A Reason to Stay

chapter 5 was sitting in my files for so long that I decided I might as well publish it. After all this time, I still very much enjoyed writing this story. And I have ideas...lots of them. Will take me a while to execute, but for now here is at least the next small slice.

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Jezia

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He's at my side in an instant, wrapping me up in his arms, holding me so tight I can scarcely breathe. My sore muscles scream in protest.

I want it to never end.

Tears stream down my face as I hug him back. I can hear the unevenness of his breathing, feel the shudder of relief leaving his body. He burrows into my neck and the warm, familiar scent of him fills my senses.

He's really here, in the flesh, whole and hale. The heat of his body seeps into mine, chasing away any lingering numbness. I know I've been saving up all kinds of terrible, angry accusations to throw at him, but they've evaporated into nothing, replaced instead by a raging torrent of love.

"Never do that again," I whisper hoarsely.

"I'm sorry," he whispers back. I can feel the wetness of his tears on my neck. "Gods, I'm so sorry, Jez..."

He pulls back enough to rest his cheek against mine, the salt of our mutual anguish and joy mixing as our flesh continues to prove to us what our minds struggle to accept. The wide expanse of Aed's hands cup either side of my face, holding me against him, while mine are splayed across the broad planes of his chest. I can feel the steady thumping of his heart. Every beat convinces me a little more that I'm not about to wake up and find he was never here to begin with.

It isn't until his lips find mine that I realize even my mouth is bruised. I kiss him back anyway. It is slow and tender, almost shy at first, and worth every ounce of pain I endure.

"You need to rest," he murmurs, running a hand through my hair, pushing sticky strands away from my face. "Had us worried all night that you wouldn't wake up."

A spark of old anger flares up in me. Worried for one night? Was I supposed to feel bad, after everything he put me through?

But then I remember who I was with when it all went down, and part of that anger dwindles.

"Aed..." I begin

He hushes me, running a gentle thumb across my lips. "I know. They told me what happened. I'm just glad they found a way to save you and that you're alive. Truly."

There's a mischievous glint in his gaze. "Though you getting courted by a Swarf is another issue entirely."

I can feel the desire to punch him bubbling back to the surface. "You're never going to let me live it down, are you?"

"Not a chance."

There it is. That shit eating grin of his, so infuriatingly charming I can't help but grin back. And yet, guilt tugs at me. There's one thing he doesn't know about, because Sebs promised it was my truth to tell.

Aed notices the change in my expression and his mirth dies. "What is it, Jez?" He checks me all over for any signs of injury or distress. "Are you feeling alright?"

I shake my head. "I feel like shit, but that isn't it."

The look of confused earnestness on his face makes my heart twist. I don't want to talk about it right now and ruin a perfectly wonderful moment, but my conscience won't let me leave it alone.

"There's something else I have to tell you."

His eyes search mine as no doubt a thousand possibilities race through his head. The truth hangs in my throat like a stone. It's hard, so much harder than I thought it would be, but eventually I spit it out before I lose my nerve.

"I...Sebs and I we...ah, fuck it. I gave Sebs a blowjob on our way here."

Aed looks genuinely stunned, but before he can utter a word the rest of the truth is tumbling out of my mouth, faster than I can stop it. It's like a dam broke loose in me and I can't hold it all back anymore.

"I know there's no justifying it. It's just...everything was in pieces. I was in pieces. I'd lost half of my damn mind by the time I realized you were gone, and the other half when I got to the Academy and fought with Sebs to let me go after you. He refused of course and ohh I was this close to breaking his fucking nose. But then he showed up at my door offering to help me find you and...and for the first time, I had hope. I was so angry, so desperate. I thought of at least a million different ways to hurt you for leaving me behind. But I had nothing and no one to take it out on, to even talk to about it. No one except Sebs. He was there for it all. I yelled at first, I yelled so much. Then I fell apart. And he was there, picking up all the pieces, and I just felt so fucking awful and confused and--"

"Jez, Jez, hey, look at me." Aed is kneeling, hands wrapped around mine, big doe eyes imploring. "Look at me, breathe. In, out. Good, just like that, keep breathing."

I didn't realize how ragged my breaths have become. I'm on the verge of hyperventilating, and the only thing standing between me and a full blown panic attack is one, insufferably decent man. He breathes with me until he's sure I'm steady again. And then he breaks down, of all things, laughing.

