The Siochan Ch 06

This is the last chapter of The Siochan. I've had a love/hate relationship with this story but I tried my best to do it justice so you could at least have a conclusion to it. I hope you enjoy the final chapter.

Once more my thanks to WorldHistoryBuff for her editing skills.

*****

A wave of pain crashed over Nathaniel and he groaned and curled up into a ball, a tiny whimper of agony escaping his lips. Sweat broke out over his body and he shivered wildly as he tried to stop his body reacting to the pain. He couldn't. Another wave of pain came, stiffening his muscles as he moaned through cracked lips, his eyes wild as they flew around the dark, dingy room.

His throat burned. It burned as if fire was licking at it, his need to feed so intense it was all that dominated his thoughts. He should have fed. He should have stopped waiting for Summer to return and answered the needs of his body. But he had been so sure she would come, that she didn't really mean it when she'd said she wouldn't come back.

Three years! Three years since she had been in his arms, her sweet blood soothing the hunger deep within him. That was how long one drink of a Síochán's blood satisfied a vampire. When the gnawing hunger had come back he was sure Summer would too. He didn't want to feed from another woman, didn't want to be overcome with lust and lay with anyone other than his Summer.

Now he was paying for it. His body was weak, his hunger so strong it was ripping him apart. He couldn't feed now even if he wanted to. He had no strength to leave the room, all he had was the crippling pain. He cried out and curled into himself. Was this it? Was he going to die? The blood link between himself and Summer was gone. She wouldn't feel his pain and he had no idea if she searched for him in the Scrying Fountain. Did she even know that he was in so much pain? Would she even care after what he had said to her?

He scented a Síochán close, tried to move his head but he couldn't. He tried to call Summer's name but his voice didn't work. A cool, soft hand caressed his brow, smoothing his tangled hair back from his face.

"What have you done?" Lucas breathed softly, a deep frown on his face as he knelt beside the bed. "Oh, Nathaniel. How could you be so reckless with your life?"

Nathaniel groaned, a feeling of comfort coming over him as Lucas stroked his face gently. His breathed hissed out raggedly. "Summer," he murmured weakly.

Lucas' frown deepened and he brought his wrist to Nathaniel's mouth. "She won't come, Nathaniel," he said regretfully. "Feed."

The vampire scented the powerful blood flowing through the other man's veins and he bit down instinctively, a muffled groan escaping as the precious life fluid began pumping into his mouth. He sucked ravenously, swallowing as fast as he could to relieve the aching pain all over his body. He fed and his heart ached at Lucas' words. Summer wouldn't come. She wouldn't forgive him.

"She doesn't look for you anymore," Lucas said quietly, stroking Nathaniel's hair soothingly as he tore into his wrist. "She simply goes on her assignments, attends any meetings called and spends time alone with her thoughts. Starving yourself will not bring her back, Nathaniel. She isn't even aware that you're doing so. Do not be so reckless again. Feed when you must."

Nathaniel fed, his thoughts in turmoil. He was feeding from Lucas. He never thought he'd see the day when he would lower himself to do so, when he would feel so grateful to the other man for allowing him to. He had never thought he'd see the day when Lucas would offer his blood to him as he was doing now. He wondered what was in it for the Síochán and then stifled down a moan and suckled harder at his wonderful blood.

Even when Lucas was performing an act of kindness, Nathaniel looked for a hidden meaning in it. He wondered if that was indicative of the kind of man Lucas was or the kind of man he was. It hurt to hear that Summer no longer looked for him, that she didn't care what he was doing anymore. Was that the truth though or something Lucas was making up to force him to move on? Was Lucas hoping that the more time Summer was apart from Nathaniel the more likely she would turn once more to him?

With another groan, Nathaniel wrenched his fangs from Lucas' wrist and rolled away from him, turning his back on the Síochán and taking deep breaths as the healing blood surged through his body, strengthening him quickly. The pain had ebbed considerably. He would be strong enough to go out and hunt once the Síochán left.

"Does this make your goal harder, Lucas?" he asked quietly. "You did seek to use Summer to bring me back. Does the fact she no longer cares about me hinder your plans?" He heard the Síochán give a long drawn out sigh but didn't turn around.

