Author's Note: Thanks to Krissta for her work in editing this whopping tale for me! This one was a little hard to categorize, so please bear in mind that although I put it in Nonhuman, it could easily have fit into Erotic Horror too. Also for forewarning, it has elements of First Time, Romance, Anal and Sci-Fi/Fantasy. It's also an entry in the Halloween contest, so please remember to vote! I hope you enjoy it.
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My name is Larry Howard. About two months ago I was sitting in my bedroom at home, slowly coming around to the idea of taking out the magazines from under my bed and giving the old shotgun a few pumps, if you know what I mean.
I know, I know. Magazines, Larry? In this day and age?
Well, I was eighteen and I'd yet to finish school or move out and you would not believe the lengths to which my parents would go in order to keep me away from anything that remotely resembled breasts. My mother had become pregnant with me when she was sixteen and had decided she didn't want me to repeat her mistake. That's actually how she put it too. "Repeat her mistake." Oh yeah, my parents are real class acts.
So my computer got regularly checked for anything resembling porn, and I got a reminder every day about how much internet history she wanted to see. Deleting it? Nope, couldn't sneak that past her. Plus, my dad built computers for a living and had all kinds of little programs for invading my privacy. I once tried to type "vaginal diagram" into Google for my biology homework and my computer screen turned black with the word
Busted!
flashing in block capitals at me.
After that, we had a long talk about my life choices and I privately decided to move out as soon as humanly possible.
In the mean-time, I snagged the low-tech option of my magazines. Nothing gross of course. You wouldn't believe the kinds of things they have on the top shelf these days. One had a picture of a woman hugging a giraffe in a way that I don't think I should elaborate on.
I'd settled for some of the less-terrifying choices and stashed them under my bed. If there was ever a place that I could keep my parents away from it was under my bed. They saw it as a barren wasteland of hastily-shoved-together mess filled with memories of my lost childhood. I saw it as a barren wasteland of hastily-shoved-together mess I occasionally stuck my arm into before yanking out something random and declaring something along the lines of, "My Gameboy! Sweet!"
In any event, despite my parents' archaic views on teenage sexual impulses and their annoyingly tech-savvy monitoring of my online activities, they had no clue about the magazines under my bed. In fairness, given the state of things under there, they would have had to clean out the entire thing to find out where I slid those images of fleshy treats. My old teddy bear, Mr. Splodge, marked out the spot. (I'd turned him to look away, of course. I'd grown up, but Mr. Splodge remained a constant, if slightly ruffled, youth and things such as my masturbatory aids weren't for his eyes.)
I was thinking about those magazines and notably the image of two particularly sexy blondes making out in front of a large fireplace when the phone rang. Dammit. I rolled my chair across the floor to reach for the receiver.
"Hey Larry, you alright?" My mother's voice settled in amongst a crackling of traffic. She was in her car.
"Yep." I slowly rolled back over to my bed and lifted the covers with my foot to see the vast assortment of crap hidden beneath.
"Is your dad home yet?" She asked.
"Nope." I ducked down to look under the bed for the familiar sight of Mr. Splodge's head.
"Ok, well I'll be home in about half an hour." She phrased it almost like a warning.
I'll be home in half an hour, then you'll speak to me in full utterances young man!
"Cool. I'll see you then." I blandly added.
"Alright." Click. No traffic sounds.
I hang up the phone and crawl down to reach for my prize. I'm knelt there for five whole seconds before the phone rings again. I sigh with frustration, pick myself up. and snag the receiver once again.
"'Lo?" I venture.
"Larry, is that you?" Dad this time.
"Yup."
"Oh." A slight pause. "Is your mother home?"
"Nope. 'Nother half hour, she said." I'm back down on my hands and knees, reaching for the gold once again.
"Alright. Are you ok?" My parents are terrified of sex, but they're also terrified of anything happening to me too.
"No, I'm being attacked by a unicorn. Help! It's getting glitter on me!" I dryly replied.
I heard my dad stifle a laugh.
"Alright mate. I'll be in at about ten to." I glanced at the clock. Ten to five. That'd be three quarters of an hour.
"No probs, see you then."
"Bye." Click.
I hung up and left the receiver on the floor beside me. A little to the left and...bingo!
I tugged the magazines out from the heaving mess and grinned to myself as I threw them on the bed. Then the phone rang.
I looked up at the ceiling. I'm not normally the religious type but right then I was definitely asking the big G if he really wanted my balls to explode or not. I picked up the phone.
"
Yes?
" My voice was less than cordial.
"Larry?" The voice at the other end of the line seemed unsure of itself.
"Oh hey, Mrs. Taylor. What's up?" I asked, suddenly turning away from my stash.
I didn't mind rooting for the stuff whilst on the phone but the idea of talking to my parents or the kind, little, portly Mrs. Barbara Taylor whilst checking out porno magazines felt just plain wrong.
"Oh it's nothing you should worry about dear." Everyone was a "dear" to Mrs. Taylor. For a woman in her late forties she sounded like a generic recording of everyone's grandma. "It's just that we're home early, you see. Jenny's had a bit of an accident."
I suddenly sat bolt upright in my chair. Jenny was my oldest friend.
"What!?" What kind of an accident would make them cut their camping trip short? Hell, I'd only expected the woman to ask me if her living room light was still on.
"Calm down, Larry. She's fine. Just got bitten in the leg by something out in the dark. It wasn't serious when we found her, just a little bleeding. We got it checked at the hospital and she's fine, but a bad limp can put a bit of a dampener on a camping trip, so we came home. She's a little down in the dumps right now if you must know."
"Yeah, she'd been looking forward to it for a while." I hated to sound so relieved whilst saying that.
"Well, I just thought you might want to come over tomorrow and cheer her up. I'm sure she'll be happy to see you." There was a tone in her voice that I'd grown used to. To most people it might have sounded like
get over here right now or else
but to me I knew it meant
and why exactly haven't you married my daughter yet?
"I'll be over tomorrow morning. Bright and early." I assured her.
"Oh, that's nice of you dear. I'm sure she'll be thrilled."
"Tell her I'll bring chocolate." I added with a smile.
"I will! See you tomorrow, Larry." Click.
I put the phone down and let out a breath. Jennifer Taylor. Sweet Jesus. I was relieved she was alright and already looking forward to seeing her. Then again, I couldn't really blame whatever it was that had bitten her. Sometimes I get a similar urge. Mine's more along the lines of licking and nibbling, however.
You know how boys and girls play together when they're young, they drift apart in their teens and hopefully re-merge by their twenties? Well me and Jenny figured
fuck that
. When we were younger she followed me everywhere she could. I remember a bigger boy pushed her down in the playground and I delivered a first-class kick to his nuts for making her cry. I got one of those long talks with my parents and a lifelong best friend for my efforts.
The thing was that when we were young I was more interested in playing football, watching movies (preferably those involving lightsabers), and making interesting things out of Lego. I wasn't particularly interested in the romantic notions of a little girl who had apparently found her white scrotum-crunching knight. Then as we got older things started to change. Jenny gave up hope on me shortly before I realised that girls had more interesting things to offer than what they had to say about
Star Wars
. Oh, don't get me wrong, she had a lot of cool stuff to say about