"You wouldn't ever go rogue. I'd protect you, be with you. I would never leave you. Rogues have lost their minds."
"What if something happened, what if you couldn't protect me? What if something in my head was already a bit off before I became a werewolf and it got worse?"
"No." Thorn slammed his hands on the table before he stood and walked away. "Stop talking." He paced back and forth a little his wolf close "I am your alpha, your mate. I would not be your mate if there was something wrong with you. As your alpha and your mate I would protect you, nothing could happen. You doubt me." His wolf lurched forward and he couldn't fight him taking over. He stalked towards her.
"You doubt my ability to care for you, to love and protect you?"
He watched her lower her head and eyes in submission "No my love, I worry I may be the problem. I worry I may make the pack weak. I worry how you will react when I tell you everything about myself. I worry how I will cope hearing everything you need to tell me. Lastly I worry I will fail you, fail the pack, because I cannot care for you and protect you, cannot care for and protect them. But I will never love any of you less, in fact I love you all more every day." She stroked his fur now he was closer and it calmed him slightly. "I don't want to see the look in your eyes when I tell you things about me that will make you wish you had another mate, a better mate. I don't want to see the love in your eyes fade and be replaced with..."
"Shhhh tell me the worst thing now and then it will be behind us. Then you can stop worrying. Then you can move in and be with me."
"I can't. Not while you're wolf." She whispered.
"Why not? My form doesn't change who I am, you know that."
"I need you to hold me. I need to see your face so I know you aren't hiding anything from me." He shook his head and backed away from her touch. "Thorn, I'm sorry, I just can't." Thorn, still in wolf form moved away. He left the room.
Thorn's wolf growled as he paced the bedroom. He could smell his mate here but he wanted to be with her. Thorn fought to get control, but his wolf wanted to change her, make her submit, so this nonsense would end. He wouldn't be letting her go. His wolf showed images of them together. Howled his pain at her refusing to be with them, and the hurt that she would not trust him.
"She trusts me, she doesn't trust herself."
His wolf argued back
"She doesn't trust the bond."
Thorn gained enough control to begin to return to human form "She will."
He quietly returned to the kitchen where he saw she sat at the table crying. He went to her in silence and lifted her into his arms carrying her into the living room. Only when he was settled on the couch her in his arms did he speak. "Luna, tell me the worst, I swear I am here for you. Will always be here for you."
Her eyes met his for only an instant before she quietly responded "I killed two men."
CHAPTER TWENTY
Thorn pulled her closer and stroked her hair. "Luna, tell me what happened, I know you are not a murderer."
"When I told you about when I left home I left off some of the details of the first house, and how bad it got at one of the last houses. The first house was in my own neighbourhood. I grew up riding his motocross bike and hanging out with him in the backyard. Then I moved in with them. He was my only friend and I killed him." She shook with her silent crying. Thorn continued to hold her and stroke her back. His wolf howled inside him to see her pain. The man in him just wanted to take it away.
"What happened to your friend Luna?" He asked gently.
"Harley, he knew things. He knew what my mum and her boyfriend were like. He would let me stay at his place all hours of the day and night so I didn't have to go home. Harley then found out that I could apply to leave mum and his parents could get paid to have me stay there. I don't know why he looked into how to make it work but he told me had it all worked out. They weren't the charitable sort. But getting paid, that got them onside. They weren't great parents to Harley, and certainly never took that role with me. Now and then they gave me a hard time about helping out more around the place, or how much it cost to have me there, but mostly they just left me alone. Well for that first year. Harley and I same as before I moved in, looked after ourselves."
"How old was Harley?"
"Only a couple of years older than me. We were never more than friends Thorn. He loved his dirt bikes and sci-fi books. He teased me about being a tomboy. I teased him about being called Harley." Luna turned into Thorn a little more and looked up at him. "The year I turned fifteen his dad started to pay more attention to me. My mum was getting paid for sex by then and he thought I could be interested in training for the 'family business.' He kindly continued to offer to be my teacher every time nobody else was around. Harley, that last night, he walked into my room hearing my screams and after pulling his dad off me, after his mother came in and started yelling at me, he just looked at me like he hated me." LJ shook her head as the memory of his face hit her so clearly all these years later. "He hated me. He decided I was just like my mother. In the confusion. The yelling and all. His mother dragging me into the yard and hitting me until the police arrived. Nobody noticed he had gone. He left on his bike that night. He was found the next morning. Crash investigators almost straight away ruled out an accident. The thought of what I was..."
"No." Thorn tipped Luna's chin up so her eyes met his. "No. You made that leap in your head baby. It is not true. There will be a different reason Luna. He knew you. He was your best friend and there is no way anybody that loved you, spent time with you, would believe that. He came in hearing your screams Luna. He knew what was happening. He was like me baby. He was a young alpha. He tried to protect you, care for you, considered you his family. From the day he started looking out for you, when he found a way for you to move in, right through to when he pulled his father off you. He never thought that of you. It was an accident. He was upset, angry, he took off, and lost control."
"Now you're making leaps and you didn't know either of us then." Luna shook her head. "It was my fault." She placed a finger over Thorn's mouth as he went to speak again. "I know I never actually killed him but I live knowing I caused it. The second incident, it leaves no room for doubt, I did kill. It was ruled self-defence, but I still killed him."
"It was the guy in the store room. The one that tried to rape you."
"Yeah. It wasn't really a store room it was in the work shop of a motorcycle shop." Luna moved away from Thorn now, and sat on the couch folding her legs up under herself. "I had to tell the police, everyone, so many times, repeating what happened. But every time I told the story back then, doesn't equal even one year of how often I've relived it. And there have been a lot of years since then. I don't regret killing him. I don't feel any guilt for killing him. But I wonder if there was a way to have avoided that day. Wonder what I missed that resulted in me being trapped like that. I thought I had learned how to protect myself. I'd fooled myself back then that I could keep myself safe. See the warnings. You know what it took me so long to work out? I second guessed myself. My gut told me the day was all wrong. We were never alone in the shop like that. I don't ignore my gut anymore Thorn. Things that felt a bit off about you and your family, they left me wondering what was going on, but I never worried about not being safe. Never wanted to run from you. Never thought I was in danger or that the people surrounding me were a risk. I never thought it was something bad."
"So what happened?"
"He already had me half naked when I got my chance. He moved slightly and gave me an opening. A new karate move got him off balance and he fell backwards. I watched him go down hoping he would fall hard, but he grabbed me pulling me with him. It slowed his momentum. I stepped to move away. The way he turned on the ground, still holding my foot, moved his body out of the corner a little. I remember this fear, I knew I was running out of time, knew it was my last chance, and I pulled a large tool chest over. I had tried moving that chest during my work there a number of times, and I'd barely managed to budge it. I don't remember when I thought to grab it at all. It didn't make sense that I would even try. I don't know if I hoped to pull my leg free using the chest as leverage, in hindsight I know that wouldn't have worked but at the time, I don't know why I ... I just haven't worked that out. They said it was the adrenalin, but I swear Thorn, I just pulled it over, and it went down on top of him. If the impact hadn't been to his head, he would have been hurt enough for me to escape, but he would have lived. The way it landed he was declared brain dead at the hospital."