"I didn't say she no longer cares, Nathaniel. I said she no longer looks for you." Lucas rose to his feet, looking around the dingy room with a sad expression on his face. Nothing changed for Nathaniel, not the hovels he lived in, the life he led, or the fact that he was so consumed with bitterness he only heard what he wanted to hear. "Was that sufficient blood for you?"

"It was enough," Nathaniel ground out quietly. "If you leave now I will be able to take care of the rest myself."

"First tell me why you left it so long," Lucas sighed. "Why you allowed yourself to become so starved you almost died."

Nathaniel snorted, biting his lip hard. He didn't want to tell Lucas anything about his life or his reasons for doing what he had done. It was none of his damned business. The Síochán wouldn't go away until he answered him though and he really needed to hunt, to finish the repairs to his body that Lucas had started.

"With the bloodlust comes sexual lust," Nathaniel said dully. "I didn't want to lay with anyone other than Summer. Satisfied?" He hated admitted it to the other man, hated saying it out aloud for someone other than Summer to hear.

"You love her so much you would die rather than bed another?" Lucas asked incredulously. "You have changed so much, Nathaniel. Perhaps even too much." He paused as if making a decision, sitting down on the bed and reaching a hand out to touch his head. "Hold still," he commanded when Nathaniel tried to shrug him off.

He removed his hand a moment later and stood up again. "You can feed with no concern that your other lust will require satisfying," he said quietly. "I have separated the two urges enough that you will be able to maintain control if you want to. Do not be this reckless again, Nathaniel."

His words had Nathaniel turning to look at him, surprise on his face as well as confusion. "Why?" he asked.

"You know why," Lucas sighed turning away from the scrutinizing gaze of the vampire. "You can deny whatever you wish to, Nathaniel, but it is the one thing that will always hold true. I will always come if you need me."

The stark sincerity of his words pierced the vampire and he scowled darkly as he felt a little thawing within himself towards the other man. Was this another plot, another ploy in the endless game of tempting him home to the Síochán or was it simply what is was, Lucas feeling the pull of their previous relationship and being helpless against it?

Nathaniel hated the uncertainty, the need to scrutinize every single word that came out of Lucas' mouth, a hidden deep longing within himself that the Síochán was being truthful with him and genuinely meant what he was saying. "Thank you," he finally managed to grind out. The small, spoken gratitude didn't hurt as much as he thought it would.

"I would say it was my pleasure but you were very unkind with your fangs, Nathaniel," Lucas laughed softly, shaking his head in weary amusement as he looked down at the vampire. "Do not make it necessary for me to have to do this again. The need to abstain is now removed. I know you will find this difficult to believe but try trusting in me just a little."

It was a lot for the Síochán to ask of him but Nathaniel had no choice. If he was to survive he needed to feed. He would have to take the risk that Lucas had really done as he said he had. "She really doesn't look for me anymore?" He hated how small and sad his voice sounded as he sought for confirmation from the Síochán. He looked away when he saw pity cross Lucas' face. He didn't want the other man's pity!

Lucas sighed softly, his expression turning more guarded as the vampire withdrew into himself as he always did when he was hurting. Nothing really changed with Nathaniel. He was a creature of habit and was always one to shut everyone else out when he was feeling vulnerable about things. "Do you wish me to tell her about this?" he asked. He didn't need to confirm the vampire's question, Nathaniel had known the answer even as he asked it.

Nathaniel shook his head and rose from the bed. He still felt a little shaky but strong enough to be able to do what he needed to do. His feeding from Lucas was only enough to bring him back from the brink of death, not the feeding he would have done if it were Summer who had come to him.

"Let her live her life the way she wants to," he said quietly. "She's right. She deserves better than me. I can't give her what she needs so she should have the opportunity to find whatever happiness she can elsewhere."

The words were hard to say; turning to look at Lucas and meet his eyes was even harder. Nathaniel knew he would never return to the Síochán, that not even Summer's love would be enough to take him back into that life.

