Stir Crazy
Dick Coxwell was a heavy sleeper. Part of this was because he lived alone on a spaceship and usually had no reason to wake up early or late as these terms were relative to life on planets. The other part was because he rarely slept, and thus cherished the sleep he took the way a man in a desert would cherish his water. As Dick woke slowly, he followed his usual routine of rolling over to go back to sleep for a while. Except this time something was in his way. Pink hair tickled his nose as the petite, girlish figure of Ashway Ren snuggled against him. Her arm draped over him as she cuddled to him sleepily.
After a moment of wondering how she got into his room, Dick couldn't help but become distracted by how cute she was. Her adorable face with the button nose looked extra cute as some dream made her smile. Her perky breasts brushed against his arm, doing nothing to discourage his morning wood. Still dreaming, Ashway began to cling tighter to him. Her leg now looped around his own and she wrapped herself to him.
There was no doubt in Dick's mind that he could love this woman for the rest of his life. There was, however, no blood in his manhood as the feeling of Ashway's morning wood against his thigh demolished his early rizer. Ashway sleepily blinked open her green eyes and looked seductively into Dick's. He felt her stiffen, he remained flaccid. "The universe must enjoy fucking with people." Dick thought as he ruffled Ashway's hair and went to take a shower.
***
"It didn't work! You said it was a sure thing!" Ashway yelled at Daisy in the lounge of the battleship. The holographic female projection of the ships AI began to shift to an annoyed orange color as she responded.
"I don't understand it. That's a common scenario in all of the porn he reads." The AI quickly reviewed the records of Dick's browsing history as well as the arousal levels she had detected as she observed his sexual health to ensure his ability to complete the mission. All of humanity's women were dead, a virus released by the deadliest enemy mankind had ever faced infected every human alive. Only women were killed by the virus and now mankind, for now it truly was 'mankind,' had to find new genetic possibilities in the stars or become as extinct as their foe.
Daisy actually did not honestly want anything to happen between Ashway and her Captain. Dick was 'her' Captain, and until recently, the only person she had ever had inside of her. The mission and her programming were clear, though. The 50% chance that Ashway Ren could be genetically compatible with Dick was the best chance they had encountered in the two years since their long distance jump and decanting from cold sleep.
"Nothing we've tried has worked! The 'dress shirt' option had him going till I got aroused. Cooking in just an apron looked good since he pushed me up against the counter, but got limp as soon as I turned around and our things touched." Ashway complained.
"It's Dick that's the problem here." Daisy said.
"Yeah, I don't think he likes mine." Ashway agreed.
"...Not... exactly what I meant, but close enough. What I don't get is how one little penis can make such a huge difference to him."
"It's not little!" Ashway protested. Daisy fixed the alien girl with a stare so flat you could play pool on it. As Ashway's defiance withered under the gaze, the AI continued.
"He brings you up on the cameras all the time when he's masturbating, so I know he finds your body sexually appealing."
"He does?" Ashway said with a surprised smile on her face and her hands on her cheeks in an adorable expression of shyness. If Daisy had a digestive tract she would have retched. Her enthusiasm waning, Daisy decided it was time to be more direct.
"We're just going to have to corner him then. You, make every excuse to get him to look at you. Rub yourself against him every chance you get. Make sure that he's thinking nothing but sexual thoughts about you for every hour that he's awake. I'll make sure he can't masturbate for a few days, maybe deprive him of a little sleep so you can have more chances. Eventually he'll get so crazy for some release he's bound to jump you."
"You'd really go that far for me?" Ashway looked at Daisy as if she had just received the best compliment in the world. Daisy, for her part, utterly bottomed out on her enthusiasm to complete the mission.
"Anything for the mission." Her programming forced her to say.
"Yay! I'm going to do something for you too!" Ashway said with a huge smile.
"Really i'm just following my programming." Daisy replied in monotone.
"Aww don't be like that. I'll be sure to do my best since you're doing all this for me! You suck my dick I'll suck yours!" Dick had walked in at the end of the sentence and after giving both the rooms occupants a disturbed look of confusion, exited the room as if it was venting atmosphere.
***
The recording began looking at the floor. The hands that held the recording device were unsteady, and ragged breathing could be heard over the mic.
"Work you piece of... oh." Dick turned the lens towards his face. The normally handsome visage was strained. His skin was paler than usual and dark circles lined his eyes. His breath still came in ragged gasps as though he had been running to his current location. "My name is... fuck... Dick... no... Richard Coxwell, former Captain of the starship Daisy of the Human Defense Fleet. I'm leaving this message as a warning for whoever finds this ship. Onboard AI is malfunctioning. The other crew member has gone crazy and is hunting me down. I don't know if we picked up some kind of virus or dick or fuck! I haven't slept for 160 hours, so I don't blame you if this doesn't make sense. All I can say for sure is that you must beware the dick! Remember! Beware the dick!" A sound in the background made the upside down view of Dick flinch as his eyes darted this way and that in a sudden panic. "I can't stay here! Heed my warning! Beware the dick! Oh shit was I holding this thing upside-dow..." The recording ended abruptly.
***
Ashway and Daisy stared with shocked expressions at the recording they had found in the hallways. They had lost track of Dick almost eight hours ago.
"What the hell?" Ashway said. "How did he get so paranoid? All we did was keep him awake a little and pester him. Are you sure it was safe to keep him awake that long?"
"What have I done..." Daisy stared at the image of Dick's thumb and the ceiling at the termination of the recording. "I... I checked the psychological and health statistics and determined that five days should be fine. I forgot to account for sleep debt and Dick's non standard biorhythm. Oh God I've been killing my Captain!"
Ashway stared at the AI in shock. Most AI were simulations of living beings. A pretty finish over the mathematical machine to put the end user at ease talking to them. The more she interacted with Daisy, the more Ashway was certain that she was one of the rare instances of a truly sentient AI. Capable of computing teraflops worth of data, they were living beings and therefore, still fallible. Daisy was not a window dressing over a glorified calculator. She was a living being with feelings. Feelings for her Captain, Ashway realized.
"You love him don't you?" Ashway asked softly.
"Of course I do!" Daisy responded, her usually calm voice rising in anguished tones as her hologram burned red. "He's been the only person I've ever spoken to, the only one who had ever touched me or cared. Up until a month ago he was the only one I had ever had inside me! Up until a week ago he was the only one who had ever come inside me too." Ashway blushed and averted her gaze.
"I'm sorry. I didn't consider what this all meant to you. You were being such a big help, and all I could think about was helping Dick with his mission." Ashway said to the AI she now saw as a person for the first time.