It starts slow at first. A grin turning into a snort turning into a chuckle, which eventually devolves into an avalanche of laughter. I, of course, am furious. How the hell is this supposed to be funny? I'm being dead serious. I carried that guilt for what felt like ages.

But god, it's good to hear him laugh again.

I wait ever so patiently for him to regain control of himself. At least he's not angry. That has to be a good sign, right?

"I'm sorry, Jez," he shakes his head, wiping tears from his face. When he looks up at me again, it is with utmost sincerity and only a hint of mirth dancing behind his eyes. "It's not funny, the pain I've caused you. And for that alone, I will never stop being sorry. I swear on my own, undug grave that I will never leave you like that, ever again. You have my word."

And I believe him. I really do.

He sighs. "I just...I really thought, after everything that happened, you'd finally decide being with me isn't worth the trouble. That it's time for you to do what's best for you."

I'm so dumbfounded I just echo back his words. "What's best for me?"

Aed slides onto the bed beside me, his fingers still entwined with mine. "Well, yeah," he says. "As in figuring out a way to get home. Which I just assumed would involve working more closely with Sebs. He's half in love with you, anyway. It would be easy enough to get back into his good graces. Though, honestly, I don't think you ever left them."

This is too much. I'm hearing the words coming out of his mouth but I'm struggling to accept any of it. I feel like a dumb baby, processing everything at the speed of molasses.

"You thought..." I draw out my words to let my brain catch up. "You thought that I was going to break up with you?"

"Yes."

"And you just happen to know for a fact that Sebs has always had feelings for me?"

"Yes."

"Why--how--"

"Because I only hinder your progress, whereas Sebs can actually move it forward. He has the power, money, and knowledge to do so, Council be damned. But me? Even if I wanted to help you find a way to leave--which I don't, by the way, because I'm a selfish prick--I haven't the first clue how, and I'd probably lose my position in the process. And I know, because I have eyes. Why do you think half the Academy hated you before you ever set foot on its grounds?"

I blink slowly as I answer, "because I'm an Outsider."

Aed stares at me with open disbelief. "You really had no idea."

My eyes are on the white tiled floor but I see nothing. I'm going backwards, sifting through memories, looking for all the things I missed. "I thought he was using me," I admit guiltily. "I told him as much, multiple times. That I was just an exotic pet at best, and at worst another expendable tool to unlock his mother's secrets. I gave him such hell. I think I dished out twice as much to make up for you not being there."

Aed laughed at this, though to my relief not as heartily as before. "I owe him one, then. I didn't mean for him to bear my punishment as well. At least you made it up to him somehow."

I flush violently at this. "I swear I never meant for it to happen--"

"Jez," he interrupts, gripping me gently by the shoulders. "I'm going to settle this once and for all. I don't care what you had to do to survive the mess I Ieft you with. I'm just glad we're all alive, and that even though you did the incredibly stupid, reckless thing of coming after me, you did it with Sebs. He saved your life, and then both of you saved mine. Honestly, I'm just a little jealous I didn't get to at least watch."

I perk up at his first admission, ignoring (for now) the second, more obnoxious one. "You were in trouble?"

He looks at me with one eyebrow raised. "Obviously."

This time I do punch him, though only in the arm, and with about a fraction of my strength. It barely fazes him, and I can see in those golden brown eyes of his that he fully intends to retaliate when I've recovered. I barely suppress a shiver, thinking about all the things we haven't been able to do while he was gone. I still have some vengeance to seek out, too.

"I'm serious," I hiss, ignoring the heat rising between us. "What happened to you all when you got here?"

Aed looks troubled, and the prickle of unease crawls up my spine. It never bodes well when his obnoxious confidence leaves him. "That's the thing...we don't know. When we got here, everything seemed business as usual. We had barely sat down to order some food and drink. We were so tired, all of us. And starving. We had made no stops on account of the Council practically suggesting we run all the way there. So when the drugs hit us, they hit fast and hard, wiping us all out in seconds. When we woke up, we were in a strange room with no doors or windows. We could barely see anything in it."

It isn't lost on me, the clear implication that Aed would have had no time to mingle with his fellow Mentors. I feel like a proper piece of shit for even suspecting it.

