"This can't be real, I'm losing my mind," I thought out loud.
The miniature blond woman looked up at me, grinning cheerfully.
"I'm just as real as the nose on your face," she said.
"No. Fairies are kid stuff, I must have brain damage."
The fairy smoothed down the front of her tiny white dress and fluttered her wings.
"You're so pretty when you're confused. I'm standing here in front of you - that means you believe."
I considered her statement.
"Fine. Assuming I might not be going insane, and I am, what is a fairy doing inside my house?"
"I've seen you jogging through my park every morning, always alone, and never wearing a smile," she said, "I want to make your life a little bit brighter!"
She took a step forward and I instinctively backed up.
"Don't be afraid," she purred, "Everyone knows fairies only do good. I promise I'm not here to hurt you."
I carefully sat down on the corner of my bed, trying to will the illusion away.
"You aren't real, but I think we can work this out. What do I have to do to get rid of you?"
"You would like me to leave?" she asked, frowning.
I nodded.
"No," she said, "I won't go until you I've made you happy."
"Oh, I am happy," I lied, "Knowing that fairies are real makes me very happy!"
"You can't lie to a fairy. Don't even try."
I let out a long sigh.
"So what should I do? How is a fairy supposed to make me happy? Will you grant my wishes?"
She giggled and flapped her wings.
"I'm not a wish fairy, silly. There are many different types of us."
"Really. Exactly what kind of fairy are you?"
"You might call me a love fairy."
"I'm not impressed," I said, "So you're supposed to find me a husband?"
"No, that isn't what I do."
"A one night stand then?"
"Not really."
I puzzled over her answers for a second, "All right. What is a love fairy?"
She flew over to me and started hovering inches from my face.
"When was the last time you had sex?" she asked me.