I'd been riding forever it seemed. Ten days on the road, with all the necessary stops, and I was stuck on the dullest road in the dullest state in the U.S.---Oklahoma. If boredom earned me money I'd be a fucking trillionaire by now. Flat and only broken by the occasional oil rig, I rode on working my way to my ultimate goal--my brother's house in New Mexico.
It started simply because I needed a change. So I did what anyone else would do, I bought a bike, supplies for it, clothing and food and decided to ride across the country. Ok, so sue me, I'm not everybody, but then I never was to begin with. Heck, the day I was born, at least according to family rumor, I slapped the doc and told him to touch me again at his peril.
So, even for me, this trip was nothing out of the ordinary. At least it wasn't until I got a flat in the middle of the ass end of nowhere. Suddenly, out of the ether it seemed, showed up a Rolls-Royce Corniche. It was blacker than the night on the dark side of the moon, rolled across the ground both soundlessly and seemingly effortlessly, looked like it belonged to some Saudi oil sheik and was definitely the one thing I never expected to see here let alone offer some help.
As the lone passengers in the care stepped out of it I was amazed as they moved like they were cats and predatory ones at that. These predatory cats, 1 male, 1 female, also gave the impression that I had disturbed them. The funny thing is I could see for mile after mile yet I never knew they were there. There was no inkling of other life until my tire blew out.
Had I stepped one step too far and crossed over into the Twilight Zone? Certainly men and women such as these two were were rarities. The woman had a figure that seemed from another timeframe. Her waist was waspish, as if she had been born with a corset on and never lived without it, and she carried herself with an air of civility that seemed a throwback as compared to our more "modern" times. Her auburn hair was in a tight bun that flowed into a cascading waterfall that went all the way to her ankles. I doubt she'd ever cut her hair. If I were a child I'd swear she was a strict looking schoolmarm. One could almost feel her presence as a palpable force constricting their airways and leaving them gasping for air in her orbit.
Her husband, for surely such a woman as this could not be single, was a rather rugged looking individual yet he somehow seemed as if some geneticist had crossed the Marlboro man with Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. To say the least he was an odd fellow. You'd think he was going to say something and then he just said nothing instead. He seemed to connect with his wife on some sort of non-verbal level. Telepathy maybe. Maybe simple body language instead.
I wasn't sure who, if either, was in charge until, at last, the woman spoke.
"I am Dame Elizabeth," she began, "and this lowly worm is my husband Sir Basil."
"Well," I thought to myself sarcastically, "a right proper English couple."
"I know what you are thinking sir and you are right we are English. How proper though depends on your definition of proper."
I passed out!
How long I was out, or where I was, I do not know. Nor do I recall how exactly I got here in some Victorian age dungeon strapped to a stockade, naked and gagged. Somehow I suspected the two I met I mean it wasn't exactly a bustling metropolis I was in when it happened.
Dame Elizabeth passed into the room as silent as a shadow and as foreboding as a blood moon. And I'll be damned if that wasn't an awfully authentic whalebone corset she was wearing above the black, thigh high, 6" stiletto heeled boots she was wearing that were polished to a high, and flawless, gloss. I expected such boots would make a rather distinctive sound when worn but she moved completely soundlessly until she decided to break the silence herself.
"As I told you my name is Dame Elizabeth and I am English, I am also a rather strict disciplinarian and you have broken the rules," she intoned.
"Rules, what rules?" I stuttered.
"Why, young man," she addressed me, "trespassing of course."
"I don't recall going off the main road so how did I manage to trespass?" I thought.