African Gods in North America

For thousands of years, we have lived among you. Those of us you call Gods. Lately, we haven't been around. Ever wonder why? It's not because of the rise of Christianity and Islam along with Buddhism that the Gods of Paganism have vanished. There is another reason why. Simply put, we've been dying. There are many forces out there which can snuff the life of a God or Goddess. Chief among them is the God Devourer, also known as Mad Uma. A primordial female entity that existed long before The Big Bang. And she hates the Gods and Goddesses of the world with a passion. She's already consumed the Gods of Olympus, the Gods of Scandinavia and the Gods of the Egyptian Ennead. Long ago she devoured the Gods of Mesoamerica. Now she's after the Last Ones, as we African Gods and Goddesses are called.

My name is Anansi. Anyone looking at me would see a six-foot-tall, slim Black man in his twenties. What you don't realize is that I've been alive since before the universe began. The Ashanti People of Africa once worshiped me as the Trickster God. Unlike the bozo described in a certain book by an Englishman living in the United States of America, I'm as African as can be. And proud of it. These days, I live in the town of Ottawa, Province of Ontario. I attend Carleton University. To the mortal world, I'm Eddy Nanse. An international student from continental Africa. I'm liking my new life in North America, folks. There are lots of African students at the Canadian school I attend and it works just fine for me. I was really starting to settle in when a certain visitor reminded me that as a God living on the planet Earth, peace must always elude me.

My buddy Eshu, Lord of the Crossroads and God of Fortune, came calling. He waltzed into Carleton University disguised as a short, chubby Black guy with a red T-shirt, blue jeans and Timberland boots. Calling himself Anthony Akbar, he went to the registrar's office and asked to see me. Normally, the school administrators don't reveal that kind of information to bozos walking in from the streets but we must not forget that Eshu is a God in disguise. We deities can be awfully persuasive when we want to be. So I wasn't surprised when 'Anthony' sat next to me in my psychology class inside South Hall. I rolled my eyes at his latest disguise. The last time I saw him, he was Olga, a slim blonde beauty from Sweden carrying on a torrid lesbian affair with Liz, a butch Black woman in the town of Detroit, Michigan. I asked him how that turned out. Eshu casually told me that the discomforts of race-switching and gender-bending aside, lesbian sex turned out to be more fun than he could have imagined. He would have gone onto graphic detail if I hadn't asked him why he felt the need to leave the States and come all the way to Ontario to bother me.

Eshu looked at me, suddenly all business. With a grim look in his eyes, he told me the few words that set me off on my next adventure. My pal Obatala, a poor drunk of a God from West Africa, was dead. Apparently, he foolishly engaged the God Devourer in single combat instead of taking off like any sensible deity without suicidal tendencies. A shudder passed through me when Eshu told me this. Obatala and I went way back, man. I remember when we got in trouble with Olorun the Sky God, mainly because we were playing lookout while Eshu fornicated with one of the Immortal women of the Orishas. The Orishas are considered sacred to Lord Olorun and he forbids any God from having relations with them. When he caught Eshu, Olorun hurled him inside a Black Hole at the edge of the Milky Way Galaxy and it took Eshu three hundred standard years to extricate himself. Good times, folks. Good times. Obatala and I threw him a fantastic party when he returned.

Eshu gently touched my shoulder, and I suddenly realized he had more to tell me. I told him to spill the beans, but he refused. I grabbed the chubby little dude by the collar and told him to quit wasting my time. Eshu finally spoke, and when he did, I wished he hadn't. For the news he gave me simply shattered my heart into a million pieces. Yemaja was missing. If I could have had a heart attack upon hearing those news, I would have. Yemaja and I have a complicated history. Picture this, if you will. A six-foot-one, athletic but curvy Black woman with long black hair braided into neat cornrows. A Black Goddess. And not just any Black Goddess. The Black Goddess of the Moon. Regent of the Sun. The favorite of our Lord Olorun himself. The female warrior par excellence. And such a hottie. She's got the face of singer Alicia Keys, the body of starlet Ashanti, the legs of actress Beyonce Knowles, and the butt of tennis legend Serena Williams. In other words, the woman is perfection come to life!