She cared about Lucas. Maybe she didn't love him quite the same way as she loved Nathaniel but if she could find happiness with the Síochán then who was he to stand in her way? A deep throbbing pain lanced through him at just the thought of it but he pushed it away. He couldn't give her what she needed. He had no right to expect that she should be alone for the rest of eternity because he was too weak, too selfish to love her enough to be able to give up everything for her.

"You are the only thing that Summer will ever need, Nathaniel," Lucas breathed softly. "Stop fighting so hard against her. You are only hurting both of you. Summer is not meant to be mine. She never was and she never will be. She is yours completely but you lack the courage to reach out and take what belongs to you. She is right in that she deserves better. She deserves better than what you have given her so far, Nathaniel. Better than what any of us have given her so far."

A look of pain crossed Nathaniel's face. He tried to hide it but he knew the other man had seen it, that he understood the level of anguish he felt over his decision. "I can't!" he hissed furiously. "That's what you've never understood, Lucas. You never gave me a choice! Not once! You made your decisions based on what YOU wanted, not what was best for me. Now I have a choice. One that's slowly tearing me apart but it is mine! You can't take that from me. No one can, not even Summer."

Lucas' expression hardened, anger flaring in his eyes for an instant before he sadly shook his head. He couldn't really argue with Nathaniel because what he said was true. He was never given a choice when brought to this life. How could he be angry at the man before him because Summer was suffering so much? It was ultimately Lucas' actions which were responsible for her suffering, hers and Nathaniel's both.

"Call me if you ever have need of me again, Nathaniel," he sighed softly before he took himself away from the tortured vampire, unable to bear to be in the same room with him a moment longer.

_____

Summer found herself at the Scrying Fountain. She hadn't meant to look for Nathaniel but she found herself irresistibly drawn to him. It had been so long since she had last seen him, so many years of just existing with little joy in her world.

A sad smile crossed her lips as she ran her fingers idly through the cold water, not using her abilities to look for him though she knew she would do so, that she was unable to stop herself.

Her life as a Síochán had settled into a strange existence. The more time she spent with the various different personalities, the more she came to understand what really made them tick.

Harlan was the easiest to figure out. He was the most easy going one of them, the one who was initially most receptive to her joining their all male group. Her first meeting with them, her comment about them not being gentlemen, seemed to have struck a deep chord with the dark skinned man and he went out of his way to be as 'gentlemanly' as possible around her. It was sweet and very endearing and she found herself coming to like him very quickly. He appeared to be quite fond of her too now.

Kincaid was such an enigma. He thought he was so untouchable and yet she invariably went to him when she wanted a question answered. His facial expressions were most eloquent but he still answered her questions even if he gave off the impression that it was a complete chore to do so. He tried hard to keep his detachment firmly in place but more and more he was integrating into the group.

Her smile widened as she remembered entering the meeting room and finding Kincaid trying to teach Harlan how to play chess. It had been one of the funniest things she could remember seeing and had actually brought some laughter from deep within her, one of her rare smiles coming to the fore.

That was when they had started their weekly chess games, when Harlan had accused Kincaid of cheating when he moved a rook and she had explained the piece was allowed to move in that direction. The moment Kincaid had realised she knew how to play chess he had told Harlan to get lost and made her sit and play with him. They were pretty evenly matched in skill level so it had quickly become a battle of wills to see who would win. She actually looked forward to her weekly games with him now feeling a special bond with the cold, detached man. Maybe his solitary lifestyle reminded her of Nathaniel a bit?

Marcus was trouble but in a truly endearing way. He could argue for hours on end and invariably did. He took his role of defiance to the extremes and yet, he seemed to enjoy their many heated debates. She was sure she had seen pride in his expression a few times as she had bested him on a particular point. He had taken to seeking her out, pulling her from her sanctuary when she retreated from the group for too long a period of time. He appeared to have made it his personal mission to ensure that she integrated fully with the Síochán.

