Hello everybody, and welcome to another weekly column in which I, Alchemist Shira, answer
your
questions on the glorious world in which we live in... Specifically the lewd parts. No judgement, only advice and support from a gal who wants you to have fun... Safely! This week, as always, we have so many
interesting
queries, which I'm sure will be of help to more than the lovely people who write to us! And remember, you can always send your queries to The Sentria Weekly, at the usual address, but care of me!
So, let's help some folks who want to have fun!
Dear Shira,
Recently, I've become involved with an Orcish man, who's become my boyfriend. We've gone on quite a few dates, and we really seem to be hitting it off (And he knows all the best kebob places <3 )
But recently, he's been asking about having sex (really nicely... Girls, forget what you hear about Orcs being rude, it's nothing but racism!) and, being a halfling into taller, muscular men, I still worry that maybe... He's too big for me. He certainly
looks
too big...
Shortstack in Sentria
Oooh, nice to hear from a fellow local! Still, I can offer you reassurance, although, with the state of Orc sexual education (Of which there are many national programs to improve, thankfully), your boyfriend might not have known this to reassure you.
Essentially, orc penises, no matter who they belong to, are self lubricating, and some form of enchantment (we've never really worked out how, or why it's so long lasting) ensures a feeling of fullness without pain beyond the expected for someone's first time. So if it isn't your first time, you can happily (so happily) experience the pleasures of your boyfriend's dick, and I hope your relationship is a long and happy one!
Dear Alchemist Shira,
Being a wood elf of many years, I've had quite the few experiences, and, being an open minded lady, I'm always on the lookout for more. However, my friends and family have been warning me specifically about plantgirls, because... Well, they're quite common in these parts, and they smell sooo good. You probably already know about the warnings (Even with anonymity, I'm hesitant to repeat them), so, being a fellow woman of the world, could you please tell me what measures I might take, and which warnings are misinformation?
Regards,
Blushing in Bela
Oh, there's no need to be so formal, Blushing, I treat everyone here as a friend! And, as a friend, I will say that yes, some of those warnings are indeed true. Specifically, their spores (that sweet smell) are aphrodisiacs, and their sap... Their sap's even
more
potent! But there are measures you can take to enjoy a nice, consensual relationship with a pretty plantgirl, and Shira, being a friend, has a mail order service for those who don't wish to go to their local Alchemist, at reasonable prices!
What you're looking for, in essence, is a lust suppressant. While, outside of the effect of aphrodisiacs, it does have the effect of making you feel less thirsty than you normally would, these are an absolute must, and taking two spoonfuls an hour before conversation with a plantgirl of any description is the safest (Each dose lasts approximately six hours.)
On a first meeting, plantgirls are open to establishing boundaries, and it's important to set those, as plantgirl culture very much follows the
letter
of agreements, rather than the
spirit
. With the Lust Suppressant, you'll still have a
really
good time, but you'll still be able to withdraw consent, and, thankfully, it's
also
taught to all plantgirls (Well, more an instinctive thing from their first seeding) that No
Means
No.
As a final piece of advice, plantgirls will always seed their partners, although this doesn't give off any obvious signs of pregnancy (Something many of my wood dwelling respondents have taken advantage of), and the experience of birthing is, similarly, heavily pleasurable. As such, it's recommended to also take a lust suppressant (and a short trip into the woods) three days after an encounter with your chosen (or chosen, plural) paramour(s.)
Enjoy your encounters, take your parents' "Ancient wisdom" with a grain of salt, and stay safe, Blushing!
Dear Shira,
Recently, we've attempted to create a dungeon experience, a theme park based on days of yore, but, to ensure the safety and enjoyment of our customers (While still keeping the
feel
, as I'm sure you understand is vital), we're wondering what measures we can take to ensure both satisfaction and surprise.
Well Wishes,
Bulldick in Blort
Ahh, yes, that's become quite the thing recently, hasn't it? This one took me a while, as I hadn't experienced Desire Dungeons before now, but I have to say, it's broadened my mind further, and provided me with valuable knowledge I'm happy to impart to one creating another!
Essentially, while it may seem at first to impact the experience negatively, it's important to minimise complaints by clearly letting your customers know what each section of your dungeon entails, such as consuming plants, content for size queens (and kings!), and other things that your legal team (A must in that industry) advises you need to inform about. It's also good for your staff that they only receive partners in their segment of the dungeon that they have a predilection for (A simple illusion, that of a wall like the surroundings based on your customer's gender, seems to be the most common solution.)
Now, this may
seem
like it makes for a less exciting experience, but having staff of the same general persuasion on a rota system keeps the element of surprise, and a consent form for ravishment play is a must (Again, an illusion barring this from those who don't have a token, provided by you, helps customer satisfaction) Some people may be picky, not wanting certain folk, but a prominent notice displaying your rules, including the consent form, and the ability to turn away from an experience before it starts (About ten seconds is fine) ensures that, at worst, a customer will ask for a refund.
Anonymity aside, I'll have to check it out, as I now have a sideline in reviewing Desire Dungeons (Look forward to the column, here in this publication, friends!)