Even among Gods and Goddesses, Immortal beings who live forever unless we are slain, some stand out. Among us, Yemaja is a superstar. I've been in love with her forever and a day, man. She's that one woman you meet and you know you're never going to forget her. Yemaja is amazing. And here's the funny thing. A lot of extremely beautiful women, both mortal and divine, have all the personality and empathy of a volcanic rock. Yemaja isn't like that. She's intelligent, friendly and actually kind. A no-nonsense woman with a strong sense of justice who doesn't suffer fools. Throughout time, countless Gods and a few Goddesses of every pantheon have vied for her hand. Thor, Thunder God of the Norse Warrior Gods of Scandinavia, did make a play for her before marrying the Norse Goddess Sif. Hercules, Prince of the Grecian Gods and Lord of All Physical Prowess, pursued Yemaja but she turned him down. Azumi-No-Isora, Japanese God of the Seashore, also made a play for her. All of these amazing deities from distant lands came to the depths of Africa to seek this simply amazing Immortal Black woman. And do you know whom she gave her heart to? Me. The Trickster. The Practical Joker. The guy with the riddles. The funny man. The father of comedy. The lord of laughter. I know what you're thinking. She's so frigging high above me. Way beyond my level. And you're right. There was nothing a bozo like me could offer to a Goddess like her. But I loved her. And I swore to her that if it came down to it, I would offer my eternal life to the Devourer to spare hers.

Yemaja and I had a whirlwind romance. Gods and Goddesses far and wide were stunned to find that she was into me. Many suspected Black magic. However, they acquiesced as we got married. We were so happy together for three centuries. Then, like many fools married to amazing women, I fucked it up. And I lost my Yemaja. No, I didn't cheat on her. I just said something I shouldn't have said. And she never forgave me. Don't make me repeat it. It's just something no man in his right mind should ever say to a lady. Something unforgivable. Yeah, talking to Eshu brought back all those memories. Next to us, my buddies sat in class. I often envy mortals. They're so oblivious to it all. My pal Hector, a burly guy from Cancun, Mexico, exchanged dap with my other friend Jamal, a tall Black guy from Boston, Massachusetts. They were both checking out Maria, a big-booty mixed chick from El Salvador whom half the guys in class lusted after. Maria is half Black and half Hispanic, and she is hot indeed. Eshu checked her out and smiled. I felt like smacking him. He just told me the worst news ever and he wasn't even phased by what I was going through. Gently he touched my shoulder, then vanished. Neither Hector nor Jamal noticed anything out of the ordinary was going on. Side effect of being mortal. There's so much they can't see.

I sat in class, lost in my thoughts. I thought of Yemaja and how simply amazing she looked in her wedding dress. I licked my lips as I remembered our first kiss as hubby and wife during the ceremony presided over by an incredulous Lord Olorun. I suddenly stood up. I can't have the Devourer have her, folks. I simply can't. Let that monstrosity swallow up the whole universe but if she put one of her slimy tentacles on my Yemaja, I will unleash hell. Resolved to take action at last, I stood up. I willed myself out of my human form, and into the form of the Divine. Gods and Goddesses exist as pure thought and pure power. The forms we assume are just a disguise. Thus began my Quest for Yemaja. I searched the whole world for her, and beyond. I visited other planets, saw a thousand alien life forms. I walked inside the Sun itself. I looked inside Black Holes. I looked everywhere. And I couldn't find her. Finally, I left the Milk Way Galaxy. I rode the Arms of the Barbed Spiral on which a whole cluster of Galaxies rested. And it was the one place every God feared to thread. For the Spirals were the favorite traveling spot of the Devourer as she sought more Divine life forms to devour in an infinite number of planets. My search took a long time. Finally, I approached the Lair of the Devourer of The Gods. Mad Uma herself.

To Divine sight, Uma was an event horizon filled with unstable energies. To me, she was malevolence itself. Legend has it that when the Ancient Ones created the pre-Big Bang universe along with the Gods and Goddesses, one of them went mad. This maddened entity eventually became Mad Uma, and she feeds on the Gods and Goddesses of the cosmos because we're the first intelligent Immortals created by her sworn enemies, the Ancient Ones. Mad Uma greeted me with taunts and screams. She told me she would feed on me as she fed on all the Gods and Goddesses that came before me. And at last I knew fear. For Mad Uma had defeated Yahweh Himself, the Most Powerful of All the Gods of planet Earth. Yahweh who had toppled the Olympians, the Norse Gods and the Egyptian Ennead along with the Mesoamerican Gods before succumbing to the wrath of Mad Uma. His armies of Angels had been decimated by the evil one. Even now, the one called Yahweh, Jehovah, God and Allah by Christians, Jews and Muslims was within the belly of the beast. If such eminences had fallen, what chance did I have?

