A Secret Revealed

Hey all! I'm really happy to be releasing this chapter because it's the first punch to the face you'll be getting in terms of the plot and also which direction this story will be going in. Please enjoy it as much as I did writing - and thinking - about it. Constructive criticism is always welcome and encouraged so please don't be shy. Just don't be rude about it. I'm learning as I go, so I'm eager to hear your thoughts. Anyways, here is Chapter 5!

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- Chapter 5 -

Hours passed. I stared at the ceiling, back against the couch, limbs lazily sprawled out in front of me. Ideas flickered and faded before my eyes, all of them crumbling because of the unknown variables. Rose was balled up behind me, still asleep after that passionate moment. The cold began to tickle my arms with goosebumps and I'm sure Rose felt it, too. Although I couldn't move. All connections to the rest of my body were severed, allowing my attention to be on a single thought. Who is she? Well, I met her almost four months ago. Before I moved in she'd been alone in her apartment. And sometime leading to that she'd met Mary who fixed up her hand. She's freely spoken to me about anything that's happened in the passed couple of years, but nothing beyond that, and the trail hits an abrupt end right there. I knew nothing else about her. Where did she grow up? What kind of people were her parents? Did she have siblings?

A sigh fell into my lap and I slouched deeper. So tired...tired of thinking, tired of not knowing. I would ask her. I would find out, one way or another. For now, however, my body was numb and my thoughts were exhausted from theory crafting. Is this how my dad felt? Did he go through the same process of guessing and failing until he mentally shattered into depression? I smiled and reached out in front of me. I missed the days when he could take my hand and we'd walk down the street to see the neighbor's children. It was those few times I was able to leave the house and we could only do it when my mother was away on business. She would've been furious if she found out. I didn't have a lot of friends in my neighborhood, and I knew that they were kinda indifferent about my existence. We rarely hung out, so I guess they could never grow close to me.

My fingers curled inward, closing my hand. But that's gone. He's gone...

I reeled my legs in, bringing my knees closer to hold against me. Planting a cheek on them, I felt a heavy blanket wrapping around me, but instead of warmth I was weighed down by a sheet of ice. That was so long ago and yet I still couldn't move on. No, I didn't deserve to let go. I deserved the pain, this emptiness, the guilt. His cluttered life of obstacles and troubles and pain and death...and me. Who else could've driven him to suicide? The man with a freak for a child.

Trembling, gritting my teeth, puzzles of my mold peeled away and exposed the turmoil beneath... but a vibration saved me from myself. That familiar tune of Linkin Park blared from Rose's pocket; A song with a fitting title, 'Given Up'. Composing myself, I turned to see that Rose was waking up and patting her jean shorts. Her emeralds squinted, obviously from being awoken by a loud song and a harsh vibe against her leg. She shifted along the couch until she was resting upright, awkwardly digging around to retrieve her phone.

After reading the caller ID, she met my gaze. Eyes snapping awake, she whispered the words, "It's her". Not touching the button yet, we shared our fear and doubts silently, preparing us. Her thumb circled its target for longer than she expected and then suddenly sunk into the button. "Hey" she pressed it to her ear and I heard Mary's voice on the other end, too muffled and unclear for me to make out what she was saying.

Rising to my feet, anxiety brought a finger to my lips. I bit down on its edge, hard enough to leave a wet dent in my flesh. If it weren't for my basic human instincts, I'm sure I would've drawn blood with my clenching jaw.

"No, it's okay. I get it, don't worry. Your job is way more important than this" Rose gave a halfhearted laugh. The voice continued and she turned away slightly. "Okay..." her eyes lost some life. "Thanks, Marianne" the connection died and Rose's hand limply slapped her thigh.

I didn't need her to tell me what the outcome was. "Eve..." her hues wandered to mine and a pit spiraled into my chest. "...you're..." she battled to make the sentence, "...it's impossible".

Swallowing hard, a fire was struck in my burning throat. The smoke tried to escape through my eyes... but I was smiling and nodding and sucking it down.

"Eve..." her mood dampened to sincerity. "...I'm sorry" She tried to comfort me.

The smoldering ashes burned a hole through my windpipe and it hurt to breath... but I kept smiling and rejecting her words and shrugging away the pain.

