Β© Pandemos, 2010. All Rights Reserved.
Fair warning to those who find this story familiar - I published this under another member name in 2010, but am moving it to my new member name.
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Lira had longed to escape to the woods of Maine since even before the long cold, snowy winter had begun some four months ago. Being stuck in her 5x7 office and her 15X17 studio apartment in New York City, it had been so long since she had felt any connection with nature. But more than ever, Lira felt isolated in this city of over 8 million people.
A single woman lost in the throngs of the big city, Lira had become increasingly desperate for connection with others. She was nearly estranged from her mother who had mentally abused her for almost half of Lira's life. As a result of her need for acceptance, she had allowed her demanding bosses and co-workers in the paper products company where she worked to saddle her with every tedious and menial job they didn't want to do themselves, and her entire social life had been reduced to the fleeting sexual encounters with men from whom she desperately craved affection. She was lonely and miserable. Worse still, she had grown hopeless that she would ever again find happiness in her bleak existence. After the dark winter, she felt an urgency to return to the place where she had last felt peace and happiness back when she was just 16 years old, back before the tenuous fibers that had held her young life together came undone.
That was the summer her grandmother had taken her hiking in the backwoods of Maine. Since Lira was eleven years old, her grandmother had raised her, that was when Lira's father had left her and her mother causing her mother to spiral into a deep depression. Lira had been equally hurt by her father's rejection, maybe even more so. Her father's abrupt and inexplicable disappearance at such a tender age left Lira confused and scarred. But Lira's mother was launched into a psychological despair, frequently taking out her anger and fear on her only child.
Lira's grandmother, Belle, had stepped in to care for and nurture Lira. "Belle" was her grandfather's affectionate nickname for her grandmother, short for Lirabelle. A lover of nature and a bit of a free spirit, her grandmother felt a kinship with her only granddaughter, her namesake. She had protected Lira from much of the pain that she would have suffered at the hands of her mother. But she couldn't prevent the pain from ever befalling Lira, only delay it. Her grandmother had wanted to take Lira on a hiking retreat, to share with Lira a love for the raw natural beauty of nature, and to give Lira a place of refuge when her life felt unbearable. Their trip to Maine had come to mean so much to Lira in the years that followed. It was the last happy memory Lira had.
"Lira," she remembered her grandmother saying by the campfire during their trip, "you have been so strong since your father left you and your mother. You are stronger than you know. I wish I...I'm just so sorry your father, your mother, have not been there for you."
"But I have you, Grandma," she beamed and hugged her hard. "We'll always have each other."
Lira adored her grandmother. The neglectful parenting by her mother had been more than compensated by the love and care by her grandmother. She couldn't imagine life without her.
Her grandmother gave her a pained smile, "Life is full of surprises for us. Sometimes for the good and sometimes not for the good." She paused, "Sweetheart, I think very soon things may become more difficult." Her grandmother took Lira's hands in hers for emphasis, "but, no matter what happens, never forget how beautiful and strong you are, inside and out. Don't let anyone tell you differently." Lira understood grandmother was indirectly referring to her mother who had always been particularly harsh on Lira. "When life seems unbearable, when you feel alone, remember this place, remember how wonderful and beautiful life can be."
Somewhere between Boston and Saco, Maine, Lira recalled these words that she had long forgotten, and she began to weep. She pulled over to the breakdown lane of Route 95 as her body convulsed into sobs.
As she sat in her car, she now remembered in detail their last night on that mountain in Maine Her grandmother's words had come out in a rush, as if she was trying to impart a lifetime of advice to Lira.
"Always remember that you are loved and that you are deserving of love. One day you will find someone who will love you, who will see all that beauty in you and cherish you for it, just as you are." Sitting there alone on the mountain, her grandmother removed the wedding ring from her finger and pressed it into Lira's hand, to keep as a reminder of the love that her grandparents had shared, as a reminder of the kind of love Lira deserved. Until her grandfather passed away four years earlier, her grandparents had been inseparable. She had told Lira, "Your grandfather and I faced many obstacles together, it wasn't always easy, but our love transcended and gave us strength during the big and small troubles of life. That is what love can do."