Chapter 5
Perchance to Dream
"Amber Michelle Willenberg! Are you going to sleep your entire birthday away?"
Amber rolled her head to look at her mother's face as it peeked through the door to her bedroom. Amber was comfortable under her covers and didn't want to leave the warmth of the down contained in her quilt to subject herself to the cool air of her room. She was only a daughter, after all, and not important enough to have her room heated against the frigid winter chill.
"So what if I do, Mom. It's
my
18
th
birthday; surely I can waste it away in bed if I want."
"Yes, you're right. If you want to spend it in bed, I suppose you can do that. But, honey, you're a late birthday. It's only one week until the lottery. Eight days from now you may not have the option of doing what you want, going where you will. You should make the most of your adulthood while you can."
Amber knew her mother was right. The dreaded lottery was a week after her birthday. If only she'd been born even two days later. If she had, then she'd have an entire year to live for herself. She wondered what would happen if she left and didn't come back. Would
they
send someone after her? Would she die, alone, in the wilderness that surrounded Kafta? She shuddered at both thoughts.
"Give me a couple of minutes to get dressed. I'm still not sure just what I want to do. Can you let me know what it's like now?"
"I thought you might ask. Yes, now that you're an adult, I can tell you all about it. I'll be in the kitchen."
Amber slipped out of her bed, shivering at the cold stones under her feet. She slipped her tunic over her head, letting it fall into place. Like all the girls in Billa, she wore no underwear; it just wasn't done. Her breasts were moderately full and sagged slightly when she stood. She took a minute to run a brush through her hair, getting the nighttime tangles out. She slipped her sandals on just before she walked into the hall.
The kitchen was downstairs. There Amber found her mother, naked as usual, stirring a pot of hot cereal. The milk, bread, and butter were already on the table. She could hear the men on the other side of the curtain that separated the kitchen from the dining hall. Her mother brought over a bowl of breakfast.
"Eat up, dear. I have to see to your father and his guests. Once they're settled, we'll talk."
Amber ate, thinking to herself. Her motions were automatic and she didn't really taste her food. She thought of her friends whose birthdays had come earlier in the year. They seemed so excited by the upcoming lottery. Amber was starting to believe that she was the only girl her age that was afraid of winning. What would it be like to be a winner? Maybe her mom would really tell her now.
Amber had finished her breakfast and her mom still hadn't come back. It took another 15 minutes for her mom to return to the kitchen. When she did, she looked flustered and a little out of breath. She sat gingerly when she sat in the chair.
"How are you feeling today; your first day as an adult?"
"I don't know. A little scared, I suppose. Mom, what's it like being a winner?"
"It's very hard, Amber. I've noticed that you aren't like your friends. You don't seem to look forward to the lottery."
"No, I guess not. Mom, are you happy with your life?"
"For the most part, yes. I have a good Master and he takes good care of me. I don't long for anything different these days."
"Did you use to?"
"Oh yes. My birthday was months before the lottery. I had a chance to see the world; experience the joys of freedom. For a long time, even though I was happy with your father, I longed for the chance to see even more than I did. Honestly, I think your birthday's a blessing. You won't know what you're missing when you win."
"What's it like; what goes on in the men's part of the house? For example, why were you so out of breath when you came back?"
Amber's mom sighed. There was no easy way to answer this question. "We've talked about sex, do you remember?"
"Of course. You told me how wonderful it is for both men and women. You also encouraged me to remain pure, untouched, until the lottery."
"When I went to check on your father and guests, they wanted to have me for sex. They took me one after another."
"You had sex with all of them! How could you?"
"Your father told me to. Never forget what I am in addition to your mother. I'm your father's wifeslave. Whatever he tells me to do, I do. That's the essence of life for a lottery winner."
"My God! That doesn't sound much like winning to me."
"Of course it is, honey. Do you know what happens to the losers of the lottery?" Amber shook her head with a little trepidation. "They're cast out into the void. You can either be a wife-slave or you can live alone in the void forever, Amber."