I stood before Mad Uma, and asked her if she had my Yemaja. The foul beast nodded. It was as if a spear of light went through my heart. Agony shot through me. I felt deep despair. The woman I loved was dead. The despair threatened to overwhelm me. However, I was made of sterner stuff. Tricksters like me are always underestimated. Because we fight with our wits rather than our fists, people and deities think we're cowards. Fools. I did the last thing Mad Uma expected. I knelt before her, and offered myself to her mouth. Let her devour me. I had lost my one true love. I did not want to live. I'd rather die and share my love's fate. Mad Uma laughed, then she obliged me. The foul beast drew me into its mouth and swallowed me whole. As the beast ingested me, I felt drained of all my power. Inside of her, I saw them all. Hundreds of thousands of Gods and Goddesses whom she swallowed in her maddened quest across the universe. Among them was my Yemaja. Upon seeing me, she screamed in pain. I rushed to her and took her in my arms. At last we embraced. I looked into her eyes. She was even more beautiful than I remembered. I silently promised her I'd get her out of this.

Even as I made that promise, the solution came to me. The deities Mad Uma vanquished were alive and well within her. They weren't dead as I thought. And one by one they told me the same thing. The foul beast drew them to her one at a time and vanquished them all. One at a time, eh? Why? I knew this was important but why. Why indeed. Suddenly, the answer came to me. Mad Uma fed on the life force of deities. We were like batteries to her. Maybe she couldn't take more than one at a time because too much of a good thing is a bad thing. Smiling at Yemaja, I spoke to the others. I proposed something to them. For all of them to pour their power into me, that way my unsurpassed shape-shifting powers would augment and I would cause to Mad Uma some severe internal damage. The others didn't like the idea of willfully surrendering their power, even though I assured them it would be temporary. I shook my head. Getting deities to work together is like herding cats. In the end, it took my Yemaja, a Goddess they all respected, to convince them. Leading by example, she poured her power into me. I felt it course through me, and I tripled in size. One by one the others followed Yemaja's lead, and I felt ready to explode. Suddenly I was titanic in size. Bigger than a planet. Too big for Mad Uma. The foul beast yelped in pain as I tore her apart from the inside out. And as I ripped openings, or rather, exits in her body, my fellow deities escaped.

Even as the others escaped, Mad Uma raged and tried to repair her damaged body. I held on until all the others were gone. Yemaja was the last to go. She wanted to stay with me. Sword of fire in hand, she offered her help. I looked at her. My magnificent Black Goddess. Peerless in the heavens. She's so amazing. Even after all I've done to her, she still loved me. With tears in her eyes, Yemaja told me she wouldn't abandon me. I can't tell you how much it warmed my heart to hear those words. I leaned over and kissed her. And at the same time, I unleashed all the energy that my body contained. I hurled Yemaja from Mad Uma's body, and restored the other divinities powers to them. Immediately they began bombarding Mad Uma with their raw power. Mad Uma had never faced so many deities at once. And after what I did to her, she was severely weakened. I continued tearing her apart inside as she was hammered by energy blows from the Gods and Goddesses whom I recently freed. The foul beast was starting to regenerate. The newly restored deities had been trapped inside her for eons. Many lacked their full power. I couldn't let her take them again. So I did the only thing I could think of. I morphed...into a sun. Mad Uma howled in pain as she was consumed from within and without. Even as she died, she turned herself into the one thing suns might fear if they were sentient. A Black Hole. I tried desperately to return to my formless phase and escape but the foul beast wouldn't let me. I held on for as long as I could...for I knew this was the end.

Even as Mad Uma's Black Hole began breaking down my sun, I felt my consciousness exiting my form. Energy can't be created or destroyed, only transformed, remember? I found myself dissolving, or rather, evaporating. From flame to smoke, to something else. I thought of my fellow deities. I do hope they were able to get away. Especially my Yemaja. I'm not sure she can hear me but I sent her a telepathic message. Three little words. I won, babe! Hey, I love my Yemaja but I'm still a Trickster, you know? I never do what's expected of me! And without further ado, I slipped away as the sun I had been detonated inside Mad Uma's Black Hole and the two cancelled each other out. Nothing remained. I sensed the other deities gathering at the site of my final battle. Mad Uma was no more. I found myself drifting away. And at last, I knew no more. I know, it surprised me too. Apparently, foolishly heroic Trickster Gods can die. And so could whatever Mad Uma had become. However, I did not stay that way.

I found myself in a vast hall filled with titanic figures. I sensed vast wisdom and unlimited power emanating from them. At once I knew what they were. The Ancients. Silently they welcomed me among them. Apparently, my sacrifice convinced them to spare my life and elevate me to Ancient status. That's really cool, but what I wanted to do was return to the Realm of the Gods. To my Yemaja. If you saw her butt you'd understand my hurry. Plus she'd be real happy to see me after the heroics and stuff. I'm thinking she might want to sex me down till kingdom come, you know? The Ancients told me I wasn't allowed to return. I smiled at them. If they think they can keep me here, they're sadly mistaken. I took a respectful bow and then...I flashed them the middle finger and vanished. Never give unlimited power to a Trickster. Especially one who's in love with the hottest woman in the universe. Yemaja, here I come!