1.
Thirty-two years later.
He was awake, but he didn't want to move. Hell, he didn't even want to open his eyes ... or even breathe for that matter. Without the need of a clock or window Shane knew the sun hadn't even started to rise, but awake he was. In a pathetic display that would have shocked many who saw it, he buried his head under his pillow and tried to shun reality for another few moments. Every day began this way: with grief. For the last thirty-plus years, each time he awoke he was instantly reminded that part of his soul was missing. What hurt more was that the thing he needed most had been ripped from him so suddenly, he didn't even have time to realize what it was he lost before it was gone.
Part of him, a very dark part, wished for an end to that pain. That he could cease to exist as well. But as he roused further, that part of him succumbed to the other realities of his life. It was swallowed whole by the dominant side of his psyche that saw reason, and knew he must go on. He still lived, whether he felt it was a whole existence or not was not the point. There was still a pack to run, and he poured every ounce of his remaining soul into its success. It was only in this brief moment at the start of each day that he allowed the darkness to engulf him. He even welcomed it most days, for he and his wolf both agreed he deserved the punishment. So at the beginning of every single day he mourned the loss he couldn't escape. Then he shook it off and attacked the day with such determination, that no one could possibly ever guess he was tortured so.
Well almost no one that was. He was already casting off the bedcovers when the soft knock sounded at his door. While he instantly knew who was there he scented deeply anyway, his wolf giving an annoyed chuff in his mind. The man agreed. He crossed the room and pulled open the door. "Go away, Erin," he said automatically. His greeting held no heat though, and he contradicted himself by opening his arms so she could step into them. She too was still in her nightclothes, having left the warmth of her bed to offer her comfort as he exited his.
"You're hurting," were the only words his sister spoke as she held onto him with all her strength. Shane sighed, hating that she suffered with him. Erin, his youngest sibling, was empathic. Whenever a loved one experienced a strong emotion, she felt it as if it were her very own. She tolerated most well, except that the deeper the emotion, the more violently it pulled at her defenses. Shane despised that because of him, Erin was forced to begin all of her days in nearly as much pain as his own.
"No more than any other day," he admitted to her -- if only because to deny it would be pointless.
She shook her head as she backed away from him, the tears spilling down her pretty face. While Erin was a formidable wolf with much strength bestowed from her Alpha lineage, she was still the most sensitive Kellen, and unlike him, she could not fend off the tears he was able to overcome each day. "Today it feels worse, like I can hardly breathe. Why?"
Without speaking Shane turned and went to the nearest window, pulling back the dark curtains to reveal the span of the large backyard and the beginning of his forest beyond. The sky had begun to turn grey by now, and he felt his sister approach as he surveyed his land. There were no leaves on the trees, save the pines. The grass was the palest of greens, and appeared matted to the faded earth. Dismal did not begin to describe the landscape before them. Taking a shaky breath, Shane finally spoke. "Today starts February." Erin nodded in understanding. While the shortest month, it remained the darkest, the coldest by far. In every way. Or at least it had for the last 32 years. It was just two days away; the anniversary of the worst thing ever. The entire pack reeled each winter as their Alpha relived a tragedy that nearly broke him over a quarter of century before. This year would be especially worse, for this year the month would pass without a full moon. Meaning that there would be no celebratory run under the brightest moon of the calendar, and therefore no relief from the turmoil. At least not until March.
Erin suddenly felt a release inside her heart like a rubber band had just been snapped. That's how it was, the moment when his wolf lurched forward and had enough of the sentimental bereavement. It had gone on far too long this morning for the wolf's liking and he was done with it. Erin was relieved, she already felt the pain lessen, and the pull towards matters at hand. "Orders?" she asked, a businesslike tone entering voice which was not there a minute earlier.
The Alpha nodded quickly. "You know what is needed of you. Make certain the kitchen is running well and supplies are at hand for the next two weeks. Be sure the pantry and medical center are both fully stocked." His eyes turned to the sky and he nodded again, silently agreeing to what the wolf was telling him. "A storm approaches, I don't want anyone leaving for anything once it hits. The roads will not be passable for a time afterwards."
Erin regarded her brother as he gave his forecast. He was no seer, but centuries of life had taught him the rhythms of the winters, and she didn't doubt his warning for a moment. "A blizzard?"
Shaking his head, Shane turned from the window and headed towards his en-suite to shower. "No. It will be ice. First rain, then sleet. After that the freezing will begin." He paused for a moment and turned back to regard her rumpled bedclothes and the dark circles below her eyes. She had hardly slept, it was clear to see. Stepping back to her, he studied her further while tucking a strand of dark red hair behind her ear. She was a brave wolf there was no doubt, but he could see her fatigue, and cursed himself again as the month was only just beginning. He quickly reorganized his priorities for her. "Before all else check in with Logan, see if he needs anything as well. But don't take all morning about it, I don't feel like hunting either of you down for a second time this week."
Erin smiled at his light teasing as she made her way from his rooms, clearly knowing she was dismissed. It always lightened her heart once Shane's despair fully dissipated. She hurried down the stairs to the second story hall and entered her room, sliding under the covers and instantly back into the waiting embrace of her mate. In a way she felt guilty by returning to bed after the day had already began. Even so, she smiled to herself as sleep now came easily, knowing she was merely following her Alpha's orders.
* * *
Later that day found Shane dressed in a suit behind the desk of his downtown office. While he preferred to be outdoors, certain obligations forced him from time to time to make an appearance in the proper business world. Today was one of those days as he was scheduled to sit in on a board meeting. He was making final preparations before heading out when his secretary hesitantly knocked on his open door. He was busy signing a check so he didn't bother to look up. Instead he greeted her the same as always, polite but firm. "You may enter, Marie." Regardless of the many times Shane told her she had freedom to interrupt him, she always awaited his invitation to enter. Marie served as the Alpha's secretary to his father before him, a post she took very seriously.
"Apologies, Sir. This visitor has no appointment, and would not allow me the courtesy of announcing his arrival." The disdain in her voice had Shane looking up immediately. Marie was always professional and more than efficient at her job. Yet her tone signaled to him her intense dislike for the individual who was quickly headed into his office behind her. Shane resisted rolling his eyes as Justin saw himself into the Alpha's office. "Shall I close the door?" Marie asked before heading back to her front reception area.
