*****This was a very fun chapter but there are a few heavy topics mentioned or hinted at. I do not go into detail for any of them, but if you are very sensitive to pregnancy, abortion, or self harm, I've put ***** at the beginning and end of the section you may skip.*****
I woke with a start, lurching forward. The lamp in the corner turned off in the dark room. Small streams of white shown around the curtain covering the only window in the room.
I glanced over to the closed door before sighing and falling back onto the bed. My eyes remained open, blinking dryly as I stared up into the textured ceiling. I painted the stars up there in my mind. Many sleepless nights while on our mission I'd stare up through the trees, waiting for the clouds to pass to hopefully reveal those tiny lights. It was the only way I had to pass the time while I waited for the others to fall asleep. Or wait for them to try something.
It's hard to believe that after all that trouble, all of that fear while sleeping next to people I had known my entire life, I now had a door.
A fully functioning door.
And all I had to do...
I pulled the blanket over my face as my cheeks heated.
Shila, what am I doing? I wanted this. I did. Am I doing the wrong thing? That's what shame means, isn't it? And all I feel is shame.
I squeezed my thighs together.
Nothing but shame.
My hand trailed down my bare stomach to feel the growing wetness between my legs.
Just shame.
I whimpered under the covering, my fingers skimming over my clit on their way down. My breath caught in a moan as they dipped into the wet passage, exploring that shameful feeling I needed so badly.
Hinges creaked as the door opened. I sat up so fast my head spun, the blankets bunching around my waist, doing little to cover the hand still at my crotch.
Grysn stood in the doorway, an image of my shock reflecting back at me on his face. It quickly melted into a small, knowing smirk. He licked the left side of his upper lip as he pulled his gaze down my exposed body, before directing it away from me altogether. "Sorry," he said, keeping his eyes on the wood grain of the door, "I thought I heard you get up. I need to visit the market once you're ready." He began to slowly pull the door closed. "But please feel free to finish."
His widening smile disappeared as the door shut with a click. As soon as I could hear his footsteps head toward the kitchen, I sprung from the bed and pulled on the first bits of clothing I grabbed.
There was no reason to let him assume I was doing something I absolutely was not doing.
He had barely sat down when I came out of the room more or less dressed. He gave something between a laugh and a sigh as I approached the table. He motioned for me to come over, and I allowed him, hesitantly, to move me to sit on the edge of his lap.
"I must apologize," he said as he began undoing the plates of my braid. "I opened your door without a second thought. I suppose I'm not quite acquainted to living with someone else anymore. That room belongs to you, and I will do my utmost to respect your privacy within it." He fingered through the now loose waves of hair, gently teasing out knots that had formed. "You did not have to stop on my account." He separated my hair down the middle of my head and began braiding the right side as I desperately looked for a way to change the topic. "It's perfectly accepta-"
"I didn't know men could braid," I spurted out and was immediately gifted with his silence.
"Well, that's a strange thing to think," he finally responded. "Even if your men didn't keep their hair long, surely they must braid rope and twine."
"We weren't taught it in Scouts, but I guess some of our men might know how..." I trailed off as he moved to the other side and began that braid.
"I certainly don't know anything elaborate, but I enjoyed doing my mother's hair when I was younger. I occasionally did my fiance's, as well."
It took me a moment longer than I care to admit to fully understand the weight of that sentence. "You- you have a wife?"
An uneasiness I was unfamiliar with twisted its way through my stomach.
He laughed softly, but continued braiding. "No, no. We have not been together for a considerable amount of time now. Ex-fiance would be more accurate."
His answer did little for the dark feeling wrapping its way through my insides. Why did I suddenly feel so sick? It's not like it was uncommon for the men back home who came to the bedhouses to be-
I shook my head, attempting to clear the thought, and managed to rip my hair from Grysn's hold at the same time.
"Whoa there," he said. "I'm almost done."
We left after he made a handful of other adjustments to my presentation and commenting on how I should "take more pride in my appearance" that I wasn't sure how to take.
The chill of the morning kept us at a brisk pace. My eyes remained on our long shadows as I followed closely behind Grysn down the cobblestone roads. Grayskins passed us frequently, their eyes rarely leaving us.
I was excited, though. I wasn't sure what a grayskin market looked like or what goods they would sell, but I couldn't wait to find out. Food was an obvious possibility, but with the wealth and luxury displayed in this city, they surely had much more to offer. Jewelry, fabrics, livestock maybe.
Oh and books! This city must have an abundance of books and the quality of literature had to certainly be higher than anything I knew. Grysn only had fairy tales for some reason. But they probably sold historical accounts, scientific studies, analytical reports, blueprints, biological research...
Grysn held me back before I could wander off without him. "This way," he said.
I looked up at the large building before following behind him. "Why are we at Lynn's?"
He opened the large door for me as he answered. "You'll be staying here while I'm at the market." I was too slow to hide my immediate disappointment as he shut the door behind us. "I know you wish to come," he said as footsteps rounded the corner toward us, "but its not safe for you. You're not ready for that yet."
"Good morn," Solkri greeted brightly as she stopped in front of us.
"I thought you said I could stay at your house when you needed to leave," I mumbled, ignoring Solkri, staring at Grysn's worn boots.
Our
"For short periods, yes. But I need to upgrade the locks first."
I nodded reluctantly. Even so, I really didn't want to be around her right now.
Not noticing my avoidance, he went over to give a small hello headpat to Solkri.
"Is there anything you'd like me to keep an eye out for?"
My head bounced up to his beaming smile. I hesitated, my lips twisting to find words while ignoring how easily he was able to win me back. "Books," I said softly, then quickly added "but not stories!"
He chuckled but agreed before turning to Solkri. "I should be back before midday. Please take good care of her."
Solkri smiled and nodded enthusiastically but the awkwardness started as soon as Grysn was out the door.
The silence that fell between us made the open room feel much larger, the space expanding with every quiet second. But I refused to look at her.
Finally she spoke. "Is everything alright?"
