the ignition and we sat for a moment. It took only seconds before I leaned over and kissed her. I had hopes that she would invite me inside, but was quickly disappointed.

"I'm sorry. I really have to get up early tomorrow. Raincheck?"

I was very discouraged, but hopeful something might come of it in the future. "Definitely," I said, smiling. Unfortunately, it was a half-hearted smile.

I walked her to the door where we kissed again briefly and then I drove home. I lay in bed for an hour thinking about sex. All I knew was that I needed it.

*****

Two days later, October 4th, I was to see a new patient at a psychiatric hospital downtown. I sat in an observation room reading Stacy's report. She exhibited full psychological withdrawal symptoms, unable to make eye contact, non-responsive in general. She didn't speak nor even try to communicate in any way. There had been one doctor before me try to break through to her to no avail. Because of my specialization in Neurobiology I was asked to see if there was something specific I could do for her.

I paged through the report as she sat on her bed, her feet on the floor. Her hospital gown covered her fully, completely hiding her body from any scrutiny, but I guessed she was physically fit enough. She was at least of average build. The last few pages were surprising, dealing with a female orderly who'd had some problems with her almost a year ago. It seemed she'd become somewhat infatuated with her and had to be removed from the institution to keep her away from the patient. I knew it took a pretty stable person to work with mental patients. It's very hard to work with them day in and day out and see the world as normal again. But the orderly had developed some sort of infatuation with her and was caught naked, having sex with her.

I could scarcely believe someone could do that to someone so helpless.

I walked over to the one-way mirror that served as my observation window and idly put a hand up against it, leaning into it. "So what's your story?" I asked absently, exhaling. I was shocked when I saw the corner of her mouth lift in a smile. "What the...?"

*****

An orderly came in and fed me, wiping my chin as the food slid down my throat. I wanted to scream! I wanted to tell him that this... this wasn't me! That I was trapped in this body! But my mouth wouldn't move, wouldn't utter a sound.

*****

That afternoon was the first time I would get to meet Stacy. She'd been a patient there for eighteen months now, somehow suddenly becoming afflicted with whatever was making her withdrawn. My first goal was to try to identify the cause of her affliction. But she was single, with a steady boyfriend at the time, and was a nurse at a local hospital. As the report stated, the boyfriend said everything had been going fine, except for the last several weeks before becoming a patient, she'd been more and more withdrawn and distant. There were no indications of drugs in her system and no indication of physical or emotional trauma. The cause was definitely going to allude me for the time being.

The orderly let me in the room and reminded me that the room was video-taped and that he'd keep an eye on me. I wasn't concerned at all since Stacy had never shown any violent actions... hardly any actions at all in fact.

When I closed the door behind me, she was sitting on the edge of her bed, her socked feet on the floor. The hospital gown she wore was rather unflattering, but expected. I moved over to stand in front of her.

"Hi Stacy. I'm Dr. Coplan and I'm here to do a little evaluation and see if I can help you." She just sat there, staring straight ahead, completely ignoring me. I pulled a light from my pocket and lifted her head, shining the light in her eyes, testing for responsiveness. At least her body responded to external stimulus. If only I could find a way to unlock her mind.

I stood there, asking her a few more questions and getting no answers. Eventually I finished my exam and was getting ready to leave.

"Well, it was nice to meet you Stacy. I'll be seeing more of you and really hope you can interact with me." I laid a hand on her shoulder and was completely shocked when her head raised up and she looked at me. And I mean it was a *look*. All I can remember were those big... brilliantly blue... eyes. They were bluer than any I'd ever seen. I couldn't believe I didn't notice them when I checked her eyes earlier.

I stumbled back a step and saw the merest hint of a smile on her lips as she stared at me. It was kind of frightening, really, but in working with the mentally ill, there's not much you don't see.

I reached the door and knocked, and the orderly let me out. When I looked back again, Stacy was still sitting as when I first saw her, eyes staring straight ahead, unblinking.

I must have looked a little shocked because the orderly asked me if I was ok.

"Yeah, yeah," I said. "She just... surprised me." I wondered if this had happened before and had been unreported, because the orderly didn't seem to think anything even happened. At least he didn't act like it.

"Yeah, I've never seen anyone so out of it, either," he said.

*****

I never saw it coming, I never even had a chance to stop it. She entrapped me. And I don't know if I'll ever get out. I constantly wonder what I have to do to get out. How did she do it? Would I have to force another to endure this instead of me? Is that the only way?

*****

The next few days were... difficult... to say the least. I couldn't get her out of my mind. Every time I'd even have a moment's thought, those big, blue eyes were there.

I lay in bed, tossing and turning at night, thinking of her, seeing her face hovering above me. She'd be watching me, telling me to touch myself. I masturbated to that voice in my head telling me to do it. It excited me that my fantasy voice was teasing me, telling me to stop just as I was going to cum, and then a few minutes later would have me resume, only to repeat it.

