*Song lyrics by Pickleherring. All characters depicted in sexual situations are 18 years or older*
Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess named Audrey. She lived in a splendid palace overlooking a lush and fertile valley. Though the princess had everything her heart desired, she was selfish and rude. Almost nobody could stand to be around her because she was a huge dick to everyone, but because she was a princess and rich, everyone had to put up with her and kiss her ass.
Audrey knew this and delighted in making people grovel before her. She wore a ruby toe ring on her right third toe that she made people kiss before she'd even consider granting them her royal favor. Mostly it was her subjects who had to crawl before her, but she enjoyed humiliating her fellow nobility whenever she could.
Audrey was very vain about her appearance, and not without good reason. She was a statuesque beauty, endowed with a bountiful bust, a narrow, waspish waist, and broad, fertile hips that supported an absolute dumptruck ass. Her legs were long and shapely. She had large, doe-like eyes with bright amber irises that sparkled like jewels. Her flowing, strawberry blonde hair shimmered as if made of spun gold intermingled with strands of polished copper.
Audrey's only real friend in the world was her magical talking dildo, Ricky, who spent most of his time on her bedside table. Ricky was a fine dildo, a respectable six inches tall with realistic balls and a suction cup attachment for the shower.
"Ah, Ricky, whose life shall we make miserable today?" asked Audrey as she basked in the afterglow of a most satisfying pre-breakfast orgasm.
Ricky shook himself off like a dog, splattering Audrey's feminine juices all over the satin sheets.
"I don't know why they call me a dick when you're the biggest dick in the kingdom," said Ricky. "Why do you always have to jerk everyone around?"
"It just feels so good to be bad, you know?" Audrey picked a silver hand mirror off her nightstand and admired herself in the reflection. "Making others feel small makes me feel big."
"You don't need to make others small to be big," said Ricky. "If you always give into your worst impulses, eventually they'll consume you."
"What would a little prick like you know?" Audrey stuck out her tongue at the little dildo and summoned her ladies-in-waiting to bathe and dress her.
Audrey rested her heavy tits on one of her maid's shoulders as she waited for her other maid to finish toweling off her ass. She made it a point to release a tiny, ladylike fart directly in the girl's face, snickering as she heard the unfortunate girl stifle a gag. The princess loved to torment that girl in particular because she was the prettiest on the princess's staff and the girl knew it. The guards were always flirting with her, the slut.
Dressed in a flattering scarlet gown that pushed her enormous, pink globes up nearly to her chin, Audrey descended the steps to the dining room where breakfast was prepared.
The princess had scarcely lifted her dainty pewter spoon to crack the shell of her soft-boiled egg when she heard a knock at the door.
"Who dares interrupt my breakfast?" grumbled the busty bitch.
A small, hunchbacked old woman shuffled into the dining room. She was dressed in rags and sniffled pathetically.
"Just a poor old woman," said the old lady in a creaking voice. "Come to beg for a scrap of food."
"Who let you in here?" asked the irate princess. "Guards, seize her. Hang her by the heels outside the palace gates. I will see to her when I've finished eating."
A pair of burly guards advanced on the old woman, but the woman cried out, "Pity! Have pity on an old woman!"
Audrey raised her hand to stop the guards. She sucked her teeth, pursing her plush lips. Her amber eyes regarded the old woman from beneath heavy lids with long lashes.
"You've come to beg, eh?" said the princess. She shuffled her right foot out of its silk slipper and wiggled her toes. "Then beg. If your begging pleases me, perhaps you shall have a scrap of food."
"Thank you, generous princess, thank you!" the old woman bowed and scraped.
Audrey extended a long, shapely leg, foot pointed toward the old woman. The ruby ring on her toe glinted in the rays of sunlight shining through the high, stained-glass windows.
"Kiss my ring," commanded the princess.
The old woman shuffled forward and bent low to kiss Audrey's foot.
"No, on your hands and knees like a dog," ordered Audrey.
The old woman groaned from the pain in her stiff joints as she got down on her hands and knees and kissed Audrey's foot.
"Now lick it," laughed Audrey.
Wincing, the old woman licked the princess's foot.
Audrey threw back her head and laughed. "The dirt on my feet is the only food you shall get from me, pitiful, old wench!" She snapped her fingers. "Guards, remove this dog and lock her in the kennels!"
But no sooner did the guards lay hands on the old woman than there was a blinding flash of light and the old woman vanished! In her place stood an enchantress of towering beauty. She stood head and shoulders over Audrey, with a massive bust that could have smothered a grown man. Her ass could have filled a loveseat all by itself and her shining hair cascaded from her head like a waterfall of molten platinum reaching all the way to the floor. The enchantress's magical tresses rippled slowly as if underwater.
Audrey fell back and shielded her eyes from the light shining from the enchantress's dazzlingly beautiful face.
