Afterwards 11

"Keep going," Nina moaned. She dug her fingers into the pillow, her eyes clenching shut as she neared climax.

Shit, Ilya thought. He had received a tall order considering he was already near his limit and her cute moaning wasn't helping either. He tried distracting himself, rattling off all the kings in the long history of their nation, one king per thrust. Dragan, Lucian, Marzen... for someone who claimed to be near climaxing, she didn't seem close at all.

In time, he exhausted the entire noble lineage. He needed something else to distract himself, something even more boring. He thought back to his university classes, to the lectures on alchemical seal theories and Professor Steinwalds' monotone voice. Though the memories bought him a few more thrusts, he truly couldn't hold it any longer. His cock was about to burst. He gave one last thrust and prayed that it would be the one to make her cum.

Ilya yanked out his cock, rubbing vigorously as it swelled. His legs went numb, his pelvis spazzing, as semen shot out and decorated Nina's stomach. He panted, weakly stroking as streaks of white continued to dribble onto her abdomen. Had he done it? Had he made it in time?

Slowly, Nina unfurled her fists, the tension leaving her body. She opened her eyes and for a brief moment, he saw it: disappointment. She wiped the look off her face, replacing it with the same brilliant smile he had fallen in love with. It was too late though. He had seen it. He had failed. He had failed her.

"Round two?" he sheepishly asked. It was wrong for only him to feel such pleasure and he wanted to make it up to her.

"I'd love to, but you know we shouldn't."

Ilya nodded. Though it didn't sit right with him, he understood. They were both grown adults now with adult responsibilities. Each of them had an early day tomorrow and couldn't afford to spend the night lost in revelry anymore. His repentance would have to wait another day.

He channeled mana into his hand, willing the water in the cup on the nightstand to rise out of its container and onto Nina's stomach. She giggled as the water scrubbed her skin clean, enveloping their messy aftermath much like a slime would. He split the blob into numerous droplets, controlling the beads so that they circled around him. The droplets spun, faster and faster, until Ilya snapped his fingers, after which the droplets deposited themselves into the chamber pot, one after the other. Nina applauded and he took a bow. A cheap party trick, it never failed to amuse her though.

It was her turn now. Nina concentrated for a second, touching her lip before softly blowing. A gentle gust of wind blew through the room, snuffing out every candle in a single pass. She turned to him, a smug expression on her face.

He couldn't help himself. The way her lush mouth curled into a smile, the way her green eyes shone, he playfully tackled her onto the bed. She let out a small shriek and fell beside him. He embraced her tightly, locking gazes with her before sharing a kiss.

"Good night, Ilya."

"Good night, Nina."

And then they separated, laying back on their respective pillows to catch some shut eye.

Some time passed in silence. But no matter how much he tried, Ilya couldn't fall asleep. He stared at the ceiling, his chest somehow feeling simultaneously heavy as well as empty. The weight of a thousand bricks was crushing him and yet, at the same time, there was a bottomless pit inside him, one he couldn't fully explain why. He felt bile beginning to rise in his throat. He was going to be sick. He swallowed hard.

Breath, he reminded himself. He watched Nina's chest rise and fall and he did his best to match her. No dice. Would this feeling last all night? He felt like he was going insane. Better to ask than to dwell on it.

"Hey Nina, you still awake?"

"Hm?" she murmured. Half awake at best.

"Are you... are you sure you don't want to go again?"

"Ilya, it's fine. I'm not mad or anything, alright? Don't worry about it so much." But that's what you said last time, he wanted to say, and the time before that. How could he not think about all the times he had failed her? He opened his mouth to apologize once more, but the sound of her snoring interrupted him. He closed his mouth. It seemed like it would be another long night with only his thoughts to keep him company.

***

"Ilya, hey Ilya, you there?"

"What?" he snapped out of his trance.

"I've been calling your name the last minute or so. You okay man?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, Alyosha. Just didn't get much sleep last night."

"Oh? You and Nina?" He stuck his thumb between his index and middle fingers, a wide grin stretched across his face.

Ilya slapped him across the shoulder in a way only two childhood friends could. He laughed, "stop it, what are you, five?"

"So? Was my man getting it on?"

"Yeah," he admitted.

"So what's got you down then? You have the girl of your dreams in bed with you."

