A lifelong collector of goods and objects from far and wide has passed and left the entire collection and the business built around them to the only remaining relative, a niece on a career path of her own. Vikki has taken on the task of administering the estate and liquidating the business and collection. However, she has come to find out that many of the goods have been cursed or enchanted with amorous powers that affect those who encounter them. These are the stories of some of those encounters with objects found at Amorous Goods.
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October 1, 12:01 A.M. Greater Magellanic Spiral near the freshly named planet of Wildhoot. Two trade-named space vehicles have just concluded a deadly confrontation. One continues establishing high orbit, the other falls slowly and inertialess to the hospitable world below.
The survivors are in a 4th hand Ford Space Explorer, hard used in many wiper years of use but lovingly cared for at last by five friends; they pooled their resources to purchase the tough old battered ship after becoming tired of it all near the clutter of civilization, extremely bored, between jobs, and looking to change their fortunes. Setting ship's time and date to GMT, the good ship Hoochie Mama made way outward through bad traffic, piloted by SALLY, its factory AI, repaired better than new with logic parts from a very special sexbot.
Harry became Captain simply because his name was on the title. Maestro claimed everything under the bonnet and a good deal more. Chyna took the garage. Nonny started an armory. Blynd worked with all the other four as needed and made music. Tired of it became an acronym and honorific between them.
Along the way to this point of time and space, these Toi found themselves accompanied by a changing number of hangers on, hitchhikers, and fellow wanders called Interns, during some drunken party when there was enough spirits and frozen pizza to celebrate life aboard. The name defined them.
There were adventures and misadventures out to the borders of the Empire. New friends, breakdowns, refits, slick deals and shitty luck; all shared equally until at the last Royal outpost, the planet Prime. Down on their luck and a near empty fuel tank, the opportunity to be persuaded handsomely by HRMN Prime to go search for one of the King's missing relations: a rather naughty Princess in fact. Crewman Stubbs, a primitive of some intelligence, was not impounded in gratitude for the favor.
There was one hell of a party while the Toi used their carte-blanche privileges in the naval station to outfit and fill the Explorer to bursting for an armed expedition of some length with the condition W.O. Thaycher and his battle-tested squad accompany them in a strictly hush-hush manner.
Fifty wiper days after a hurried departure they crossed a great empty space. Leaving wiper drive well short of the intended destination, disguised as inept tourists, to find they were being stalked by the craft falling away to the lovely planet selected for a base camp. So our story begins on the far side of the cold deep gulf between them and civilization.
Cat's Cradle:
The one thing to be found of interest in the burned out Nissan Star-Tripper, the object, device, Fay magic, avant garde art or summat, would be many things to the crew; they were still scrummy inebriated and Itchy zoned, shocked by the damage done to the attacking vessel and a little pleased to be on this side of Hoochie Mama's new dreadnought cannons.
Most of all they would be puzzled about their compulsion to hold and never let go of the cherry red, squashed, bent, and twisted oblate spheroid still on the dead Nissan shown on the big galley screen above the dining room. The doomed ship bounced on the atmosphere of the planet below while 5 Standard(tm) shuttles tried to keep the wreck out of atmosphere until the inspection team finished a hasty look or retreated. There were cheers when at last the 6th pulled away in a shower of sparks to be passed by the other 5 still going full throttle as they released and ran home.
They would remember the first sight of the artifact when the returning W.O. triumphantly reached in a bag, holding his trophy up for all to see; how it filled them with a sense that all their hopes and dreams would be at last fulfilled when it was in their possession.
Thaycher was mobbed, losing control as it bobbed away on a sea of Intern hands, each fairing as well as he to acquire a grip.
Toi Harry's first indication that something amiss was a screen opening over the last moments of the Star-Tripper; it flashed red alert and began replaying from the start with his sight.
"It's loose!" Thaycher's wildly waving arms tried to reclaim the sparkly What's it? Others reached as it bounced in unforeseeable directions. The Interns shoaled like fish around the glassy red beauty moving completely over the entire commons floor, always finding its way back to the center surrounded by happily adoring gropers hoping for a handhold of satisfaction. Nonny and Blynd walked in and were lost to the spell.