She stood immediately, her hands gripping me tightly while her hues searched mine for the truth, "Eve, are you okay?".

Couldn't she understand that there was NOTHING wrong with me. Damn it, why couldn't she see? Leaning in, I pecked her with trembling lips. Gliding my digits around her side, a fingertip pressed into the fabric of her lower back and I made her feel the words, 'I'm fine'. Pulling away from the kiss, that same smile tore a line through my lips. Whether she believed it or not, she eased her hold on me and eventually let me go. I was free but split in two. One half lingered in front of her, its body swaying from all the weight...but the other half was walking to the bedroom, hoping to sink through the bed sheets and drown. Before I could decide, my feet were moving away from her and she followed not soon after.

"You can feel sad, ya know? It's alright to" her voice stabbed through my heart, making my whole body tense... but I held up my smile like a shield. I glanced back at her to let her know that I was okay, but her expression knew otherwise. Stop it. Stop caring so much. Whipping my eyes away, every aching part of me wanted to break down and I felt the ground upturning. My palms found the bed and all of that went away. Just let me sleep, Rose. Just let me drown. I collapsed onto the mattress as a curling heap, facing the far wall. Please... I'm not worth your concern.

The bed sunk a little as her body cradled mine, her hand draping over my hip to pull me in. She was the spoon that kept my melted form together. Squeezing me gently, she said something that almost boiled my anxiety to its limit. "Don't bottle up your feelings... you'll hurt the people who love you..." caressing my side, her voice wrapped around my neck like a noose, "...Your pain is mine, too".

I found it impossible to swallow my emotions any longer. The pillow caved in as I nuzzled into it to silence myself. Finding her hand, I clutched it for comfort, but I didn't let my feelings surface. She kissed my shoulder carefully, her fingers trailing up my arm. "I love you, Eve. Nothing will change that" her breath warmed my neck with one last kiss and then she sunk to her half, leaving me drifting in my own treacherous sea of thoughts... but my smile held me together. My smile allowed me to bury everything inside myself.

- 2 months ago -

"Can I tell you a little secret?" Rose asked, still tapping her foot against a lonesome rock in the sand. Her phone wasn't normally that loud, but on the beach all by ourselves her music seemed to fill the air. As usual, the song was rock that bordered on metal, the stuff she generally listened to.

Rolling to the side, I propped my head up on an elbow and watched her quietly. She was in a trance, her expression blank as she stared into the ocean. Her thoughts were wild, being controlled, replaying memories that she didn't want to remember. It was the moment I realized that she had a story to tell, a story that's been eating her alive. There was something inside of her that even she was scared of.

Finally, when the sun pulled the blanket of sea over its face, she turned to me. "My favorite song..." she cracked a tiny grin, "...you'd never guess it".

My first assumption was an image of someone screaming on stage with electric guitars slicing air itself with their power. A group of guys with black makeup outlining their eyes and lips, perhaps. Maybe some deep growls feeding the microphone and sticks beating the drum set to death. Yeah, probably something like that. Although, I couldn't pinpoint exactly what song that would be, so I shrugged and returned the smile.

She swayed subtly in thought before leaning closer. Brushing her nose over my temple, she whispered it to me and then backed away, watching for my reaction.

I'd heard that song before, but it took me a second to click. The really chilled beat, the melancholy, monotone vibe. Shifting to sit upright, I raised a brow. Out of all the songs in the world, why would she choose that one? For the time I'd known her, she exclusively listened to stuff that exploded from her speakers, riled your anger and got your blood boiling. But this? This was the polar opposite. A song like this attached itself to your emotions and kneaded your heart between its palms, molding it into a mess of feelings. It helped ease your pain through empathy. Something that I'd listen to for hours on end until I forgot about what made me sad in the first place. Why would she care about something like that?

She turned to face the ocean, once again. "That song lets me filter all of it..." she placed a hand on her chest, clawing through the fabric to try and reach her heart, "...it makes it easier to remember".

- Present. Later that night -

I couldn't sleep, not with the needles pricking my throat. Every time I swallowed, another pin was inserted. Rose hadn't stirred for quite some time, so I assumed that she had fallen asleep. Still, I held it all in. I didn't deserve to cry, because I knew that it would make me feel better in the end. Doing this to myself was a suiting punishment. My curse continued to make my life a living hell, and now it even hurt Rose. Damn it, why was I so useless? Why couldn't I just do something right for once in my life? Why couldn't I just do this one small thing for her? Clutching my hand into a fist, I glared at it with a seething hatred. Everything about me...all of it could burn.

