Amorous Goods Checkmate

A lifelong collector of goods and objects from far and wide has passed and left his entire collection, and the business built around them, to his only remaining relative, a niece on a career path of her own. Vikki has taken on the task of administering the estate and liquidating the business and collection. However, she has come to find out that many of the goods have been cursed or enchanted with amorous powers that affect those who encounter them. These are the stories of some of those encounters with objects found at

Amorous Goods

.

As Nick stepped out of his last class of the week, he felt the cold wind blowing off Lake Michigan cut through his light jacket and shivered. Glancing up at the sky filled with dark clouds, he cursed under his breath. "Of course. The weather would suck on Friday the 13th." With rain seemingly imminent and a cold, windy trek home ahead of him, Nick felt a pang of regret for letting Brad borrow his truck for the weekend. He shook it off, knowing that Janet moving in was a big step for his old friend.

The rumble of thunder in the distance made him speed up until he was nearly jogging as he reached the bridge over the river. He felt the first fat drops of rain start to fall just two blocks later. With nearly a mile to go before reaching his house, Nick decided to find shelter for a while. He spotted a green storefront with a sign reading

Amorous Goods

in an ornate gothic script and dashed inside.

Pausing for a moment to allow his eyes to adjust to the dimly lit room, Nick glanced around at the strange assortment of items for sale. Slowly moving deeper into the store, he walked past dusty shelves holding an antique brass lantern, several old cameras, and a battered violin. Approaching a glass case holding an old-fashioned mechanical cash register, Nick peered down at the array of coins, jewelry, and watches laid out on velvet-lined trays.

"Anything strike your fancy?" a voice rang out in the still, stuffy air. Nick whirled around, startled by the sight of a tall blonde woman approaching him through another row of shelves. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," she said, half-smiling at his reaction. "Looking for anything in particular?"

Nick noted her long legs encased in tight jeans and her piercing blue eyes. Desperately trying not to glance down at the sizable expanse of cleavage being displayed by her low-cut shirt, he nonetheless spotted a sticker proclaiming "Hello! My name is...Vikki" on her shirt

"Nothing specific," Nick replied, hoping she hadn't noticed him checking her out. "I was mostly just looking to get out of the rain for a minute." Glancing around the store, he continued "I've never noticed this place before. Is it new?"

Vikki raised a sarcastic eyebrow as she ran her finger through a thick patch of dust on the nearest shelf. "Hardly. This was my weird Uncle Jason's store. I found out after he died that I inherited his entire estate, including nine stores like this across the country. I've been going around to each of them, trying to get everything sold off so that I can wrap this up and get back to my real life. So, feel free to make me an offer on anything that you like. I just want to get back to my real life"

Nick wasn't quite sure how to respond to this, so he went with the tried-and-true "I'm sorry for your loss." He looked out the window and sighed as the continuing downpour failed to present him with an easy exit. He swept his gaze across the store once more until his eyes landed on something leaning against a wall, an old chessboard.

Taking a couple of steps towards the board, not noticing the look of bemused disbelief on her face as he distractedly wandered off in the middle of their conversation. The chessboard looked like it was made of weathered stone and Nick could see what looked like Greek letters carved along each side of the board. He ran his fingers along the word "ΑΙΧΜΑΛΩΤΟΣ", trying to recall the lessons his yiayia had given him as a child and coming up blank.

He opened the velvet bag sitting next to the board and peered down at the ornately carved chess pieces. Pulling one out, he looked at the incredible detail on the small eagle. It felt like it was on the verge of taking off and flying around the shop. The longer he held the piece, the more a strange feeling of nervous energy swept through him.

"Interesting, isn't it?" Vikki said, her voice once again startling Nick and making him whirl around. "Supposedly, it's from the Middle East and dates back to the 1400s. At least, that's what Uncle Jason's notes say."

Not sure what to make of that, Nick merely grunted, dropped the piece back into the bag, and glanced at the price. He was surprised to see that it was just $85, particularly given its supposed age. He turned to Vikki and gave her a puzzled expression, gesturing vaguely at the tag in his hand.

"Everything must go" she responded to his unspoken question. "You want it?"

Nick pulled out his wallet to see if he had enough and found the $100 bill for his birthday last month. "Sure, probably a better use for this than a bunch of beer," he said, handing her the cash and putting the bag of pieces into his backpack. "Maybe I can even use the board as an umbrella."