When I finally orgasmed, it was her voice that gave me permission to do so. I imagined her face by my cock, watching me stroke it rapidly, almost gleefully watching me cum only at her command. My hand moved so rapidly, stroking myself up and down. Her whispers driving me to stroke faster and harder, making me think about doing things to her... making me want to do things to her. I'd never thought about those things before. They were... kinky. And the thoughts made me cum so hard. I felt it jetting out of me, spraying up onto my chest and abdomen as I groaned out my joy.

On those nights, even my dreams were invaded by visions of her. One clear dream was repeated with slight variations. I remember I was fucking her with abandon, right in front of a large mirror. I was behind her, my hands on her hips, gripping them tightly. I was slamming into her, making her whole body shake. We were both watching each other's face in the mirror, both contorted in obscene pleasure. Her eyes were such a shimmering blue.

Then, as dreams often do, it became weird. It was as if we traded places and now I was the woman, getting fucked by my twin. I could feel how her body was responding and orgasming. It was an incredible, disorienting feeling. I felt the cock pulse in me, felt my breasts sliding across the sheets of the bed. He pulled out of me and I looked back, seeing an evil grin and glint in his eye as he moved away, leaving me all alone.

*****

I watched her for several days, usually from my office using my computer to hook into the video surveillance. There was little to go by, really, she just sat there, staring straight ahead. I looked through the video logs and could see the times the orderly came in to feed her, to put her to bed or to wake her up in the morning.

I was curious at one point and went back to the time frame of the orderly who abused her and noted some of her actions. It was somewhat disturbing in that she would just come in and sit down. The two would just... stare at each other. I had no idea how she could become infatuated with her... but of course addictions were not my specialty.

I just wondered... what was going on in their minds?

*****

I decided to make another visit to her the second week in, October 14th. The visions and dreams of her and her eyes haunted me nightly. I briefly wondered if I was becoming infatuated with her, but tossed it aside as nonsensical. She was my patient, that was all.

I came into the room and pulled a chair up to sit in front of her. I sat down and looked at her, wondering what was going through her head. I started talking to her, asking her questions, hoping she'd just start talking to me. I touched her hand which surprisingly had an effect. She... she looked at me. Her eyes and head shifted and she looked straight at me. I was dumbfounded but encouraged.

I continued to talk to her, hoping to get even more of a response. This time, I clasped her hand and I felt her clasp back. She was holding my hand, slightly squeezing it, and... smiling at me. It was such an incredible breakthrough! I told her how proud I was of her, how incredibly happy this made me, trying to encourage her to keep out of the shell she hid behind.

I was a little nervous, though, when she fell onto her knees on the floor and I bent down to help her. Surprising me, she put her hand on my chest and pushed me back into the chair, not wanting my help. She seemed to struggle to get back up, putting her hands on my knees, and sliding between my legs.

I was too stupid to realize it at the time, but she wasn't trying to stand.

Her hands moved to my pants and unfastened them, all the while with her bright blue eyes shining into mine. My fantasies came rushing back to me, but were now in real life. I could hear the whispering, making me so hard. I needed this so badly. I never tried to stop her as she opened my pants and roughly pulled them down a little, exposing my hardness. It was throbbing with my heartbeat as we both sat watching it.

I watched as she leaned forward and wrapped her lips around the head, sucking softly. I groaned, unable to do anything but accept what she was doing as she swallowed me, deep throating me. It felt heavenly as she swirled her tongue around me. I hadn't had any sex in several months and my own masturbation wasn't even near this good.

Her head was bobbing up and down at a rapid pace and then she surprised me by grabbing my hand and putting it on the back of her head, encouraging me to force her head down on me. I pulled hard, forcing my cock deep inside her mouth until she gagged a little and then let her release it. She slurped noisily before I pulled her down hard again. It felt so incredible, both being so deep in her mouth and in dominating her.

My hand grabbed her hair and I forced her head up and down so I was fucking her face. I couldn't believe how much she seemed to love it. She was moaning and panting on my thick shaft like she was going to cum herself. That made me race towards my orgasm... and I knew it was going to be a big one. I held her head still as I pushed my hips up and back, thrusting into her. I was moving hard, my balls slapping her chin with each thrust into her. And she took everything I gave her.

She looked up at me, captivating me with both her eyes and with the vision of her lips wrapped around the head of my cock as I started to come. She let my cock release from her lips causing my spray to pulse onto her lips, cheeks, and forehead. She relished moving her face around, welcoming my cum all over it. She was a gooey mess when I released her and she sat back down again.