The bed creaked with movement and I instantly calmed. Was Rose awake? I closed my eyes and waited, pretending that I was asleep, but sneaked a few peeks when I thought it was safe. As I thought, Rose had gotten out of bed and she was walking to one of her cupboards. She probably hadn't been sleeping at all, just like me. Parting the wooden doors quietly, she crouched to the lowest drawer and pulled it open carefully. Whatever was inside, I couldn't really see, but it looked like a box. She cradled it in her palms and glanced back at me, making sure I hadn't moved. Afterwards, she slipped out of the room, without a word or reason. No door was opened, no more footsteps. I guessed that she went to the lounge, but why? Actually, I knew the answer to that, but I didn't want to accept it.

Of course she didn't want to be near me. Could I blame her? This was what I deserved, wasn't it? I should be alone to torment myself further. Because the only thing that could hurt me more than life itself was my own mind, my sharpened thoughts. More painful than a knife, because this way I'd never run out of blood.

But...

Pushing against the mattress, I flipped onto my back and searched the darkness. Wouldn't that hurt Rose, just as much? If I kept everything inside then she would bear the same weight as me until we spoke about it. This lingering aura would never cease, not until we dealt with it. Our peace rested on my shoulders.

That's why I stood up, not for me...but for her.

I hugged myself as I walked through the door frame. Whether she wanted me around or not, for her sake, I would break out of my shell. Sitting in complete darkness, Rose had a cigarette burning in one hand, and the other was hovering in front of her. The box was open on the coffee table, its lid sitting beside it. Her presence alone brought heat to my eyes. She looked up, her expression softening when she saw me standing there idly rubbing my arm. "Eve?" she got to her feet. The warmth ran down my cheek and I stepped forward. All the pins holding in my cries were ripped out, choking me briefly as I sniffled in the dark. Her cigarette bounced off the ground, killing the last bit of light in the room. She was at my side in a heartbeat, her fingertips latching into my shoulders like fangs. "What's wrong?" her panicked hues tried to read my own.

Finding her hips, my hands trembled and cringed into her top, conflicted between holding her closer and letting her go. My dad's death was the poison that stopped me from truly living. My mother was the gun against my temple as a constant reminder to fear life. My failure to understand and impress Rose was the whirlpool that was slowly drowning me. Leaning forward, my body melted against hers. I broke. Convulsing into tears, I nuzzled into her neck. All of my emotions poured into her embrace and she drank up my pain and sorrow, sharing it between us. The panic faded from her. Instead, her fingers smoothed into me and she crossed her arms around my back. She understood.

Rubbing her cheek into mine, she ignored my tears and I felt a beautiful warmth filling my head... Her voice and that stupid song...

"Drink up, baby.

Stay up all night

with the things you could do,

you won't but you might.

The potential you'll be

that you'll never see,

the promises you'll only make.

Drink up with me now

and forget all about

the pressure of days.

Do what I say

and I'll make you okay

and drive them away,

the images stuck in your head.

People you've been before

that you don't want around anymore,

that push and shove and won't bend to your will...

...I'll keep them still"

That stupid, beautiful song.

- Sunday -

That night, along with all my pain, vanished behind closed eyes. I awoke to a soft rise and fall. Her subtle, sweet aroma was all around me, tangling me in her heartbeat. If I could decide what Heaven would be like, it would be an eternity of that moment. I was a puffy, white cloud that had finally let go of its rain, and she was the sky that I floated in. My face was buried in her air that cupped me as she breathed, tender and soft, almost squishy. Wait, what? Lifting my head, I blinked a few times and realized that I had been sleeping quite comfortably against her breasts. A blush painted my cheeks red and I glanced up at her. Oh, good, she was still asleep. Sighing deeply, I drowsily looked around.

We were still in the lounge, on the couch. Rose was sitting at a slight angle with her feet propped up on the coffee table and I was lying across the couch's length, snuggled quite tightly to her side. I remember that we sat like this for a good portion of the night. She barely spoke, but she didn't need to. Just being there for me, comforting me as best as she could, I cried myself to sleep. But all of that was gone, now. I think I needed that night to drain my emotions. It was good for me.