"Seems unnecessary," said Vikki, handing him the change and gesturing at the front windows, where light was now streaming in. "Storm's gone. Have a nice day!" she said and gently guided him out the door, shutting and locking it behind him.

Having long known that both the weather and the people around here could be weird, Nick shook off the strange encounter.

Walking up the sidewalk to his childhood home, he spotted his pickup in the driveway with a piece of paper stuck under the windshield wiper. He grabbed it and read the characteristically brief note from Brad: "Thanks for the loan. Keys in the mailbox. Beers on me." Shaking his head in amusement, Nick pulled his mail and his keys out of the mailbox, unlocked the front door, and walked inside the spacious Victorian home that he had inherited from his parents far too early. Smelling the delicious meal he had placed in the Crockpot earlier, Nick said, "Thank God I set that up this morning. I'm too damn cold to wait for takeout."

After hanging the keys on a hook by the door and dropping the mail in a basket by the stairs, Nick looked around for a clear surface to put his newest possession. Not finding an available surface that wasn't occupied by textbooks, tools, or some kind of project, he opted to set it on the mantle over the fireplace in his living room.

Moving to the kitchen to serve his dinner, he set aside any thoughts about the chess set and instead focused on having a relaxing weekend full of home renovations, beer, and a good book or two. His latest ex had loudly and publicly dumped him at a restaurant two weeks ago after he resisted going to yet another drunken frat party. Screaming that he was a controlling asshole and lousy in bed, she dumped her wine in his lap and stormed out. It might have been more embarrassing if the cute waitress hadn't taken the opportunity to slip him her phone number. Or if he hadn't heard from some good friends that she was making out with one of her TAs last weekend while he was working on his house. Either way, Nick was able to shrug it off and move on with his life, though he wasn't sad to be able to skip those parties on campus.

Sunday evening, Nick eased his aching muscles into his favorite chair and set his beer on a nearby table. He leaned back, lifting the recliner's footrest, and allowed the fire's warmth to seep into him. He had spent much of his weekend working on the wrap-around porch he was replacing on the house, and it was almost finished. Nick cracked open his well-worn copy of Neil Gaiman's

American Gods

and began to re-read it for the tenth or eleventh time. Sitting in front of the fire, sipping his beer, and reading his book, he eventually dozed off.

He felt something brush across his face and started to stir, disoriented and confused. As the sleep cleared from his eyes and he was able to focus, the flickering light from the fire illuminated a face hovering upside down above him. Startled, he hurled himself out of the recliner with a shriek and stumbled to his feet. "Wha-?" he cried, articulate as ever, bewildered by the woman who had suddenly appeared in the middle of his living room.

"Greetings, mortal." the woman said, smiling nervously at him. "I am Hestia. Thank you for freeing me from my prison." This left Nick somehow even more confused than before, until he realized that he must be dreaming. Or hallucinating. He desperately pinched himself and, when that didn't make the woman disappear, tried slapping himself across the face several times.

"What are you doing?" the woman cried, throwing her much-smaller body against his and grabbing his arm. "Why do you keep hitting yourself in the face?"

Feeling the warmth of her hand on his wrist, Nick wondered idly whether hallucinations were always so cute. He looked down at her, finally taking in her appearance. He was 6'3" and her head barely came up to his shoulder. Her figure was slender and athletic, with a set of very pleasant curves. Her straight dark hair, which fell to the middle of her back, sharply contrasted with skin so pale it almost seemed to glow in the moonlight.

"I am Hestia," the strange woman repeated, finally letting go of Nick's arm. "What is your name, mortal?"

Hesitant to engage with his strangely realistic hallucination, Nick managed to mumble out a response. "I'm Nick. Nick Pappas. Why do you keep calling me a mortal? Are you a genie? A demon?"

The strange woman threw back her head and let out a surprisingly loud laugh. "A genie? Of course not. I am a goddess Nick Nick Pappas. The goddess of the hearth, home, and family. Hestia..." she trailed off, noting the look of total incomprehension painted across his face. "How can you not know my name? How much has changed since we were trapped in there?" She turned to stare at the old chessboard sitting on the mantle, confusion and dread flickering across her face.