"But no one was hurt?" I ask in a feeble attempt to redeem myself. "Everyone is alright? And how did you--we--end up here? Where is here, anyway?

"No, no one was hurt, thank the gods. Anxious and dehydrated, maybe, but no serious injuries. As for where we are..." Aed looks around the sterile room and sighs. "I guess we could call this her secret lair. My sister's, I mean."

My eyes widen in surprise. "You have a sister?"

Before he even answers, I can already feel an ominous understanding begin to dawn on me. I knew those golden eyes had felt familiar. I was just too doped up on Swarven spit to connect the dots properly.

"Yes...you've met her. Her name is Amira."

If I was embarrassed at all with the whole blowing Sebs situation, it was nothing compared to how hot my cheeks were burning now.

"Jesus fucking Christ almighty, Aed. Amira is your sister?"

His face cracks into a grin so stupid I can feel my fists curling of their own volition.

"I love it when you defile the names of dead, self-proclaimed prophets."

"Goddamit Aed this is--this is so fucked up."

"I know, right? Absolutely criminal that I missed out on all the fun. Should've been me in that room, not her. Typical Amira, always hogging the spotlight and leaving me with none to be had."

I'm about to cuss him out, but my anger fizzles when I notice the intensity of his gaze.

"I would've cured you faster, too, with less aches and bruises to show for." His voice has gone all low, his face temptingly close to mine. "I don't torture my food the way she does."

I lean in with a shit eating grin of my own. "I wouldn't call it torture."

His face drops. "Okay, now I can see why this is fucked up."

We're snickering like a pair of goblins when the door swings wide open. A head pops in--someone I don't recognize. Whoever he is, he looks Asian and startlingly handsome, with pale, unblemished skin and dark hair. He's tall, too, and his shoulders fill the frame of the door.

"If you two are quite finished playing kiss and make up, the meeting is about to start. Boss insists that everyone be there."

I'm a little taken aback by the man's derisive attitude, but for once it's Aed who is openly ticked off.

"Since when do we take orders from her?"

The man answers in his bored, arrogant baritone without so much as missing a beat. His accent is clean, posh. British? "Since she rescued you ungrateful lot and stashed you all in our safehouse."

And then he slams the door shut. The sound is loud enough to make me jump.

"Jeez, someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed," I mutter.

"Don't worry about Tom," Aed sighs, shaking his head. "He's always like that. Hates anyone who isn't one of them. C'mon, the sooner we get this meeting over with, the sooner we can be alone for good."

I accept his outstretched hands and together we ease my aching body off of the bed. "God, why do I feel like I fell down ten flights of stairs?"

"Adrenaline," Aed answers with a sly smile. "You had enough of it pumping through you to potentially kill you. I imagine you barely felt anything when you got folded a hundred different ways and then some."

"Remember, not torture," I fire back.

Aed's face sours for a moment. "Sadist."

I follow him down a maze-like series of dimly lit corridors, memorizing the lines of his back. So focused that I've gone quiet as a grave, I barely notice how grey and drab the walls are compared to that of the room I had woken up in. I'm still not entirely convinced this isn't a good dream gone bad, where any second he could round a corner and disappear. At some point, Aed turns his head to glance at me, half amused, half worried.

"I'm not going to up and vanish again. Promise." And then he takes my hand in his, squeezing it firmly and leading me to walk side by side.

I feel the grip of fear loosen around my chest, but it takes every ounce of self control not to cling to his arm like an anxious koala. There is nothing I want less right now than to walk into a room full of strangers, where the only familiar faces are those of people I can still vividly remember fucking. Talk about a monumental amount of awkwardness.

But most of all, I feel an irrational need to keep Aed in my sights. Even letting him slip to my peripherals makes me panic in a way that is, for lack of a better word, undignifying.

The corridor eventually opens up to a common area, where people are in various stages of leisure. I spot Sebs right away--which isn't hard to given how much his clothing sticks out from the rest--sitting with a mug in hand, talking animatedly to a petite woman. He notices me mid conversation and waves, but then he sees Aed and a hint of worry settles on his face. The woman glances back with a shy smile, the curve of her profile barely visible beyond her dark cloud of hair. I wave back with what I hope is an expression of reassurance. Thankfully, Aed weighs in with a nod of his own, his good will clear. Relief washes over Sebs and he nods back, smiling at us before re-engaging in conversation.

