Last week, in the cold February of 2004, my wife and co-worker Laura announced that she was leaving for England -- the other side of the globe -- for a month of collaborative research. I gasped. My heart sank.
"But honey, you know my career in research is important to me," she had said.
"I know, I know. It's just that it's a whole month. And over Valentine's Day?"
"It'll be over before we know it. And we've got our Web cams and microphones. Sure, having sex over the computer doesn't exactly measure up, but …"
But I understood. I would have argued the same thing. Love me, love my career. Then she said "Well, it WILL measure up very soon. Which is one reason I'm going to be on the other side of the world when we next have sex."
But a month without the touch of her hands? I thought as I made love to an after-work beer at Joe's Pub. I was caressing the cold bottle as I had only caressed my Laura. Could I survive a whole month?
Tonight, I drove home from work in total dejection. I watched the square, tan, uninspiring windows of Cybertech, Inc., recede from my view. One would never think that wanton fucking -- both real and cyber -- went on at this building. They say business and pleasure should never mix, but that's what makes for the best sex. That's where we had met: I as a marketer and Laura as a tech researcher. Then, over lunch, Web cam voyeurism, and singing emails, we became lovers. She had left this morning before I'd even awakened. I had hoped that she'd at least leave behind a pair of worn panties for me to sniff, but she had even done the laundry. Instead, there was only an empty perfume bottle left for me, with a note reading "Tonight, the perfect bottle."
"The perfect bottle"? How I remembered those words so distinctly! They had been spoken the first time we'd undressed for each other -- at work, in our own offices, and over the Internet.
When I saw the tufts of hair poking well out of her clinical white panties and staring at my through my monitor, I hugged the screen and pressed my face to it. Hair!
"You like?" she asked me.
"I want!" I cried. "I'm coming over right now!" And I dressed and raced down the hall to my lover's office, where she stood almost naked, fingering herself silly. That day in her office, we whispered filthy words in each other's ears as I plunged in and out of her wet, hairy cunt. I knelt down and buried my nose deep inside her, sniffing her rich musk. I did that for ten minutes before coming up.
"Well, I can tell what your fetish is, Jeff."
"If you could bottle that for me, I would NEVER leave my office. Never."
Laura handed her wet panties to me. "Keep these for a while. I'll start looking for the perfect bottle."
So began the courtship that led to romance and marriage.
Upon arriving home, I ate in silence, trying to think of London at this time of year. Laura would be helping to create a new electronic mail system with her colleagues over there. She had not told me anything beyond that: only that I would be surprised.
It was after supper that I noticed the black box that sat in our office. I picked it up and studied it. It was a device I'd never seen before, but it looked like a small computer and mouse. The box had a thick, hollow tube sticking out, with a flat pad hanging from the tube; and a thin, solid tube attached to the center of a flat pad. I rubbed the pads on my hands, trying to figure out what to do with them. I put them to my ears. No sound. Taped to the box were an email address and a time. "Look me up at 8 o'clock. XOXOX." It was Laura's writing. Was this a Valentine's Day gift? If it was, I didn't smell any chocolate anywhere.
At 7:55 I logged on to my Internet meeting site, typed in the address and waited.
"Jeff?" came an immediate response and a familiar face. I was getting TV-quality reception over the Web cam.
"Laura? Is that you?"
"Jeff, I miss you already."
I hugged the monitor. "Laura, come home, please."
"I'm sitting in a hotel room in London, bored."
"I'm sitting at home in Los Angeles, bored. I had no idea I would be seeing you so soon."
"You'll be doing more than that in a minute."
"What do you mean?" I asked. But she said no more.
We talked for an hour about her trip, about the colleagues she'd met, about the work ahead of her. I barely listened as I noticed anew her facial expressions and her online liveliness.
"Jeff, let's hook up that box I left for you."
"Yes, what is this thing? I rattled it and didn't hear any candy moving around."
"It's your Valentine's Day gift. But the candy is yet to come." And she explained to me how to hook the box to the computer. She had even given me a multiport USB for it! She had thought of everything!
Then came the software. I tried to analyze its properties when the dialog boxes appeared on the screen, but Laura had erased most of the text. I had no idea what I was installing.
"You're not bugging my computer, are you?"
From London, Laura shook her head at me.
"Is the little red light on?" she asked.
"Yes."
"What about the ‘receiving data' and ‘sending data' lights?"
"Affirmative."
"The ‘activity' light?"
"All systems go. Please tell me what this is."
"The lights for data sets 1, 2 and 3?"
"Um, yeah. All on. We sure have a lot of data here. Can we get started? You know, you didn't leave me the little item of clothing that you usually do when you're gone for more than a day."
But she was ignoring me. "We have a successful installation. Now we prepare for the fun part."
Then, to my surprise, Laura stood up and began to remove her clothes. Instead of getting an erection, I felt the heat of frustration burning my cheeks. I watched as she shed her gray business suit, her blouse, and her boring gray skirt.
"Am I turning you on?" she asked me.
"Yeah," I drawled half-heartedly.
"I understand your impatience, Jeff, but I'm going to blow your mind in just one minute. Now pay some attention to me."
Clad only in black underwear now, she deftly slipped a hand down her tight panties. That same hand moved around inside, up and down, and around and around.
"Nice" I whispered.
Then she brought her hands to her nose and inhaled, closing her eyes and clearly enjoying her smell.
"I hate you, Laura. How could you torture me like this so soon?"
"Take off your clothes," my wife suddenly ordered.
"What?"
"Take them off right now!"