(Thanks to Jen Lit Girl for the edit.)
*
A pile of shit sat on her linoleum floor. At least it looked like shit; big, throbbing, and steaming. The problem was shit wasn't supposed to move, except out of one's ass. Now, in her past, Eve had met men who held certain fetishes related to the shit pile on her floor. She usually broke up with them (almost immediately upon discovery of those fetishes) and took out restraining orders. Eve was adventurous but she had her limits. The big pile currently squelching about the bathroom made her think, briefly, that some of those men were playing a joke. She quickly dismissed the idea; none of them were that smart. In spite of her initial shock Eve couldn't resist taking a closer look. She saw it wasn't quite as shitty as she originally thought. Much of the brown stuff was sloughing off to reveal...well, she couldn't quite describe it
An appendage stuck out of its "top" that resembled a deformed chicken claw. It had pulsating cancerous lumps all over its "body". One sported a broken toilet plunger as a hat. Tufts of weed-like hair dotted the folds and bumps of its leprous skin. Red, pulsing veins spread like a map across its corpse white surface, and plunked in the midst of that bulbous mass was a single dinner plate-sized bloodshot eye.
The creature looked as if someone had lumped together a jellyfish, a slime mold, liposuctioned belly fat, and a slug into one gigantically gooey pile. Eve thought she could detect just a hint of psychopathic, retarded sex offender in its rummy eye. The final shock came from an incongruity she detected in its smell. "Omigod! It smells just like Axe Body Spray!"