Amira is nowhere to be found, but there are plenty of other interesting faces to keep me busy. A few are staring at us upon our arrival, some dressed in Mentor blacks while others in looser garb cinched at the waist with belts. I recognize the style right away, courtesy of what Amira had been wearing last night. The memory alone burns my neck coal hot.

The moment they all see us, Aed and I are surrounded by Mentors. I recognize Orla easily enough, but the others I have a harder time naming. Sensing my predicament, they reintroduce themselves one by one. Amira's crew, meanwhile, remains impassively observant.

First is Maverick, a slim, pretty red head who glances down at our conjoined hands and smiles furtively. Then there's Emeris at his side, sandy haired and blue eyed like their sister, with a stocky build to match. And last but not least, Vinca, a tall woman with rich, dark skin and the glitter of sharp intelligence in her eyes. They all offer their hands in the well known fashion of Outsiders. I accept each with a firm shake, hoping that I convey nothing but warmth and confidence, rather than the absolute terror I feel on the inside.

"A pleasure to officially meet you all," I manage to blurt. Between my nerves and innumerable aches, I'm surprised I can even string together a polite series of words.

"Likewise," Orla answers on behalf of the group. "It's nice to finally welcome Aed's secret paramour into the circus of our lives."

Vinca interjects, eyes alight with amusement. "You know, it's quite rare for one of us to find an exclusive partner. We consider it a holy grail of sorts. So, whenever it happens, we celebrate with one final, massive orgy as a proper send off to the lucky couple."

My eyes bug out, and I look to Aed for confirmation of whether this is true.

"Very funny," Aed drawls.

Vinca shrugs. "It's never not on the table...just saying."

"He just doesn't want you finding out we taught him everything he knows," Mav chimes in with a wink. "You're welcome, by the way."

I can't help but burst out laughing at all their antics, especially because it's at Aed's expense. It's impossible not to like them already. They're clearly good people, which makes me feel better, knowing they have each other's backs.

I'm about to ask if they know what the deal is with Amira's crew when the very devil herself walks through the door. At least I assume it's her, because the whole room has gone quiet and everyone is suddenly staring behind me. And because of the way she brushes past, invading my nose with the subtle scent of her perfume. All trace of Swarven spit has left my system, but I'm still struck by the power of her beauty. It rolls off of her like ambrosia, drawing us in, stealing the attention of every person in the room. Even Aed has gone still and quiet, though I suspect more so out of caution than admiration.

Our collective gaze tracks her as she snakes her way to the center. I try my best not to linger too long on how her hips roll sensually beneath her uniform, which is so utilitarian it would have done 1914 Germany proud. She takes her time, meeting curious stares while leaving casual touches among her people. The way they look at her reminds me of all those finance bros on Wallstreet back home. A little smug, a little greedy, and a whole lot of desperate. Their very lives were staked on a god called the stock market. That's the way this crew looks at her. Like she is the volatility and the trends and the algorithms all smashed together. Like she is change itself, and in a matter of seconds she could send them launching into the highest planes of glory...or hurtling into the nearest sun. The imagery of wax and wings tickles my mind.

"Friends, family, welcome."

The room grows awfully quiet. Amira draws out our anticipation, smiling her secret little smile, looking over the heads of her captive audience until her eyes lock momentarily on mine. I shiver and suffer a hot flash all at once. Thankfully, Aed's firm grip around my hand keeps my nerves from imploding.

"It is no easy thing for us to come together like this," she continues, gaze mercifully sliding away from mine as she paces the front of the room. She looks softer somehow, almost blurred in a glowy sort of way. It must be the ambiance; the lighting is pleasant but dim, and it gives the space the look of a tavern without any of the noise or merriment. "I know we have our many differences, but we are not without common ground. Which is why, today, we find ourselves in a strange truce of sorts."

Somewhere to the side, I can hear Sebs calmly sipping his tea. He must be the only one not on complete edge at this moment. Which is bizarre, when I really think about it, given how thoroughly he had railed us both not that long ago. I flush a deeper shade of crimson as memories flood back. I am suddenly grateful for the low lighting.