Well, she wasn't awake yet, and I was more than happy to go back to sleep. The sun was rearing its smug mug through the curtains but I gave approximately zero fucks. Lowering my head to her chest, I smiled warmly as her top squished inward and the softness of her breasts became my pillow. I planted my forehead into her cleavage and breathed her scent with drawn inhales. Running a hand over her tummy, my digits gently tickled her side before flattening to hold her close. Despite everything that Rose had done for me, this was what I treasured most of all. Just lying with her and being in peace, knowing that she would still be there when I woke up. That's what I lived for.

Turning my head slightly, I saw the open box on the table. She took that out last night, but why? The box itself wasn't exactly impressive. It was made of thin wood and had scratches throughout its frame, although the inside was lined with an intricate white fabric. I sat up slightly to get a better look but it was empty. Curiosity twitched within me, a drug that I was allowing to become an addiction. My hues searched the coffee table for anything that stood out of the ordinary, but nope, there was nothing strange. Laying my thoughts before me I flipped through them like files. Last night Rose had something in her hand but it was too dark to tell at the time what it was. Carefully rolling into a more upright position, I could see her right hand clenched shut and hanging off the armrest. There was a silver glint locked under her curled fingers, as though she were holding a piece of jewelry.

Whatever it was, it was hidden well, save for a glimpse below her small finger. The design wasn't top quality from what I could see, and I'd grown up with a ton of my mom's jewelry, so I would know. But despite that, the piece was crafted quite excellently. From what I could see, it was made up of silver squares, like a nomination bracelet, just less showy, although I couldn't really see much since her hand was in the way. Maybe I could peek. I mean, it's just a bracelet or maybe it was something to hold her hair up? She wouldn't mind.

Not wanting to stir her slumber too much, I slowly removed my hand from her hip and reached forward. I could only stretch my fingers so far. Biting my lip, shifting more towards her, my digits brushed her wrist. Damn it, just a little more. Giving a short nudge to overcome the gap, I latched onto her forearm with a huff.

And that was the biggest mistake I'd ever made in my relationship with 'my darling Rose'.

Her arm ripped away from my grasp and her muscles tensed. I didn't even have a second to react before her other hand was around my throat, shoving me to the end of her reach. Coughing and gripping her arm to try and loosen its hold, I gulped and felt my muscles strain against her fingers. My hues were in a frenzy, searching for hers, but I was terrified by what I saw. She had her fist cocked and readied by her side, a searing hatred branded into her eyes, her teeth baring like a wolf protecting its den. The pain doubled and I whimpered as her fingertips locked into my flesh. But then it disappeared. I fell back onto the couch, gasping and rubbing my neck. Her expression convulsed into panic and she looked down at her palm.

"I'm...", she trembled, slowly finding my face "...Eve, I'm so sorry". Leaning towards me, she touched my collar and I flinched in fear. My instincts forced me away from her. She noticed my anxiety and slowly withdrew, giving me some space. "I'm sorry" she repeated, her voice cracking a little.

I'd never been hurt by her, emotionally or physically, but both of those had changed. Grazing my reddened flesh, I winced as I felt where her fingernails had uplifted skin. She had a full intent to kill me just a moment ago. What would have happened if she didn't come to her senses? Allowing the beating pulses in my veins to slow, my eyes settled on her worried expression. Whatever just happened...what she had become...it was over, and now she regretted the pain that she caused me. Honestly, I was still in shock and acutely aware of her, but I pushed it aside. Forcing myself to relax, I shifted closer to her and cringed my fists into the couch cushions.

She hesitantly raised her hand to me, but I didn't jerk away this time. Her fingertips touched my throat, gliding up to my cheek where her palm rested against me. Just as I thought, this was the Rose that I loved. Pushing into her, I pecked her wrist. "I don't...", I felt her shiver "...I don't know what happened...I..." she tried to explain, but I knew it was useless. It was my fault, not hers. Before she could speak again, I pulled her into a hug, crushing my lips upon her own. She froze briefly but then simply accepted it. Her arms trapped me in a strong embrace but I could feel that she was still hesitant. She was just as scared as I was...