Amber stared at her mother in horror. Everyone knew about the void. Billa was an island of normalcy in the gaping emptiness that made up the void. Each town on Kafta had a shield generator that kept the void at bay, letting the town survive. Most believed that the void was fatal, though there was no evidence one way or another. Some thought that anyone caught in the void would wander aimlessly in chaos, unable to escape and unable to die; to be driven slowly to madness.
"But why?"
"Amber, the town is only so large. There are only so many people the land can support. The excess have to be culled. Did you know that female births outnumber male births by ten to one?" Amber shook her head. "It's the strength and toughness of the men that allows us to survive this harsh land. In fact, we have an advantage over other lands. They have the opposite problem; too many male children. Some come here to settle when we fall short of the men needed to work the fields. They also come here to save some of our women. The more women they need in their towns, the fewer women we're forced to cast out into the void."
"But, to make them slaves?"
"It's the way it must be. If our women went back free, it would lead to conflict and jealousy between their native women and the immigrants."
"I won't do it! I won't enter the lottery."
"Amber! I'll hear nothing of that. You're already in the lottery."
"Wait, what about you? You didn't leave town, yet you're still a slave."
"Think for a moment, daughter. Can you imagine the scene if a few lottery winners stayed here as free women while the majority was shipped off as slaves? The fate of all the winners must be the same; so all the women who stay here are also slaves to their husbands."
"Do my friends know what's in store for them?"
"Probably, I can't be sure though."
"Why are they so happy?"
"Winning the lottery is the chance to live as women were intended to live. Why shouldn't they be happy with that?"
"But they'll be slaves. That just seems so wrong."
"Where did you get such a crazy idea? Slavery is the natural order of things. It can't be wrong."
"You raised me to be free! You made me proud of who I was. Now you want me to embrace being someone else's plaything? Was everything you taught me a lie?"
"Amber, Amber, Amber. You've misunderstood what I was trying to tell you. I want you to be proud of whatever you end up as in life. I was trying to prepare you for a life such as I live now. It's your destiny."
"I won't have it, I'll run away."
"Where will you go? Will you run into the void? Will you run to the towns that are going to be taking you and your friends anyway? I'll hear no more of this, young lady. You'll be a part of the lottery even if your father has to tie you up and carry you to the town square himself. Have I made myself clear?"
Cowed, Amber was only able to mutter, "Yes, Mother."
There was a call for her mother from the other side of the curtain. Amber's mom left Amber alone in the kitchen while she answered the call. Looking after her mom, Amber wondered how she'd missed so much as a child. It never occurred to her to question her mother's nudity in the house. Amber thought of her sisters (she had no brothers) and what they must be doing now. Were they naked with some man, serving his every whim? Were they happy like her mom? Were they as unhappy as Amber imagined she would be?
As a child, Amber wasn't permitted to venture much beyond the house and yard. The tall fence protected her from the outside world. Now she knew why. The truth was out there. She stood and walked to the front door. She was an adult now. She could leave the yard and see the town. Steeling herself for what she would see, she walked out of the house and straight through the gate.
The sight before her wasn't strange at all. She could see other fences enclosing other yards. A couple of women, naked, were walking down the street. They looked at her, nodding briefly. They continued on their way. Amber watched them. One turned into a yard through its gate. The other walked on without a backward glance. As Amber looked down the street, she saw buildings in the distance at one end. These buildings had no fences about them. She walked towards them, a little knot of nervousness building in her belly.
Once she was closer, she saw that the buildings were stores. Her lessons came to mind; money and purchasing of goods. She had no money and couldn't buy anything if she wanted. She'd seen her mother come back to the house with groceries; food and such. Amber wondered where the women would carry money. She continued towards the buildings. Picking one at random, Hasan's Butcher Shop, she entered.
There was a man behind a counter and two naked women on her side of it. Both were carrying baskets. One was being handed something wrapped in paper.
"Here you go, Ceciily, I'll add the charge to your Master's bill."
"Thank you, sir." Ceciily had her head bowed when she talked.