"Dum, ahh, hee, I got it!" A crash and amused Interns laughed . "Hhe, he, he, nope, it's as slippery as a greased shoat at the fair." Crewman Stubbs watched, waiting to see what this new game was.
"Hayaa!" Nonny joined the fray as her eyes saw a target long sought but never known, attempting to make it her own with no luck and much loving cursing.
"Lock the ship down before anyone else blunders in, SALLY. What the hell is it?" Her voice sounded close by Harry's ears where he lay flat back in the bridge command chair, no longer sleepily enjoying the end of Operation Planetfall or watching the fireworks descending prettily.
"Breach conditions set, Captain sweetie. (kiss sound) The object appears seamless, but then so does the wall butler, however, there will be a composite rendering ready to examine if I can capture images of its entirety; one area is being very difficult to see as many times as it's been around the commons. There is no way for me to know exactly what it is. I am only the spawn of a Yertsberg and a Ford AI but we're the best you have."
Another screen opened showing Maestro standing by the rear galley door just up the corridor from the maelstrom rolling around the commons. Text across the bottom read, (Your cabin). The screen closed before he could speak. The command chair returned ready behind the Captain's worried dash past the bridge loo. SALLY opened and closed doors ahead and behind him.
Harry ran up corridor, away from the bridge, then down the far side of the galley freezer bins to his cabin on the right, halfway between Hoochie's skin and the commons; he burst in then straight to the loo. He returned quickly to find Maestro in a remarkable state of agitation, something unknown in the wiper ages between them.
"I don't like that thing, Toi; it's evil. If it gets in here close your eyes." Harry watched the futile efforts to possess the thing. He didn't know if it was evil, but it was bad enough to be a weapon if used correctly, even though it did no direct harm to those enamored with its sight, as yet. "Look at this."
Maestro had a second screen opened with SALLY's current information. Harry marked the resemblance to a cat's ass saddle. He looked to see conformation in the old Fay's eyes. The puzzle grew deeper.
"How are we going to get that cat back in the bag? Look at Stubbs." The adopted creature sat teddy bear like on the floor of the lounge while everyone tried to catch something she could not see.
"It must be invisible to her, but how does that help us? What the hell is that thing, and where are all the rest of us? Ships roster, SALLY." Engineering, Hangar, and Thaycher's squad were all in their spaces; the nerdy Interns were in a dorm of their own choosing. A screen showed each in real time with details. He stopped on the scene in the newest Toi's cabin.
Bridget: still crying from when the first shot guaranteed no hope of survivors and the lusty eyes of the man demanding the immediate surrender of the Ford vanished with the heavy jar and thunder of non-calibrated light cannons.
Once again violent death marred her otherwise pleasant life on board. Sallybot followed her tearful escape, bio-metric alarms activated by the young woman's distress; following to give the only comfort it could. Sex salves many wounds. The bot's mouth attended her wounds while Bridget sobbed into a pillow, writhing under the treatment.
"Are we going to watch porn or come up with a plan?" Harry closed that screen and was left with the last group on the ship numbering 239 Interns, 1 puzzled Crewman Stubs, 2 Toi, and 1 supernumerary, W.O. Thaycher. 242 of them were trying to subdue the elusive saddle, Stubs followed behind.
"My plan is staying far away from that thing." Maestro reopened the view of Bridget's cabin. "I thought we weren't going to watch porn." Toi Harry grumbled peevishly.
"No, look. We can use Sallybot. She's the perfect solution." A plan was made to see if the device had any effect on it and then contain the troublesome thing if possible. After Bridget fell asleep on her tear-stained pillow, the bot covered her with a duvet and left, proving very quickly the first concern null. Sallybot followed for a bit. It was poetry watching the sexbot working its way between the Interns before reaching up and drawing it down to where the hands of the entranced mob made it difficult for the strongly built sexbot to hold as command circuitry argued with low charge protocols.
At last Sallybot curled arms and legs around it; her form molded itself into a position that occluded all sight of the troublesome device, ending their desperate attempts to posses it and replacing it with blind stumbling sexual intoxication. SALLY lost all connection to Sallybot, battery gone dead, left an erotic sculpture in the rudderless throng.
"She's gone!" There was anguish never heard in the AI's voice, then silence.