"E-enchantress!" Audrey groveled. "If I'd only known--"
"Silence!" the enchantress's voice echoed off of every wall. Audrey found herself struck dumb, unable to speak a word.
"Since you're such an absolute dick, let your dickishness take shape and form!" The Enchantress thrust out a long, elegant finger capped with a sharp, golden fingernail like a talon. A bolt of lightning struck princess Audrey between her legs. Audrey screamed as electricity danced over her loins and caressed her curvaceous body.
"Wh-what have you done to me?" stammered Audrey as she staggered against the dining table. Fine china shattered on the floor as her hand scrabbled blindly for purchase.
"I've given you a dick so that you will always have a reminder of how much of a dick you are to others," said the enchantress. "I shall return in a year and a day to see if you have learned your lesson!"
The towering enchantress vanished in a flash of light and a thunderclap, leaving everyone in the room stunned with ringing ears.
Audrey frantically lifted up her dress, bunching it up under her tits until she finally bared her loins. She couldn't see anything down there because her boobs were in the way, but she could feel. Her pussy was gone, replaced by a dainty penis and grape-sized balls!
"
Noooo!
" screamed Audrey. "
Nooooooo!
"
She fled the dining room and ran upstairs, tripping over her dress, sobbing and screaming all the way.
The servants and guards all looked at one another with perplexity, but as the initial shock wore off, they all began to laugh.
Audrey threw herself face down on her bed and bawled like a baby, kicking her feet and pounding her fists on the covers.
Ricky hopped over to her. "What's wrong, princess?" asked the magical talking dildo.
Princess Audrey looked up. Dark mascara ran down her face and stained her pillow.
"Can't you see I've been cursed, you stupid prick?" she sobbed.
All of a sudden, Audrey's dick started to tingle. She moaned as she felt a wave of heat wash over her body.
"Oooh!" Audrey pulled up her dress and felt her cock. "It's gotten bigger!"
Ricky's eyes bulged. "Y-you have a dick!"
"Yes, idiot! I just told you I--
ahh!"
Audrey moaned as her dick tingled again, growing fractionally larger.
Ricky hopped onto Audrey's thigh and measured himself against his master's new appendage.
"It's not as big as me!" said Ricky, proudly.
"It shouldn't be there at all," said the miserable princess.
"How did this happen?" asked Ricky.
Audrey told Ricky about the enchantress and the curse.
"It looks like your dick gets bigger every time you act like a dick," said Ricky.
"Don't you think I figured that out, dumbass?" she snapped. Actually she hadn't because if she had, she probably would have phrased her answer a little more nicely. Audrey moaned again as her dick swelled larger by the width of her pinkie finger.
"But the enchantress said she'd return in a year and a day," said the dildo. "You just have to be nice until she comes back and maybe she'll lift the curse."
"I can't be nice for a year and a day! It's impossible!" cried Audrey.
"If you don't try, who knows how big your dick will get!" warned Ricky.
***
For three days and nights, Princess Audrey refused to leave her room. She didn't want to see anyone, she nibbled at her meals and often left them completely untouched outside the door.
Eventually even the servants, whom Audrey had always mistreated, began to feel at least a little sorry for her, even while they all agreed that it couldn't have happened to a more deserving person.
"You can't stay in here forever, princess," said Ricky.
"Yes I can." Princess Audrey was wrapped up in her quilt, only a copper tuft of hair stuck out from the face of her cocoon.
"You know, having a dick isn't so bad," said Ricky, hopping up on the windowsill. "You just need to look on the bright side!"
Ricky leaped up and swung on the golden pull cord to open the curtains, unleashing a bright sunbeam. He took a deep breath.
"Ooooh! When you've been cursed with magic junk
Don't slide into a funk
Just jerk your meat and whistle as you go
You'll find that curséd tackle
May raise a cheerful cackle
You'll be laughing as the semen starts to flow
Aaaaand--"
"Sing one more line and I'm tossing you straight out that window!" snapped Audrey.
Ricky's mouth snapped shut like a mousetrap.
"
Ahaah!
" Audrey moaned as the growth struck her again. A tiny tent poked up from under the blankets. The princess flew off her covers in a rage and stomped around the room. She was naked except for a short nightshirt and socks, her gold-copper hair was in a complete frizz. Her modest prick stuck out as hard as a rock, slightly tenting the linen hem of her shirt.
"Ughh! This stupid thing has been hard all morning! Why won't it go down?" she grumbled.
"When was the last time you jerked off?" asked Ricky.
"Jerked off?"
"You know, pleasured yourself? Masturbated?" said the dildo.
"How can I masturbate when I don't have a pussy anymore?" asked Audrey, trying to keep the irritation out of her voice so as not to provoke another growth spurt.
"You're being silly. You know men masturbate, too," said Ricky.
