Copyright 2017 Alana Church
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~~ All characters in this book are over 18. ~~
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Prologue
September, 1916
"Hazel Martin! Come down here and help me make dinner for your father and brother and the farmhands!"
"I can't, Mama," Hazel shouted cheerfully down the stairwell. "Someone is on the way up to the house. I have to see who it is. I think it might be Maggie O'Leary and her brother John! Maybe she has news from Jimmy."
She turned around, ignoring her mother's aggravated snort echoing up from the ground floor, and walked back out onto the widow's walk surrounding the second floor of the farmhouse. Solidly built of good Canadian brick, it loomed over four hundred acres of prime Ontario farmland, just south of the village of Brantford, on the north shore of Lake Erie. It had been in her family for three generations, ever since Luther Martin and his wife and infant son emigrated from England nearly a hundred years ago.
She shielded her eyes, looking west, as the horse-drawn wagon slowly made its way up the lane. In a moment she smiled, certain that she was right. Even though she now wore it in a fashionable bob, she could recognize the black cap of Maggie's hair, so like her brother's, from a mile away. Her younger brother John, too young to go fight in France, held the reins of the placid carthorses, Devil and Demon.
Hazel waved down as John brought the wagon to a rumbling stop on the flagstones of the dooryard. "Come on up!"
Maggie looked up as she climbed out of the wagon. Even from twenty feet up and thirty yards away, Hazel thought her face looked pale. A shiver passed down her spine. Had she received bad news from France? Had Jimmy been hurt?
She had begged her fiance not to enlist. And when he did, she had prayed to God that he would not be sent overseas. But they had stood together on this spot a few months ago, with Jimmy tall and proud in his khaki dress uniform. His regiment had received orders, and would be sent to France to fight the Germans.
"Why?" she had demanded, soaking the front of his uniform with her tears. "Why is it so important that you go? Can't you...can't you tell them you've changed your mind?"
"The army doesn't work that way, Hazel," he said, his gentle voice rumbling against her cheek. The soft whisper of his breath stirred her hair. "And even if it did, who would ever trust my word again, if I broke my oath? Besides," he continued, his words gaining the lilting brogue he had inherited from his immigrant father, "You know how some people around here talk about my family. About whether an Irishman can be a loyal member of the British Empire. When I come back, they will know I'm every bit as good as they are. I can hold my head up anywhere."
"They're idiots," she sniffled. "You know my family doesn't think that way. They love you almost as much as I do." She snuggled in closer, trying to memorize the feel of him in her arms, to hold onto for the lonely days and nights to come. She smiled to herself as she felt him harden against her, and an answering heat bloomed in her belly. "We could get away," she whispered. She let her hand sink lower to cover his groin. "I'm sure Mama and Daddy would understand if I took you to the barn and gave you a special farewell."
He pulled away slightly, and she could see his lovely smile. One lean hand reached up to stroke her cheek, and he curled a lock of her brown hair around his finger, just like he used to do when they were both children in primary school.
"No, Hazel. What if I got you with child, and something happened to me? Would you have him be born a bastard, and me not even able to give him my name?"
"Or her," she corrected. "Besides, Fawn Shephard told me that Sonny Sawyer told her that you can't make a baby the first time."
"Then Sonny Sawyer is a damn fool," Jimmy replied. "And so is Fawn for believing him. Think sense, Hazel. You're a farmer's daughter. Have you ever heard about a heifer not being able to catch pregnant because it was her first time with a bull?"
Hazel giggled. "Is that how you think of yourself?" She stroked him, feeling him shiver under her hand. "Please, Jimmy. I want you. I want something to remember you by. And I don't want to wait months or years for you to come back before we can finally be together."
If you come back. The unspoken fear hung between them.
"Stop," he said hoarsely. One strong hand caught her wrist. "I don't want to shame myself our last night together. And that's what will happen if you keep that up." He bent and kissed her softly. "Virginity is no sin, Hazel. I love you. I am willing to wait for you. Are you willing to wait for me?"
*****
Maggie opened the screen door that led out onto the walk, and terror gripped Hazel's heart. Her friend's normally cheerful face was an open wound, her blue eyes red and raw from weeping.
"Jimmy?" she asked.
Maggie nodded. "Two weeks ago. At a place called Courcelette." She held out a letter.
Courcelette, France
19 September, 1916
Mr. and Mrs. Joseph O'Leary
Brantford, Ontario
Sir and Madam:
It is with great regret I must report to you the death of your son, Corporal James Francis O'Leary. With his unit, he was involved in an attack on the village of Courcelette. He fought bravely, but was struck and badly wounded by a shell fragment on 4 September 1916. He died in hospital several days later, on 17 September. The company chaplain was with him in his last moments, and reported to me that his thoughts were of his family and his fiancee, Miss Hazel Martin.
May God grant you strength in this trying time.
I have the honor to be,
Your obedient servant,
Lieutenant Colonel John G. Hattray
Commanding Officer
10th Battalion
Canadian Expedition Force
"There was a form, too," Maggie said. Over her shoulder, Hazel could make out her mother standing in the doorway, tears running down her cheeks. She held out the envelope in a shaking hand. "And a lock of his hair. I suppose for us to remember him by. And some...some ghoul included the bit of shrapnel that killed him." Her voice trembled with grief and rage.
"No," Hazel whispered. Her heart was a lump of poisoned ice in her chest. "He's not dead. He can't be dead." I told him I'd wait. When he came back I was going to give myself to him. Be his. Lay my virginity down on the altar of our love. No one could keep us apart ever again.
A strangled sob shook her, and she slumped back against the wall of the house, cramping around the horrible grief in her belly, the bricks gritty through the cloth of her sky-blue dress. I suppose I will have to start wearing black now, she thought inanely. Jimmy always said the color didn't suit me.
A hundred memories of him rushed through her mind. A thousand. A million. The dark blue of his eyes, a different shade in each kind of light. Days at school when they were both children, working on their arithmetic together. The feel of his kind, strong hands. The way his wavy black hair fell over his forehead, making her fingers itch to straighten it. Long, lazy days talking in his father's shop or here at the farm, falling in love so slowly it was almost a surprise when she realized how much she cared for him.
Never again. Never, ever again. Her brimming eyes focused on the twisted lump of metal in Maggie's hands, and her soul screamed with hatred.
"Filthy thing," she snarled. "Get it out of my sight!" She snatched it away from Maggie and strode to the edge of the porch. She cocked her arm back, hurling it as far away from her as she could.