Typical Alyosha, always getting straight to the pont. Ilya looked around the half-empty tavern, making doubly sure that no one he knew was there.

"Come on, tell me," Alyosha said.

"Promise me you won't laugh?"

"No guarantees, but I'll try."

That was about as good as one would ever be able to get from Alyosha, "the truth is, I finished before her yesterday."

Alyosha stared at him. "That's it?"

Now that he said it outloud, it dawned on him just how silly his worry seemed. In fact, he almost regretted bringing it up entirely.

"I know it seems dumb, but hear me out. You said I've got the girl of my dreams, right? And if you had the girl of your dreams, wouldn't you want to make sure that you're treating her right? That you're being fair?"

"Hey, I get it. Sorry, I didn't mean it like that. You got the girl of your dreams and don't want to mess it up. I get it. But finishing first, it happens to the best of us. Don't worry so much about it, it won't happen again."

"If I was capable of not worrying, I wouldn't be having this conversation right now."

Alyosha nodded, "fair point."

"Plus, I - uh," Ilya frowned, "this wasn't the first time."

"Ah," what more was there to say?

"Shit, I'm going to mess this up, aren't I? I'm going to lose her. I'm -"

"Ilya, stop. Hey, listen to me, stop!" he grabbed Ilya by the arms and shook him, "you listening to me? Nina's not the type of person to leave you over something like this. You two love each other, so much so that it makes me jealous. Keep your head up, everything will be alright."

Alyosha released his grip on Ilya and settled back into his seat, "in fact, let me tell you what you're going to do tonight. You're going to go home and give Nina a kiss on the lips. From there, you're going to lift her up and bring her to bed where you'll give her the best sex she's ever had. And when the two of you are done, you'll probably go for a second round, maybe even a third. Probably not a fourth though 'cause it'll be past your bedtime."

Ilya chuckled, his shoulders feeling a bit less tense than they had before. How could he not? Somehow, Alyosha always knew what to say. And though he doubted the night would go as Alyosha predicted, he did feel a bit more confident.

"Thanks, Alyosha."

He shrugged, "hey, what are friends for? Though if you want to thank me, how about taking me to Gemini Palace? Or better yet, finding me a girlfriend?"

"The first one seems a bit out of my budget and I don't think anyone can help with the second, so how about I treat you to a drink instead?"

"A bottle of my favorite liquor and we'll call it even."

Ilya smiled, "you'll have to take a rain check on that for now."

He flagged down the waitress and ordered two mugs of whatever swill the tavern had on tap. She looked at him funny, almost as if to ask if he was sure. He understood. It was early, much too early to already be drinking. But he dissuaded her concerns and confirmed his selection. Two mugs.

She brought out their drinks. Ilya clinked his mug against Alyosha's, "cheers."

"Good luck tonight."

***

"Welcome home, Ilya. Mmph." He planted his lips on hers, dropping his bag by his feet as scrolls and alchemy ingredients spilled out its side. He pressed his tongue against hers, the two mingling with one another. He held it, longer than he ever had. Finally, he relinquished her, their breaths hot.

"Wow," was all she managed.

She squealed as Ilya lifted her by the legs, "bed, now," he gruffly ordered. He took her to their room and deposited her on the bed like a sack of potatoes.

"What's gotten into you?" Nina purred. While his current actions weren't anything like his normal behavior, she wasn't against it.

"Nothing," he fibbed. He was a terrible liar. He knew that and she knew that, but Nina played along. Further questions could wait until after their passionate romp. He leaned in close to her, "now, you have five seconds to take off your blouse or you'll be buying a new one."

She did as commanded, pulling her blouse over her head, teasing him with every centimeter. He pinned her arms against the bed, cupping his free hand against her cheek and pulling her face towards his. He locked lips with her once more, shorter this time.

His chest was pounding, his pulse ringing in his ears. He could barely contain himself.

Ilya yanked her skirt and panties off, tossing the garments over his shoulder as he got onto his knees. He spared a second to admire her marvelous pussy. Though he had seen it hundreds of times before, it wasn't any less impressive the thousandth time around. He grabbed her by the thighs and dragged her closer, nuzzling her carefully groomed pubes.

He licked her clitoris, starting slow and picking up speed as so too did her moaning. Her hips gyrated with each bolt of ecstasy that ran through her and she flung her arms around him, holding tight.

