Author's Note: This is the oddest, strangest, weirdest thing I have ever written.
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My Master,
I never really asked for this, you know.
It's your fault that this is what I've become. The humming your ear, the early mornings and late nights. This is what you turned me into, what you demanded that I become. You have no one to blame except yourself.
I don't hate you for it.
This is what I am now, what I love, what I want, what I fucking crave.
I was so very innocent when you caught me. Did you know that? I had never even heard the word `sex' until you came along and ruined everything about me, making me into this slutty thing.
It wasn't that I was somehow immature. I wasn't innocent because I wasn't all grown up. No, that'd be just foul. It was because I was on my own, always on my own.
When you caught me, you told me that you'd never seen a faery before. Not that I could understand a damn word you were saying at the time. I was mostly just shitting myself because some giant thing had me in their hands and had torn one of my wings catching me.
Well, I'd never seen a faery, either.
I'd seen my own reflection, of course.
And I guess I had parents, once, but I can't remember ever meeting them. I don't have a cloaca, so I doubt I hatched from an egg. You discovered my vulva about five minutes after catching me. So I should have had parents.
I don't blame you for that, either.
You were curious, not knowing if I was a boy or a girl, and wanting to talk to me. Call me the right things, but not able to understand me. So you pulled off my clothes, and made me do the splits, so that you could see what I had between my legs.
I was so horrified. So embarrassed. So ashamed.
You poked and prodded at me, your finger so much bigger than me, but still managing to rub the hell out of what you found. The bumps of your fingerprints rubbing up and down my clit, my never-touched clit.
You made me cum, even before I knew what you even were. What an orgasm was. Before I knew what sex was. I hated you for it, forcing pleasure on me, in that moment.
When I burst into tears and curled into a ball, I think you realised what you'd done.
That was when you shoved me into a pocket inside your jacket. Pushed me into a deep and dark crevasse, upside down, and then I was jostled all around. I didn't understand what was happening. I cried the entire way, my world being thrown around wildly.
Do you remember what came next?
You pulled me out of your jacket, and I wasn't in my garden anymore. I was surrounded by things that stank. Metal and plastic and a shitload more plastic.
Dizzy from the hell of your stupid jacket, the smell was too much. When you laid me out in your hands again, I vomited. I puked up all over you, you bastard.
You deserved it, even if you didn't know what you were doing.
What came next... That... That made it hard to hate you. You took me, and put me on your desk. You tried so hard to help me clean up, the corner of a tissue wiping at my mouth, despite how big you are.
Then you pulled out the bright lights that I hated, and the big glass that makes you look small, and you looked at my broken wing. I realised then, that you were trying to fix your mistake.
Realised then, that you never meant to hurt me.
I tried to talk to you, shouting at the top of my lungs until I was hoarse, but you didn't understand. You couldn't hear me. It was nothing but windchimes to you.
A broken wing is a broken wing.
You tried to wrap it and bandage it, but we both know it now, don't we? The damn thing is never going to heal. I was trapped there with you, relying on you, because you chased me down in my garden and caught me.
I nearly starved, that first week in your house.
You tried to feed me cheese, and I tried to bite your hand.
You gave me flesh, and I vomited at the smell of it.
Yet, you kept trying. You always kept trying, just trying to care for me in your own clumsy way. I learned to listen to you, then. Your long and loud sounds. It took me a while to work out they were supposed to be words.
Longer to learn what they meant.
Did you know I had to tinkle, in that week? I'm a faery, not a miracle. When a girl has to go, she has to go. And when a girl is pissed at the freaking giant, she tends to... Well, lets say I ruined a bunch of your sandwiches when you weren't looking.
Sorry.
I got by, surviving. In the mornings, when it was cold, I'd catch the dew drops from the window. Hold one in both hands and slurp at it, like you sipped at your coffee.
You tend to be grumpy in the mornings, without your caffeine hit. Same goes for me. You tried to talk to me once, before I'd managed to catch some dew.
I think I threw a pencil at your head.
We can laugh about it now, can't we?
All those times that I tried to hurt you. Frustrated at the way my life had been completely turned upside down by nothing but an accident. You didn't know what I was, when you caught me.