Her stare drew Nick's attention back to the chess set, and once again he jumped back in surprise. For the first time, he noticed that the board now had some pieces on it. Approaching slowly, Nick noted that there were four pieces affixed to the board, two white and two black, paired up in opposite corners. Turning on a nearby lamp, Nick studied the pieces, realizing that small pieces, pawns he supposed, were each in the shape of a small flame. Turning his attention to one of the larger pieces, he saw a woman feeding a log into a fireplace. He felt a creeping sense of familiarity, finally realizing that the figure looked just like the strange woman who had appeared in the middle of his living room. Staring at her in shock, everything started to go dark as Nick fainted, his brain finally overwhelmed by the bizarre situation.

Nick again felt something brush across his face. This time, as he opened his eyes, he wasn't surprised to see the face hovering upside down above him. "I guess you weren't a hallucination or a dream then," he said, slowly sitting up and rubbing the back of his head.

"Of course I am real. I am Hestia," she replied, frustrated by his seeming lack of comprehension.

"How the hell did you end up in my living room?" Nick asked, finally bowing to this seeming madness.

"We were trapped in that chess set. The eight of us have been trapped there since the Siege of Constantinople in 1453," she responded.

"Eight of you?" Nick asked. "I thought there were way more gods and goddesses in the Greek pantheon."

"By that time, only eight of us were still interested in the human world. The rest gave up on you and retreated to Olympus. Only Zeus, Hera, Apollo, Aphrodite, Athena, Ares, Hephaestus, and I remained. We kept trying to help the humans, despite your best efforts to destroy yourselves and your planet," she explained.

"So, what happened in Constantinople?" Nick asked. "How did you get trapped in the chess set?"

"We did not know it at the time, but not all of the gods were content to simply withdraw themselves. One faction, led by Hades and Poseidon, felt that humans should be abandoned entirely and that all Olympians should be barred from human involvement. They crafted and enchanted this chess set to imprison us and take control of Olympus. They used the chaos of the Ottoman siege to spring their trap and managed to capture all eight of us at once. We have been prisoners ever since." This explanation seemed to take most of Hestia's energy, and she sank slowly onto the couch, her head hanging low.

"If you were trapped in the chess set, how did you end up here?" Nick asked.

"The Fates leave strange loopholes in magical artifacts, and this chess set is no different. Each of the trapped Olympians can be freed from their prison if their pieces are exposed to an environment that aligns with their realm of influence. The more closely the environment matches the god, the more likely it is to free them."

"So, you got out because..." Nick trailed off, casting about until inspiration struck. "Hearth, home, and family! Your pieces were put on the mantle of the fireplace, the hearth, of my family home."

"Correct," replied Hestia. "There is another problem, however. Once the first god is freed, we only have 16 days to free the rest, or all of them are returned to their prison and cannot be freed for another 16 years."

"OK. So, you were freed on Saturday...no wait Sunday now, so Sunday the 15th," Nick said, trying to do the math in his head. "So, we need to free everyone...oh shit. Of course. We need to get them out by the end of the day on Halloween."

"Before midnight on the 16th day, to be precise," Hestia added.

"Shit," Nick repeated. "I...have no clue what the hell I'm going to do with any of this, but I definitely can't figure it out now. I need sleep. Lots and lots of sleep. I'm going to bed. We can figure out what to do in the morning." Nick turned to head upstairs before realizing he was being a bad host and turning back to Hestia. "Wait, do you need a place to sleep tonight? Do goddesses even sleep?"

"We do when we are on Earth. We can't draw energy from the environment here, the way we can on Olympus," she replied.

Showing her to a guest bedroom, Nick said, "Get some sleep. I don't have class until noon tomorrow, so we can talk more in the morning."

Before he could leave, Hestia slipped in front of him and pulled his face down for a soft, sensual kiss which left him bathed in a feeling of warmth and comfort. "Good night, my favorite mortal," she said, stepping out of his way and beginning to remove her dress. Nick hurriedly retreated to his bedroom, falling asleep within moments of laying down.

Nick awoke to the most divine combination of scents: coffee and bacon. He stumbled down the stairs to find Hestia humming a happy little tune while twirling through the kitchen as she cooked. Nick chuckled at the sight of his overly large apron swinging wildly around her each time she turned.