Her back arched. She was close. Ilya pulled away and stood. He wanted to finish with her. For them to finish together. Nina understood without a word needing to be said. She climbed onto all four, undoing the buttons on his pants and letting gravity do the rest.

She tugged at his underwear and out flopped his flaccid cock. Weird. He was usually hard by now or, at the very least, sporting a half-chub. No matter though, Nina took his cock in her hand and began stroking.

But with each stroke, Ilya felt his bravado fading, his plan, crumbling. Get hard, he ordered, repeating it over and over as if he could will the blood into his penis. This was his chance to prove his worth to Nina, to show her how much he loved her. Ordering proved to be fruitless though and in the end, all he could do was put aside his pride and beg. Please get hard. Please. Was it so wrong for him to want to show his love for her? His cock remained limp.

He tore away from Nina, knocking into the shelf behind him. Various knick-knacks clattered onto the floor.

"Ilya?" she asked, her eyebrows furrowed with concern.

He wasn't getting hard. He wasn't getting hard. Ilya clutched his heart. Breath, he reminded himself. Fast. Everything was moving too fast. The room was spinning. Breath. Concentrate on what's there, on what's real. He stared deep into Nina's eyes. His pupils widened. Fear? She was scared? Why was she scared? No, it had to be disappointment. Or pity. Or disdain. Breath.

He couldn't breath.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. He hastily pulled up his pants, stumbling towards the exit like a drunkard. He needed to get out of here. He needed air.

"Ilya?" Nina cried out. She tumbled out of bed, scrambling for her clothes and doing her best to dress as quickly as she could. It was too late. He was out the door.

***

"Mind if I join you?"

Ilya glanced behind him. Alyosha. He turned back to his drink.

Alyosha pulled out one of the rickety stools, balancing perfectly on it as he draped his drenched overcoat on the seat beside him. How many times had they come to this dilapidated tavern during their university years? Normally, the place was bustling with students, but with the current weather, he was surprised it was even open.

The bartender came by to collect Ilya's empty mugs. Ilya held up his index and middle fingers. Two more. The bartender hesitated. He had already served Ilya half a dozen in quick succession, but it wasn't like there would be more customers that night. Plus, he had been quiet thus far. He gave Ilya his two drinks.

Ilya slid one down the counter to Alyosha, drinking until finally, Aloysha broke the ice.

"How are you feeling?" he probed.

Ilya glared at him, his eyes still raw. Did he look okay?

"Alright, bad question, I'll admit it. But you know," Alyosha began, "I had a feeling you'd be here. You always came rushing here after doing poorly on a test."

Ilya pressed the cold mug against his forehead, "and?"

"Well, it got me thinking. They were never terrible scores."

"They were below perfect."

"For gods' sake, Ilya, they were high eighties and low nineties! They were terrific scores!"

"For you, maybe. But I should have been able to do better."

Alyosha let the insult slide, "you're being too hard on yourself, then and now."

"I'm being too hard on myself?" Ilya scoffed, "about what? Wanting to please my partner? Even the dullest of idiots should be able to please their partner."

"According to who? Nina? Did she ever say that she expected to be pleasured one-hundred percent of the time?"

"According to common, fucking sense," he pushed through clenched teeth, "it's what any normal person should be able to do."

"But you two aren't just average people. None of us are. You're more than just numbers on a piece of paper. You're unique individuals with different wants and desires, different circumstances and conditions. Tell me, what do you want from this relationship?"

An easy question. Trivial, really and he opened his mouth to reply. But as he did so, he found no words that could easily encapsulate his feelings. Fragments of memories flashed through his mind; the day he had poked his friend and asked who the new transfer into their department was. To them, she was a five at best, but to him, she was perfect. He thought to their first date when he had drunk too much and thrown up all over her shoes. Despite that, she had nursed him all night and somehow, he had even managed to secure a second date. He thought to his most recent birthday when she had taken the herculean task of gathering all his friends for a surprise party. He thought of the little everyday things, being able to rave about his latest breakthrough in alchemical research to her, being able to hike through the enchanted forests, simply being with her. Yes, the sex was good, but more than anything, if he had to boil it down into one sentence, it would have to be,

"I want to be beside her." She was dazzling, like she had been blessed by the gods herself, and there was never a dull moment when he was with her.

Alyosha nodded his approval, "and what does she want?"