Summer's thoughts turned to Lucas and her smile faded. Something was very wrong with the blond Síochán. He was almost as withdrawn from the group as she was. He was there in body but very quiet in spirit. She had tried to talk to him about it a few times but he simply smiled and turned the subject adroitly to something else. She had seen some of the others looking at Lucas with a touch of concern on their faces too. His disquiet was not a figment of her imagination.

She sighed softly and another small smile crossed her face. They each had their own strange little personality quirks but each of them had wormed their way into her heart to find a special little place there. She had a sneaking suspicion she had managed to secure a little spot in their hearts too whether any of them would admit to it or not.

The only one of them she was unsure of was Anton. She had barely seen him over the last decade. He never turned up at meetings though he appeared to spend a bit of time with Lucas privately because the blond Síochán would pass on Anton's comments at any meetings.

Anton's withdrawal from Summer was surprising. He had been so accommodating when she had first arrived, taking her to Nathaniel's personal space when she was upset. She couldn't help wondering just what it was she had done to make him withdraw from her. It was another enigma that was part of the world of the Síochán.

Sighing again Summer cast her mind into the Fountain, searching for her heart as she felt the water start to solidify beneath her fingers. She rested them lightly on top until the ice formed completely as she gazed down to the image before her. She was surprised by what she saw, expecting another dingy hovel or seedy, dark bar. Instead she found him standing on a jagged rock, wind and rain lashing furiously around him, making his raven hair tumble wildly around his head.

As always he was dressed completely in black and it was the dead of night. The wildness of the storm soaked his clothes, moulding them to his tall, hard physique as he stared into the darkness, searching the horizon and the crashing waves below him. The blood bond had been gone for years but she didn't need it to know that his mood was as dark and wild as the storm beating furiously against him.

She hesitated for a moment before she pulled deep within herself and her fingers pierced the frozen image. In an instant she was standing behind him, the wind and rain immediately soaking her white dress, her blond curls flying wildly behind her. She saw him tense, his only acknowledgement that she was there. They stood so close but there was such a distance between them. It was as if they were polar opposites. He was dark and she was light. They complimented each other but were destined to be forever apart.

Summer wanted to weep at the utter sadness that invaded her soul. Why couldn't they be together? Why couldn't one of them just bend a little, open their very soul to the other so this endless pain would be diminished? She didn't realise she was actually crying until he turned to face her, his expression so carefully neutral it was as if his face was carved in stone.

He moved slowly, taking the three steps necessary to bring him right in front of her. Wordlessly his arms enclosed her and he pressed her head to his chest, his cheek resting on the top of her head as she shivered and her tears continued to fall silently.

Nathaniel couldn't believe she was finally there, after all the long, lonely years when he had longed for her to return and she never had. When he had first scented her, he had thought it was his mind playing tricks on him but then he had turned and his beautiful little Summer had been there, her face so full of anguish it broke his heart. He hated himself for being the cause of that anguish, for knowing that he had the power to ease her suffering but not the courage to do so.

"Forgive me," he whispered hoarsely, needing to atone for what he had said to her at their last meeting. Needing her forgiveness for the pain they were both suffering.

She clung to him tightly as if afraid he would vanish any moment. Her fear was justified. He would leave her again as he had left her all the other times. He didn't know how to stop running, how to ever come to terms with who and what he was. He was broken and he didn't think he would ever be able to heal from the breaks that had shattered his faith in himself so completely.

"I'm so sorry, Summer," he groaned softly. "For all the hurt and pain, for what I said that day. I don't deserve your love or your forgiveness but I crave them so much even knowing that I will only break your heart time and time again." His mouth searched for hers desperately, needing to taste her once more. He was a complete selfish bastard but he needed her like no other.

She whimpered against his lips, kissing him with a hunger that surpassed even his, her fingers digging into his scalp hard as she attacked him almost ravenously. They kissed desperately as the wind and rain battered against them, both knowing this was just a brief moment which neither of them had the strength to deny themselves. Nothing would be resolved by this meeting. They were only hurting each other by giving in to their need to be together.

High above them a cloaked, hooded figure stood watching, hope and despair warring equally within his soul as he stared down at his two greatest achievements. That they would part was a given but he hoped it would be for the last time. It had to be for the final time or he had failed once more.