I was breathing heavy as I refastened my pants and came back to my senses. The shock of what I'd just done hit me hard and I stood and rapidly left the room without looking back. I knew that security had to be on their way to escort me out of the building, or worse yet, escort me to jail.

I left the room without anyone saying anything and walked quickly up to my office, shutting the door. I sat in my chair with a huff. I was shaking I was so scared. I just knew the police were on their way.

I wondered what was seen and brought up the security camera in her room, going back twenty minutes.

And I was surprised... on the video was just her and me, sitting and staring at each other. After sitting a long time, it just showed me getting up and rushing out. I couldn't believe it... how could it not have happened?

*****

I lay in bed that night thinking about the day... wondering what in the hell happened. It all felt so real. I felt her mouth on me. I would have sworn to it on a stack of bibles. I wondered if the video had been doctored in some way, wondered if there was some conspiracy to entrap me. I wondered if there'd be an envelope on my desk in the morning with someone blackmailing me.

I finally fell asleep, but it was fitful, with me tossing and turning. Eventually I started dreaming.

I dreamed I walked into her room in the clinic and she was sitting on the bed wearing a black, lace negligee. Her brown hair curled over her shoulders, her gaze smoldering as I walk in. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I was wondering how she could be dressed that way. I could see the swell of her breasts, the nipples accentuated beneath the sheer fabric. I walked over to the bed and stood there as I did before, and I started talking to her as if she's catatonic. But she laid back and pushed her knees apart, exposing the most beautiful and sexy pussy that I'd ever seen.

She asked if I want to fuck it, flashing those beautiful blue eyes at me, and I answered yes. I could feel myself panting in excitement, feel my mouth watering with desire. I put my knee up and crawled onto the bed, but it seemed to be the largest bed ever. She seemed to have moved so far away from me. I crawled forward, wanting to taste her as I've never wanted anything before.

It was like a game of cat and mouse, every time I got close, she'd move away, keeping me just out of range. I could hear giggling all around me, her voice filling the very air, as I tried and tried to catch her. Suddenly, she sprung back into me, landing on top of me as I fell onto my stomach. I was surprised to be suddenly naked as she sat on my back, her breast scraping against my shoulder. She bit and nibbled on my neck and ear. I couldn't believe how easily she seemed to pin me. Nothing I did seemed to move her an inch.

She just laughed in my ear as her tongue caressed it. I could feel my erection grow beneath me as she dominated me, pushing my face into the comforter, jumping on my back. I felt helpless as she easily spun me over onto my back. I was trapped between her thighs looking up at her nakedness. She was smiling evilly down at me, knowing she had me completely at her mercy.

She giggled as she inched her way up my body, bringing her pussy closer and closer to my face. She was singing some stupid kid's song as if she were treating me like a little baby. "Ring around the rosy, a pocket full of posy." The next thing I knew, her pussy was hovering over my mouth and she was looking down at me with that same evil smirk on her face. Somehow I knew she could kill me like this, smother me until I passed out, keep me from ever breathing again... and for some reason I didn't care.

"All fall down!" My mouth was watering as she lowered herself onto me. I opened my mouth and let my tongue press into her overheated flesh as it folded and molded around my lips and mouth. She applied just enough pressure that I couldn't move, all I could do was lick and suck her beautiful, wet pussy. I knew I better do a good job and tried to give her an orgasm as quickly as possible. My mouth moved swiftly, hitting every sensitive spot, making her moan and squirm above me. Her hands gripped my head, pulling my face harder into her as she ground her hips up and back, humping my mouth.

After an eternity, I felt her tense up, felt her body quivering above me. She was moaning loudly as she thrust her pussy hard onto my face and let her juices pour out over me. I licked and sucked, trying to catch every drop, trying to keep her from drowning me. She was wailing loudly now and I knew I hit the spot.

Suddenly my alarm clock pealed, jolting me from my sleep.

*****

Why I didn't see the signs, I didn't know. I kept telling myself that this was only a dream, only a fantasy. But deep down I knew better. I wondered what I was going to do now, as an orderly lay me back on the bed and began giving me a sponge bath. I felt the warm, damp sponge glide over this body that was my prison, making me so clean again. The coolness of my body gave me a momentary sense of clarity, of self. But my mind quickly fell back into the mire... back into the molasses that held me trapped.

*****

It took me another week to get up the courage to go see her again. I'll never forget the date... October 31st... Halloween. The dreams of her still haunted me, but I reasoned it off to be a figment of my overworked imagination. I knew I was having relationship issues and this was just a way for me to deal with it. I figured I had just created an evil woman figure in which to throw blame, rather than accepting the fact that I wasn't getting what I wanted out of my dating.

I walked down the stark white hall and stopped at her door. The orderly unlocked it and let me inside, closing the door and locking it behind me. I saw him peer in through the small window and nodded.