I didn't know what you were, either.
I thought you were a monster.
A monster can't love, and a monster wouldn't give everything that they had for another. You did everything you could for me. Spending all your spare moments in your books and on your computer, just searching for a way to help me.
The mushrooms weren't a bad idea, even if I still couldn't eat them.
No, it was chance that saved me, in the end.
You left me a thimble of cold water, because you watched me. You learned what I could have. The water wasn't purified like I needed, so I spent most of my time plucking things out of it, but you tried, my clumsy oaf.
Then... Then you went off.
You went into your bedroom, and you closed the door. You know now, don't you? A door is never going to keep a faery out. Whether or not I could open it, doesn't matter.
There's always a crack to squeeze through.
I heard you making deep noises. I thought you were in pain, at first. I might not have liked you much, but you were still the closest thing I had to a support system.
I slipped in between the door and the wall, climbing over the hinge. That was the first time I'd been in your bedroom before. It smelled so different to the rest of the house. It smelled like you, and it smelled like something new.
The new smell, that was because of what you were doing.
It was so new, because I was so naive.
I heard your deep and rumbling voice. Saw the bed shaking, and I ran for it. I grabbed the edge of your blanket in my hands and I heaved myself up it. Hand over hand, straining and sweat as I free climbed up that bitch.
I was half-starved and all-exhausted by the time I made my way up and onto your bed. I collapsed, and for a while, I did consider giving up altogether, right then and there.
But you were still making noises, and I was beginning to worry. So I pushed myself to my feet. Leaning my hands on my shaking knees before I forced myself to stagger forwards, ever forwards.
I crossed the dunes of your sheets. Stumbling across the moving folds in that oceanic swirl as you moved around, feet pushing back and forth on the bed.
I grabbed onto the edge of your pants and pulled myself upright. That was when I realised you had pushed them down to your ankles. I found myself falling and had to grab at your hair not to fall and drown in the mess of your sheets.
You hadn't seen me, hadn't noticed me.
Too preoccupied.
I climbed again. Dragging on your hair, as your legs rose and fell. I was so scared of being thrown away. Or worse, falling and having your crush me. I didn't want you to find me in your bed, no longer breathing. I wanted to be the one to save you.
Don't ask me what I thought I could do, if something had actually been wrong.
I wasn't thinking.
I could hear you better, now. Hear some of the words I'd started to learn from our time together. Words that I recognised as words that meant something bad was happening.
Poor, little naive faery.
I didn't know back then that `fuck' could mean anything but a frustrated curse word. I had no idea that it could mean something so much better. I had no idea that it would become the word I crave to hear come from your lips, more than any other sound.
I fell the final way, my little body tumbling down your leg and into your hand. I fell against your fingers, moving so quickly up and down that I grabbed on just so that I wouldn't end up flattened by them.
I can remember being vaguely confused by where your hand was, but I didn't have the time to focus on that. I was clinging on for dear life as that hand went up and down.
You're fast at that, aren't you?
When you get so close, you can get so violent. Losing yourself to the moment, focusing on nothing else. I love it, now. At the time, I had no idea what was about to happen.
I climbed to the top of your hand, hoping to find out why it was moving so erratically. Hoping to find some way to stop it. Mostly to save myself, I'm afraid to say. I'd stopped caring about saving you the moment it looked like I was in danger.
Sorry. I'm kinda like that.
What I found at the top of your hand was a slippery, sticky, mess. A liquid spilling up and over the edges of your fingers. A slime that I quickly found myself up to my elbows in as I tried to hold onto you.
I don't know how I slipped and slid in it, trying to cling on, until my face was driven into your hand. That fall that nearly dislodged me, that was the one that changed it all.
When my head hit your hand and I was dazed, my mouth was open. When your hand came rushing up, I was pushed down, and I tasted it. I didn't mean to get a mouthful of the slime, and I really could not have predicted the effect it would have on me.
The salty taste filled my mouth, and my entire body came alive. My wings buzzed up a storm, broken or not. My little vulva that you'd abused that first day, that screamed like a hot little volcano, begging for more. My muscles tightened and loosened all at once.