I guess... I guess I hadn't really understood until that moment just how worried she actually was about me going to the lumber yard... and I guess that realization just made the fucking wave of love just crash right over me all over again.
"I'll always come back to you Simone," I said. "Always." Now, I totally get that might sound, I don't know, really fucking corny or something, but I'm telling you - this is what she did to me. I just wanted to make her happy, to make her feel safe. I brushed the hair that had fallen over her face away and kissed her, softly but deeply and I could feel her hands on my face, just as softly, when she kissed me back and then we were just laying there together, our foreheads resting gently against one another, just breathing deeply. Just being together.........
Anyway... yeah... a little later I guess, I mean just as I was about to get in the car, we had another moment like that. There was no crying or anything but she held my hand really tightly and looked at me so hard, held my face so gently when she kissed me goodbye.
"Don't be long," she said and she had this really soft smile on her face.
"I won't," I said, "I promise."
Honestly, I felt... I felt like fucking shit driving away. I mean, the idea that I, or at least something I was doing, was responsible for making Simone feel so anxious was pretty hard to take, you know. I actually stopped the car twice before I got to the end of the driveway, you know, about to turn back. But I didn't.
I guess, well... I guess I figured that, actually, I'd probably only make Simone feel worse if I did go back right then. She'd realize why I had, that I wasn't doing something I thought was important because of her. And I did think it was important. More than ever, I was absolutely fucking determined that Simone and I could do more than just survive here if we needed to. We could thrive, or at least live comfortably here. But if that was going to happen, there was work to be done.
And I guess there were still lots of questions needing answers about what had happened, you know, about why the world had ended, about whether or not we were actually alone. But for now, just making the house safer and more livable, at least for the medium term, was, I thought anyway, a pretty reasonable priority. And to do that, I needed to leave it.
Now, I'd never actually been to the lumber yard before, but I knew my dad had. He talked about it a few times although I'd never paid much attention but I had a rough idea of the route. And yes, I am aware that going out into the apocalypse with 'a rough idea' of where I was going is probably not a terrific idea, OK? But, well, I felt confident. I mean, there weren't exactly a lot of roads around, you know, so I guess I was at least sure that I couldn't get lost, right?
Anyway, as it happened, my rough idea was actually right on the money. The yard was right off the road, about four or five miles from the house, in the opposite direction to Old Sal.
I guess I had very little experience with places like that, but it looked exactly like I thought it would, you know. It seemed like a pretty big site, spread out over, I don't know, maybe nine or ten acres, cut out like a clearing from the forest that was all around. I could see masses of timber, in various states, just stacked up all over the place, sometimes twenty or thirty feet high, and all kinds of other stuff, I mean, I didn't know what half of it was at the time but even I could tell that this place could provide more or less everything we'd need to make whatever additions we wanted to the house.
And there were buildings too, some looked like warehouses or storage sheds or whatever but one looked like a kind of office building. It was the one closest to the entrance and that's where I pulled up the car. I could see a few other vehicles around, three or four pickups and a few other cars. But there were no signs of life.
Still though, I mean, I didn't get out of the car right away. There was a minute or two there where I just tried to take in as much of the place as I could before I did. And I kept a pretty tight grip on the revolver the whole time, I can tell you that. I guess, well, in the spirit of total honesty... yeah, I was pretty fucking scared.
Actually I'm not sure how long I waited, but I guess at some point I just decided it was now or never, you know. So, pretty gingerly I guess, I popped the door and stepped out. I had this strange feeling of being kind of hyper-aware. It was weird. Like, I could feel and hear the gravel crunch under my foot, you know? I never really noticed that kind of stuff before. And then, somewhere not too far away, a bird chose that moment to squawk real loud and fly off from some branch. That bird was a real fucking asshole if you ask me. Scared the fucking shit out of me.
So... I guess I panicked a little bit, from the bird, you know? I pressed my body back against the car and had the revolver held up in front of me in two hands, like in a fucking 70s cop show or something. Honestly, if there'd been anyone there to see me, I would have been fucking mortified.
I tried to push that thought aside... I knew I was doing something pretty fucking dangerous and giving any mental energy to something as stupid as embarrassment wasn't going to help me any. So I was really careful and slow, trying to listen for any hint of a sound, anything like we'd heard in town I mean, when I made my way towards the door of the office building.
When I got there, it was unlocked and so, I guess I just pushed it open and kind of peered inside. I toyed with the idea of calling out, you know, 'anybody home', something like that, but I decided against it.
It was such a strange feeling, even thinking about it now so many years later... I mean, when we made that first run into Old Sal, there were two of us, right? And if there's one thing I've learned over the years it's that there's strength in numbers. I know it might be cliché or whatever, but it's god damn right. Just having Simone there with me made such a huge difference, but now... well, being on my own... I'd never experienced fear like that but... somehow... I just ignored it. It's hard to explain. I should have been paralyzed with fear, should have been too afraid to even think about doing what I was doing, let alone get out of the fucking car and open the fucking door of this place, but here I was, moving forward.
So there was a long corridor behind the door, with rooms on either side, and to the right was a kind of reception area, closed off from the corridor by a window. Still no signs of life, but there were signs of... well, of death I guess.
I mean, for a start, it definitely smelled like death. Maybe not as bad as the drugstore in town had, but still, I mean, it was unmistakable. And there was blood... on the walls, on the floor, on the window of the reception area. But no bodies.
