Every journey into nothingness must begin with something real, if only to the one on the journey. That's not a difficult concept for most people but try explaining it to someone who is dead, That even though they are still real the body that once was theirs is no longer, that its time to move on. It can get tricky at times.
These things came to me on an evening when all had been quiet. I had incense burning on my small alter as I meditated silently before it. Three candles lit the scene as I sat and quieted my mind from the day's events. Then she entered the room.
I did not choose to know the things I know or feel the things I feel. Often I wish that this would pass from me and another more understanding or wise would take it on. I especially couldn't stand the labels that were tossed at me such as Necromancer, Mystic, shaman, Indigo child and all manner of other invectives. This was not who I am.
Rising from the floor I turned to face the room, my shadow moving across the walls from the reflections of the candles. I could not see her, but I knew she watched me with intensity, I could feel it. Extending my arms out, palms up I whispered across the room, "Take my hands, let us talk."
I felt a warmness begin in my palms, then work its way slowly up my arms and spread onto my chest. Gently I pushed her away and backed away myself. This is not how it's supposed to be. Something is wrong.
There is coldness to the spiritual world, a deep hollow coldness that shivers the bones of the living. It can stand the hair up on your neck with just its closeness, you don't even have to actually feel it against your skin, and your soul will sense it.
"Please." I asked. "Can you speak?"
She stood directly before me, an ember that burned my soul and made sweat slip from my temple, yet she said nothing. My breathing was picking up and I had to make a conscious effort to slow it. I was not in danger, this much I knew. I just didn't understand what was happening.
"OK, step away." I whispered. "If you can't come to me then I'm going to come to you."
My mind raced with the clear understanding that I had lost it. No, You don't enter the unknown unless you know what and why, which makes it the known. That actually makes sense when you've gone crazy. Yet I had to find a way to communicate, I had to find out what was wrong here.
Kneeling before my alter I invoked every guardian, archangel and spiritual karma seeker to protect me as I began to slip into a meditative state. This wasn't just any state I was seeking as I slowed my heart and breathing as far as I safely could. With a slight turn to my left I slipped my mortal body and rose to face the one who had disturbed my home. Others were now around me, I was being protected.
Dark hair that flowed around an olive skin greeted me. She stood maybe 5'4" and weighed nothing as she hovered in the corner. In life she had never graced the cover of a magazine but she was beautiful non the less. I slowly began to move towards her.
"If you try anything." I said, letting my warning trail off.
"I mean you no harm." She replied. "It's been so long since I've spoken with anyone." She had tears on her cheeks. Again I extended my arms and she moved into them. Her warmth flooded thru my soul and I almost back away a second time but didn't. I decided I'd just have to learn to deal with it.