"Good morning, Nick Nick Pappas! You do not have much food in your home, but I have prepared a suitable meal, I believe," she said, turning to acknowledge his presence. "Sit and eat. I am sure you have many questions for me."

"Lots," he confirmed. "First though, it's just Nick, not Nick Nick. I was too confused last night to notice, but you can just call me Nick. Anyway, we need to come up with some kind of a plan to free the rest of the eight before midnight on Halloween."

"Unfortunately, strategic planning is not my area of expertise. Your best resource for strategizing would be Athena, who is still trapped in the chess set," Hestia lamented.

"I guess our current strategy should be to free her and then come up with a strategy. Can't fail. How the hell do we free Athena?" Nick wondered aloud, popping a piece of bacon into his mouth and chewing noisily. "What are her areas of influence?"

"Athena is the goddess of wisdom, warfare, and craftsmanship," Hestia explained. "She was the patron goddess of Athens. The word 'athenaeum' means a library or other place of scientific or literary learning."

"Easy enough," Nick said. "I'll take her pieces with me to my lecture and then head over to the library and spend some time there. I can work on pulling some materials for my capstone project while I'm there. That should take care of it, don't you think?"

"Probably. It is wise to try several locations to make sure, since we do not have much time. What should I do while you are gone today?" Hestia asked.

Nick had no idea what a goddess should do with her free time but didn't know how to say that without being rude. Hestia chuckled and let him off the hook, saying, "Do not worry about it. I will find something to fill my time. What time will you be leaving and when will you be back?"

Glancing over at the clock on the microwave which read 11:28, Nick jumped up and swore, shoving the last of his bacon into his mouth and garbling out "Shit! How late did I sleep this morning? I have to shower and be ready to go in less than 20 minutes!"

"Go. Take care of your tasks and I will clean up," Hestia said, pushing him away from his plate and towards the staircase.

Twenty minutes later, Nick dashed down the stairs and headed towards the front door, shouting out, "I'm heading out! I'll be back in a couple of hours!" He was halfway down the path before he registered that Hestia was calling out to him to wait. Turning back, he saw her rush out of the house with several chess pieces in her hands.

"Forgetting something?" she asked, grinning and raising one eyebrow.

Embarrassed, Nick returned and took the pieces from her. The smaller pieces were carved into the shape of a wise and terrifying owl, while the larger ones showed a woman on horseback, holding a banner and wearing a Greek helmet and flowing dress. "Good call," Nick admitted, sliding the pieces into the front pouch of his backpack.

Before he could turn to leave again, Hestia stepped up to him, pulled his head down, and gave him a warm, lingering kiss on the cheek, saying, "Have a good day in class. I will see you tonight." With that, she nudged him towards his truck, returning to the house. In a fog, Nick set out toward the University.

Slipping into his seat at the back of the auditorium in the Engineering Building, Nick set aside his thoughts of the complete madness his life was descending into and focused on the exciting world of Reinforced Concrete Design. After class, Nick hurried across the street to the library. He needed to pull some local historical books and periodicals to use as references for his upcoming project.

He was just a semester and a half from completing his architectural engineering degree and his program included a mandatory capstone project. Given his interest in historical restoration and his longstanding ties to this town, Nick had decided to put together a design for remodeling, restoring, and updating a block of the historic downtown for his project. His plans would blend the detail, craftsmanship, and aesthetic of the late 19th-century buildings with the required functionality and standards for a modern commercial district. With a list of potentially useful items in hand, Nick spent the next several hours hunting down the dusty, little-used materials.

Nick trudged through his front door, exhausted by both his library quest and the unusual turns his life was taking. As he once again put his keys on the hook by the door, Nick finally registered something strange had happened, though he couldn't put his finger on it.

Eventually, he realized what was missing from his surroundings: all his clutter! While not a slob, by any means, Nick had always struggled with tidiness. Open surfaces quickly accumulated piles of things: mail, homework, projects, and things like that. Gazing around the hallway, living room, and dining room, however, he realized that all the open surfaces were, in fact, open again. The mail was neatly sorted and sitting in a basket near the door. His homework was laid out on the computer desk at the back of the dining room. The various projects that he had been tinkering with were nowhere to be seen, though Nick suspected they would be found somewhere sensible.