Tara ached all over. Her head throbbed so badly that she could not force her eyes open even though she had been awake for some time. She was cold, icy cold but she did not have the energy to pull the duvet higher. She was drained.
It had been getting worse lately. The price she paid for using her gifts. For healing others.
What had she been thinking yesterday? Heathrow of all places? She should have known that the emotions there would be at a fevered pitch she could no longer tolerate. And that dear old lady. She could not even remember her name.
There had been so many over the past couple of years. So many whom she mended their battered hearts and healed their wounded souls, even when she was powerless to save their mortal bodies. Any more than she could her own.
She moaned as a particularly sharp pain sliced through her brain. Yes, as ridiculous as it sounded, like a hot knife through cold butter. It was followed by another round of chills that left her shivering to the point that her teeth chattered.
Then she was being lifted. Confusion assailed her. Had her time finally come? Were those the strong, warm arms of the angels carrying her home? Did she really care? As she nuzzled closer to the crisp, clean smell of sandalwood.
She felt the clouds envelop her as she came to rest in their soft warmth. Another wrapped about her, replacing the cold with a bit of its warmth. It smelled like sunshine and she inhaled as deeply as her exhausted body would allow.
But it was the touch of the angel's fingers against her cheek that seemed to bring her the most comfort. Fingers that were calloused and rough, but so gentle and warm as she felt her hair brushed back from her eyes and tucked behind her ear.
"Here, drink this," said the deep, soothing voice that should have sent splinters through her dull mind, but somehow did not.
She felt those strong arms wrapped about her shoulders once more as she was lifted from the clouds. She whimpered in protest. Then something was pressed to her lips, "Drink."
She did not argue as the rich aroma and gentle heat assailed her nose and skin. The flavour of the coffee was more enticing than anything had been in a very long time. It burst on her tongue like a morning glory unfurling at the first rays of sunlight. She savoured it.
If this was it, heaven, the afterlife, Valhalla, whatever, then it was not so bad. Why did everyone fear this place? The unknown. Of course, that was it. People always feared change.
She certainly had. She had spent a lifetime fighting this very thing. Her calling. Even as a child, she had known she was different. She could remember so clearly, sitting and playing with her dolls. The sun was painfully bright as it warmed her cheeks. 'This is not real. There is so much more than you can see now.'
Déjà vu. Her first out of body experience and she had been barely six. There had been so many of those moments over a lifetime. Some of them had brought peace...perfect, utter and complete soul satisfaction. Holding her daughter for the first time. Typing 'The End' on that first book. And of course, as difficult as it had been, stepping onto that stage for the first time. Surrendering to the goddess, whom she served.
Of course, the pain, doubts and fears followed right afterwards...they always did. There could never be sunshine without rain. Even in the desert. The rains always came.
But these last couple of years were not the desert she had spent her whole life wandering. They were the rain forest. Rich and teaming with life and beauty. Colorful. So much so that it sometimes hurt your eyes. And the smell...detritus. Sickeningly sweet but teaming with life and warmth. The sounds...too many to name or categorize. A symphony of life and loves.
No, she did not regret her choice. She never would. She had given her all to serve. But in the serving, she had found her own soul. Even in the pain, there was joy and happiness. Purpose. And a sense of knowing that this was right. Her path. Where she belonged. That was all that mattered.
Given the chance, she would do it all again.
"Ye though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil," she sighed after swallowing the last of the magical elixir.
She felt warm now. The pain was gone too. She wanted to open her eyes. To see this new plane...heaven, but that was not right. Not for her somehow. She served a goddess after all. Perhaps eternal fellowship with Vishnu in Vaikuntha or perhaps Freyja's hall Sessrúmnir in Fólkvangr. Yes, she liked to think it would be that.
Though she had never been privileged to know the exact name of the goddess whom she served, merely that she was love, sex and strength in immortal form. Of course, Tara had in the beginning sought those answers, wasted precious time studying ancient religions, trying to fit the pieces of the puzzle together like a jigsaw puzzle.
Trying to make sense of things that were not meant to be understood with her logical brain, but merely felt with her heart. That was after all what faith was. Knowing without seeing. That had taken time to grasp though.
Precious time that she had so often wished she had back. How many had been lost? Unhealed while she tried to find answers that were not hers to know? She bore the weight of all that upon her shoulders. Carried the pain in her heart and soul.
She had been stubborn. And it had cost others. Oh, why had she not surrendered sooner? Why had she not trusted in what she knew was REAL, even if she could not see it or touch it? You did not see air, but still you breathed. You could not touch the wind, but still you felt it blow, pushing you in the direction that it would have you go.
Now? What now? She felt her throat tightened. 'Please, sweet goddess, another chance? Please, I beg you. I won't be so stubborn this time. I promise. But so many need you. Just give me another life. I won't take so long this time to find you...I won't.' She felt the heat of the tears, scalding her cheeks as she prayed. Except that she knew this one lacked the power...the energy of her life force.
She simply did not have the strength to do what she knew she must though. She tried to move. Her hand felt weighted as it moved beneath the thick clouds toward that fountain of life, love and healing that was the gift of the goddess to all her chosen sisters. The force that not even eons of oppression could extinguish. The seat of her power, the core of all that was truly feminine.
She must worship her now, but she could not. She had not the strength, not even her will could overcome it this time. And she whimpered in the pain and darkness of the soul this time. Its depths so much darker than the physical pains of her body ever could be. "Please, goddess," she whispered into the darkness of her soul.
It burst on her like light hurtling not from the sun but towards it. She knew not the source as she felt it explode more powerfully than it ever had from deep inside of her. Her second chakra giving forth a power that she had never known or felt before. She felt the floods begin, something that only rarely happened when she prayed alone to her goddess.
But this time they did not want to stop. They rolled on and on. The power was so strong that it frightened her even as she felt it renewing, reviving and healing her from within. She was not sure how long the orgasm lasted. Time lost all meaning. Whether it was seconds or minute or the eternity that it seemed did not matter truly. She worshipped in a way she had never even imagined.
Even when it finally stopped, the tremors continued. Tiny spindles of her glory that continued to comfort and heal her servant.
She shifted and whimpered as she felt it withdraw from her fountain. She felt so empty. Emptier than she ever had, but at the same time she felt power, peace and glory too. It was an odd sensation. So strange...
She giggled as she turned on her side and burrowed deeper into the fluffy clouds...like the rest of her life these past couple of years were not strange?