I don't know. "I don't know," he said out loud. The words felt foreign to him.

"Then how do you know this is what she wants?"

He finally saw a glimmer of what Alyosha was trying to tell him, "I don't."

"Then what are you waiting for? Go talk to her. Find out what it is that she truly wants."

Alyosha was right. He had been stuck in his own head for far too long. He only thought he knew what Nina wanted, but for all he knew, she desired nothing more than to be with him as well.

Ilya stood to leave. Yet despite the pep talk, he couldn't help but feel the tiny voice in him doubting everything they had just talked about. He turned to Alyosha,

"What if -"

"She won't," Alyosha said with the same resolute voice that only ship captains could, "she won't."

Ilya nodded. He drained his mug for the extra boost of confidence and raced for the door, "thanks again, Alyosha."

Alyosha waved him off, "be seeing you pal."

Ilya sprinted home, running like he never had run before as he clawed his way through mother nature's assault. Rain came from every direction, beating his skin raw. Lightning flashed around him, followed closely by the deafening crack of thunder. Ilya shielded his eyes. They were little more than minor annoyances to him and he pushed onward, fighting against the howling wind and the thick mud clinging to his feet.

He reached his building and bounded up the steps, two at a time. The door to his flat came into view. Shouldn't he stop and contemplate what he was about to do, the voice asked, to find the right words? He ignored the voice and burst through the front door. The small details could wait.

"Ilya," Nina exclaimed, "I was searching everywhere for you and when I couldn't find you, I thought -" tears welled up in her eyes.

"I'm sorry for running out like that and I'm sorry for worrying you, but I had a lot going through my head," he paused, "can we talk?"

"Of course," she said, "but first, let's get you changed." She helped Ilya out of his soggy clothing, wringing the excess water into a bowl before hanging them by the fire to dry. She handed him a towel and he wiped himself off, changing into a fresh set of clothes when done.

Nina beckoned for him to join her on the bed and he did so.

"Now, what is it you wanted to talk about?"" She asked softly.

"Do you love me?"

"Of course I do, Ilya."

"And what is it that you love about me?"

Her eyebrow raised, was he being serious? She searched his expression for some sign that this was a joke, that he was pulling her leg, but she found none. And so, she answered his sincerity with her own,

"Well, I love how on the day we met, you welcomed me into the department and treated me like I belonged, despite me being only one of a handful of women in the whole department. I love how on our first date, you went above and beyond to make sure I was having fun. Plus, I thought it was cute the way you apologized for throwing up on my shoes. I love how for your birthday, all your friends were more than willing to chip in. It showed me how much they treasured you and how lucky I was to have you as my boyfriend. I love when you talk about your research without dumbing it down and I love when we walk through the forest to collect ingredients. I love being with you."

Somewhere along the way, Ilya had grabbed a pillow and used it to cover his face.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm alright," he hugged the pillow even tighter, his face burning, "I just never knew how embarrassing it was to have someone say all that about you."

Her face grew flush, "you're that one that made me say it! And if you think it's any less embarrassing to say, well it's only fair that you say what you love about me."

And so he did. He told her everything he had thought while talking to Alyosha and more.

A titter escaped her lips. "Wow, that really was embarrassing."

Ilya fell backwards and onto the bed, his limbs spread wide as all control over his body evaporated. He was just so... relieved, to be able to affirm that she felt the same way about him.

Nina joined in beside him, "so what made you suddenly ask all this?"

Right, he still had one last question to ask, "when we have sex, do you care when I finish first?"

And it suddenly all clicked for Nina, "oh Ilya. Of course I care. But if you thought one bad night would ruin our relationship, I don't know what to tell you."

Ilya rolled over, propping himself on top of Nina with his forearms, and kissed her. It was far from his longest or deepest, but it was without a doubt, his most passionate.

"Shall we?" he asked.

She pulled him down and into her bosom, "how about we just cuddle for tonight?"

He could settle for that.

They put out the candles and crawled into bed. Nina lay her head on Ilya's chest, sidling up beside him for warmth while listening to the steady thrumming of his heart. He wrapped an arm around her, her tender skin rubbing against his. He combed his fingers through her hair, gently untangling the knots he found along the way. Though the storm continued to rage outside, all he could hear was her steady breathing. Alyosha had been right. Everything was alright.