So I crept forward pretty slowly and moved toward the door to the first room, on my left. To be honest, I wasn't sure what I was looking for. I guess I thought I'd know it when I saw it. So the room was a kind small open plan office, three or four desks maybe, filing cabinets and whatnot, you get the idea. Still no bodies, and no blood in there either and from what I could see it was pretty undisturbed. I think it was a little surprising to find a room like that. I guess I figured everywhere would be like a mess or something.
Anyway, I moved back to the corridor and kept going, room by room and found them all more or less the same, offices and storage closets, a break room. Some were undisturbed, like the first one, but others... well, I mean, like I said, there had obviously been violence there and there was plenty more blood. Still no bodies though. Now, I guess you can imagine that I found this both hard to explain and, well, worrying, right? I mean, where the fuck was everybody?
So I'd just checked the last room on the ground floor and I was thinking about whether or not it was worth my while moving to the first floor when there was this noise. A fucking noise, OK? I don't know, a noise. I mean, noise happens, I know that, but usually in my experience something causes it to happen so, on the one hand, I was fucking terrified and straight back into my cop show stance or whatever, but on the other, well... I mean... I just couldn't resist the possibility that... that the noise was... you know... a person, someone like me, like Simone. Someone fucking still alive, right?
So, yeah, ill-advised and all as it probably was, I started to go upstairs. And halfway up, more noise. I stopped and, like, tried to stay as still as possible, you know, I even held my breath. But I was sure at this point that something alive had caused that noise.
I guess I'm not sure why I was sure but... I was and terrified and all as I was, I guess I figured that, if it was a person who made the noise, then there was a good chance they weren't... you know... crazified or whatever. I mean, from what we'd seen on TV on the First Day and from the red-eye we'd met on the road and what we'd seen in Old Sal of their handy work I guess, I was pretty confident that anyone... like that... would be making a lot more noise than this. It was a small noise and those fuckers weren't exactly subtle as far as I knew is I guess what I'm saying.
So anyway, I kept going, one fucking step at a time. I was pretty sure I had a good idea roughly where the last noise had come from and then just as I reached the top, there was another one that felt like it came from the same location. But I didn't stop this time and I swear to god, I was this close to saying 'no guts, no glory' out loud to myself. I just kept moving forward.
Honestly, I wasn't sure I had a clear idea of what the 'glory' here was or even could be, but I think it was a person. Maybe it was subconscious or whatever, but I think the reason I couldn't bring myself to stop, despite the really fucking powerful terror I was feeling, was the prospect of finding another person. I mean, if there was someone alive here, so close to the house, then... maybe the world wasn't as over as Simone and I had thought it was, you know? Maybe there was hope.
And that's when it hit me, or almost hit me anyway. It, in this case, was a large two by four swinging through the air. I don't know what it was, maybe the sound it made as it travelled must have warned me or something but I ducked just in time. Honestly, if that thing had made contact? Well... honestly, I think there's a good chance I wouldn't be hear to tell you this story.
Anyway, I didn't have long to be thankful or whatever, cause the two by four was fucking swinging again, except this time it came with this wild fucking scream.
So I parried with with my arm this time, swinging my body around, you know. I mean, it hurt like a son of a bitch but I still thought it was preferable to a full-on impact, right? And at least now I could see where it had come from.
So... well... it was a girl... a woman I guess. She looked... fucking terrified, actually as absolutely fucking terrified as I felt. So much so actually that, for a second or two, I thought she was one of them. But it was the eyes that told me she wasn't... yeah, definitely the eyes. There wasn't any crazed rage or whatever, you know, like I'd expect from one of them. It was just simple, plain old fear. And they weren't fucking red! Actually they were a pretty striking bright green and they were fucking huge, which only made them seem more afraid, you know.
So I shouted, "Stop! Please!" when she went to swing a third time and she paused, mid fucking swing, and I could see that there was a good deal of confusion joining in with the terror in her eyes. "Please," I said, "I'm not going to hurt you, I promise... please..."
Now, there was a little distance between us, the length of the two by four at least, and for the moment that was fine my me. I just stood where I was and held my arms up, palms open, and did my best to look right into her eyes.
She was still holding the two by four pretty menacingly or whatever but, well, I guess I felt I was out of immediate danger at least. She was young, maybe 19 or 20 I guess and she really didn't look well. She was on the short side, very thin and she had this shock of bright red hair, cut close to her head. She had a pair of denim shorts and a white tank top on and both looked pretty filthy to me. Her face was pale but smudged with dirt and her eyes... huge fucking green eyes... they were just as exhausted looking as they were terrified. Her chest was heaving and I figured she'd put pretty much all she had into swinging that two by four.
"I promise I won't hurt you, OK?," I said, "I'm... I'm Jim... what's your name?" I kept my hands up the whole time.
And I guess I thought I noticed her breathing start to slow a little and her arm holding the two by four started to bring it down slowly.
"C...Chloe... Chloe Murphy..." she said. "Who... who are you? Why are you here? How come you're not... you know... changed?" Her voice was kind of shaky I guess and I could see she was looking me up and down pretty frantically.
"My mom and dad's place is just a few miles away..." I said, "I... I was there, with my friend Simone, when it happened. It's pretty isolated so I guess, I don't know, we just got lucky. To be honest Chloe, we don't know too much about what happened... Do you... do you know what happened?"
